DON'T SAY GOODBYE written by hannanusman
BTS ONE-SHOT COMPILATION
[A Park Jimin One-shot]
[BROKEN HEART SERIES]
© 2018 CT All Rights Reserved
Fanfiction/ Teen Fiction

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Do not distribute, publish, transmit, modify, display or create derivative works from or exploit the contents of this story in any way. Please obtain permission.

Finished: January 9, 2017
Published: January 3, 2018

This is the first installment of Broken Heart Series.

*

How can I spit on your heart after you gave it to me? I throw it back to you ripped into pieces and now… I'm ripped more than ever.

I had always hated him and he hated me.

Hinagis ko pabalik sa kaniya ang isang kahon ng sikat na brand ng tsokolate. Anong akala ng lalaking ito? Hindi ko kayang bumili ng mamahaling chocolates? Isa pa, I didn't patronize sweets! Just how many calories I could get with just a bar of it? Kakailanganin kong tumakbo ng dalawang oras sa treadmill!

I was having a hard time maintaining my body as at was already!

"Will you stop sending me useless gifts?! Hindi ko naman sila tatanggapin e. Just what do you think of yourself? Grandeur?! Hindi kita gusto, ilang beses ko bang kailangang sabihin sa'yo iyon?!" angil ko kay Jimin na kulang na lang ay bumuga ako ng apoy dahil sa inis ko sa kaniya.

He stared back at me with those thick framed eyeglasses covering his black singkit eyes. He had neatly gelled hair and his small pointed nose was bridging down his heart shaped plump pink lips.

Just staring at him irritated me to death.

"H-Hannan, I… I r-really like y—"

"Wala akong paki-alam kung gusto mo ako! Now, get lost from my sight!" sigaw ko.

Ang mga kaibigan kong sina Janis at Aira ay tipong naiinip na. Aira was already biting her nails while Janis was deadly looking at Jimin while in a crossed arms.

Oh, these ladies only had a very low amount of patience. And you wouldn't want to waste a single drop.

"But H-Hannan, I personally bought this chocolates from Brazil just fo—"

"Suck it up! Kahit sa Pluto mo pa binili ang mga chocolate na iyan!" angil ko sa kaniya saka itinulak ko siya pagilid para makadaan at iniwan na namin siya.

Jimin Park was like my total opposite. At sa tuwing nakikita ko siya ay hindi ko maiwasang mainis. He was a delusional if he was thinking that he could like me. He was crazy if he was thinking that I was okay with him doing those things to me.

Masyado yatang mataas ang tingin niya sa sarili niya para pumasa siya kahit na isa man lang sa mga nagkakagusto sa akin. Not because he had the privilege—quote and unquote—he could already act that way towards me.

"He's a total eye sore!" komento ni Aira sa gilid ko.

"Isn't it a loss to have someone like him around you, Hannan? Nakakahiya siya grabe!" anas naman ni Janis na pinapaypayan ang sarili gamit ang sariling mga kamay habang umiirap-irap.

I had to agree with her… in some cases, I really found it shameful when he was around me and annoying me. Pero bakit hindi ko magawang isatinig ang bagay na iyon? All I did was nod.

"Tss. Hindi man lang kasi umabot sa kalingkingan ng mga manliligaw ni Hannan ang nerd na iyon! He's like a mice trying to fit in the sea of lions." Aira grinned evilly.

Pinilit ko ang sarili kong ngumiti sa kaniya. What the hell was wrong with me?! Alam kong tama ang mga sinasabi nila. I had many suitors that were all high and mighty, all rich and grandeur, all handsome and cool.

Pero kung tutuosin, ganoon din naman si Jimin e. He might not be grandeur but he was undeniably rich. He might not be cool but he was handsome even though he had his nerd look.

Aaah! Of course, he was Jimin Park! Iyon yun! Kahit na siya pa ang pinakamayaman at pinakaguwapong lalaki sa balat ng lupa, siya pa rin si Jimin Park, the most hateful guy in my life!

Wala siyang ginawang masama sa akin para ikagalit ko ng ganito sa kaniya… but merely liking me was his greatest mistake ever. Dahil hinding-hindi ko siya magugustuhan.

