ANSWER: EPIPHANY written by hannanusman
BTS ONE-SHOT COMPILATION
[A Kim Seokjin One-shot]
[Love Yourself Series]
© 2019 CT All Rights Reserved
Fan Fiction / Romance

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Do not distribute, publish, transmit, modify, display or create derivative works from or exploit the contents of this story in any way. Please obtain permission.

Finished: February 17, 2019
Published: February 18, 2019 (Happy birthday to my one and only sunshine 💕💋)

SophieAtkins huy ito na iyong tinatapos ko kahapon 🤭 dalawang oras ko lang to sinulat tas walang edit-edit kaya sorry kung may typos at wrong grammar. Ayan na ikaw na naman kay Jin!

- Hannan ♥

The fourth installment of Love Yourself Series

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Even if you get disturbed and feel afraid, walk forward. Meet your true self that you hid inside the storm.

♪ Not so perfect but so beautiful,
I'm the one I should love ♪

Holding the box of pastries I picked from the nearest bakeshop, I bravely let my knuckles meet the hard wooden door in front of me as my mind had all the time to wander back to what the boys had been telling me before they managed to force me to go here and do the most stupid thing I knew a girl like me could do.

Namjoon Oppa and Yoongi Oppa's words had always been an impact to me. Kahit na anong sabihin nila, para sa akin ay tama dahil mas marami na silang parehong pinagdaanan kumpara sa ibang members nila. Isa pa, all the sensual and smart lyrics of their songs were from their senseful minds.

I wasn't saying that the others weren't senseful at all, it was just that their words had a lot more impact for me that the rest. Na sa tuwing may ipinapayo silang lahat sa akin, palaging nanatili sa utak ko ang mga payo lang nina Kuya Yoongi at Kuya Namjoon.

"Jin hyung has always been so considerate, he'll be fine." It was smart for Jimin Oppa to say that, knowing exactly every bit of Jin Oppa's personality but not for me, also not for the older members.

"He actually thinks about me a lot. He might be thinking about the steps I taught him that he always have difficulties to learn." Siyempre, hindi rin naman galit si Hoseok Oppa, sadyang mahalaga lang talaga para sa kaniyang makuha ng lahat ang choreography na itinuturo niya mula sa kanilang choreographer.

"Soft..." Namjoon Oppa's raspy voice took my attention from the lead dancer of the group. The leader's pair of small eyes instantly softened when it met my sad and disappointed ones. "You know him, we all know him. He might be very vain and nonsense sometimes-most of the times I mean, we all know that he would seriously set aside his own self just for the group."

Mariin akong pumikit saka dahan-dahang tumango dahil wala akong panlaban sa sinabing iyon ni Namjoon Oppa, kahit ang iba ay sumang-ayon sa sinabi niya. Alam naming lahat iyon, alam naming lahat na kahit madalas ipingalandakan ng lalaking iyon ang sarili niya, alam naming handa pa rin siyang isantabi ang kasiyahan niya para sa Bangtan.

We all knew him too well that we all really gathered here to somehow do something about it. At hindi ko naman alam na may plano na pala sila. It seriously involved me and my freaking beautiful self!

"Another thing, now that Bangtan's very busy with practices since we need to cope up with our schedules, plus we still have shows and broadcast coming our way, we all damn sure that he would choose breaking a bone for the group than have his rest for his birthday." Kay Yoongi Oppa naman ako bumaling nang marinig ko ang mahina at tila tamad na tamad niyang boses.

I pouted when I saw the lazy man sprawled near the wall mirror of their practice room, his one elbow anchored on the ground to cradle his head while he lay sideways. Muli akong tumango dahil naiintindihan ko rin ang ibig niyang sabihin.

Unti-unti akong bumaling sa dalawang pinakabatang miyembro ng grupo na parehong nasa isang sulok ng silid, mataman silang nakikinig. Nang mag-angat ako ng kilay sa kanila para itanong kung may sasabihan din ba sila ay mabilis silang umiling na nagpangiti sa akin.

