"Why are you still here?" My voice is raw and scratchy. Darkness surrounds the mess I've made of the room. My head rests on Atlas' lap, her fingers deep in my hair. I don't know how long we've been here, how long since I made my knuckles bleed and my mom hate me.

"What do you mean? Do you want me to go?" Her sweet, melodic voice caresses my ears in the silence, the voices in my mind being driven away by her calming tone.

I don't want her to go. I really don't want her to go. But she should. She should run away from me! Why hasn't she run from me! I sit up, already missing the warmth from her lap and hands in my hair. I get to my feet and pace in front of her. "No... I... Why are you here!" I run my hands down my face, my anger still simmers deep below the surface- I don't think it ever burns out but I'm exhausted, hurt and desperate... I want my mom to believe me, trust me, I need Atlas to... love me. I need to be a role model for my sister and I want my family to be proud of me.

"Blaze...?" She gets off the floor and treads lightly across the glass, placing her hands on my cheeks. Her eyes glimmer in the ray of moonlight streaming through the balcony door. Those very eyes I get lost in every time I look at her. She's so fucking gorgeous, so smart and kind. I reach out and touch her face, she falls into my palm and I run my fingers across her smooth skin. So beautiful. The moonlight crests little stars in her dark pupils, making her lips look a deeper shade of blush pink.

Too fucking pure for my shit. I drop my hand reluctantly and stalk away quickly trying to see through my blurred vision, tears threatening to grace my cheeks again. I yank open the balcony doors feeling the cold, frigid air attack my wet face. The stars shine through the thin clouds, the snow has stopped for now but the landscape of pine trees is coated in a thick white topping. It looks like a scene in Narnia, the magic of the night powering the beauty of the forest.

"Blaze, talk to me." I can feel her behind me but she doesn't come any closer, she doesn't touch me. I want to touch her, feel her, hold her. But I don't move. I brace myself on the metal bar, the snow melting under my warm bloodied hands. I breathe in the frozen air, my nose and lungs icing over, frost lodging itself into my body.

"Why are you here, why are you helping me? Defending me?" I strain through my teeth, I don't want to turn around. I can hear the vile anger in my tone, never at her, at her constant need to see good in me. I can't even see the good in me.

"Blaze-"

"No. You deserve someone better Atlas. Jesus, it was my fault you had a knife against your throat. I will never forgive myself for that. Never!" Her hand lands on my back, warm against my already burning skin. I feel like a furnace as the cool wind strikes my skin.

"It wasn't your-"

"It was!" I roar, echoing off the trees, I shrug her hand off my back and it falls hesitantly, " It's all my fault. I'm a nasty asshole who has absolutely nothing going for him other than the urge to use my fists as a way to feel satisfaction. I frighten people and I'm vicious. I'm untrustworthy and unreliable. My family hates me, my mom can't even look at me right now and I've put them all in danger! I've put my- my younger sister in danger... I've put you in danger!" My voice cracks, everything that's been boiling below the surface is breaking free. All the times I told myself I never had a chance with Atlas, the corruption that would follow if I did. The one thing in my life that has made me feel more alive than ever is on the verge of being ripped from me, all of my own doing. The past settles in my stomach and the disappointment and shame I've never been able to shift. The hatred that burns deep, inked into my bones. For me. For the one man who never failed to point out and use the darkness simmering in me until it overcame me and I was nothing more. My breaths come out ragged, "I'm manipulative, moody, I push people away to hurt them, to make sure they stay away from this part of me. I enjoy fighting and I'm probably not even going to-to get into college, I wouldn't blame anyone but me if I didn't. Why would you stay for that? You should be running away from me. You should go and find someone actually deserving of your time. So why are you still here Atlas? Please just leave. Why don't you just leave me? Please leave me." My voice has died of its roaring, now quiet, painful whispers struggling to come out of my throat. My whimpering pleads die in the black of the night, deep in the forest. I listen for a door to shut or footsteps to move away but I hear nothing. Every piece of me is out in the open, I tore it from inside of me where it's been locked tight and threw it out into the atmosphere for her to see.

"Blaze. Please look at me." She whispers taking a step closer to me, her now cold hand resting on my arm. I shake my head keeping my eyes directed at the forest beyond the garden and tennis courts, "Please." Her voice cracks with unshed tears. The sound cuts through me, forcing me to look at her just to see her beautiful face again before I ruin it with tears.

