CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU ALL. EVERYONE IS A WINNER IN MY BOOK.

I'D LIKE TO SAY A BIG THANK YOU TO OUR WONDERFUL JUDGE FionaCakes91 SHE ENJOYED ALL YOUR STORIES AND THESE WERE THE FIRST RESULTS THAT WAS SENT IN BY A JUDGE.
Now, the results;

🎖HONORARY MENTION
SUCK ME MR VAMPIRE kittykattykk9

GENRE: 3/5
Even though there was mention of a vampire in chapter 4, I still didn't see this as a vampire book, maybe Humor or Young Adult/Drama. But then again, the book only consists of 6 chapters so maybe as the writer updates, we will get to see more of the sexy mysterious vampire.

TITLE: 5/5
Call me a dirty girl, but for me, I see a title with the word 'suck', and Fifi is sold. But honestly, the title matches the blurb perfectly and at least it gives potential readers some idea of what they'll be getting. So if you're not into sadistic, vampiric sex, then this book is not for you. Plus I like the play on words, like what exactly does she want Mr. Vampire to suck on - her neck or 🥝?

BLURB: 4/5
The blurb is nice and it piqued my interest enough for me to want to read the book. Just fix a few grammar errors and minor typos.

FIRST CHAPTER/PROLOGUE: 5/10
Now, baby girl, the prologue has potential, but you have to be willing to put in the work. This isn't the first time I've read this book and it isn't the first time I'm telling you it needs heavy editing.

I see where you wanted to go with the prologue. You wanted to give us the readers a glimpse into Kimberly's abusive past. The pointers were there but the explanation was not. I felt disgusted with the way you portrayed Roy and I think he has the potential of being a decent antagonist. But the prologue is too short and rushed, it didn't give me any details about any of the events that took place. It started with Kimberly's mother dying from an overdose and how much she despised her. Then you added the part where Kim's stepfather Roy moved in and started molesting her when she was 11 then all of a sudden 19-year-old Kim is biting off Roy's dick and fleeing for her life. So 9 years of Kimberly's life were crammed into a 500 words or less prologue.

And another thing that needs revision is this part down below, I think it should be rewritten with a little more description so the readers can relate to the MC more. 

I don't get why you have the who wanted shit breath Roy part, she is 11 and shouldn't be thinking about wanting a man, plus rape is a sensitive topic, so I think you should omit the Lol.

I think you could write; 'The next morning after I told my mother what happened, she yelled at me. "You fucking liar!" Her fingers trembled as she placed the cigarette on her cracked lips, closing her eyes tightly while she sucked up the smoke.

"Mom, please, you have to believe me, I'm telling the truth."

"No, no no!" she kept slapping her palm against her forehead over and over and over again. She took another puff of her cigarette.

My heart broke seeing her like this and when I thought my heart was finished breaking my mother looked me dead in the eye. "You just want him for yourself. That's it, isn't it?" she shoved me hard, sending me falling to the floor. The tears fell like rain during a storm. How could she accuse me of something so vile, I was only 11 for Christ's sake.

She stooped next to my sore body. "He's mine, you little slut." She took one last drag of her cigarette before burning me on my left leg with the lit end. I still have the scar to this day.

GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION: 8/20
I hate to say this, but the grammar is poor. Lots of mixed tenses, run-on sentences, redundancies, and poor sentence construction. I'm nowhere near perfect myself, Lord knows how I cringe when I reread my own works and see all of the grammatical errors. Anyway, the first thing I'll suggest is for you to ask yourself what tense you want your story to be in. Then you make the corrections. As for punctuation, there was little to none. What I must applaud you for is the dialects, they read like actual conversations and I appreciated that.

SPELLING/VOCABULARY: 5/20
You need to up your vocabulary. A lot of redundancies. As for the spelling, I saw many plus you kept mixing up words like; ever & never. Tree & three. They're, their & there. Cloths & clothes. Spear & spare. Too & to. Whipping & wiping. Thought & taught. Custom & costume. Lair & Liar. Liter & Litter.

I made a list of some of the spelling errors I saw along with their corrections.

Horable - Horrible
Ligor - Liquor
Pheromonies - Pheromones
Pijamas - Pajamas
Carpse - Corpse
Prostitue - Prostitute
Restarant- Restaurant
Andrilly - Angrily
Ceeling- Ceiling
Masterbating - Masturbating

LITERARY DEVICES: 5/10:
Now I did see a few literary devices being used, but it still has room for improvement.

PLOT: 10/30:
As for the plot, it needs work and because the chapters were so short, I mean they were sometimes at least 200 words and each chapter I read was just a small hilarious snippet that only gave me a glimpse of how hilarious and likable the MC is. I think the plot needs dynamic and a bit more depth, especially since this is supposed to be a vampire book. I did not see the plot moving forward until chapter 6. But I did appreciate the cliffhangers at the end of each chapter.

