3rd PERSON POV

Steve left Pepper's house and decided to go to Peter's house, he had to take advantage of the fact that he left the house for the first time and didn't know when he would leave again after he came back. Peter had decided to go back to living with his aunt after everything.

May answered the door right away, she looked much older now than Steve would expect and she was a mess.

"Mr. Rogers, if I knew you were coming I would have made some coffee or organize the house" - she started picking up things.

"I didn't mean to catch you by surprise, Mrs May, I didn't know I was coming either. I came to check on Peter, if that's alright"

When Steve said that it was like her whole body was pulled down.

"Dear, I won't lie, he's not fine, but he won't accept help from anyone, his friends or even myself, I'm really worried" - She was truly hurt and desperate, cause the spider boy was everything she had.

"Would you mind if I talked to him?"

"Please do" - she said and showed the stair to Steve.

Steve knocked on the kid's door for a long time and no one answered.

"Peter, it's Steve Rogers, let me in, I won't leave till I talk to you"

Even though Peter didn't want to see anyone, he wouldn't disrespect Rogers.

He opened the door, his face was awful, he tried to hide it with a fake smile, but Steve could see through it, although he admired the kid cause he wasn't able to fake a smile even with a lot of effort.

"Can I come in?"

Parker let him in reluctant.

When Peter looked Steve in the eyes, waiting for him to say something, hoping he would have a solution for everything, Steve broke down, he was lost and desperate.

"Listen, son, you can't stop your life, Tony would kill you if he knew you were like that" - it was everything was able to say and keep it together.

"Mr. Rogers, I know you're hurt and it's ok, you have the right, you can't worry about everyone while you're the one that is hurt the most" - surprisingly the kid had more posture at the moment.

"Just promise you will try to get better, your aunt is worried and so am I"

He reluctantly caught Steve by surprise hugging him. Steve was froze at first,but let himself feel that comfort and hugged him back.

They stayed like that for a long moment in silence. When they broke away from the hug they just looked at each other and Steve left without saying anything else.

He was shook by this meeting with him and didn't know how to process that, but he didn't share a tear, actually, for 2 months.

.
3 months Later
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STEVE'S POV

"I demand to see him" - I spoke up on an avengers meeting we were having with Fury on the S.H.I.E.L.D'S base.

It has been 3 months since I've seen Tony and no one let me near him or know anything that was happening.

But again, they blocked me out, I left the meeting pissed off, I wasn't allowed to see my own boyfriend.

That was something about all that restriction, I wasn't quite buying and I would find out really soon, whatever it takes.

I took my motorcycle and just started riding without destination, I felt my chest heavy, I couldn't even see the road in front of me, finally I stopped at a cliff.

I wasn't sure what I was doing there, I wasn't sure what I was doing with my life anymore.

Suddenly a sparkly light appeared in front of me and Strange came out.

"Listen, I have to be quick, cause they're keeping a very close eye on me, there are a lot of things they are hiding from you, Steve, but now is not the time"

"What? What things? How's Tony? Please. Who is hiding?" - I was shocked and desperate.

"It's not the time, I need to go, just hang in there and be careful" - he said and left closing the portal.

I couldn't keep my mind straight, I needed to know what was happening, I needed to see him, I needed my life back, my Tony. I felt my chest getting tighter and my eyes blurry, but I took a deep breath and pushed all my feelings in again.

I am going to see Tony, whatever the cost.

...

A couple of weeks have passed and I was trying to find my way into shield's base and the best at this is Tony Stark, so I gathered a lot of information and documents he had filed and looked through all of them till I found my way in.

It opened in the first try.

"Oh my God. What are you doing here?" - Strange whispered and pulled me aside.

"I came after my boyfriend, they can't forbid me to see my Tony"

"Calm down, we'll talk and then I'll take you to him" - he said trying to calm me down cause I was a nervous wreck.

We sat down and checked to see if no one was around.

"Steve, if they find out I gave you this information, they'll kill me" 

"Trust me"

"Tony is in the cryogen chamber as you know and for him to be waken up we need to discover a stimulation and a way that he can get out of there alive and we can repair everything he need to repair in surgery"

It was a perfect plan, I wasn't following where this was going.

"That sounds great, why haven't you tried that?"

"Steve, there have been some discussions here from people that don't believe Tony will come out alive, that would prefer transforming Tony into something you're very familiar with"

"A weapon? They want to use my Tony as weapon?" - I jumped out of the chair.

"They didn't do anything to his head yet"

"Why are you in this , Strange?' - I was now walking from side to side.

"Steve, I'm here to protect him, or do you prefer to leave him alone with those psychos?"

"Please, Strange, help me out, I can beg if you want, he's everything I have"

"I'll let you see him, but fast,please"

Stephen opened the room and I ran towards the chamber.

His body was contracted, his muscles really tight, his face was covered by a mask with a tube, but was still beautiful.

My whole body was numb and I was feeling like I could faint anytime. I came closer to him and put my hand on the glass.

"Tony, I want you to know I'll not give up on you and when you wake up I'll be here waiting and we'll get married and have a normal life, I promise you, sorry I couldn't protect you" - I was crying so much already.

