I blink rapidly, yep not a dream. Everyone is standing inside, behind the barn doors, streamers and hats on arms stretched out. My friends, Carrie's mom, my teammates, some of the guys from the football team, Brady's Mom, Mrs Stenthan, Shirley, Bennett Helen, Gemma... Blaze.

He looks sheepishly at me, his eyes cutting through the ice, frosted in my veins for the past weeks. He looks tired, anxious. Dark circles swallow the normal sharpness of his gaze.

"What...what is this?"

"A party duh." VJ steps forward and throws her arms around me.

"For me?"

"Well yeah of course." Emily and Carrie push forward.

"You didn't think we'd actually leave you to do nothing on your own on your birthday did you?" Carrie hits my shoulder.

"And you, you kept this a secret all day?" I look up at Brady. He nods with glee, the labrador soft smile curving across his prideful face. I can't hide my surprise.

"Blaze had my balls in his hands today... ooo chips." And he's off, the music starts up and people disperse to the dance floor at the far end of the barn. Hay bales are decorated with little butterflies and tables of food are set out. A Photo Booth is by the dance floor and fairy lights drape down from the ceiling. It's incredible, breathtaking.

"You guys did all of this... for me?"

"Well, it was Helen and Blaze's idea mostly," VJ says. My heart damn near breaks all over again.

"Right drinks! It's your night Atlas. Enjoy it." Emily says pulling VJ towards the drinks at the side reading the room already thick with tension.

I wrap my arms around Carrie, her chequer maxi dress and blue heels make her look like a model and I feel even shorter. "Thank you for the dress, it's beautiful."

"Atlas honey, no one could have pulled that off better than you. I don't even mind the converse." Her brows knit together as she slides a side eye to my feet, I bite my laugh back as she purses her lips.

"Atty!" A small figure crashes into my legs nearly knocking me down.

"Gem! Careful," Helen shouts after the tornado at my feet. Her raven black hair is pulled back into plaits weaved with red ribbons. I pick her up and squeeze her tight, the smell of strawberries and peaches tantalising my nose.

"Happy birthday!" Her sweet-smelling breath snakes across my face like she's already had ten handfuls of candy.

"Thank you, Sweetheart! How are you doing?" I squeeze her sides eliciting a Shreek.

"Good, I've moved up a ballet class and I'm focusing on everything you taught me." Her smile falls quickly, "I miss you though. When are you coming back." Helen coughs behind and gives her daughter a pointed look, I'd laugh if it didn't hurt so much.

"I miss you too Gem. I miss seeing your too Smiley face every day."

"So when are you-"

"Alright, shortcake why don't you and mom go dance for a bit." His smokey rich tone goes straight through me, and my legs turn to liquid. I place Gem back on the floor out of fear I'll drop her. His voice is a welcome sound, it has me sweating wanting to run a mile but at the same time my whole body relaxes in a way it hasn't in weeks.

"Will you dance with me later Atlas?" Her big eyes peer up at me under her thick lashes.

"You Bettcha." Her eyes squint with a nod, seemingly satisfied and trots off towards the throng of dancers.

"Happy birthday honey." Helen gives me a quick hug before Gemma calls for her and it's the type of contact I easily sink into, the one I've missed the most. The texts have been a lifeline but physical contact is something else.

Then it's just me and the quarterback. He gulps audibly then scolds himself, reaching his unnecessarily big hand around the back of his neck and takes a full sweep of me.

"You, you look absolutely gorgeous." He finally says, maroon drips down into my skin and I'm sure even my chest is red.

"Thank you. You... you did all of this?"

"It's nothing."

"It's everything, Blaze." I step forward and wrap my arms around his middle. He freezes, unsure of the intention then slouches into my embrace. He smells fresh, lemon and pine drifting around me, whispering to my skin, caressing the loose strands of my hair. His heart is beating too hard against his chest, fast and startled like a deer in headlights, I can feel it against my cheek. The rhythm Luling me into a sense of security and familiarity. For a few moments, all is right and aligned.

"Atlas, I... I'm so sorry for what I said. For what I did. I never meant any of it." He says into my hair, his hands clutching me tighter, afraid ill disintegrate and float away with the wind.