Too late. Two wiggly lines run down her cheeks, wet and hot. My eyes fall back to the floor, bile rising in my throat.

She places her cold palms on my cheeks, wiping away some of the moisture, I realise she's shivering and I just want to sweep her into my arms. Her thumb moves backwards and forwards across my bruised cheekbone. She sniffles, red-nosed, and places a lingering kiss on the corner of my mouth where the tears flow. Warmth surges deep into my skin zapping me with every powerful reminder of every kiss we've ever shared.

"Because I love you." She whispers, stepping closer to me. She must be able to hear my heart stop.. love... she loves me? I- "I love you and everything you've just said about yourself is so untrue." She finishes, water dripping from her lashes.

I open my mouth but close it again- she loves me? "You- You love me?" I stammer, reaching out to grab her so I know she's real. Her breath clouds in front of me as I cup her face in my palms, stroking the tears from her beautiful face.

"Yes, you dummy. More than anything." I rest my forehead against hers, her vanilla scent caressing me in the cold.

"You shouldn't... I'm- I'm like my dad... like your dad..." I croak, my biggest fear surfacing. "I'm so scared of becoming my dad Butterfly." I sob, full-fledged sobs rack me, I can't breathe.

She runs her hands across my back and pulls me to her chest, cooing in the cold into my hair. She pulls back to grab my face when my breathing levels out and looks me directly in the eyes, challenge, refusal to back down.

"Blaze Beckett that is the most untrue thing I've ever heard. You are not like him and you will never be him. I know you may not believe it straight away but I do. I always have and always will. Your mom... she's just upset... she didn't mean it."

"I've tried to be better, for you and her."

"And you have, everyone can see how hard you're trying and how much you've changed. You are not what you think of yourself and if I have to say it every single day five hundred times until you believe it, I will. You opened your heart to me and let me see who hides behind that brooding and asshole mask, the boy who is afraid and lost because someone he thought he could trust abused him and planted these things in your mind. Well, guess what. I love you. And I promise I will never abuse you like that and you always keep your promise of protecting me. You're nothing like the people who planted these fears and doubts inside us. We may be well and truly fucked sometimes but we're fucked together and this is all part of learning to accept ourselves right? I accept you and you accept me but we need to accept what's within. So yeah I will repeat it every day until you bloody well believe it, Blaze Beckett. "

"Every day? You're not leaving." Her eyelashes flutter against her blushed cheeks, a ghost of a smile tugging he lips.

"I don't think I could even if I wanted to." She whispers, I wrap my arms around her tighter than ever before, afraid she's going to flit away and tell me this is a joke. "Come on," She says pulling away from me.

"Where are you going?" I panic.

"Nowhere, just inside, it's cold and you need to rest." She holds my hand and pulls me into the bedroom I destroyed. She sees me eyeing the mess, disappointment in myself washing over me. I'm a fucking wreck. 

"Hey don't worry. We'll sort it tomorrow okay?" I nod and let her guide me onto the bed, I'm too exhausted to argue. Whithered and broken. She places her hand on my chest and pushes me back down to the mattress.

"Will you stay with me?" I murmur, reaching for her hand again.

"Of course." She lies down next to me and I pull her into me, her head resting upon my chest. Her dainty fingers trace over my tattoos through my shirt and over my bare arms.

"I love you too," I whisper into her ribbon clad hair. She freezes, her fingers mid trace over a tattoo of Aprohdite- goddesses of love- I had done a while back. "I've loved you since you first fucking walked into fucking Connor. You're that ray of sunshine I needed in my life, the one I never thought I needed but now can't live without. I promise you I will do everything I can to make you happy and me deserving of you. I promise to keep you safe and always put you first. I love you Atlas Grove, my Blondie."

She looks up at me through tear-filled eyes, "I love you Blaze Beckett, my quarterback."

Our mouths connect, tounges attacking each other, passion leaking from our lips. It's gentle but harsh, slow but quick and fucking exhilarating. A reminded of every fevered moment we've spent together so far. Everything in between all mixed into one. We fall asleep with swollen lips and hearts full of love and hope.

WHO'S SHE? Double update... after an update ;))) This is kind that of in celebration of reaching 160k reads!! 😭😭😭 Thank you all so so so much!!!

I'm not sure when the next chapter will be as I'm trying to get some more chapters written and I'm focused on moving to uni in the next few weeks... I also have my driving test... send help 😳

Please hit that star! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️