Song Above: Jorja Smith Lonely

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I lay my head against the tiles allowing myself to sink deeper into the water. I looked down at the transparency now a mixture of colours swirling around my naked frame. I lifted my hand to wipe my stray hairs from my face and watched as the steam from my skin evaporated into the air around me just like my friendship with Rose and Ryan did.

I let out a sigh.

"You okay in there?" Brody emerged in the doorway. His brown hair was dishevelled and his eyes never left my face. He wore a plain black t-shirt and joggers that hung low on his hips. 

Despite the harsh bruise on his cheek and the tiny red gash on his lip, he looked utterly beautiful.

"I'm okay," I forced a smile and he shook his head.

He walked over and sat on the toilet seat lid. He ran his fingers along my arm that rested on the edge of the bath. He focused on my skin prickling at his touch as he spoke, "Ivy, I know you well enough to know when you aren't and when you are okay. You don't need to lie to me."

I chewed on my lip, "Well, of course, I'm not okay, but I will be okay. I just need to take a breather and allow today to sink in,"

The whole school had found out about Brody and me thanks to their fight in the hallway. There was a mixture of reactions from people. It mostly consisted of sneers and sly remarks in my direction because of course, Brody would always be the king of school in their eyes.

I was just the witch who had cast a spell on their beloved soccer player. I wouldn't have expected it any other way.

We had been suspended for violence on school property. I wouldn't call throwing paint at each other violence but I didn't make the rules I just apparently break them. I couldn't risk being seen at home by my mom, she'd been weird since meeting Brody, so he let me clean up at the cabin. He said I could stay for a few days but I thought it would be better to have some distance.

Especially since I had a lot to process. Rose had blacklisted me. It was a very bizarre mixture of emotions. I knew we weren't on good terms but our arguments never lasted too long. A few weeks mostly but we'd always find our way back to each other.

But this time was different.

My best friend was no longer my best friend and I felt my heart sink to my stomach at the thought of the finality of it all. Years of friendship thrown away as if it never existed or mattered.

"Ivy," He breathed with his whiskey coloured eyes zeroing on my face, "Talk to me, I'm here for you to talk to, I promise I will not talk but just listen,"

"I just..." My lip wobbled and I had to bite it to stop the tears from escaping. I sucked in a deep breath through my nose. The words were there at the tip of my tongue but for some reason, I couldn't say them. It was like my ears didn't want to hear myself say them.

"Come here," He gushed placing a hand on my head so his fingers were entwined with my wet hair and pulled me so I leant my head on his chest.

You know when you feel like you are going to cry and you think you've got it under control until someone asks you if you are okay and then it is as if the flood gates are opened?

That's what happened to me.

He let me cry for a while despite the fact I was soaking his clothes or the fact his arm was going numb from the weight of my head. He didn't say a word.  He just let me cry. The room filled with the ragged breaths that escaped my mouth and I was shaking from the cold.

Rose was there for me when I felt most alone. When my dad passed and even my own mom couldn't stand to be around me. I've never been able to express how I feel. I wasn't very good at goodbyes.

Neither did my father and look how he turned out.

"How did this happen?" I said through sobs.

I knew why. It stared me in the face whenever I looked at a mirror. I just didn't want to admit that my self-destruction had destroyed my relationship with my best friend.

"Shhh," He murmured wiping a tear that had slid down my cheek with his thumb, "This is so painful watching you cry, I want to take the pain away,"

I looked up at his hooded eyes behind thick lashes, the way his brows frowned and his lips curled downwards.

Registering his words, I suddenly felt embarrassed. I pulled away from his chest, rubbing at my cheeks and moving my hair that had stuck to my skin. I brought my knee's to my chest and cast my eyes to my toes. The purple varnish on my nails had chipped and for a split second I thought about calling Rose to see if she wanted to go to the nail salon but then realisation dawned on me.

There was never going to be a Rose and me again.

"I stayed at Rose's the night my dad died," I said my eyes still focused on my toes. I didn't recognise my own voice, it was horse and vacant, "She stayed up with me all night, even though I didn't speak or even cry. I was just sat on her floor staring at her wall. I don't even remember falling asleep but I must have because when I woke up I was covered in blankets and I was in Rose's bed and she had slept on the floor. She didn't even have a duvet, just a thin blanket around her and one pillow. She was freezing and looked exhausted but she didn't care because she wanted me to feel safe. You may not have realised but that was the type of person Rose was, when it came to it she was there for you, no matter what."

I let out a sigh and leant my chin on my knee. I knew Brody was watching me, I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my face, "I'm sure you remember the day my dad died. It was spread around the school like a bushfire. Everyone looked at me as if I was a disease, even you did," I felt him visibly shrink at my words but I continued, "But do you remember the same day everyone mocked Rose because she walked out into the hall with her skirt tucked in her underwear? Well, she did that on purpose. She did it so everyone would stop talking, staring or judging me,"

Even saying those words out loud made my heart feel as it were being sliced open. I'd lost someone who truly cared about me. I couldn't have Rose and Brody I knew that so I had chosen Brody.

I wish it could have been different, I really did.

"I'm sorry Ivy," Brody said and the pain seeping through his voice made me look up at him.

I titled my head and scanned his face. He was staring down at me, his eyes glassy and his face drained of colour. You could see the tiredness weighing on his shoulders. I had to stop myself from reaching out and moving a stray strand of hair from his forehead.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked raising a brow.

"Because I caused this," He cursed and let out a sigh before continuing, "I should have told you sooner how I felt. God I should have told you years ago and then this wouldn't have happened. This mess wouldn't have happened and you would have Rose,"

I slowly nodded and forced a sad smile whilst hugging my knee's "This happened for a reason Brody, you shouldn't be sorry. It wasn't your fault it was mine,"

He shook his head rapidly, "Don't say that. You know that's not true,"

"Please don't try and make me feel better. You had no loyalty to Rose after what she did to you but I did."

"No it wasn't-"

I cut him a sharp look, "Brody, it was me. I knew what I was doing with you was wrong and I still did it. I'm the one to blame. I jumped into bed with you the minute you broke up with Rose. I should have waited, we should have waited. For all Rose's faults she would never do that to me. I don't deserve her friendship,"

And I didn't deserve him.

Just like the world didn't deserve my dad.

Not 100% happy with this scene. Probs go back and change it. Just wanted to give you guys some emotional insight into Ivy.

Also sorry for the delay in update! I'm so busy over the christmas period with work and events! And if I'm honest I've had a few negative comments and feedback about this story which has disheartened me a bit and has not made me want to update as much.

But I will try and update as much as I can for the people who seem to care about this story

Love D
Xxx