Song Above: I Was Wrong

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IVY

It had been weeks since I'd spoken or even thrown a mere glance in Brody and Rose's direction. I trudged through the hallways as if I were an extra in the Walking Dead.

I felt lost.

This year had truly tested me in ways I'd never imagined possible. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I wanted to scream to whoever had dealt me these horrendous cards to give me a break.

But no one was listening, they never were.

I sat in the corner of the library, watching those around me, who seemed happy and blissfully unaware of the raining crowd of thunder that was myself in the corner.  I wondered how it had gotten to this?

Where did I go wrong?

As if by some sick joke, the answer to my question walked through the double doors. Messy brown hair, hooded eyes, and a slumped frame were all that consisted of Brody at this moment.

Whether he saw me or not, I wasn't too sure. Maybe he had but pretended like he hadn't or maybe I did truly no longer exist in his world.

As much as the latter crushed whatever pathetic excuse of a heart I had left, I knew it was for the best.

I made a promise and I needed to stick by it. I had to repeat this to myself every day in order for it to imprint my brain.

I tried to pay attention to my textbook but I couldn't help but watch as Brody walked over to the librarian. His voice was low as he spoke, low enough that I couldn't quite make out what he was saying. In response, she pointed towards a section in the library, the old school records section and I was curious as to what he was looking for.

Stop it.

You shouldn't be curious or even care what he does. It doesn't concern you anymore.

Why couldn't I just listen to myself?

I let out a low groan and ran my fingers through my hair. It was full of knots, I can't remember the last time I could be bothered to brush it. I glanced up at Brody one last time, soaking in his appearance before shaking my head and trying for the hundredth time to focus on the mumbled words in my textbook.

"Mind if I take a seat?"

I looked up from the table and attempted to hide the surprise that covered my face. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and nodded towards Ryan, who awkwardly hovered at the end of my table. He slumped into the spare seat beside me, looked around the room and then placed his hands on the table staring at them deep in thought.

I watched him for a couple of seconds, I hadn't been this close to him in a very long time. His hair had gotten longer, it almost reached his eyes and he had the beginnings of a beard growing. It was almost as if his boyhood was gone and the guy sitting beside me was now a man.

"I'd spent a lot of time thinking about what I should say to you,"

Ryan's low and husky voice drew me out of my thoughts. I watched as his mouth continued to move with his eyes not daring to look at my face.

"Most of them weren't very nice if I'm being honest," For a fraction of a second the corners of his mouth twitched upwards until his conscious mind asserts control again, "But then I realized, I shouldn't have been mad at you. It was my fault. I shouldn't have asked you to be my girlfriend when I knew all along that you liked Brody, I guess I just hoped that you would eventually like me too,"

I let Ryan's words hang as I grasped at my sweaty, nervous hands under the table and cast an uneasy glance in Brody's direction. He was sat at a table on the opposite side of the room and was engrossed in the book he was reading.

Of course, he hadn't looked at us, he didn't care. 

My mouth was almost too dry to speak. I nodded like an idiot and then croaked out, "I did like you Ryan, but I just liked-"

"Brody more," He finished my sentence and nodded in a sad acceptance.

I watched his face, the way his shoulders hunched and his teeth chewed his bottom lip.  I toyed with the idea of lying and telling him he meant more but stopped myself short.

No more lies.

"Well, I guess it sucks that we all didn't get what we wanted aye?" His an attempt to keep things light already waning.

"Yeah, I guess so," I mumbled and my eyes quickly flickered towards the one person I wanted. I held my lips in a thin line to try and conceal the hurt on my face as I glanced back to Ryan.

He finally looked up at me, his blue eyes scanning my face and he relaxed, "Chin up Ivy, It'll get better I promise,"

"I bloody hope so," I said, "It's pretty shitty when everyone has turned against you,"

"Not everyone," He corrected.

"Oh really?" I said sourly and rolled my eyes, "Then who hasn't?"

"I haven't turned against you," He said matter factly and a small smile reached his lips, "I wasn't exactly that fond of you for a while, but I never hated you, Ivy. Far from it actually,"

"Thank you,"

And I genuinely meant it.

"He's just as miserable if that helps," Ryan said and I didn't have to ask to know who he was talking about.

"Is he?" I sighed and rubbed at the sore spot in my temple. I thought to hear that he was hurting as well would make me feel better, but it just made me feel worse.