Hm, typical Tae and Guk. They were the youngest so most of the times, when there were talks like this among the members, they would either just listen or nod, not really speaking or commenting. Not that anyone wouldn't want to hear their comments or opinions, they weren't really just fond of sharing their minds.

Mas matanda sa akin ang lahat ng miyembro ng Bangtan pero mas mature akong mag-isip sa dalawang bunso ng grupo, maging sa pinakapanganay nila. Hays.

"I know, I understand that sometimes, private occasion like birthdays don't really matter anymore when you're all in the middle of a hectic schedule but we can't really just let this day pass..." malungkot kong sabi, hinahayag na sa wakas ang opiniyon ko.

It was so nice that Jin Oppa wasn't here at the building now because the eldest member was still at home, probably preparing now to go here. Binigyan naman siya siyempre ng day off ni Bang Pdnim, pero paano nga naman niya mai-se-celebrate ang birthday niya kung iyong mga taong gusto niyang makasama ay narito at busy sa pagta-trabaho?

Sure, their ARMYs were very willing to celebrate with him through the virtual world but the presence of his loved ones still mattered in the end. ARMY's love was a big part, but it wouldn't be complete without his brothers.

And because, well, he was Kim Seokjin, though he was smug and boastful, he wouldn't really mind not celebrating his birthday and would rather practice with his members. How noble for someone like him...

"That is why..." Mabagal ang pagkakabigkas ni Namjoon Oppa ng bawat mga salita. I patiently waited for what he would say next, his members seemed to know already what it was for they only stared relax at him. "That is why we decided to let you go to the house first, stop him from going anywhere away from the house and at least, give him company for until we finished the choreography for today. We won't take long, this day wouldn't end without us having him blow his cake or singing him a happy birthday. We'll really count on you, Soft..."

Unti-unting nalaglag ang panga ko nang unti-unti ring rumehistro sa isipan ko ang bawat mga katagang binigkas ni Namjoon Oppa. He said those worlds like they were the most accurate solution for all this and as if those were the most casual and normal things to say to someone like me.

I hesitantly brought my hands to myself, pointing at my chest. "Why... w-why me?" I stared at Namjoon Oppa first but when I saw the firmness in his eyes, I turned to look at Yoongi Oppa.

Realization hit me when he shared the same expression with Namjoon Oppa, and when I caught each of their faces that had the same expression, I immediately furrowed my brows and opened my mouth to protest.

"Oh, please, don't do this to me!" Tumayo pa ako para mas dramatic ang pagtanggi ko dahil hinding-hindi nila ako mapapayag na magpunta sa dorm nila kung saan makakasama ko ng mag-isa si Seokjin!

There was no way!

"I thought you're willing to help? We all know how precious our Hyung to you, why not let you do this when we all know that you're that only capable one of doing this?" For once, I suddenly wished Jungkook Oppa would have never opened his mouth. I got that he was so cute with his blinking pair of bunny eyes but they wouldn't get me to do what they wanted me to do just because I had always loved his bunny eyes.

Ayaw ko!

Heating up, I bet my cheeks already turned crimson at the idea of what they all wanted me to do. Napatunayan ko lang din iyon nang makita ko ang mapaglarong ngising gumuhit sa mga labi ni Jimin Oppa at ang pabirong pagsiko sa kaniya ni Yoongi Oppa na bumangon na mula sa tamad na pagkakahiga.

"Of course I want to help! But not in that way! Can't you all see that I'm helping by trying to help you make a solution for this???"

"Help us make a solution? We already have that, we only need the only person who can do what we have planned out of our sleeves. But it seems like you really don't want to help seeing how you're desperately refusing-"

"Yoongi Oppa!" I helplessly whined to cut Yoongi Oppa from talking. Mas lalo akong nawalan ng dahilang kumawala nang marinig ko ang mga sumunod na sinabi niya.

"We all get that you're still not over the humiliation you got after your drunk confession to him, but Soft, it's not you the only one who was embarrassed and awkward, you just don't know how Jin Hyung also tries so desperately to avoid you."

Mas nag-init pa ang mga pisngi ko nang ipa-alala niya sa akin ang katangahang ginawa ko noong gabi ng birthday ni Jimin Oppa. We were all drunk that night so I really tended to do things I wouldn't ever do when sane and sober!

