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MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR SELF HARM. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Vic had his bed directly in front of the balcony window, overlooking the stream and woods by his parent's house. The trees were a bright yellow shade and swayed gently in the autumn breeze. Everything was calm, inside and out.

Kellin was cuddled into his boyfriend's chest as they watched a random netflix show. Neither of them paid much attention to the show it's self, its just mindless background noise as they lay there, completely silent, enjoying each other's company. Vic ran his fingers through the raven black locks that were sprawled across his chest, some finding their way into his mouth.

He pressed a soft kiss onto the pale boy's forehead, who smiled in return. Kellin rolled himself over, kissing his boyfriend softly. He pressed their foreheads together, their noses almost touching, and stared into eachother' eyes,

"Eh, fuck it," Vic spoke under his breath, leaning in and kissing his boyfriend harshly, pulling Kellin into him. Kellin kissed back, nipping at his boyfriend's lip, and trying to work his tongue into the shorter boy's mouth, yet no matter how hard he tried, Vic refused to let him in. Kellin pulled back, breathing only slightly harder than before. He kissed across Vic's neck, no hickeys, no bites, just soft kisses. Vic moved his head so Kellin could get more room, and he ran his hands down Kellin's back to his ass, gripping it lightly in his hands.

Kellin worked his hands under Vic's shirt, and the older boy grabbed his ass hard, causing Kellin to whine a bit and for the lack of friction to start bugging him. He worked Vic's shirt off, slowly slipping his hands higher, Vic pulled away from the kiss and pulled Kellin into his lap. He rubbed Kellin through his sweatpants and the boy mewled and ground down into Vics lap, who hissed and just kept rubbing the younger boy, Kellin didn't seem to notice,

"Vic, fuck me," Kellin panted, putting his head on Vic's shoulder, he toyed with the button on Vic's jeans. Vic hissed again, and once again Kellin just thought it was a pleasure thing. Once he got the button and zip undone. Vic hesitantly lifted his hips up, and that's when Kellin saw it.

There were white gauze taped to his thighs, and some had blood staining them. Kellin stopped in his tracks, covering his mouth and his jaw dropping. Tears brimmed at Vic's eyes, he hastily tried to pull up his jeans but Kellin stopped him,

"Vic,"

"Please just, don't, don't say anything," The mexican boy choked on his words and hung his head in shame. By this point there were tears staining his skin, his normally sweet, brown, doe eyes were bloodshot, and his breathing was shallow and scared.

Kellin regained as much of his composure as he could, pulling the boy as close to him as he physically could,

"Vic, I'm not here to lecture you, I promise, but please, let me check them. Let me take care of you for once," Kellin spoke softly, trying hard not to stutter or choke, and he kissed just above Vic's ear. He sat back and put his hand under Vic's chin, "I love you alot, everyone has their battles, and I promise I'll help you get through this," Kellin kissed Vic on the lips quickly, and stood up, offering his hand to Vic to help the older boy stand up.

Vic accepted his offer and stood up, kicking off his jeans and Kellin led them to the bathroom. He fished around in the cabinets for some antiseptic and new gauze, and also found a fresh box of razor blades and sat them out too.

"Would you rather hop onto the counter, or sit on the toilet lid thingy?" To answer his

question, Vic hopped onto the counter, his face still puffy and his eyes still really red.

"K- kells, I need to warn you now, they're p-pretty bad," He was hiccupping and choking on his words, Kellin ran his fingers through his hair, and braced himself for the scars.

He pulled back the gauze to see angry, red cuts, still mostly fresh, and surrounded by dried blood.Kellin pressed a gentle kiss on Vic's forehead as the boy was breathing roughly and tears were making their way down his cheeks, Kellin tried not to choke on his breath, or cry himself.

He wet a rag with moderately warm water, and began to clean off the dried blood, he was careful not to pull off any actual scabbing, as well as not to cause Vic pain. Even once the blood was gone, the cuts were still multiple shades of angry red, and the still caused Kellin pain to even look at them. Once he wrapped the first section in new gauze, he pulled off the next piece.