Just like Janis said, Jimin was a shame.

"Mahal ko, bumaba ka muna riyan. Nagdala si Jimin ng pasta."

Narinig ko ang katok ni Daddy sa pinto ng kuwarto ko. Mula sa pagkakadapa sa kama ko habang nag-bo-browse sa IG ay napabangon ako. I rolled my eyes. Nandito na naman ang nerd na iyon. Hindi talaga siya matatahimik hangga't hindi niya nagugulo ang buhay ko sa school maging dito sa bahay.

He was just so annoying!

"Hannan Selestine, huwag mo ng pag-antayin si Jimin." Muli kong narinig ang boses ni Daddy. Paulit-ulit akong umirap. I walked towards the door and opened it. Tamad kong tinitigan si Daddy.

He had this enthusiastic smile on his lips.

Bakit ko nga ba nakalimutan kung gaano sila kalapit ni Jimin sa isa't isa? Actually, they would look father and son together.

"Dad, can't you just entertain him? Ikaw naman ang may gusto roon!" pabalyang sabi ko habang hawak ko ang hamba ng pinto ng kuwarto ko at halatang walang balak na lumabas at i-entertain ang sinasabi niyang buwisita—oh, my bad, bisita.

"You're being too harsh on him again, love. Gusto kang makita noong tao…" Paglalambing sa akin ni Daddy, too confident that he would get me. Madalas kasi talaga, lambing lang galing sa kaniya ay nadadala na ako.

But not now. Not when that nerd was involved.

"But I don't wanna see him!" pagmamaktol ko. I even stomped my feet hard to show my father how I hated the idea.

"Please, love." Dad pleaded with his pleading eyes.

Hindi ko alam kung dapat ko bang sumpain si Jimin dahil kuhang-kuha niya ang simpatya ni Daddy. Or maybe, I should blame old times moments. Bakit kasi kailangang maging kapit&bahay namin ang mga Park?

Of course. People at school didn't know about all this though. As long as possible, I didn't want them to know about Jimin and I being neighbors. Nakakahiya!

"Dad—"

"It's carbonara pasta, anyway. Especially topped with baked mushrooms," putol ni Daddy sa sasabihin ako.

Napanganga ako. Just how cruel the turn of events could be?! Humigpit ang hawak ko sa pinto.

No, Hannan. You're in a diet. Carbonara will ruin you.

Oh damn it, burn diet! Kahinaan ko ang carbonara lalo na at ang specialty ni Mommy ang pagkakagawa! And I wanted to burn Jimin for knowing that fact about me!

Nilakihan ko ang bukas ng pinto at nagmartsa palabas ng kuwarto ko habang nilalagpasan si Daddy. Dumiretso ako sa staircase pababa ng living room. From behind, I even heard Daddy chuckle.

Naabutan kong feel at home na naka-upo si Jimin sa sofa ng living room at nanonood ng basketball sa TV set na nasa harap niya. I once again rolled my eyes. Hindi na talaga maaalis sa kaniya ang weird niyang pananamit. He had been like that since time immemorial.

Naalala ko pa noon, sa tuwing naglalaro kami sa playground sa park ng subdivision, he would look so different among the other children. Nakasuot kasi siya palagi ng jumpsuit, o kung hindi naman ay palaging naka-insert ang upper shirt niya sa pang-ibabang suot niya.

Siyempre, hindi mawawala ang eyeglasses niya. He used to wear black shoes and high socks na may iba't ibang kulay. So baduy! Mabuti na nga lang at hindi niya nadala sa pagbibinata ang high socks niyang pormahan dahil kapag nagkataon, I would swear, palalayasin ko na talaga siya sa timeline ng buhay kong ito!

Kaya palagi siyang na-bu-bully noon e. At kung iniisip niyong close kami noon pa lang, well, all wrong. I had never gone near him, the nearest was ten meters. Strict din si Manang Risa noon at hindi ako pinapalapit sa ibang bata. So I would play alone in the swing while watching Jimin get bullied by the other children dahil palaging nawawala iyong nanny niya.

He would cry and cry and cry. And I would laugh and laugh and laugh. That was how we were back then. Not childhood friends, not even acquaintances.