Why couldn't they get over that?! I was trying to erase that part of my life in my memory!

"And now you want us to stay in your dorm? And alone? Only the two of us?! Why are you so mean?!!" Halos mag-tantrum na ako, iyong tibok ng puso ko dahil sa kaba ay bumibingi sa mga tainga ko.

Iisipin ko pa lang na makakasama ko si Seokjin sa iisang lugar, ng kaming dalawa lang ay pinaghihinaan na ako ng mga tuhod.

"Because we all want to also give this day to him since it's his birthday. We all want to give you to him..." Namjoon Oppa softly told me that made me shut up, the way he softly stared at me just made my heart beat calmly yet still hardly in my chest.

I silently whined, wanting to just dig myself at the very ground I was standing at as I helplessly stared at the closed door in front of me. Naiisip ko pa lang na nasa loob ng pintong iyan si Jin Oppa ay parang gusto ko nang tumalikod at tumakbo, magkulong sa loob ng kuwarto ko, magtago sa ilalim ng comforter ko at huwag nang magpapakita sa Bangtan kahit na kailan.

If it just wasn't really because of that drunk confession that one night, then things would have been very different from now.

Sana hanggang ngayon ay ginugulo pa rin niya ako tuwing gabi, tatawagan para maka-usap pagkatapos ng isang nakakapagod na araw nila. Sana hanggang ngayon ay iniimbitahan pa rin niya ako sa Bighit building para lang samahan siyang mag-Eatjin, ako ang taga-video sa kaniya... minsan taga-bili ng kakainin niya. Sana nanghihingi pa rin siya ng opiniyon sa akin tungkol sa mga steps na itinuturo ni Hoseok Oppa sa kaniya kahit na wala naman talaga akong alam sa pagsayaw.

Sana hanggang ngayon open pa rin kami sa isa't isa at hindi nag-iiwasan.

Kung bakit naman kasi ang lakas ng loob ko noong gabing iyon para umamin sa kaniya e. We were fine, we were very fine just until that freaking drunk confession!

"Do everything just so you can make him stay in the house, Soft, just don't harass our poor Hyung..."

Bumuntong-hininga ako nang marinig ko sa isipan ko ang huling paalala sa akin ni Namjoon Oppa bago nila ako pinahatid sa isa sa mga drivers ng Bighit patungo rito sa dorm nila. They also made sure I wore a disguise to protect my identity just incase some fans or media were wandering around their house.

At bakit ba kasi nalaman pa nila ang nararamdaman ko kay Jin Oppa? Okay, I wasn't so secretive to them. I was always open to them when it came to my mind and my feelings, or everything that I could peel off me. They were my best friends ever since Bang Pdnim had me introduce to them years ago, when they were still trainees.

Bang Pdnim was my uncle. I hoped that made sense already.

"Okay, Soft here, it's his birthday. Why don't you postpone your avoiding game first and give the love of your life some break from his stresses? Just do this for him! Let him see how precious he is that he doesn't need to set aside-" I instantly stopped rambling when I saw the door pull open from the inside. Napa-atras pa ako nang makita ko ang lalaking dahilan kung bakit may kinakaharap akong crisis sa loob ko ngayon.

Great! The eldest member of Bangtan, who was supposed to stay in door all day for his rest and the sole reason why Bangtan had made me go through such ordeal, was well-dressed in his yellow oversized hoodie, black jeans and black cap on his head. Sa hitsura niya, mukhang handa na nga siyang sumabak sa kahit na anumang trabahong naghihintay sa kaniya sa Bighit building.

Great! Bakit ang guwapo-guwapo ng kumag na ito?!

"Hi Ji-"

"Soft?" His soft voice was dripping with confusion as his eyes stared confusedly at me in their porch before his mind finally registered what his eyes were seeing. "Soft?!" Mas malakas niyang sabi, nanlalaki ang mga maliliit na mata at halos lumabas ang mga ugat sa leeg.