This section was substantially worse, with almost double the amount of cuts, and they were much deeper. When he unwrapped this portion he physically choked on tears, causing Vic's tears to speed up and for him to cover his face. Kellin just grabbed one of his hands and squeezed it tightly. He carefully cleaned the cuts, and put some antiseptic on them. He was trying to move quickly, cause frankly, the sight made him wanna cry.

Once he finished with both thighs and the few on his hip. Vic stopped crying halfway through his other leg, now he was just hiccuping and sniffling. Kellin put everything away, and took the box of razors in his hand.

"Is this the only box babe?" Kellin held Vic's chin in his hand, who just stiffened and shook his head, "I'm not gonna get rid of them, that won't help, you'd just go get more. Baby, I know how this works, i know how this feels," Kellin motioned at the faint white lines on his wrist, "This is an addiction, it's gonna be a battle, but I'm positive you can beat it. Now show me where the rest are,"

Vic took Kellin's hand and led them back into his bedroom, he pulled open the nightstand drawer to reveal a half empty box, bloody tissues, and discarded razors. Kellin sighed lightly and pulled the drawer out of the table, and the trashcan close. He started by taking all the used razors and dirty tissues and throwing them away, meanwhile, Vic was sitting beside him, sniffling and trying to dry up his tears,

"I'm sorry kells," he whispered, scratching at his wrist,

"You have nothing to be sorry about Vic, nothing at all. I love you, and I'm gonna help you fight this, through thick and thin." He held Vic's hand up to his lips, kissing it softly.

Once he had gotten all of the waste out of the drawer, he tied it up and set it to the side, knowing he can't just throw it away with the rest of the garbage.

"Do you have a sharpie?"

"Uh, yeah, one second," The tan boy muttered, searching through desk drawers to find the marker, "Here, and, uh, here," He handed Kellin the marker, and another half used box of blades,

"Why do you have so many lovely? I mean I get the fear of not having them, but three boxes?"

"Amazon fucked up the order," Vic pushed his brown curls behind his ear, "Accidently sent me three instead of one. Fucking amazon." He let out a half hearted laugh and pulled down his sweater sleeves again. Kellin let a small chuckle out as well, and dumped out all the razors, all still in the cardboard covers.

The bed was now covered with the razors, almost two hundred on the bed. Kellin uncapped the marker and picked up a razor,leaving the cardboard sleeve on. In all caps across the cardboard he wrote "YOUR SMILE", and Vic just cocked his head in confusion.

'For every single one of these razors I'm gonna put one thing I love about you,"

"There aren't enough good things about me to cover all these,"Vic mumbled under his breath, playing with his curls,

"Watch and see." He picked up another razor, "YOUR LAUGH", another, "YOUR EYES"

'YOUR HAIR"

"YOUR CUDDLES"

"YOUR BAD PUNS"

"YOUR SONGS"

"YOUR VOICE"

He kept going, for over an hour, on every blade. He wrote everything he loved about Vic, and yet there still weren't enough blades. There would never be enough stuff to write on, words to say, or ways to show how much Kellin loved his boyfriend.

He began to stack the blades back in their boxes, and putting them into the drawer.

"There, now every time you get one out you have a reason not to, you have a reason to think of me, and to call me, instead of spilling blood across your beautiful skin." Kellin grabbed Vic's hand and kissed his wrists, "I love you Vic, and I want you to get better, and I've said it a million times, but, I'm gonna be here every step of the damn way."

Vic pulled Kellin into his side, kissing the top of his jet black hair, and wrapping his arm tightly around him,

"Thank you baby, you mean the world to me."

A/N OMFG HI. HELLO. Its been a short while, but this is the fic ive been working on. I'm doing my state's social studies fair, so yeah, ive been kinda busy. ALSO I HIT 2K READS WHAT THE FUCK. Honestly, thank you so much, I dont even know what else to say. I know alot of you are here for Gawsten, but hopefully you enjoy everything else i write. See ya on the flip side!

QOTD- Whats the last song you listened to?

AOTD- If you cant hand- SWS. I had control of the radio and fell asleep during the ride to my dad's. So ig i didnt really listen to it? But its the last song on my spotify.