"H-Hannan!"

Agad naman akong napansin ako Jimin. He immediately stood up. Hindi ko napigilang magpa-ikot ng mata dahil hindi ko pa siya naririnig na bigkasin ang pangalan ko ng hindi siya nabubulol.

"Where's my Carbonara?" I asked him, my right brow arched.

Nanginginig na inangat niya ang braso niya at itinuro ang bilog na transparent container na nasa bilog na mesa sa harap ng couches. Napalunok ako nang masilayang ang creamy sauce na nasa tuktok ng white pasta at may budbod na baked mushrooms.

Damn! That was exactly my weakness!

I walked towards him. Naupo ako sa single couch with my crossed legs. I immediately called a maid to bring plates and silverware. Nang dumating ay nagsimula na akong kumain without offering Jimin. Paniguradong kumain na siya, sa kaniya galing e.

"Ah, H-Hannan, I cooked that," wika niya sa gitna ng pagkain ko.

Napaubo ako bigla. I put down my plate before I pulling out a paper from the tissue box. Pinunasan ko ang bibig ko.

"What the hell?!" singhal ko kay Jimin saka masamang tiningnan siya. "You can just say that after I eat!"

"But… I j-just wanna say it…" pagdadahilan niya sa nabubulol na tono.

"Wala na! Nawalan na ako ng gana!" sigaw ko saka ako padabog na tumayo pagkatapos. I was about to walk out when he held my hand, as if on cue, so weirdly, my heart drummed randomly.

Nagtindigan ang mga balahibo ko sa batok at pakiramdam ko ay namamanhid ang kamay kong hawak niya. Hindi pa nakatulong na nilalamon ako ng singkit niyang mga matang nakatago sa makapal na salamin ng eyeglasses niya.

"H-Hannan… stay first. Promise, hindi na ako magsasalita. At saka, ubusin mo man lang itong nasa plato mo," banayad niyang sabi.

I felt like I just wanted to be drowned by his gentleness. If I just had to vote who among my suitors had the most gentleness in them, I would say, Jimin would get my one hundred percent vote. I was so harsh to him, yet he never showed me his harshness. Kahit palagi ko siyang sinasampal ng mga masasakit na salita, palagi rin niya akong sinasagot ng mga banayad na salita.

But it just didn't work… I just didn't like him, really.

"Jimin, you know this is useless. I don't like you. I don't see you as a boyfriend material. I don't even treat you as a potential so stop this. Stop this before you hate me," matapat kong sabi sa kaniya.

I had hurt him more than ever. And I had been hurting him. Ayaw kong humantong sa puntong kamumuhian niya ako dahil sa sobrang pananakit ko sa kaniya.

I didn't deserve his love but he… he deserved to be loved the way he was loving. And I wasn't exactly the same woman that could love him to that extent. I didn't even know if I did love.

"I'm tired of hurting you," huling sabi ko bago ko maramdamang dumulas ang kamay niya mula sa pagkakahawak ng kamay ko. Tumalikod na ako at naglakad patungo sa hagdan.

Before I could reach the staircase, I heard him say this. "Then stop hurting me because I don't get tired of hoping for you. I don't get tired of waiting for you. I don't get tired of loving you. And I don't wanna get tired." For the first time, he didn't stutter.

He managed to say those words with vigor and finality. His voice sounded so strong and brave, it felt like I couldn't break through it.

Pumikit ako ng mariin. Ayaw ko sabihin ito kasi maging ako ay nasasaktan pero hindi puwedeng maging ganito na lang palagi. Napapagod na akong saktan siya.

Breaking someone's heart isn't easy. I had to battle with my conscience, several times. And it was breaking my heart too 'cause I was not heartless.

"Then maybe, you'll get tired of hurting. I'll be happy if one of these days, I ll see you straying from me and being happy with someone else," I said without turning to look at him before I left him there, heart probably ripped into pieces just like my heart being into pieces too.

Nang makapasok ako sa kuwarto ko ay agad kong pinag-isipan ang sinabi ko. I said that I would be happy to see him happy with someone else but why did my heart sting as I thought of it, as I imagined it?