Hardly biting my lower lip, I hesitantly raised the box of bagels I brought to at least have something to cut the awkwardness in between us.

"Hi, long t-time no see, Jin O-Oppa..." I tried so hard not to choke in my own saliva while showing him what was the otherwise of what I was really feeling inside.

Mukha lang akong kalmado sa labas pero sa loob ko, handa na talaga akong tumakbo kapag hindi ko na nakayanan ang kahihiyan!

"Wh-What are you... why are y-you here?" he asked, stuttering as his eyes watched my form closely. Kung hindi ko lang alam na nahiya rin siya ay iisipin ko nang minamanyak niya ako lalo na at nagtagal ang titig niya sa may bandang dibdib ko.

To disturb his perverted trance, I raised the box even more, covering my chest-flat chest as my mind suddenly traveled to how my yellow hoodie was matching with his. Coincidence naman oh! Sa dami ng damit na puwede kong mahila sa closet kanina, bakit ito pang hoodie na ito?

NGAYON MAS AWKWARD NA!

Hindi na ako makatingin sa kaniya habang tahimik kong ipinapanalanging sana ay huwag na siyang magtanong at buksan na lang ang pinto para makapasok na kami. I would gladly lock him in the house without us talking. Mas makakaya ko iyon, kaysa ang titigan niya ako ng ganyan.

Sa huli, dahil mukhang wala siyang balak gumalaw ay inurong ko patungo sa kaniya ang box. Tumama iyon sa dibdib niya pero hindi ako huminto, inulit ko pa hanggang sa matagumpay ko siyang mapa-atras pabalik sa loob saka ako humakbang papasok.

"W-Wait..." His voice was in a panic but I didn't let him talk as I just shoved him deeper the house. Nang makapasok kami ay mabilis kong isinara ang pinto sa likod ko saka ako nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya.

"It's your day off. Where you planning to g-go?" At kung kailangan kong ipakita sa kaniyang aggressive ako para wala na siyang masabi at sumunod na lang ay gagawin ko.

"At the building?" Hindi pa siya sigurado sa sagot niya. "The others are already waiting for me. I should also be considerate and work with them if I want all of us to be good in our next shows."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. My heart had seriously welled in sadness and fondness when I saw how soft and confused his eyes were, though the passion for his career was dripping. His members were right, he would really try to ditch his rest and go to work for the group.

"Jin Oppa, it's your b-birthday..." I uttered lost in his soft eyes.

He sighed loudly. "Yes, and unfortunately, it falls on a bad timing. Birthday and work don't really matched. My birthday or not, I need to work just like the rest of us. Not because it's my birthday, I can already slack off while my group's working hard."

Ibinaba ko sa harap ng kandungan ko ang box na hawak ko saka unti-unting humakbang palapit sa kaniya. He seemed to notice it that was why he slightly stepped back, too desperate to have our distance spread long.

"You can slack off because it's your birthday. It's not an excuse, Jin Oppa, it's what we all want you to do..." Tumigil ako dahil kapag hindi ako huminto, mako-corner ko siya sa dingding at mas magiging awkward lang iyon. Isa pa, hindi ba dapat lalaki ang gumagawa noon sa babae?

Well, what we had here was Kim Seokjin. He was a literal coward when it came to girls, just like how he shamelessly ran from me when I confessed my heart out to him. Such a coward...

"Why are you really here?" he asked, this time a little bit harsh and hard.

"To celebrate your birthday. Not because I confessed to you and you rejected me, I'll forget how we both celebrate your birthday. You can tell me if you're uncomfortable but I can't leave you alone-"

"I rejected you?" His brows jumped so high, matching the suddenly high pitched tone of his voice. It reminded me of his high tone in his solo song, Epiphany.

I just also hoped he would have the epiphany that he was so precious, people around him loved him so much so he could also do that... he could also love himself.

I tiredly stared back at his confused eyes. "You. Rejected. Me." I spat annoyingly at him, for once, I wanted to bring ourselves back to that one night so I wouldn't have to stupidly peel myself off him and gave my heart away to him.

Hindi naman pala niya tatanggapin, sana inilihim ko na lang.

