(:Tw: Minor eating disorder things, suicidal thoughts, self hate, kinda abuse mentions (Skip Remy's part to skip the 3 last ones)

Monday

Logan's week started like always in complete darkness. He was unable to open his eyes. Unable to move. Unable to even keep his heart pumping on his own.

But he could hear. That was the only thing he could do. His brain was probably damaged but the sense of hearing was still intact.

For the first 11 hours of this week he laid there and listened to the sounds coming from the hallway. Crying, nurses talking, wheelchairs rolling by.

But then the door opened. Quick excited steps skipped into the room. Logan could distinguish from the humming coming from the person that it was Roman.

"Goodmorning specs!" He greeted.

The weight on the bed changed meaning he had sat down. Lo felt arms encapsulate him into a short but loving hug.

"I have a great idea! Since you always get so annoyed by my disney songs maybe if IIIIII play one you'll wake up to tell me to shut up"

It was quiet for a few seconds before a whole new world from Aladdin started to play. Roman began to loudly sing along to annoy him even more.

"Didn't work huh" He sighed once the song ended "Alright maybe good news will wake you"
He did a dramatic drum roll. "I'm moving in with Virgil!!!"

Logan wanted to reach out his hand and congratulate him but he was stuck. He listened as Roman did happy woohoo noises.

"I've spent so much time at his apartement recently it already feels like home so yeah I'm just so happy!!"

The weight shifted once more as Roman stood up but he didn't walk away.

"Ehhh me and Viv stopped by Patton's apartement on our way back from our trip. He didn't open the door or anything but I heard his dog bark so he's still alive at least. I don't know why he's not talking to us anymore. Has he visited you?"

Of course Logan couldn't answer. They both knew that. Roman still waited a few seconds just to be sure he didn't answer.

"It's weird......you look healthier now than you ever did when you were awake"

A few steps could be heard.

"Sorry pocket protector but I gotta go. I have a gala to attend....I'm kidding. Viv has been really anxious about the moving in thing so I don't wanna leave him alone in case he has a panic attack and or binges"

Logan felt Roman give him another hug before hurrying away and closing the door.

Tuesday

The nurses fed him twice every day. Feed was a bad word. They simply forced food into him through the ng tube in his nose.

This was the worst time of day. Fun fact: comatosed people can still cry. Logan cried and cried and cried until it felt like he'd dried up. What else could he do. This was the worst nightmare he could imagine. He was trapped unable to move as loads of calories were forced into him. He couldn't even exerscise to burn away the calories.

He wanted to yell and bite at the nurses for doing this to him but he knew they didn't even care. He could hear them talking as if they weren't destroying his progress.

Half an hour after the first feeding off the day Logan was debating whether he was able to start a spasm attack so he could at least burn a little bit of calories. It would hurt horribly and he wasnt sure how he would do it if he couldn't move but it would be worth it.

Then the door opened and he immediatly panicked. It wasn't feeding time already. Oh god he had to be gaining weight.

"BOO!......aww no scaring you awake" Thankfully it was just Remus.

He seemed to run over to the bed and do a belly flop onto it.

"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!" He took Logan's hand and squezzed it "Ro-bro is moving out! So Jan can take his room and get some privacy! YOu know what this means! Me and Rem can go back to fucking without worrying about locking Jan out of his own room!!"

Remus let out a laugh that sounded like a mix between a hyena and a villain laugh.

"Or well Remy isn't really feeling it right now cause ehhhh stuff involving them and Jan but that is totally cool!! I will give them all the time they need even if it's forever! It just means I have more time to run out and steal flowers for them!!!"

Remus let out a gasp.

"Omg maybe I now finally have time to get a girlfriend!!! Titty soft and warm against cold world!! Than I will have collected the 3 most popular genders as my partners! Like pokemon!! Then I gotta go out and find one of those gender fluids"

He started to poke at the ng tube. Unkown to him it was really painful for Logan.

"Remy has been working a lot lately. I guess they gotta distract themself from being sober somehow. I could distract them instead if they asked me. I'm super good at distracting! They said no to my movie night offer last night.......I think they're losing weight"

It sounded like Remus clapped his own cheeks, probably out of boredom. Then it suddenly went very quiet for a While. Quick steps were heard before sounds of the lamp flickering on and off.

"Sorry. I zoned out because the lights were too bright..........When I say it out loud it makes no sense" He clasped his hands together "Alright wanna see my new tattoo?"

