Song Above: Best You Never Had

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IVY

The light hurt, the air around me felt cold no matter how many blankets I covered myself with and I couldn't shake this dull ache I felt in the pit of my chest.

If this is what it feels like to have your heart broken I'd rather not have a heart at all.

I'd spent the last couple of days in the cocoon I had created for myself in my bed. I'd become the person I hated, the person I'd even made fun of and I was embarrassed. I'd scrolled through social media to see if I'd find that green icon saying he was online, checking Snapchat, Instagram and Facebook stories, all the while I was eating leftover pizza with The Notebook in the background. I'd checked my phone a hundred times, even hidden it in drawers and under my bed in order to stop checking but admitted defeat in the end.

I was a sorry excuse for a human being.

"Right you need to get up," My mom stormed into my room unexpectedly and pulled back my curtains. I let out a moan and shielded my eyes from the light pooling into my room.

She stood in the center dodging the piles of clothes and plates that were scattered across the carpet and crossed her arms over her chest. Her eyebrow raised as she stared at my pathetic attempt of hiding amongst the duvets.

"Ivy Evette Jones," Oh god she full named me, "You and I need to have words. You can't hide in this room forever," She grabbed hold of the end of my duvet and yanked it from me.

I frailed my legs in the air, attempting to cover myself. I wasn't naked but I might as well have been in the white t-shirt I'd stolen from Brody's. It smelled like him.

I was in the pain and guilt stage of the seven stages of grief. I'd listen to Beyonce, Pink, Mariah Carey, and many more strong independent artists on my Spotify playlist. I'd eaten gallons of Ben and Jerry's, my hair was a chaotic mess on top of my head and I don't think I'd seen the light of day until now.

She dropped the duvet to the floor, her eyes skimming over the t-shirt I was wearing and sighed.

"I knew that boy was trouble just like his father," She picked up a pile of my clothes, moved them onto the chair in the corner of my room and started to fold them, "First he gets you suspended from school," She looked directly at me in a disapproving manner, "We still need to talk about that... then he leaves you to walk home looking the way you did, I know you might not see it but this is a blessing in disguise,"

I felt a surge of annoyance flow through me. Even though Brody was not in my good books, she had no right to talk about him the way she did. She hadn't been around, this was probably the most time I'd spent with her in years and she had the audacity to try and interfere with my life.

She had lost that privilege when she stopped behaving like my mother.

"Brody isn't as bad as you are making him out to be," I didn't mean for my voice to sound abrupt but it had taken me by surprise. I shouldn't have defended him but I was weak.

She paused her folding, I could see the muscles in her back tense and she slowly turned towards me, "You are defending him?"

"I mean uh- yeah - I guess -,"

"Why would you defend a boy who has left you? Surely I have taught you to have more self-respect than that?

Ouch, that stung.

"He didn't leave me, mom, he-"

"Those Jacksons are bad news Ivy," She bristled slamming her hands on the wall, which halted me in my speech.

There was a moment of silence. We both stared at each other, mimicking the same reaction, wide-eyed and mouth agape. It was as if I were looking into a mirror.

What was wrong with her?

My mom never folded my clothes, she never asked about my personal life and she never raised her voice at me.

Why was she on edge?

"Mom..." I trailed, sitting up so my back rested against the headboard. I watched her as she let out a breath and carried on folding my clothes as if she hadn't just snapped at me.

"Hmm?" She mused, her eyes never meeting mine.

I felt my brows scrunch together, "Are you okay?"

She glanced at me, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes on her face, "I'm fine honey,"

Okay, this was weird.

Really weird in fact.

"Your father worked with Brody's mom and her best friend, what's her name? Mila or something" She finally said.

"Mona," I added, watching her closely as she spoke. I never knew that dad knew Brody's mom, let alone Mona as well.

"I didn't trust that Mona, nor did I trust Paul. I knew what they were doing, I could see it from a mile away. And then Brody's mom died, a drive-by apparently," She rolled her eyes at the last bit and then moved across the room so she could sit on the edge of my bed.

She placed a hand on my bare leg, it felt warm and clammy, "I'm trying to protect you, Ivy. That family is riddled with secrets. I do not want you to get caught up in it, look what happened to Brody's mother, I can't lose you as well,"

My heart sank to hear those words escape her lips.

I can't lose you as well.

My lower lip quivered as words slowly made their way out of my mouth"You won't lose me, mom," I placed my hand on hers and gave it a comforting squeeze.

This just fuelled my belief that Paul was the cause of his wife's death, I wanted to tell Brody, I wanted to get him the hell away from that house but I couldn't because he didn't want to listen.

And he wasn't my problem anymore. He made it very clear when he crossed the line that should have never been crossed, I needed to get a grip and accept it.

Tears filled her eyes but didn't dare betray her, "You promise you will stay away from him?"

I felt my next words dry in my mouth as if I'd taken a massive gulp of sand, I was going against my heart, but my head told me it was the right thing to do.

"I promise I will stay away from him,"

****

I slammed my locker shut, scooping my textbooks under my arms and turned on my heel to walk towards the library. It was my first day back after being suspended and I could still hear the distinctive whispers and sneers from my fellow classmates as I passed.

Despite the fact my life had gone way past the incident in the hallway, everyone here hadn't finished with their taunts and I was probably going to be the talk of the school for a little while longer.

Great.

I rolled my eyes at their attempts at being secretive and because I was stupidly too focused on the group of gossiping girls I walked into what felt like a wall but smells like a person.

A familiar person, who was doused in strawberries from their shampoo.

Double great.

I looked up from my thick lashes to find Rose stood before me. She had a less than impressed expression on her face and her hands placed firmly on her hips.

