WANING
THIS CHAPTER MAY HAVE STRONG CONTENT TO SENSITIVE PEOPLE

STEVE'S POV

I was crying so much my vision was blurry.

Stephen got there in one of his portals. I just said that I needed help and he had to hurry.

"Oh my God"- he yelled. He widened his eyes, his face was pure panic.

"You have to help him, please" - I said between the hiccups. I was still holding Tony in my arms like he could disappear at any moment.

"Let's go, I can't do anything here" - Stephen said, he was desperate too. - "We can send someone to clean this mess after."

He opened a portal, I picked up Tony in my arms and got in followed by Stephen. We ended up in Tony's living room.

Everyone started panicking when we arrived, but I didn't care about anyone at this point, just him.

We got him to a room and Strange got his surgeon things. I put Tony on the bed. He was pale, almost the color of the sheets.

Strange started doing his medical stuff. I saw him shaking.

"Strange, I know it's difficult, because of who it is, but I need you to focus, he needs you" - I said to him, looking into his eyes.

He took a deep breath and came back focused.

"He needs blood, Steve" - Stephen said.

"I will get it on SHIELD'S private hospital" - I said.

"How? "

"That's on me, you do your job" - I said and kissed Tony's lips before I left, they were really cold.

My head was pounding, but Tony needed me right now.

"Bruce, I need you to hack into SHIELD'S hospital so I can get in to get blood" - I said and he widened his eyes.

"But Steve..."

"NOW" - I yelled and he ran to Tony's workshop. - " Clint, I need you to go to Tony's office fast and clean that mess I'm sure you won't miss anything, take Wanda with you"

"Sure" - Clint said and left with Wanda right away.

"Pietro and Peter you come with me, I need your skills"

"Steve, you can get in trouble" - Natasha said.

"I don't care"

...

STEPHEN'S POV

Steve had just left, that was not much I could do now, just wait for the blood and monitor him, but at least he was safe.

I was trying to hold myself back, but I caught myself staring at him. He was so beautiful.

I caressed his face with the tip of my fingers, his skin was soft, I ran my fingers through his hair and leaned towards him to smell his hair. I know it was wrong, he had Steve, they love each other.

I knew I had to pull away from him, but his scent was inebriant. I lost control and pressed my lips against his, his lips were better than what I imagined, he was unconscious, I shouldn't have done this. I pulled away from him, I was feeling guilty.

I put myself together and it made me realize that I needed to get out of their ways. Steve truly loved him and he loved him back.

"I'm sorry" - I whispered to him, even if he couldn't hear it.

...

STEVE'S POV

I got the blood really fast with Pietro and Peter's help, even though Peter was really desperate due to Tony's status, we got back to the tower and I handled it to Stephen. My life was depending on that, so screw the rules.

I was still covered in Tony's blood. I sat by his side and held his hand. Why was it always him getting hurt and not me? It hurt me more to see him like that.

I couldn't stand loosing him, my chest was hurting a lot, the tears began to fall again, my eyes burning.

I felt like I was dying. I closed my eyes and drowned my face in his arm.

"Please, don't leave me. Please, I can't live without you, don't you dare leave me" - I gasped between the tears.

I felt a hand in my shoulder. I looked up, it was Stephen.

"He'll be fine, I promise, you did the right thing with the torniquete in his wrist. You saved his life, Steve" - he said looking me in the eyes. - "It wasn't so deep and it didn't hit anything that can compromise his movements"

"Steve..." - Stephen whispered.

"What?" - I asked confused.

He closed the door to make sure no one would hear.

"I don't think he tried to kill himself"- he said and I got confused.

"And what was he trying to do? Scare us?" - I was getting more confused.

"No, I think someone did this to him. Tony is not an idiot, he knows he has other more effective and honorable ways to kill himself. Also, he called you, Steve. And more important, he had already passed out when you arrived there, right? "

I nodded positively.

"By the time you got there he couldn't have lost that much blood to pass out, considering the depth of the cut. Someone knocked him down" - Stephen said and I was shocked.

He could be right, Tony had previous suicide attempts, but what Strange said made sense, especially with those boxes he's been receiving. Now I was feeling a mix of anger and fear, but the only thing that mattered now is Tony being fine, I would deal with the rest later.

"I'll leave you alone with him" - Stephen said and pattered me in the shoulder.

"Stephen" - I called him and he looked at me.- "Thank you"

I said and hugged him, he hugged me back. I could see he cared about Tony, more than I wished, but now it was not time for adversities.

He left the room and I looked at Tony, he was still pale.

"Steve, go take a shower, I'll stay with him" - Natasha said entering the room .

She was sad and scared, everyone else was.

I took a shower to get the blood off me. Of course I couldn't help but cry again, I felt my lungs burning when I tried to breath.

I got changed and went back to the room. Natasha left, I lied down by his side and rest my head on his chest, after a couple of minutes I felt his hand in my face.

I felt a wave of relief so huge that I started crying like a baby. I couldn't stop crying. I finally looked at him.

