A/N: I just wanted you to know, I cry for my characters too. All the time. ^^

Chapter 34: I love ___

[Xander]

He stepped out of the bakery—barefooted and thinly dressed.

I darted behind the pillar, as his voice called my name in the cold.

“Xander?” It was fragile; like a leaf fluttering in the wind.

“Xander?” The desperation in his voice hitched, and my heart ached like fuck.

My feet turned, as if drawn by some force—

My hands reached for the other part of me—

I love you, I love you I love you I LOVE—

But my mind locked them into place.

If you love him,

You’d want him to be happy.

You can’t even protect your sister.

How can you make your angel happy?

“XANDER?” He began to cry, and it was the first time I heard my angel raise his voice.

“Xander where are you?” The more he sobbed, the more I felt the sour ache in my chest turn into a shard of glass—piercing, twisting.

.

“Chocolate—“ Giselle called as she moved from our hiding position, and I quickly placed a hand over her mouth.

I’m sorry—

“Xander…” I heard him sniff, choking on his sobs, “you…stupid…idiot…meanie…”

I’m sorry—

“Mmm!” Giselle whined, her hands flapping at my face.

I’m sorry—

“Xander…

Come back…”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“You sure this is okay?” Blake asked, as Giselle and I arrived at his doorstep.

“It’s…fine,” I lied, “I should be the one asking you that.”

My captain shrugged.

“I’m fine with you crashing at my place. It’s just for a week anyway—but that wasn’t what I was referring to.”

I stopped helping Giselle out of her coat. “Huh? What do you mean?”

Blake clicked his tongue and punched my arm.

“I’m talking about that small guy—Chip? Will he be okay?”

I turned around to hide the windows to my soul, and stayed silent.

Giselle slapped my arm away as I helped her with her boots.

“Go away Xandie.”

I faked a laugh. “What, you too?”

My sister turned to face me, even though she couldn’t see where I was.

She looked at me.

“You made Chocolate Chip cry. I hate you.

I hate you Xandie,”  Giselle said softly, and I swear,

She saw me.

She saw—

Right through me.

I didn’t speak.

Yeah…I’m the worst.

It’s better if you hate me—

That way, it won’t hurt would it?

Blake’s older sister came down the stairs and said something, then she helped Giselle with her boots, and took her hand, guiding her to the room.

I felt my friend’s stare at my back, and I turned to show my face.

“Pathetic aren’t I?” I said, forcing a laugh.

He slapped my back, hard.

“Yeap. Super.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“You can sleep here,” Blake instructed while he pulled out a mattress from under his bed. “Dan came over just yesterday and used this, so it should be no problem.”

“Thanks Blake.”

My captain flicked my forehead. “No prob. You’re such a douchebag, even your sister hates you,” He laughed.

I rolled my eyes.

“Thanks for the reminder.”

“I’m still going to school for practice tomorrow,” Blake moved towards the light switch, “so just don’t wake me up while you cry.”

I punched his gut, laughing.

“Shut up asshole.”

“Says the douche. ‘Night Xander.”

“’Night.”

I couldn’t sleep—

Not with the hole in my heart.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Blake came home the next day, he looked drained.

“Woah—don’t tell me you made them do P.T three times,” I began, taking his volleyball and bag.

Blake stared at me, and he frowned.

“No.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Did something happen? Some girl finally said that you suck at banging?” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

But Blake didn’t seem to hear me.

“He’s a mess.”  

I waited.

“Who?”

“Him. And you—“ Blake snorted. “You both are a mess.”

“He came to school with red eyes, and fuck—he still had tears to cry. He asked me where you were. And when I lied, he cried. And while he was crying, he smiled. He fucking smiled and thanked me—you know how much that hurts?

You owe me everything for lying, bastard.”

Blake slammed the door in my face, but then opened it again to give me the packed dinner that he bought.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I stood outside the bakery, freezing.

Inside, out—I was freezing.

While the tips of my fingers and toes felt like they were coming off, my heart did too.

But I stood outside the closed bakery, thinking about the angel that I saw years ago—and the very same angel that lived inside my heart.

I took off the dark checkered scarf that I was wearing, and placed it on the front steps.

My finger hovered over the doorbell.

It hovered, like the coward I was.

Then I heard a voice from the inside—

The voice of an Angel.

“I-I’m going to try again—“

My feet took off in the snow, and I darted behind the wall of the alleyway beside the bakery.

Coward, the thing in my chest scolded, but the thing in my head applauded.

There was a pause after the sound of jingling bells, indicating that the door had been open.

And then his voice sounded so soft in the snow.

“Xander?”

“Xander is that you?”

“Xander? Xander?”

I felt cheated by the unintended hope in his voice, and cursed when I felt my heart respond to his warmth.

“Xan…der?” His voice got louder, and I heard his footsteps—

He stepped into the alleyway, but I was behind the bin.

“This…it’s yours…right?”

“But this—“

And he stopped.

Did he remember? I wondered.

My angel sobbed softly.

What’s this feeling?

So close yet so far?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Xander crouched behind the bin, wondering whether his angel remembered their first meeting.

Chip sat on the front steps of the family bakery, wondering which was more painful—

The fact that he didn’t remember before,

Or the fact that he remembered—

But only after Xander left.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: Before you start crying, turn the page. *hugs*