After sharing a parting hug and kiss with Xander, I headed back to the circle and then up Davie and along Pacific, my mind spinning to fight the ache in my gut. Papá would have said noble, but my body screams idiotic. Wise and demonstrates integrity. Stupid and proves – proves what?

I looked down Boathouse Mews when I got to it and shook my head. No, this'll take me past his place. Continue to Cooper's Mews, then in through the courtyard. Why does he have to live so close?

Why does he have to be so attractive? So hypnotisingly endearing? So hung? Oh, God! Why do I still warm with those thoughts?

But that's his game – entice, charm and suck in, then pass the dupes along for plucking. How many others has he done?

A short while later, as I closed the door behind me, Ruffles rubbed against my leg, purring. I bent down and picked her up, walking a finger massage back and forth through her fur as I headed to the kitchen. "At least you show genuine love." I chuckled. "Or is it only because of the dishes of milk and the petting?"

With the food dish refilled and her lapping away at the milk, I turned on my phone and settled onto a stool at the island. Nothing from Frank. Of course, not – too complex. Besides, the office closed long ago.

I'm not cut out for this undercover stuff. Too emotionally draining. Should tell Frank I'll go back to only screening. Give up hopes of a raise. Raise? Hah! Likely still not enough to cover my mortgage and living expenses without dipping into my savings.

Such slow turnover in the hospitals and clinics, particularly here where all of Canada seems to want to be. I opened my MacBook, went to the HealthMatchBC site and scanned the Vancouver and Coast listings. Still none. Then to the Frazer Valley, the same position still posted in Chilliwack. But closer in, nothing.

Stupid to commute a hundred kilometres up the valley every day – and back. Stupider still to rent up there and pay the mortgage on this. Maybe rent it out. Maybe apply for one of the Tech positions here – but that takes it away from those qualified only to that level. Aargh! Been round and round this so many times.

Not in the mood for thinking, anyway. Curl up with a bowl of mac and cheese and a glass of wine. Oh, God! The wines last night – and at lunch today. Need to find a proper job, so I can afford that level again. Need to find a proper man so I can enjoy sex like that again. Whoah! Out of there, girl. You need to forget him.

Why does he keep popping in? It's as if I've canonised the devil.

But I now understand how my demi works. Keep a man interested long enough to allow me to bond. Show interest and act as if I enjoy him, as Melissa had said.

But I hadn't acted with Xander. It was genuine interest. Enjoyable interest. Oh, God! So enjoyable. Parting my legs, I pressed a hand there. So very enjoyable.

Would it be okay to spend the night with him?

Shut up, body – that's exactly what Melissa cautioned against. Don't get sucked in by his charm.

I shook my head. Move on, girl. Accept it. We're back to mac and cheese, bag-in-a-box wine and fingers.