A couple of girls I'd recognized from the cheer squad stood behind her and this oddly felt like a reenactment of mean girls.

Her eyes rolled down my profile, her lips turning up in disgust and I shifted uncomfortably in my stance.

This was the first time I'd seen her and I'd be lying if I said it didn't kill me that it had come to this.

"Oh look, girls, I think I've found a rat in our halls," She said and her groupies let out a chorus of laughs that echoed throughout the halls. It took all I had not to roll my eyes.

Really Rose? Really?

"Look I don't want any trouble-"

"Of course," The sarcasm dripped from her glossed lips and she spoke loud enough so she would develop an audience, "Ivy Jones doesn't want trouble, she never wants any trouble because she's so innocent, wouldn't even hurt a fly, when in fact she's just a wolf in sheep's clothing fucking your boyfriend behind your back,"

"Dirty whore," One of her groupies spat at me.

"Yes," Rose laughed without humour, "She is a dirty whore,"

"Girls, we better watch our backs, she might come after our boys next," Another one of her groupies said, pushing her long black hair over her shoulders and giving me the stink eye.

"And which boy would that be? You seemed to have so many, I'm surprised you can keep up," I snapped back, which caused her to narrow her eyes even more.

"That's a bit hypocritical don't you think?" Rose bristled.

"Rose," I warned. I was two seconds away from losing my cool but I knew my actions had consequences and one of them was expulsion. I kept my hands firmly to my sides, my nails digging into my palm so tightly I swear I drew blood.

"Rose what?" She repeated and her eyes met mine.

For a second we stared into each other's eyes and I could see the silent battle in hers. I hoped that she would see that we were friends once, best friends and I knew her more than anyone and I knew this wasn't her. 

She was better than this.

"Please don't do this," I whispered loud enough for only her to hear.

An emotion I couldn't detect flashed across her face. Sadness? Grief? I wasn't too sure because it was gone in a matter of seconds and what followed was pure hatred.

Her hand pulled back and before I could react I felt a hard sting spread across my cheek. I instantly put a hand to the hot patch and felt my eyes water from the impact.

The hallway fell so quiet you'd be able to hear a penny drop.

I watched as Rose brought her hand back to her side, a sickening satisfaction on her face at what she had done. The anger pulsed in my chest, I had held it back as long as I could and I could no longer hang on.

I dropped my books to the floor, the loud thud vibrating through the halls and lunged forward. My fingers were inches away from grabbing a large chunk of her hair when I felt strong arms enclose around me. I struggled in their iron grip and felt myself being dragged through the crowd. I caught sight of baffled, confused and wide eyes as they watched me disappear down the hallway. A string of curses escaped my mouth.

Whoever had decided to be the hero was going to be on the receiving end of my wrath.

When we were within a safe distance from Rose, I felt the arms loosen their hold and I jumped back, opening my mouth to call them every name under the sun but found the words halting in my throat at my saviour.

A new flood of anger, a different kind, spread through me like a virus.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" I exclaimed, "I didn't need you to save me,"

Brody leant against the vacant locker, his eyes boring holes into my face. I couldn't tell what he was thinking since he kept his face hidden from any sign of emotion.

"You were about to make a huge mistake, I didn't want to watch that,"

"I don't know who you think you are, but you have no right to meddle in my business, I can stick up for myself,"

"Oh, like you were doing so well at it," He rolled his eyes, which only made me madder.

"How dare you? I was doing just fine on my own. Rose was going to get what she deserved. I'm not a damsel in distress,"

"So that's what it has come to? Fighting in the hallways? You used to be best friends Ivy,"

"Yes we did used to, emphasising on the used to. You made sure of that didn't you?"

He looked down at the floor, "I never meant for that to happen,"

I hadn't seen him since that day and I didn't know how I would react. I thought it would have killed me, I thought I would have broken down but instead, I felt this red hot anger in the pit of my stomach.

"You do not have the right to interfere with my life," I pointed aggressively in his direction, "You lost that privilege a while ago. Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone?"

His walls dissolved for only a second, but it was enough time to see the hurt in his eyes before he replaced it with a coldness that made me flinch.

"Don't worry Ivy, next time I'll let you throw your education down the drain, heck I'll even grab popcorn and watch the show as you make a fool out of yourself yet again," He barked, then let out a dry laugh "God, why did you have to come into my life and fuck everything up?"

"Come into your life?" I repeated in disbelief, "You started this whole thing, right from the beginning. You could have easily got with any girl at this school, but you decided to target me of all people and make me feel all these shitty things! Why couldn't you have just let me live on with my life? I would have been happy and I would have stayed under the radar and away from your bull shit because right now I'm fucking miserable and it's all because of you!"

His head snapped up and he fixed his stare on my face, it was so cold that it could have frozen the Pacific. I had to suck in a harsh breath to stop myself from crumbling, my shaky hands clung onto the fabric of my skirt.

I would never be able to take back what I said, whether I meant it or not but I made a promise to my mom, a promise I had to keep whether it killed me or not.

"Don't worry, you won't have to worry about my bullshit anymore,"  He snarled more than he spoke, "Whatever this thing was between us, well it's long gone. I don't want to see you ever again," He didn't let me respond as he stormed down the hallway. I watched his retreating frame, using all my strength to not run after him.

My head hung low, the pieces of my heart that were left were heavy in my chest and the sobs run from my mouth. The tears that drip from my cheeks stain the floor and I feel myself choke on the air. This heartbreak felt cold. It felt like concrete drying in my chest. There are only so many times I could break this heart but I can only hope that one day it'll heal and heal with him on the outside.

Who knew the one I loved would be my assassin.

**Cries**
Writing this gave me all the feels!
I thought I'd give you an extra long chapter as sorry for keeping you all waiting!
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