Si Jimin Park, may ibang gusto. Si Jimin Park, nakangiti sa ibang babae. Si Jimin Park, baliw na sa iba. Si Jimin Park, may iba ng sinasamba. Why did it feel so hard to take? So hard to take, thinking that he would start loving someone who deserved so much better than me.

I confusedly clutched my chest. At saka, bakit sumasakit ang dibdib ko? Bakit naiiyak ako? No, I didn't like Jimin Park, he was just a nuisance in my life. Of course, I would be happy if he would be gone.

Patuloy kong pinaniwala ang sarili ko sa isipang magiging masaya na ako kapag nawala na si Jimin sa buhay ko, hanggang sa makatulog ako ay iyon ang nasa isip ko.

I kissed Daddy goodbye before I hopped out the car and waved him goodbye as I watched his car drive out of the school's parking lot.

Nakahanda na ang singhal ko kay Jimin dahil alam kong hinihintay na naman niya ako. So I immediately turned around only to get disappointed when I saw none. Walang tao sa likod ko kung saan madalas kong masilayan ang nahihiyang mukha ni Jimin.

He would normally wait for me here but today, there was no Jimin waiting for me.

I scoffed sarcastically. Late ako, baka malaman nainip lang iyon sa paghihintay.

Nagtungo na ako sa first class subject ko. Classes went smoothly. Kahit nang dumating ang break time ay maayos ang lahat, or as Janis termed it, Jimin-free kaya maayos.

Walang Jimin na nagpakita kahit ng mag-uwian na. He was just out of sight. He actually just disappeared out of the blue. Magkalayo ang department namin sa isa't isa kaya malabong magkakitaan kami, kung hindi lang ako dinadayo noon dito ay nuncang magkasalubong kami sa laki ng campus.

"This is breathing! Mukhang natauhan na ang nerd na iyon. Na-realize na malamang niya na hindi siya nababagay sa'yo!" tuwang-tuwang sabi ni Janis. Nag-apir pa sila ni Aira.

I really couldn't blame them. Dahil gaya ko, mga bratinella din ang mga ito. We had the same run of minds. We shared some likes and dislikes. We were mixed up when it came to some cases.

"True! And as for that, we'll celebrate! I'll call Mom first. Gosh, night out! Night out!" Aira clapped happily.

"Night out! Night out! Night out!" At nakisigaw na rin sa kaniya si Janis. They were even jumping while walking.

I just watched them being enthusiastic of my disappointment. If only I could tell them how disappointing everything was. How disappointing that the persistent and annoying Jimin was suddenly gone.

It was like I was not doing the same routine I was doing everyday. It was like I was missing a single point of my life, the thing was, that single point was the most important turn of my life.

Ipinilig ko ang ulo ko at sumunod na sa dalawa. Thinking that Jimin was a loss in my life was such a stupid thing to do.

["You should be home before twelve midnight. Don't drink too much. Allow me to call Jimin to pick you up,"] ani Daddy sa kabilang linya nang tawagan ko siya para magpaalam tungkol sa night out na binabalak nina Aira.

"Dad, I can go home alone. Mang-iistorbo ka pa ng tao e," sagot ko kahit na gustong-gusto ng puso ko ang ideyang iyon. Na kung puwede lang, isigaw ko kay Daddy na gawin niya iyon.

["Mahal ko, sumunod ka na lang. I better make you safe than be sorry,"] Daddy told me.

"Well, if he's okay with it then, do as you please..." Nagkibit-balikat ako.

I knew, Jimin would surely agree with it. Of course. Pero dahil sa nangyayari ngayon, hindi ko alam kung ganoon pa rin ba ang gagawin niya.

["He'll surely love it! Enjoy your night, love."] Dad then hung up.

We used Janis' car. No, not her car. It was the car that her driver was using. We even stopped by a famous clothing shop. The two happily shopped party dresses. If not of my current situation, then I would be happily shopping with them and choosing clothes to wear this night. In the end, sila na ang namili ng isusuot ko.