Dumiin ang hawak ko sa tali ng box nang dahan-dahang siyang humakbang palapit sa akin, bago pa man niya tuluyang maputol ang distansya sa pagitan namin ay itinaas ko na ang hawak kong box para mabilis na ipagitan sa amin.

He lamely stared at the box that blocked at his broad chest, his lips slowly stretching for a smile before he raised his head to look at my eyes again. There were emotions in those circles, emotions I often saw from my eyes through the mirror every time his being and every memory of him would haunt my mind.

Did I recognize it? Yes, of course. I recognized it that was why my heart was again back to its operation, beating wildly and being noisy again.

"Who gave you that idea?" he softly asked, his hand was quick to gently hold the wrist of my hand that was holding the box. Ang isang kamay niya ay inabot ang tali ng box mula sa mga daliri ko at bago pa ako makapagprotesta ay hinagis na niya sa kung saan ang box.

Sa nanlalaking mga mata ay hinabol ko iyon ng tingin at nakalma naman nang makitang hindi nagkalat ang loob ng box. The calmness didn't remain long when I suddenly felt him slowly pull me toward him.

At first, mabagal iyon na para bang sinusubukan niya kung mahihila niya ako kaya nang walang kahirap-hirap niya akong nahila ay nagpatuloy siya hanggang sa wala nang distansya sa pagitan namin.

My eyes closed firmly, feeling the hardness of his belt on my stomach and smelling his natural musky scent and co shower gel with the close proximity. Ang marahang hawak niya sa pulupulsuhan ko ay nananatili na para bang ayaw niya akong pakawalan pero hindi niya alam kung tama ba ang ginagawa niya.

"Hm? Did anyone tell you that I rejected you? Tell me who?" He slowly leaned on me, his face on the side of my face as his hot breath blew air to tease my earlobe.

I suddenly wanted to ask where he was getting the courage and confidence to hold me like this, to talk to me like this when he was chickening out just days-months ago?

Sinubukan kong agawin ang pulupulsuhan ko sa kaniya habang yumuyuko dahil hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko sa kaniya pero humigpit ang mga daliri niya sa balat ko at mas hinila pa ako palapit. My chest just insensitively grazed his ribs beneath our hoodies, for real!

"Jin O-Oppa..."

"Don't I have the rights to think and settle what I feel? Should I have just answered your confession back then and just have ourselves broken because I was unsure and uncertain with my feelings? I didn't say anything, I didn't reject you, because if I did, I should've given you my answer that night." He spoke right in my face so his soft lips were lamely touching my cheek, his breath giving goosebumps for every words uttered.

Wala sa sariling napahawak ako sa suot niyang hoodie para lang hindi hayaan ang sarili kong tuluyang sumandal sa kaniya dahil sa panghihina ng mga tuhod ko. I didn't know why we were suddenly talking about us when we should be talking about him and what he wanted to do for his birthday, not us, not the answers I wanted from him.

At least for now.

"Your confession back then was like a downfall waiting for me to fall onto. I knew I wanted it, I knew I had been hoping for it but I wasn't ready for what our ARMYs would feel about it. We aren't being banned from getting into a relationship but our ARMYs would be devastated to know that we have girl-"

Hinampas ko ang dibdib niya para patigilin siya dahil mas masakit na kahit sa pakikipagrelasiyon, ibang mga tao ang inuuna niya. Where should he put himself first then?! Palagi na lang ibang tao! Kailan ba niya uunahin naman ang sarili niya?!

"Aww..." he lamely reacted when my fist just continued to bang his hard chest.

"What they don't know won't hurt them! That's why a lot of relationships in showbiz are hidden! Hiding something from your fans for yourself isn't that bad! If you wanted it, why made yourself go through the hardship of avoiding me?! Why made me go through the hardship of thinking that you rejected me?!" The end of that were my cries.

Huminto ang kamao ko sa paghampas dahil tuluyan ko nang ibinuhos ang buong bigat ko sa kaniya, ang isang braso niya ay pumulupot na sa baywang ko para suportahan ako.