He waited for an answer just in case.

"I designed it myself. It's like a heart but kinda realistic but kinda not. It looks cool okay. Trust me! "

It sounded like a shirt was dropped on the floor. Logan could smell a horrible stench of rotten cheese and rat poop coming closer as Remus went up right next to him. Logan felt his wrist being grabbed and pulled up to touch warm slightly hairy skin.

"If you can't see it you can at least feel my tattoo you lazy bitch. I'm also thinking of getting a snake around my left wrist and a spider on my neck so it looks like it crawled out of my ear and maybe some realistic looking gore on my leg or something. It's okay. Remy knows the tattoo guy so I get a discount"

His hand was forced over to a softer patch off skin. Remus laughed.

"Ooohhh you peerrvvv. Touching my nipple hehe. I have a boyfriend you lil charmer heh"

He let go off Lo's hand. Instead Remus shoved his finger down into Logan's mouth at first and then his nose.

"Still no waking up huh" He sighed while licking Lo's boogers off his finger "Will you open your eyes and tell me to stop if I do a striptease?"

It went a few seconds before there came a smacking sound.

"I'm smacking my butttttt! Tell me to stop! Oooohhh tell me to stop or else I'mma take off my panty pants!"

It went much quieter. It sounded like Remus dragged on his shirt again while probably sulking. Logan felt a kiss get pressed to his cheek before someone laid down next to him.

"Hey I was commissioned last week to paint scary pictures onto the walls of a haunted house. It's my first job as an artist aside from like strangers on the internet paying me to draw gay furries for them and stuff"

There was a sudden preasure on Logan's chest. Remus must be leaning on him.

"Do you think this'll start my career as an artist? Instead of being a gravedigger?"

Logan wanted to say that statistically yes probably but he couldn't even parse his lips.

"Wanna hear about my idea for a horror cartoon? Just kidding you have no choose"

Remus began to rant about his original characetrs and lore. If Logan was able to smile he would.

Wednesday

It had been a loud day. Lots of running and screaming and sobbing coming from the hallway. But none of that affected him. He was still forced to eat like normal.

Since it was so loud Logan didn't hear the door opening or the cautious steps until he could hear someone in the what he thought was the empty room dramatically clear their throat.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited you before" Janus said in a melancholic tone.

Now he could hear him pace back and forth as if he was nervous.

"Remus got all these intrusive thought last night about how maybe you weren't waking up because you were angry I haven't been here...so to kind of calm him here I am"

The pacing stopped and was replaced by him anxiously tapping his foot into the floor.

"I know we never talked much when you were.....you know and I'm sorry. It's not like I looked up to you or anything" He lied "You were everything I wanted to be. I was scared that if I talked to you I wouldn't be able to stop myself from complimenting your weight loss and then you would say I would never be as skinny as you and yeah I...."

He sighed and mumbled something about this being stupid to himself.

"I hope..I think that we could be friends I mean we're the only two in the group with braincells. Maybe once you wake up I could show you some documentaries or historical stuff, Oh! we could go to museums! or talk about psychology or and I could tell you loads of snake facts. I...I...just please wake up so we can do that stuff. I think you're the biggest loser ever and totally not cool and I'd like to stop being nervous about talking to you"

He took a deep breathe as if it'd taken all his energy to admit that. He let out a huff as he slumped down on the bed. He made sure to keep some space between him and Logan.

"Gosh I'm too fucking classy for emotions" He chuckled "It's..scary how I always wished I could be like you but you nearly died. I don't want that. I've been trying to eat more since you became comatosed. Yesterday I ate 784 calories...which I know if you were awake you would say that isn't enough but it was big for me! And then I had a panic attack over it but Remus helped me through it and he cuddled me until I feel asleep. He's so warm and strong when he holds me it feels like he's able to protect me from everything including my own thoughts"

It sounded like he was smiling as he talked.

"He's really making me feel like I can actually recover. Every time I say I'm recovering it feels like I'm lying but I suppose I can't really call it a lie anymore....I feel....alive...I think I'm happy I'm recovering"

It was quiet for a minute or so.

"....I wish Remy would help me too. They're not talking to me. Or well I guess they say something every now and then but it is very obvious they're avoiding me and they don't even want to touch me. I understand why. I know they think I hate them or will be triggered by them being close to me or whatever but it's not like that!"