DESCRIPTION: 2/10:
Little to no description and descriptions are important in assisting the world a writer creates to come alive to their readers.

CHARACTER: 6/10:
I love Kimberly and Madam Loretta's characters. They are bold and beautiful. I just needed you to add some more details about them, so that I could relate to them a bit more.

CONNECTION: 5/10:
Trust me when I say, I found your story very hilarious. Kimberly made me laugh until I cried. I'm not lying. But other than her humorous side, she lacks other attributes that the main character should have.

ORIGINALITY: 10/10:
This story is unique in its own way.

OVERALL IMPRESSION: 4/10:
Wasn't at all impressed and it has nothing to do with the writer's ability to write. I could tell that she has a wild imagination and I know she could have done more with this story.

TOTAL: 72/155

🥉3RD PLACE WINNER
ROXANNA'S PREY Being_A_Pluviophile

GENRE: 3/5:
Even though the MC is a vampire, the plot leaned closer to the Short story genre.

TITLE: 5/5:
The title is nice and fits the genre well.

BLURB: 3/5
Interesting enough to make me want to read the book, but I wanted to get excited. I am a person who loves the supernatural genre, and even though blurb writing is not my forte, I still think you could have added something extra to make it better.

I kinda rewrote the blurb, giving you an example of what I am trying to say.

Roxanna Shallow is a ruthless, sex-craved vampire who takes pleasure in toying with the men she preys on.

The poor, unfortunate suckers can't help themselves from falling for her mysterious demeanor and hypnotic features.

She may be an epitome of beauty, but inside she is a stone-cold predator, one that lures men to their deaths by promising them their souls' desire and that is sex.

It is the same with every one of her victims; fuck them, then suck them dry, draining their blood until their hearts stop beating.

None of them has ever resisted her - well, none of them until Evan Dankworth.

FIRST CHAPTER/PROLOGUE: 6/10
First of all, I love the tone of the setting. I think Roxanna's narrative voice works perfectly for this chapter. Her attitude and her confidence was an exciting thing for me to see. Plus her inner thoughts about her victim sent chills up my spine, so good job there to the writer.

But what the chapter was lacking, is descriptive elements. The chapter read too flat, I wanted the writer to show me what was taking place, not tell me. This is a lot of mistakes we writers make sometimes and that will steer our stories to the boring side of things and we don't want that.

So the way the book started, is fine, I just wish you gave Roxanna more predatorial characteristics. Like I needed to see her behaving more like a vampire, especially when the chapter is in her p.o.v. Also, try and add more body to the chapters so that the readers can enjoy your book to the maximum.

I gave you an example of what I mean.

"Hey... Wanna go back to myself?" His voice was husky, but his question still came out as a whisper.

He held his breath as he waited for my answer.

"Sure," I smirked, toying with the straw in my mimosa.

He finally released the nervous breath he was holding, and my nose flared, detecting the stench of alcohol on his breath.

His clammy fingers clutched the beer bottle and with a quirky smile, he tilted his head, and then he drank the last peg of alcohol.

My eyes darted to his Adam's apple, watching it bobbing up and down as he gulped the liquor.

I swallowed the dryness in my throat. It wouldn't be long now. Soon I would drink the finest of beverages.

GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATIONS: 15/20
The few punctuations I saw were in the right places, but some places would read better with the addition of punctuation. What you lost the most points for were the grammar/tense mix-ups. You kept jumping from past, to present tense and then back to the past tense and that can be a little confusing to readers. But this is something every writer does at one point in their lives, but don't worry about it too much, it's an easy fix, just go back through your book and make the necessary edits. I know as a writer sometimes I get so caught up in getting my plot to come alive that I am not too focused on getting the tenses right.

SPELLING/VOCABULARY: 15/20
The usage of spelling was good, but points were deducted because of vocabulary. In chapter 1, the word beg was used maybe 7 or 8 times in two paragraphs. The writer could have utilized other synonyms such as; pleaded or asked. Reading the word begged over and over was just too repetitive. The writer should also incorporate better vocabulary to enhance the reading experience. This is a vampire book, so instead of using Roxanna's teeth, fangs would be a more suitable substitute.

PLOT: 20/30
The plot is ok. But it needs a lot of work. You already have a nice writing style and I could see your vision but there were so much more things that needed to be added to make the plot deeper. I don't want to give away spoilers. But Roxanna meets Evan and she is fascinated by him for some reason. Now this reason needs to be polished a bit. Their meeting needed more depth. And there were parts where I got confused.

