He Cheated Drabbles: Hoseok Cheated

Published: April 2, 2019

- 1,427 words
- A N G S T (this is really what I came for on Tumblr 💕, I really like stories that can make my eyes swollen from crying 🤭)

This is the last installment of He Cheated Drabbles.

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I'll let you go if that'll make you happy.

Hugging my knees into my chest as I felt the cold breeze of the night air starting to creep its way into my body, my pair of sweats didn’t manage to protect me from the cold, I let my hair be swayed as they came brushing the side of my face. The night sky was beautified by the stardust shining brightly in my eyes, city lights were torched to bless my eyes but my heart was still mourning, failing to get the familiar comfort I always got every time I was running away from everything and seeking protection from the rooftop.

I didn’t know if it was me who lacked or if it was him who hadn’t just gotten enough. Binigay ko naman lahat sa kaniya, buong oras ko, pagmamahal ko, kahit iyong oras na dapat para sa sarili ko, binigay ko sa kaniya kasi mahal na mahal ko siya at ayaw kong maramdaman niyang nagkulang man lang iyon. Baka kasi hindi naman talaga ako ang nagkulang, baka rin naman kasi hindi naman talaga siya nakontento lang sa akin.

He needed to find another love, sadly not from me. Kinailangan niya ng ibang lasa ng pagmamahal at nahanap niya iyon sa iba. Okay, nandoon na kami. I loved him to the point that though I knew he was already drifting away from me, I still held onto him and refused to let him go because I loved him so much. That I could afford watching him in another woman’s arms, I could settle for as long as he wouldn’t leave me.

It sounded great, but it felt painful and devastating.

I didn’t need to raise my hand to wipe every tear falling from my eyes because the wind was doing it for me, it winded the tears off my cheek even before they landed on my cheeks. Ang masakit pa rito, kahit alam niyang alam ko na, hindi pa rin siya tumitigil. I came up here to gather my thoughts and contemplate about what I should do as I dug deeper the contents my heart.

Sure, I still loved him so much, to the point that I was already depriving myself the love I should be getting. Hindi niya kayang ibigay sa akin iyong parehong pagmamahal na kaya kong ibigay sa kaniya, inaamin ko ring masaya ako sa kaniya, masaya ako sa tuwing binibigyan niya ako ng atensiyon pero naisip kong hindi puwedeng ganito lagi. I wanted us to go back to what we were before, to the past where he was still so in love with me just as I was now to him.

Gustuhin ko man, alam kong hindi na puwede. Hindi ko rin gustong papiliin siya dahil mas masasaktan lang ako. I knew it was my time to back off, leave and give him the chance to be happy with the choice he had chosen, and as long as I was staying around him, he wouldn’t be completely happy.

He wouldn’t cheat on me if he loved me. Clearly, he loved the woman because he was still committing the same mistake though he knew I was already aware.

Alam ko ring naguguluhan siya, hindi niya lang siguro alam kung paano tatapusin iyong sa amin dahil sobrang tagal din naming nagsama. Maybe he was also thinking about the years we had spent together, or the memories we had gone through. It wasn’t easy for him, but even more difficult for me. Kasi oras na matapos kami, may sasalo sa kaniya, may babalikan siya samantalang maiiwan akong mag-isa.

He was the one who cheated but why did it feel like it was me who committed a mistake? Na-gi-guilty ako kasi kailangan niyang magtiyaga sa akin gayong nakikita ko kung gaano siya kasaya sa tuwing darating siya mula sa babae niya. I was the real girlfriend but it felt like I was the one who was begging for his love and attention… and no, I didn’t wish to be the pathetic one here.

Palalayain ko siya para makalaya na rin ako sa sakit.

“Babe…”

Sighing deeply when I heard his soft voice from the door of the rooftop of the Big Hit building, I slowly craned my body to look back at him, but not moving to switch from my current position. He was standing gorgeously at the threshold, his army green sweatshirt sticking to his body though it was loose because of sweats, and his white loose pants was showing me his prominent limbs.

He looked too soft and too hard at the same time but when my eyes met his small eyes, missing from the way his lips stretched into a wide smile, I softened as I couldn’t believe how could such an angel like him do something like this to me? Sa kanilang magkakaibigan, hindi ko kailanman maiisip na magagawa niya sa akin ito.

I could even still remember his promise to me before.

“Men are men, babe, but I guarantee you I won’t be like them, I promise…”

It was an empty promise, I should have known but I was too in love with him before to even suspect how empty it was that he could easily break his own words.

“Babe, c’mon, we’ll go home. It’s cold up here, you shouldn’t be staying here without winter wear…”

And it was also painful imagining him being that soft and pampering to his other woman.

“Sit with me for a while, Hoseok…” mahina kong sabi pero sapat para umabot sa kaniya. He stepped inside as he walked towards me, brows instantly furrowing as he confusedly stared at me.

“Hoseok? Hobi, babe…” Natawa pa siya gayong sa loob-loob ko, hindi ko alam kung magagawa ko pa bang magpatuloy nang wala ang maliwanag niyang ngiti at ang malalambot niyang mga titig. He gently sat beside me, his arm that quickly found its way around my waist was obviously shaking I knew he was scared because of the height. Paano ko makakalimutang sobrang matatakutin niya? “You don’t plan on pushing me down right now, yes?”

Iniwas ko sa kaniya ang mga mata ko saka muling ibinalik sa malawak at maliwanag na city lights. I needed the view to give me the courage for what I was about to do. This wasn’t easy for me, but I couldn’t go on with him, acting like I was fine with everything. Kung mas masaya siya sa babae niya, then handa akong magbigay-daan sa kanilang dalawa. Kung mas mahal niya ang babaeng iyon, then handa akong pakawalan siya.

I couldn’t love him still when he had already done so much to hurt me.

“She may be so beautiful, hm? Or maybe, she’s better than me. Does she dance too? Does she understand everything about you that I don’t? Does she let you have your time when I’m too clingy and always seek for you time and attention? D-Does she kiss b-better than me? Does she m-make your heart flutter more than I d-do…” Bago ko pa man matapos ang sinasabi ko ay kinain na ng mga hikbi ang boses ko, mabilis kong isinubsob sa mga tuhod ko ang mukha ko at umiyak.

He was silent, he was silent for a long thread of agonizing moments, not until I felt his arm around me loosen just as the cold air creeped into my body again, making me shiver in coldness and emptiness. He was my warmth, so it was colder now that I was slowly loosening my grip on him to let him go.

“She… she d-does, but I don’t love her like I love y-you…” His voice was broken, and it only broke my heart even more. He wasn’t even surprised about the topic I chose to talk about… or maybe, he was already looking forward to this.

“But you l-love her…” I said.

“I d-do.”

That was enough to finally will my heart to let him go.

Mabilis akong tumayo habang nagpupunas ng mga luha. Sobrang sakit dahil wala man lang siyang ginawa para pigilan ako. He didn’t move, he just bowed his head as if letting me have my way far from him.

“Then you can love her all you want now, let’s break up.”

Nasa pinto na ako nang muli siyang magsalita, halos hilahin akong muli noon pabalik sa kaniya pero mas nangingibabaw ang sakit sa puso ko na sobrang tagal kong kinimkim.

“I love you more, you’re my life, you’re all I need, but I guess, losing you is my punishment for all of what I’ve done. I’m so sorry, and I love you so much.”