"Oh my God, you are fine"

"I'm here" - he said with a weak voice.- "I always come back to you"

I cried even more with my face buried in his chest.

"I love you so much, don't do that to me again, please. I'm not strong enough to stand loosing you or even the idea of loosing you" - I said looking into his eyes, trying to catch my breath.

"C'mon you're captain america" - he tried to cheer me up with a joke, classic Stark, always making jokes even when he's suffering.

"Tony, you don't understand, I can't live without you anymore" - I said and he understood how serious I was.

"I love you" - he said starting to cry. - "Thank you for being my strength"

We just lied there for several minutes, feeling each other's breaths.

Natasha, Clint and Thor came in to see him and Peter, Wanda and Pietro came after.

"Hi" - Stephen got in hesitant. - "I came to check on you"

"Come in" - I said to him. - "I'll prepare you a bath, be right back"

I said and kissed his lips before I left.

TONY'S POV

Stephen was examining me and taking the access off me. Steve was in good terms with him and that was good.

"Thank you for saving me" - I said and held his hand.

He looked at me with tears in his eyes.

"It's,ok" - I said and he let the tears fall.

He pressed my hand and rest his face in my arm.

"I'm sorry for everything, for being in yours and Steve's way. He really loves you, Tony" - he apologized.

"Shh, it's ok. " - I said and ran my fingers through his hair. - "I hope we can still be friends"

"Yes, of course" - he smiled at me.

Steve came in and Stephen got up fast.

"Calm down" - Steve said. - "Thanks, man and I'm sorry for the times I was rude to you"

"It's ok" - he pattered Steve's shoulder and got out.

I was still feeling really weak.

"C'mon" - Steve said and took me in his arms carefully, like I could break.

I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"This is not necessary" - I said to him with my face buried in his neck.

"Do you want to walk?"

"I said it's not necessary, I didn't say I don't want it" - I said and he laughed.

He took me upstairs to my bathroom, good thing my boyfriend was him, he could carry me around all day and wouldn't be tired.

He put me down and took my shirt off, then my pants.

"It reminds me of that time before we date, that you needed to shower with me" - I said and he smiled.

"Except now I'm not embarrassed as that night" - he said and took my underwear off. - "But like back then you still get in trouble"

I threw my arms around his neck. He hugged me and took a deep breath.

"Why?" - he asked with tears in his eyes.

"Honey, I didn't do it" - I said and he sighed in relief.

He didn't say anything just put his lips against mine softly. He started moving his lips, I stuck my tongue in his mouth, I needed to feel him. My heartbeats accelerated.

"I love you so much" - I said when I broke away from the kiss.

"Just kiss me" - he said and pulled me back.

We both had our eyes closed, he was holding me by the waist with one arm and had a hand in my face. I couldn't hold back the tears.

Steve Rogers, you don't have any idea of how much you mean to me.

He helped me take a bath and put me in bed, He sat on the bed and pulled me to lie over his chest.

"I thought about doing it ..." - I started talking, I was a little hesitant to share that, I didn't want to worry him.

"Don't say that, please. I feel like nothing. "

"I didn't do it because of you, Steve" - I took a deep breath and he kissed the top of my head. - " When I thought about doing it, you came to my mind. Before you, I had no reasons to live, but you, alone, are a good enough reason for me to live."

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Tony. Since they brought me back, I live with an emptiness inside of me, but you fill that space. I never wanted to stop living, but today when I thought I could loose you, I wished there was an easy way for me to go, I couldn't stand the thought of living without you, we haven't been together for long and yet it feels like I know you forever"

"We're meant to be, Steve. It sounds like bullshit, but it's real. And if you keep talking like that you'll have to marry me" - I joked and laughed.

I looked at him and he wasn't laughing. He just raised an eyebrow and when he saw I was confused and scared he smiled at me, I just looked away, I didn't know how to react.

Oh my dead God.

I wasn't surprised because I was scared, but because I wasn't. This image wasn't crazy or impossible for me.

We went to sleep, Steve has his arms around me like always, I feel safe like this.

STEVE'S POV

I woke up scared when I heard Tony's voice calling me, he was desperate.

"Steve, Steve, wake up, please" - he shook me.

"Hey,babe, what's going on?" - he was crying... A lot.

"Oh my God, what happened,Tony?" - I said and sat down by his side really fast.

"I don't know" - he tried to say, but his voice came out stunned.

"Hey, I'm here, I'm here" - I held him in my arms, he was crying so much he was already sobbing.

I didn't know what to do, I was just seeing him desperate, crying loud, running out of air, it was devastating for me.

"Don't cry, I'm here with you" - I said and kissed his hair, he buried his face in my chest, I was feeling my chest getting wet with his tears and he was sweating.

"What are you feeling? Talk to me" - I was trying to calm him down, but I myself wasn't calm.

"Oh my God, it hurts" - he screamed and put his head between his hands.

"What hurts?"

"Everything" - he said crying more.

My chest was hurting to see him like that. He got up and started walking around the room. He stopped and started to scratch himself in the arms, his breath was irregular.

I was terrified, but I needed to help him.

"No, don't do that" - I got up too and held him in my arms again.