He got up and began mindleesly walk around the bed and the equipment surronding it as if he had to move or else the frustration would swallow him.

"All I want is for them to treat me like we're actually a couple. I just want them to hug me or tell me I'm doing good when I'm eating or something. I've tried to talk to it out them but they always say they have to go to work! How much can they freaking work in a week!"

No one had even informed Logan of Remy getting very close to forcing Janus into certain sexual things. He was very confused.

"I sure as hell would be getting over this whole thing easier if they would talk to me or I don't know maybe not treat me like the plauge??? I mean of course I'm over it. I am. It would be idiotic of me if I couldn't immediatly move past something that didn't even happen.....I am over it....I am"

It felt like Janus was trying to readjust Logan's blanket to make it as comfortable as possible. Maybe to give himself time before saying anything more. Maybe to distract himself from his own thoughts.

"......I had a nightmare last night.....Remy didn't stop in it. Not when I said no. Not when I cried. They didn't stop......I think I woke up sobbing. They weren't in bed. I wish they were. I just want this whole thing to be forgotten. Or well not forgotten. They're getting sober because of it so it shouldn't be forgotten. But they shouldn't act like- like This!"

Janus seemed to slump down onto the bed. A frankly exhausted sniffle came from him.

"It's stupid that I am this upset by not getting to talk or spend time with them for less than a week.....But I love them....I want to be with them....And I hate that I am right there with them and they're forcing us to be so far away from each other"

He stood up and mumbled something about being sorry for getting emotional. Logan felt a hand quickly cup his cheek before the sound of footsteps echoed through the room and the sound of the door closing came soon after.

Thursday

The door opened quietly, as if the person was careful not to change anything in the room. The next sound was of the chair scraping as the person sat down next to the bed.

It was completely silent for the next 30 minutes. Until Logan heard a mumbled prayer being repeated over and over. It was Patton.

Patton had gone to church last Sunday. He usually never went to it anymore. It reminded him to much of how shameful he used to feel when he was younger. But now he'd gone. Maybe if he went to the house of God God would listen to him and let Logan wake up.

The last time he'd gone was when he was 20 at the anniversary of Lo's mothers death. Logan had said he wished his ribs would stick out the way they sticked out of Jesus on his statue. Patton should have known about his eating problems sooner. This was all his fault.

The room went silent once more as Patton stopped mumbling. It had barely gone a minute when the silence was replaced by quiet crying.

Logan wished it would be silent instead. He wished he could comfort his friend. But there was nothing he could do the entire time Patton sat there and cried.

He left without saying a single word.

Friday

"Yeah Becky it was so much fun" The nurses chatted along while getting his ng tube ready to be turned off for now. At this point he knew a lot about them from all the gossip they rambled about. Becky was currently babysitting her (in her words) very annoying niece. Chealsea the other nurse was apparently cheating on her husband.

"So anyway I'm thinking about starting that keto diet" Logan immediatly tried to drown out her words.

"Be careful or you'll end up like him" Chealsea replied while patting Lo's arm.

"Omg you can't say that that's so dark!" She chukled "But seriously like it would be nice if someone else was assigned to take care of this guy. It's just feels like pointless. I mean he kinda got himself to this point isn't it like his own faul-"

They suddenly stopped talking as the sound of the door opening came "Sorry am I ehm interupting???" A very anxious Virgil asked.

"Not at all. We were just done" Becky replied while turning off the tube. "You his brother or something?"

"Friend"

Virgil stood awkardly in the room until the nurses had walked away. Once the door was closed he let out a long sigh.

"Holy fuck that was horrible!" He exclaimed "My anxiety levels have been off the fucking roofs lately. My Roman....shit did i just say my Roman?? that was a mistake but anyway I know he's been here so you probably already know but he is moving in with me"

It seemed like he face palmed down into the bed while letting out a very long groan.

"AAAAhhhhhhhh FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"

It went quiet again. The chair was moved and it sounded like Virgil sat down in it.

"I just. Okay give me a moment. AAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" He breathed heavily "Okay I think I'm done now. It's just. It's so big! We're a couple! Like a real couple who live together and stuff or well we're gonna be soon. Am I sure I'm really ready?? Do I even love him??? Have I convinced myself??? Am I even gay???????"

It sounded like he was trying to stabilize his own breathing.