He held me softly, he embraced me protectively as I cried for ourselves. Hindi siya iiyak. He was too selfess to do that. Kaya ako na lang ang iiyak para sa amin.

"You're o-okay with that? You okay to have our relationship hidden-"

"We aren't in a r-relationship!" I screamed against his chest, wanting so much to scream at him how I was fine with everything for as long as it wouldn't be an inconvenience to him, that I could go to an ordeal of being his hidden girlfriend just so he would let me love him unconditionally.

He was too selfless, he loved himself less than anything in this world so I would make his eyes open to an epiphany that above anyone in this world, he should love himself.

Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng yakap niya sa akin, ang kamay niyang hawak ang pulupulsuhan ko ay unti-unting lumuwag bago ko maramdamang dinala niya iyon sa leeg niya. I willingly hooked my arms on his neck, pulling him closer to me as his arms on my waist did the same.

Good to be back in his arms. It was where I wanted to... it was where I felt I belonged.

Tumahan din naman ako kaagad dahil sa pakiramdam ng yakap niya.

"Who said? Whether you like it or not, you'll be my girlfriend. You said you'll be fine with us being hidden, so I guess, kissing and hugging are only allowed behind the camera? What about now-"

"Your friends will be here in an hour..." I cut him off with the biggest news that would probably mess him again.

Lumuwag ang yakap niya sa akin pero hindi ako binitawan. "What? We have a practice! We can't slack off-"

"You can slack off, Jin and you are going to for rest of the day. They are too..." Ako ang humiwalay sa kaniya saka ako nagtungo sa kung saan niya hinagis ang box ng bagels na binili ko.

"But we're already too behind our schedules. We actually should chase after the lost-"

"Yes, Jin Oppa! But not today! You can do that tomorrow, but for today, it's all just about your day and how we'll make it worth your slacking off!" I screamed at him in a determined tone, not letting him go against it anymore. Hinila ko ang suot niyang hoodie para dalhin na siya sa living room pero agad akong napabalik sa kaniya nang maramdaman kong muli ang braso niya sa baywang ko.

As if inertia pulling my whole body in a motion to a destination that was his body, I just found myself being retrieved back to his body just as soft lips met my shock and parted ones. My eyes automatically closed as his lips on mine slowly moved, wanting to acquaint my lips for a rythm he invented himself.

My heart once again beat wildly feeling his lips curved against mine, finally, he made me feel how sweet they were.

Whining when he moved his lips away from mine, I clutched hard at his hoodie as my lips were desperate for a contact again. "Jin Oppa!"

Tumawa siya bago muling yumuko sa akin para halikan akong muli.

"I hope she managed to make him stay."

"Trust me she can."

"What if it didn't turn fine? We know that they still have unfinished business-"

Instantly pulling away from each other when the door suddenly yanked open, Jin Oppa and I had seriously went to the directions opposite from each other just as his members appeared from the door. All eyes then stared at us, some confused, some amused.

Great. Namjoon Oppa and Yoongi Oppa weren't as stupid as the others to not realize with our flushed and embarrassed faces what was happening. Great!

Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin mula sa mapang-asar na titig nina Namjoon Oppa at Yoongi Oppa saka bumaling kay Jin Oppa na nahihiyang nag-iiwas din ng tingin. Hays, we were both hopeless. I knew we decided to be hidden but I didn't know if it also applied to his members...

Saka ang aga naman ng mga ito? They clearly told me that they would finish first their work for today before going home to celebrate Jin Oppa's birthday? What was with the change of the plan?

"You're so early, I thought you have a choreography to finish-" I attempted to speak only to get cut off by the most stupid man I had ever known that ever walked the earth.

"So, who's in for celebrating my birthday and my relationship with Soft?"

Nang makita ko ang pagkakalaglag ng panga ng tatlong bunso ng grupo at ang pagkakangisi ng tatlong mas matatanda ay napabuntong-hininga na lang ako.

Sure, he might have already opened his eyes to an epiphany I was trying to show him and I hoped, I just hoped it wouldn't ruin what we had just established within us.

The End.
*
Property of Hannan Usman
All Rights Reserved 2019.