Chapter's song: Gavin James - Nervous

I want to run behind him, to let him know that I'm an idiot, that I should have said something, that whatever he thinks is going on, it's not there, but it's like my body literally crumbles. A sharp pain bursts from inside my belly. It's so strong that I fold in pain. My legs are shaking as I make my way to the nearest thing I can lay my hands on. I manage to sit down and even though the physical pain is very strong, it's nothing compared to how I feel inside.

I love Mark; I do.

I just didn't want to hurt him, and I made it worse.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks as the pain subsides. Smoke comes out of the oven and the alarm starts off.

For fuck's sake.

Taking a deep breath, I step towards the kitchen to take out the lasagna I'd cooked. Mark's wine bottle is there, and a sob comes out of my mouth as I turn off the oven and try to spread the smoke with a kitchen towel. When the alarm finally goes off, I get my phone and dial Mark.

The phone rings once, twice, many times and he doesn't answer me. Of course. Why would he? I just broke his heart by being the most idiotic person ever.

With trembling hands, I type him a text:

I'm very sorry. Please talk to me. I can explain everything.

But of course he doesn't answer me once more.

I deserve this. I know I do.

The ache in my belly is still there, so I take a painkiller and call it a night, hoping that if I give Mark some space, he'll calm down. Right now, I'm the last person he wants to see. I know because I feel so disappointed in myself too. I manage to walk to my bed and as soon as my head touches the pillow; I hug my knees in a fetal position. I'm so tired and as I close my eyes, while still tearing up. It doesn't last long; I fall asleep a moment later.

My eyes flutter open before the sunrise. I feel weird; the cramps are still there, so I try to stand up to go to the bathroom but the moment I move, I feel that something is not right. 

My clothes feel damp. I turn on the light and my whole body freezes as I stare at my hand. 

It's bloody. 

I look down my legs and there's blood everywhere. 

My heart is going so fast that it seems as if it's about to explode. A shiver runs down my spine. I call the emergency line and I have the urge to call Mark, but I don't. 

I send Emily a text before darkness engulfs me. 

I wake up in a bright place. Too bright. The sound of beeping monitors seem quite loud, but the worst is the light. It takes me a moment to get used to it. My throat feels like sandpaper too.

"Kate?" I hear my mother's voice and my heart starts to race.

"Mom?"

"Oh my God! Sweetie, you scared the crap out of me!" Her eyes are teary before she hugs me.

"What happened?"

She pulls away squishing her eyebrows together. "You didn't know?"

"Didn't know what? Why was I bleeding?"

My mom looks away for a second before grabbing my hand. "Honey, you were pregnant."

It feels as if someone threw a bucket of ice over me. I open my mouth and then I close it. What?

"I... I was pregnant?"

Slowly, Mom nods. "You were six weeks in, sweetie."

Instinctively, I pull my hand towards my belly. I had a baby inside of me. A part of Mark in me.

"I lost it," I say in a whisper and even though I had no idea I was pregnant, I feel like an emptiness consumes me. It doesn't matter I didn't know. I still lost it, and a part of me is literally missing, a beautiful human being that Mark and I created. 

My vision distorts from the tears that pool in my eyes.

"I'm sorry," Mom adds as she caresses my cheek. Tears roll down my cheeks as she repeats, "I'm very sorry, dear."

She hugs me again and even though she's there, I've never felt so alone.

Emily comes by two hours later. The doctor has already come in and explained me that I was feeling tired and drowsy because of the pregnancy. I hear him out, but all the time he talked I could only repeat in my head that I'd lost it. 

I lost our baby. 

And now Mark didn't want to hear anything from me. As soon as my friend enters the room, my eyes train on her belly. 

That could have been me in a few months...

"How are you feeling?" she sits by my side and all I want to ask is if Marks knows I'm here.

"Like crap."

Emily sighs. "Sorry, that's a stupid question."

My mom walks over to us and pats Em on the back. "I'll leave you girls to talk while I go get something for dinner, okay?"

As soon as she leaves the room, I turn to my friend. "Does he knows?"

She bits her lip and looks down. My heart sinks. He doesn't want to hear from me. "He's hurt. You'll have to give him time."

With teary eyes, I nod. "I lost him, didn't I?" the words leave my mouth while my whole soul aches for him.

"Mark's being Mark. You know, the prick Mark that we all hate."

"He's right this time."

Em shakes her head. "He still should make an effort and act maturely for once in his life."

I say nothing about it. I screwed up.

This is all on me. 

I stare at my phone for the billionth time over the last twenty-four hours.

I want to call Kate; I want to hear her voice and I want to know that she's okay, but... I can't stand the fact that maybe her ex-boyfriend is there with her. Is he still her ex?

Whenever I close my eyes, I see him holding that stupid bouquet, telling her that he'll call her. The worst part is how incredibly guilty Kate looked. Her eyes were wide, and she was too pale.

I'd felt her off for a few days, but I thought she was stressed about her blog and not earning much money right now. Not in a million years had I thought that she'd been seeing her ex. I honestly wouldn't have thought it. Not from Kate. I had her in a pedestal and she was just playing me. No wonder she laughed at me when I mentioned marriage.

How stupid I've been.

She's in the hospital because apparently she lost a baby. I don't even know if it was mine.

The fact that she could even consider anything with that dick is beyond me. He hurt her. He cheated on her. He left her. I had been nothing but patient, kind and gentle with her. And where does that leave me? I'm still the guy she didn't want to marry.

All I know is that I don't want to see her. I feel like such a fool.

Not anymore, though.

I'm done with dating anyone.

I'm done with Kate.

She can move back in with her ex-boyfriend for all I care.

My phone rings, and for a second, my heart leaps. The first person that comes to mind is her. So much for not wanting to hear about her. Clenching my hand into a fist, I crash it against the table before answering the phone.

"What?"

I can hear my brother exhale on the other side of the line. "Get it together, Mark. Kate needs you right now."

"Does she? I was pretty sure that she's calling her ex-boyfriend! Wait. That could be me as well, right?" My tone is bitter but I don't even try to mask it.

"There's always two sides on every story, mate. You should listen to her before jumping into conclusions."

I start tapping my left foot on the floor. "I'm sorry she's in the hospital, but I don't want to see her right now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I mutter through clenched teeth, pulling my hand together, making another fist.

"It's your choice, man. I just hope you don't regret this."

I clench my jaw after rolling my eyes. "I won't. Please stay out of this."

My brother stays quiet for a moment. "I will, Mark. I promise." I nod, even though he can't see me. "Good night man."

"Bye."

We hung up and I re-read her text once more.

I won't play your game anymore, Kate.

No, Sir.

I won't play anyone's game. Not anymore. Not ever.

It's time to make new rules and play the game as I chose to.

I was going to post this tomorrow, but what the hell. I've kept you waiting for updates for too long. 

(Also, one more chapter before the Epilogue!)