"See? Don't get me wrong I'm happy he's moving in and we've talked it through and he's trying to calm me as much as he can but I just can't stop myself from overthinking. I've overthought about our relationship ever since I got a crush on him. I shouldn't be allowed to be in love"

He tapped his foot into the ground.

"My anxiety is so fucking stupid. Like it's so obvious I love him so fucking much and yet it's out here tying to make me think I'm not. He's just so ughh....So good. I don't know how I wouldn't love him. I don't know why he loves Me! He can get better! He has gotten better! Why is he settling for me!!"

Logan was feeling like Virgil was releasing the figurative butterflies in his stomach.

"My anxiety and BED fit together like how a punch fits in the face. Like last month I didn't binge for 15 days! 15! That's a new record! But now every since we decided he was actually going to move in I've barely been able to stop myself from turning every meal into a binge. I've gained like- wait shit shouldn't mention weight around you. Don't get me wrong I like my body! I just want to stay healthy and I know some more pounds can tip that health scale"

It sounded like he was drumming his fingers against the chair.

"The meds are helping. A lot. I think it'll get better once he's moved in. I just have to get through this. I mean if I went 15 days without a binge once I can do it again y'know. And if Roman lives with me he's gonna be able to stop me whenever he is around soooo it'll be okay. Right?? Yeah!! Yeah! This'll go good. I got this! Virgil's got this! Just gotta get through this fucking move in!"

He sighed. It was the saddest sigh he'd ever heard. His tone had seemed optimistic so Logan was unsure where this sudden change in tone was coming from.

"I miss you Lo"

Oh.

"My shift at the library starts in an hour. We never got time to finish that mystery podcats we both like so wanna listen to an episode now?" The drumming off his fingers stopped "Why am I asking?? You won't answer. Why do I act like you're still here! I'm so scared Lo. Please don't die. Please"

It went quiet for a while.

"Sorry. It's fine. I'm fine. As long as you wake up eventually I'l be fine. I dunno let's just listen to that podcats and ignore how much of a fucking mess I am"

It felt like someone laid down next to him in the bed. An earbud was put in his ear. Soon the familiar voice from the podcats narrator could be heard.

Saturday

It was late on Saturday. Really late. 2 am actually. That's when the door was seemingly kicked open before being carefully closed again. It sounded like the person was dancing into the room while singing along to music that must be coming from headphones. Logan could hear on the quite good voice but atrocious music taste that it was Remy.

"Sup gal"

They greeted while flopping down so they were stretched out over his stomach.

"Girl my life has been such a fucking mess lately. Can I fill that iv bag with coffee? Holy shit imagine getting coffee literally pumped into your blood stream. I wanna try that!"

They took a sip from their own normal coffee cup.

"Ehhh I guess I gotta like say sorry if I like act different than normal cause I haven't like gotten high or drank alcohol in like a week and I feel like sober me gotta be different than normal me. Like Rem says I'm the same as usual but I just feel different y'know...like less...numb...I don't like it"

They played with Logan's hair while they talked.

"I wish you were awake so you could tell me if I can like hire a hitman to kill me 'cause girl I need to be put down. I'm the worst boyfriend ever. Just the most abusive piece of shit guy in existance" They let out a few forced chuckles that sounded more like sobs "Wow misgendering myself really makes me wanna jump off a bridge. That's nice. That's great"

Logan wanted to hug them.

"I think Jan is mad at me for not talking to him. But it's good. If I can't make them realize I'm bad and abusive I'll just have to be rude and ignore them until they get bored of me and throw me out!"

Logan wanted to tell them Janus wasn't mad at them, just sad.

"I've been taking more shifts at the coffee shop so I can at least be useful for them financially. Once they throw me out I can just jump off a building or starve to death or something"

Logan really wished he was able to do something, anything, to help them right now.

"You see I don't deserve to eat so starving shouldn't be hard. I mean Remus sat me down a few times this week and didn't allow me to leave the kitchen until I'd eaten something but aside from that this week has been good food wise"

He assumed with good they meant it in a starving way.

"I think eating is more scary than gaining weight. Like gaining doesn't scare me that much. It's the putting it in your mouth and feeling it go down and knowing it's too late that scares me. Knowing that progress is being throw away for some stupid piece of food. Every time I see something on my plate I get so anxious it feels like I'll throw up. Does that even make sense?"