"Well he's been staying in the cabin since him and his dad aren't on great terms, and I've only seen him in passing, he's always out as well, but we aren't exactly friends right now and quite frankly I've tried to avoid him as much as I can,"

I felt a pang of guilt in my chest at his words. If it hadn't been for me they would have been friends, behaved like brothers even. I never meant to split them apart.

"Well he's probably out with his next hookup," I said bitterly and looked up when Ryan laughed.

"Far from it," He said, "I think he spends most of his time at the library,"

"The library?" I tried to hide the shock from my face.

"Yeah, he's been trying to find this book," He nodded towards where Brody was sat, "I saw him in his dads study the other day trying to look for it, I have no idea why,"

"Strange..." I trailed and snuck a glance in his direction.

What have you found Brody?

"You are playing the whole dark and broody teen to the next level," He chuckled and his change of subject didn't go unnoticed, "How many days have I seen you wear that hoodie?"

"Hey," I slapped his arm and tightened the strings around my hoodie, "This is my favourite comfort hoodie, don't knock it until you get one,"

He put his hands up, "I didn't mean to offend you, just that I thought there was a funky smell in here,"

I quickly smelt my armpits which in turn made him laugh, "I do not smell," I said, my brows creasing together and my bottom lip sticking out in a sulk.

"No you don't," He said through laughs, "I just didn't expect you to openly smell your pits,"

"I hadn't actually put this in a wash, I had to double-check it wasn't me,"

He laughed for a while and I decided I liked the sound. I much preferred it when Ryan laughed.

After a while, he stopped and his face turned suddenly serious, "I heard what Rose did, that wasn't cool what so ever. I'm sorry that happened,"

I shrugged even though the memory hurt, "It's fine, if that's what Rose needed to do, then I couldn't have stopped her,"

"Still doesn't make it okay,"

"No maybe it doesn't," I sighed, "But I was a lousy friend, I kinda deserved it,"

"You do not deserve to be-"

"Oh look what we have here,"

I felt the heat leave my body at the sound of that voice. I heard it in my dreams and yearned to hear it out loud but now I had I wished I hadn't. I forced myself to look at the end of the table and regretted it the moment my eyes met whiskey coloured ones.

Brody's face was resolutely unimpressed as he looked between me and Ryan. He had a book held tightly against his chest and I could only make out a couple of words.

Class Of 1970.

I felt Ryan tense beside me, he looked down briefly before saying, "Brody, you love to appear at the best of moments don't you?"

"You were having a moment?" He laughed in an unpleasant manner, "You could never take the hint could you man? She is never going to be interested in you,"

Ryan's body lurched forward and I flung my arm out so it spread across his chest in an attempt to stop him from making a bad choice. His body relaxed against my arm and once I was satisfied he wouldn't launch at him anytime soon I moved my arm so it was firmly by my sides.

I grinned my teeth together and looked at Brody, who had a bitter smile across his face. I had this urge to smack him down but instead, I took all the courage I had and used it to suppress my violent impulses.

"Please just go," He wanted a fight but I wouldn't give him one.

Besides what happened to never want to see me again?

That lasted, what, 5 seconds?

An emotion I wished I hadn't seen flickered across his expression before it was wiped clean as if it never existed. Hurt, "This is a library Ivy," I hated the way he said my name, "I'm entitled to be here just as much as you are,"

"Why are you making this difficult? It doesn't have to be like this," I said exhausted, tired and exasperated at this game of verbal tennis.

Every time I heard his name or saw his face it made it harder for me to keep to my promise.

"I never wanted to see yo-" His phone vibrating in his pocket stopped him short and I was glad. I didn't want to hear the end of that sentence. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, looked down at the screen and I could have sworn all the blood rushed from his face.

Without a word or mere glance in my direction, he stormed out of the library leaving us to stare at his retreating frame. Ryan looked at me in confusion and I knew I mimicked his expression.

What was that about?

"That was weird," Ryan said and I nodded in agreement.

"I wonder what was on his phone -"

The distinctive text tone on Ryan's phone went off in his pocket, he looked at me with his brows creased and pulled it out of his pocket. I moved closer so I could see the message on the screen and felt my heart lurch.

Mom:

Paul has gone missing. have alerted the school and police. I need you home now.

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