After months without crying, now I was just letting the emotions come to surface, the tears were covering my cheeks and I felt my eyes and chest burning. I couldn't breathe right.

"Steve, I'm sorry, you have to go now, they can't find out you were here." - Stephen pulled me to leave. - "Steve, look at me, I won't give up on him either, I'll give him back to you."

"Thank you" - I said to him.

I was so vulnerable, I wished so much it was me instead of him.

...
6 months after the incident

Natasha's POV

"Bucky, we need to do something, he's our friend"

"I know, I thought he would be a little better by now, but it just keeps getting worse" - Bucky said with his hand on his forehead.

Steve was not fine, we know he wouldn't be, but he was not sleeping well since then, not eating well, he would disappear for days without saying a word to anyone and he wasn't communicating.

Pepper had her baby, she named him Tony, it was a difficult phase for her, but she was recovering, at least she was trying, but Steve was like a ghost now, fading fast.

"Natasha, I've never seen him like that"

"He needs a distraction" - I said while thinking about something that could maybe work.

...

STEVE'S POV

It was already night and I was waiting for Natasha at a bar downtown, she texted me earlier, saying she wanted to talk to me and it was urgent.

"Scotch neat" - I said to the bartender when he looked at me.

He was probably thinking I was some junk guy, cause it was what I was looking like. This drink reminded me of him so much, I loved the smell of it.

"The smell is so good" - a woman sat down by my side at the bar smiling politely. - "Hi, I'm Nancy"

"I'm Steve" - I said indifferent, I didn't want to talk to anyone now.

She kept talking to me the whole night and I just realized it was 3 in the morning already.

"So, Steve, can you walk me home? It's kind of dangerous " - she said and I couldn't say no, cause she is a lady and you never deny protection to a lady.

I was walking by her side on the streets, looking up to the stars.

"It's really cold" - she said and I understood the message.

I took off my jacket and gave to her.

"You're true gentleman, it's a pity there are no man like you anymore"

I whispered a "thank you" and looked down embarrassed. Was he flirting with me? I didn't know how to feel and I was feeling nothing, actually.

"Well, we're here" - She said and pointed to her house.

"Do you wanna come in?" - she asked coming inconveniently close to me.

"Listen, lady, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, but I'm not interested. I'm not looking for a relationship " - I took a step back and she laughed.

I was confused.

"Who said relationship? But who doesn't need to blow off some steam? No strings attached"

Meaningless sex? That thought never crossed my mind and I wouldn't know if it would help me or anything. I was confused, organizing my thoughts and she kissed me.

I froze at first, but then I tried to see if that would work for me and the moment I kissed her back...

Oh God.

It was awful, I felt awful, like my body was expelling something it didn't belong there.

"I'm sorry, I can't, you're a very nice lady, but I don't need anyone else besides one person" - I pulled away from her and left fast.

I was feeling guilty and disgusted of myself, but at least I knew I was always right, Tony would never be replaced and if it wasn't with him, I wouldn't be with anybody else.

I got home and was walking straight to the shower when I saw Natasha and Bucky talking.

"Natasha, where were you?" - I asked.

"Sorry, honey, but hey, it's pretty late what happened?" - she asked like she knew something more.

"Nothing, why?"

"Really? Didn't meet anyone?" - she asked and smiled.

"Are you kidding me? You set me up with her? What were you thinking?" - I was pissed off.

"We were trying to help you, we are worried about you. You needed a distraction."

"DISTRACTION? What you think was going to distract me from the fact I lost the most important thing in my life? Do you think sex would make me feel better and would make me not want to die anymore?" - I spilled everything out in a harsh way and they were surprised by the way I reacted.

"Dude, you could have tried, I don't know if it should have been a man, but we thought you would at least try to relax, it's not like you would be cheating. Tony would understand, all of us need to blow some steam now and then"

"Oh my God, you guys really don't know what kind of relationship I have with Tony. I hope someday you could feel the same thing I feel with him, I don't need anybody else, but you know, thank you both, I did kiss her, but it made me feel nothing, I felt empty, this whole thing just made me be more sure I belong only to Tony, it's not about body or just attraction. He is the only person that will ever touch me or kiss me that way."

"We're sorry, Steve, we didn't mean to hurt you and we didn't know how deep it was for you guys" - Natasha looked down regretted.

My eyes were wet, cause I wouldn't stop thinking about Tony and I was letting my emotions come out to them.

"I'm sorry" - I said and tried to put myself together.

"We care about you and we're here for you" - Natasha said and hugged me.

I hugged her back.

"I appreciate the try, guys, but you don't have any idea how it feels to not need sex or this kind of touch if it isn't from this specific person. I'm not judging who needs this physical interaction,but I don't, with him I simply wanted and desired him cause it was him, but I don't feel like this for anyone, I was alone all that time after I brought back from ice cause I just felt that with Peggy and Tony, my whole life, but more with Tony, cause I'm like this, I don't feel this for anyone"

They were now getting emotional and I realized I shared too much, but it was nice to express this and reassure myself of my personality and my love for Tony.

"He'll be back, I can feel it" - Bucky said and that was the thing I wanted the most to hear.

The best help they could have gotten me was the hope that Tony was going to come back to me.

I would not rest till he was back.