It did. Logan had felt the same way. At first eating over 1000 cal per day was scary. Then 800. Then 500. Then 200. Until eating in of itself scared him, no matter how little cal it was.

"Is it wrong if I want Jan and Rem to hit me?"

The sound of the coffee cup landing on the floor could be heard. Logan presumed they had tried to throw it into the trashcan.

"I mean if they don't throw me out soon they will hit me eventually. I-I'm such a bother to have around they don't have any choice. It's better if they get it over with so I know what to expect and what I can do to be so little of a bother I can avoid it. Right now I'm just waiting for it to happen. The not knowing makes it so much worse"

The weight on the bed shifted around as Remy probably changed how they were sitting. They were probably so nervous they couldn't sit still.

"I mean every time Remus sat me down to make me eat I would get all defensive and yell an-and he had every right to shout at me until I was crying. And every time one of them has had to pick me up at who knows what hour of the night 'cause I was like drunk or something, t-they should have just hit me for waking me up instead of worry about me. It's what I deserve. Maybe if I keep being silent towards them they'll realize that I deserve it and get it over with"

It sounded like they were fiddling with their sunglasses.

"Kinda funny how my dad was right about everything"

They took a moment to breathe which turned into Logan hearing muffled sobs and mumbled insults towards themself. It sounded like they were hitting their head with their hands. It went so eerily quiet with nothing but their ragged breathing filling the silence.

After what felt like an eternity of silence they mumbled out "Sorry, I'm being a bother even to a coma bastard like you!" They forced a laugh "That's great! I'm the worst person alive!"

If Logan could he would say falsehood.

"Hey I got good news too at least. I've lost 9 pounds this week!! 'Cause of the cutting all the cal from like alcohol"

That wasn't good news. Not good news at all.

"Can I like sleep here? I haven't been able to sleep in my own bed since...since nearly doing something horrible against Jan on it. Every time I see it I get the urge to rip my skin off. I don't get how Jan can still sleep there. I could barely sleep in my childhood bed. I heard him wake up and start sobbing a few nights ago. It was probably my fault. It was good I wasn't there. I would have just freaked him out more"

Remy apparently assumed Logan said yes to the question about sleeping there (he did). They tucked themself down under the blanket and cuddled up next to Logan with their head on his shoulder and with their arms wrapped around his waist.

"Ey gal, let's see which one of us dies first" They let out a half hearted chuckle "It better be me. You gotta wake up Lo. It better be soon too. Please"

Logan noticed that their skin was cold against his. He wasn't the coldest person anymore. He wasn't the most malnutritioned person anymore.

He felt a kiss be pressed against his cheek "Goodnight"

Sunday

"Nothing feels okay anymore"

It honestly baffled Logan to hear that. It was Patton who said it. Patton. He'd come in half an hour ago and sat quiet like all the other times. And then he'd spoked. Spoken for the first time directly to him since he'd left the aparetement. Since the kiss.

It didn't sound like something Patton would say. It was pessimistic and he sounded exhausted. so very very exhausted.

"I can't do this anymore. I have called in sick for work for 3 weeks because I'm barely able to leave my apartement anymore. I barely leave my bed except for to binge. It smells like rotten food and I still can't get myself to clean it"

It sounded like he changed his footing, as if he was nervous.

"It's not your fault Lo. I really thought I was recovering and then I just relapse back to how I was before....I...I doubt whether I can ever really recover......I'm thinking about finding a new family for Buster"

It was quiet for a few minutes. Logan was pretty sure he heard a sniffle.

"I love you. I'm sorry for loving you. If I didn't maybe I would have been there when your heart....Maybe I would have been able to prevent your coma. I should have done more to help you overall. I could have stopped you from so much pain. I'm sorry"

He felt a gentle kiss be pressed to his forhead. Steps were heard as Patton was on his way to leave the room.

"I'm sorry" He repeated while opening the door.

Logan felt horrible. Guilty. It was his fault. Him and his stupid illness fault.

He wanted to apologize. No. He needed to apologize. Not just to Patton. To everyone. He'd heard the sorrow on everyone's voices. He'd heard his father's sobbing and Virgil's anxious ranting and Remus' desperate attempts to wake him up and Remy's forced happy rambling and Roman's begging for him to open his eyes and Janus' lying to himself over and over about Logan waking soon.

He had to apologize.

"I'm sorry" Logan whispered.