I let go of him to look into his eyes, to see if I could connect with him. He looked down, I followed and he was pressing his wrist really hard.

"What is it?" - I asked desperately.

"Help me" - he looked me in the eyes, they showed nothing but desperation. - "I wanna hurt myself"

Those words hit me like a punch in the stomach.

"Why? I'm here with you, you're safe" - I hugged him again and this time he hugged me back.

I saw he was going to scratch himself again.

"Here, put all your desperation on me, punch me, scratch me, bite me, anything you want, you can relief your pain on me" - I took his hands and put on my naked chest.

He was reluctant, staring at me confused.

"It won't hurt me, honey, go ahead, let everything out" - I said to him.

He stared at me, still crying a lot, I could see he couldn't control his body, his mind. His panic attacks were horrible, but this one was scaring me.

He slid his nails slowly on my chest and looked at me, I nodded giving him permission to continue.

He started scratching harder, by the pressure I could feel that he was in too much pain.

I wish I could steal his pain for me, it would be less painful than seeing him like that.

He was punching my chest repeatedly, I was steady like a rock, he punched me a lot of times, my torso, my chest, after some time he threw himself on me, his forehead against my chest.

He started crying, trying to breath.

"I'm sorry" - he said between the hiccups, without looking at me.

"You don't need to be sorry" - Now I was crying too, I couldn't imagine the excruciating pain he feels when this happens and I feel impotent, because I don't know how to relief it for him.

"I'm sorry to be this burden for you, you're going to leave me"

"Who said that? Who said I'm leaving you?" - I held his face between my hands to look him in the eyes.

I couldn't stop crying.

"I'm just a burden for you, it's too much pressure, it's not worthy" - He said and fell on his knees.

I got on my knees too and grabbed his shoulders.

"Didn't you hear when I said I can't live without you? I meant it, Tony. You're my life now, You don't know how much it hurts to see you suffer like that, if I could I would take everything for me so you could be fine, I would give anything" - I said crying.

He has no idea how much I love him. How much I care.

"So you're not leaving me?" - he was starting to put himself together.

"I love you more than anything in this or any other world. I wouldn't leave you even if I died. Please, just promise you won't hurt yourself, can you promise me that?"

He nodded and I hugged him.

"Thank you for being here for me, you're everything I have, Steve. " - He was more calm now.

"You know you can always come to me, for everything. And please don't call yourself a burden ever again, it hurts me, I feel like I'm a terrible boyfriend. " - I looked at him and he saw how serious I was.

"Sorry"

"Do you need me to get you some water?" - I asked and he nodded positively.

I put him up and helped him lie in bed.

"I'll be right back" - I said and kissed his forehead before I left.

I went downstairs and entered the kitchen. I filled a glass of water, I felt my chest heavy, I put the glass down and the tears came automatically.

"Steve?" - I heard Natasha's voice. - "I heard something and came to check"

"Oh my God, what happened? Why are you crying? What happened to your chest?" - she said and came close.

She hugged me and I hugged her back.

"Shh it's ok" - she said caressing my hair. - " what happened, honey?"

"Tony" - I said trying to catch my breath.

"What about him? Is he ok?" - she pulled away from the hug.

"He's not, he's far from ok, Nath, he's falling apart and I don't know what to do" - I said. - "It kills me to see him suffer like that, and I can't do anything about it"

"Steve, he needs you by his side right now and that's a lot. He just needs to know he has someone to count on, to be his fortress. Can you do that for him?" - she said looking me in the eyes.

"Yes"

"You're strong, Steve" - she said and grabbed my shoulders.

"But he's my weakness, Nath, Tony is my weakness." - I was serious about this, I think I've never had a weak spot, something that could break me easily.

"You love him a lot, don't you?" - she said almost crying too.

"I do, like I've never loved someone"

"Steve, more than Peggy?" - she asked, her eyes widened.

"Yes, more than Peggy" - my own words hit me and I surprised myself with that.

"Take care of him, Steve, he's the one." - she said serious, looking me in the eyes.

She got on the top of her toes to kiss my forehead.

I put myself together, grabbed the glass of water and got back to the bedroom.

When I got in Tony was lying on his side, immobile, staring at the ceiling.

"Hey" - I called his attention and he looked at me.

I gave him the water and he drank it really quick.

"Thank you " - he said and put the glass on the nightstand.

"Tony, I love you" - I said and took him by surprise with a kiss.

A deep one, he put his hands on my face and I put mine behind his neck. Our tongues met each other and I was  dominated by that supernatural sensation I always have when I kiss him. Our lips and tongues moved in synchrony, it fit perfectly, like it was the only correct combination there was for a kiss to have.

"This kiss could be my medicine" - He said trying to catch his breath.

I smiled and kissed him once more, it was really undescribable, I know I haven't kissed a lot of people, but amongst all the sensations I felt in my life, it was one of the best, being with him, doing anything with him, was amazingly good.

We broke away from the kiss and without saying a word we just lied down, he got into my arms and I held him strongly, like I could protect him from the world.

Well, I wish!