So obviously, Roxanna's main objective is to fuck him and he acknowledged that then he goes on yelling at Roxanna, asking her what the hell she wants? Like, Dude, she wants your mansickle.

Moving on to Evan's ups and downs, Roxanna finds out what his adoptive parents are doing to him and they threaten his 11-year-old sister's virtue if he doesn't do what they say, which made me want to grab my pitch-fork and go burn some people at the stake, but I had to remind myself that this is just a book, it's not real. The plot moves pretty quickly after this. Roxanna takes her revenge and she did that thing (don't want to give away too much), saving the sister and living happily ever after with the siblings. What I wish you would have elaborated on is how Roxanna fell in love with Evan. Honestly, it would have been easier if this was a young adult book, but she's a 19-year-old vampire (kudos to not making her 100 years old) who only knew how to kill, and there was a part where she said that she didn't care for humans and wasn't capable of feeling remorse. So show us how her cold heart changed.

LITERARY DEVICES: 7/10
The writer applied just enough literary devices to help in the enjoyment of the story, but there were a few parts that needed a bit more application, but I hope later on if the writer decides to edit, then this can be fixed.

DESCRIPTION: 6/10
As I explained earlier, I would have liked to see a lot more description and scene development. I did not see many descriptions.

CHARACTERS: 7/10
The characters need a lot more development. I needed more insight into Roxanna's backstory, I mean I did see a bit of Evan's but Roxanna's character caught more of my attention, and I needed to learn more about her.

CONNECTION: 7/10
I admit that I enjoyed this short story. I was connected to the point where I wanted more. But with better descriptions and character development, I would have enjoyed the story at a higher level.

ORIGINALITY: 8/10
I love the spin the writer had in the plotline. I especially loved that the man is the damsel in distress and we have a female as the hero.

OVERALL IMPRESSION: 7/10
I am very proud of the writer for this wonderful story, I hope my pointers may be taken into consideration. Because I really wish to see depth added to the story. I wish you all the best with your work. 

TOTAL: 109/155

🥈2ND PLACE WINNER, BEYOND HIS EVIL AmaraMelissa

GENRE: 5/5

TITLE: 5/5

BLURB: 3/5
OK, So the blurb was great and very informative. But I think you gave away too much in the blurb and it was a bit lengthy. I would suggest you rewrite it and make it mysterious and interesting.

FIRST CHAPTER: 5/10
I have to be honest, while the first chapter was nicely written, I didn't have the urge to move on to the next chapter. The information dump felt like a history lesson and I know the writer wanted to ensure the readers gain an understanding of all the creatures in the book, but the way they were introduced felt forced and confusing and it had my brain spinning. I would suggest for you to find creative ways to incorporate the information into the chapters.

GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION: 16/20
There were a few sentence construction problems, but they didn't take away from the reading experience, the main problem was the punctuation, there were errors plus untidy placements, meaning there was spacing between words and commas and/or full stops.

SPELLING/VOCABULARY: 20/20
Well done.

LITERARY DEVICES: 7/10
Good usage, but it has room for being better.

PLOT: 28/30
A solid plotline and I found it very creative. The writer went outside of the box and created a very wild and imaginative story.

CHARACTERS: 7/10
Nice characters and they are very likable, there were a few instances though when I found their development or events surrounding them too slow, but overall a fair job here.

DESCRIPTION: 8/10
Great usage of description, but there is room for improvement, especially when describing how a character feels and the world-building needs better descriptions.

CONNECTION: 8/10
I enjoyed reading this story and getting to know the characters.

ORIGINALITY: 9/10
Love the plotline and the direction of this story. Well done.

OVERALL IMPRESSION: 8/10
I am impressed with the creativity of this writer. Good job.

TOTAL: 129/155

🥇1ST PLACE WINNER, DANDELION by bored_mama

GENRE: 5/5
TITLE: 5/5
BLURB: 5/5
FIRST CHAPTER: 10/10

GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION: 19/20
The grammar was perfect, and I could count the punctuation errors, especially toward the end of the book. But well done!

SPELLING/VOCABULARY: 20/20

LITERARY DEVICES: 8/10
Amazing application, but a few chapters could use a little more literary devices, but still, It didn't take away from the reading experience.

PLOT: 30/30

CHARACTER: 10/10

DESCRIPTION: 8/10
Amazing descriptions throughout the book, but again, I thought a few chapters needed a tad bit more description in some areas, but the climatic chapters we very well described.

CONNECTION: 10/10

ORIGINALITY: 8/10

OVERALL IMPRESSION: 10/10
An amazingly detailed and well-written story. I enjoyed every bit of it, from the start to the end. Well done!

TOTAL: 148/155

🍌CONGRATULATIONS, I HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR STICKERS.🍌