I had been into night outs, played so much roles, danced a lot of musics and drank many beverages. It was just all for fun. But I couldn't see the fun now. I couldn't seem to find the joy of partying. Ngumingiti ako pero pakiramdam ko, dinadaya ko ang sarili ko. I was dancing out of the rhythm just to distract this disappointment I was feeling.

And it was freaking tiring! Oo, nakakapagod na palagi kong itinataboy si Jimin pero mas nakakapagod pa lang maramdaman ang kakulangang na ito!

"Hey, Hannan! Lumalalim pa lang ang gabi pero nandiyan ka na sa couch?! Come on, let's dance more!" Lumitaw sa harap ko si Janis na mabagal na sumasabay sa tugtugin habang may hawak na baso sa isang kamay niya. She drank the content of her glass while still dancing, swaying with the hard music.

"I don't really feel like dancing, Janis," seryosong sagot ko sa kaniya. Sinulyapan ko ang isang bote ng tequila sa mesa namin. Nakakadalawang shot pa lang ako. I could handle my alcohol tolerance.

"Oh, come on, Hannan. This is for you! Finally, free from Jimin Park! It was like breathing freshly! God, that nerd must have known his place!" aniya bago niya ako iniwan at nagpalamon na sa dance floor.

I closed my eyes and leaned on the back rest of the couch. No. I didn't want what she just said 'cause being free from Jimin wasn't really like breathing freshly. Losing him was like choking. I couldn't breathe properly. It was suffocating.

Kinapkap ko ang phone ko sa loob ng shoulder bag ko. Nang mahanap ko ay agad akong nagdial. This was a do or die battle. Now or never. Kung hindi ko ito gagawin ay baka pagsisihan ko ng lubos.

Having to realize his worth was more than self-reflecting… 'cause it was painful. Thinking of all the things I had done and said to him. They were all hurting me.

How could I do those things to a man so precious like him?

Maybe, I was really heartless.

The other line called for five rings before someone spoke.

["Hello?!"] Someone from the other line had to shout 'cause I could even hear the loud noise from the background.

I recognized Jimin's voice in a not so familiar state, kind of sloppy and careless. Hindi ko halos matukoy kung kaninong background ba ang maingay na naririnig ko. Akin ba o kaniya? 'Cause there was just no way Jimin would be in place like this.

"J-Jimin…" I'm even surprised to find my own voice stuttering. I had… I had never imagined myself stuttering just saying his name.

Silence. If not of the noisy background, then the other line could be so silent. Ilang segundo ang nakalipas bago ako muling makarinig ng tinig sa kabilang linya.

["Hey, par! Another shot!"] I heard again but it was not his voice.

["I'm pass! Nahihilo na a-ako…"] Jimin's voice seemed so unfocused.

["You are a weak, Jimin! Mahiya ka naman kay Madison!"]

["Nah, it's okay. He looks cute actually."]

I bit my lower lip as I heard that girl voice. Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko. I suddenly remembered what I told him yesterday: I will be happy if one of these days, I will see you straying from me and being happy with someone else.

Was he finally straying from me? Had he finally found someone he could be happy with? But I had not yet ready myself for this! Sinabi ko iyon sa kaniya pero hindi ko sinabing agad-agad at wala man lang siyang pasabi!

I just realized his damn fvcking worth!

["Wait guys, I'll just answer this call."] Muli kong narinig ang boses ni Jimin. Narinig kong unti-unting humina ang ingay sa paligid. I felt my eyes watered and just as my tears fell, I swiped my phone to hang up the call.

I didn't want to say goodbye now that I realized how important he was in my life but Jimin wasn't a toy. He wasn't something that I would take back after crashing it and throwing it away. He wasn't something I could just take back just because I realized how precious he was.

He needed a break from me.

As long as I wanted to savour this new found feelings I had for him, as long as I didn't wanna say goodbye to this phase, I had to,  cause I had let him go. I had hurt him and I didn't want him to think that I didn't take things seriously.

He was ripped. And I was ripped. So I thought, that made us fair. I had threw him away and I was in pain now. He was miserable, so was I. I made him cry and I was in great tears now.

I don't want to say goodbye but I have to, so just we stay quits.

The End.

*
Property of Hannan Usman
All Rights Reserved 2018.