"Then why'd you say it." Comes out quicker than I can stop it, my cheeks heat and my mouth quivers trying to suck the words back in. I shouldn't have said that but he simply holds me tighter, he knows and it's okay.

"You have every right to ask that question and honestly I wish I had a better answer, one worthy of your time but all I can say is I was angry and scared. I'm not perfect, nowhere even close and that is an incredible example of how fucking shit I am."

"You're not shit Blaze, you're hot-headed and you were hurt but you're not shit, so far away it could be the North Pole." I push my head as far as I can into his chest, a wall of stability. I think we are both well aware people are probably trying not to stare but nothing feels better than this right now. "But you hurt me."

"I know and-"

"And I hurt you." I pull back and look up into those deep crystallised eyes. "I hurt you Blaze and I'm so sorry. It's not that I don't trust you-" he cuts me off shaking his head.

"This wasn't how tonight was supposed to go. Not tonight, I wanted this night to be about you no qualms or worries. This is your night and you're going to enjoy it with your friends and family. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am and if you choose to walk away I want you to know I understand and I love you. Of course, I'd hate it, I can't not tell you that but you're too smart not to listen to yourself butterfly. Think about it, if you still want to talk tomorrow then text me and we'll do this tomorrow. " he places a kiss on my brow and lets go of me. My mind is so foggy I can't even begin to push the words past the thick curtain until he starts to walk to the door.

"Don't go." He stops and turns to me with a small rueful smile.

"I have to. It's okay." And I understand. It's too hard right now to be around me. Not in a bad way but he still wants to give me my space, no matter how much I can see it hurting him. I want nothing more than to have him here, he is my family but I have to respect that he can't do that, not until tomorrow. Maybe I do have more thinking to do.

"I love you." His smile grows and his eyes glass over.

"I know. I love you too." And with that, he leaves into the night. My quarterback walks out the door and the heaviness returns and for the first time I know what I need to do.

Tomorrow though, tonight I honour what he has done and celebrate, I celebrate my family and my own survival.

I spend the rest of the night dancing and drinking and eating, snapping pictures in the Photo Booth with stupid props and laughing until my cheeks hurt. I have to take a few moments to commit this all to my memory. The laughter, the love the joy and the pain. The pain of tomorrow, the decision that lays dormant in every thought.

This decision weighs heavy on me and I've already caught myself thinking about it one too many times tonight. I won't be able to enjoy this if I don't do it now. I have to do it now.

I'm dancing with Emily or rather a third-wheeling between her and Rutherford, Gemma's dancing between us all, her little hand in mine making faces every time the couple lean in to kiss. I pass Gem off onto VJ and pull out my phone, settling down on one of the hay bales.

'I can't wait until tomorrow. I don't have to think this over, come back. We need to talk.'

I hit send and instantly feel a rush of relief, I feel like I'm on a game show, I've locked in an answer and my time has run out, the answer you picked is locked in and what's done is done. It's out of your hands for now.

I breathe deeply and watch my friends move about the barn, I still can't believe they've done this for me. A year ago I had no friends or family and now they all fit inside this small barn. It's so quaint and intimate, he knew exactly how to do it right. It's not obnoxious or rowdy, it's perfect.

My phone buzzes in my hand and a rush of adrenaline sweeps through my bones, my skin tightening in response though it quickly dissolves into confusion when I see the caller ID,

My old social worker?

I hesitantly swipe and put the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Atlas? Atlas? I need you to listen to me." She rushes out panicked as another song starts up and everyone starts hollering and shouting. I place my finger over my other ear to try and listen better, "Atlas? Are you there?"

"Hold on, it's loud in here." I slip off the hay bale and head to the door at the back of the barn. The night air is clammy, the moon shining brightly on the field that closes up to the cliff edge. "Is that better?"

"Yes, okay now I need you not to panic but listen very carefully." Despite the temperature, goosebumps lick up my skin. Darkness lingers in the air.

"Okay, what's wrong? What's happened?"

"Atlas, it's your-"

"Hello, Atlas."

Hi my loves!!

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I promise I haven't forgotten about Balance it's just a bit slower at the moment but hopefully we're coming towards the end and I'm also starting the prep for my new book!!!