Song Above: Cadet, Deno Advice

R.I.P Cadet ❤️😇🌹

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I pulled the hoody strings tight around my shoulders and rummaged through the cupboards.

Raisons? Nope.

Dried mango? No way.

I leaned forward on my tiptoes with my head practically in the fridge as I tried to find something that was not healthy and would appease my junk food cravings. I let out a noise in triumph when I found a packet of hot pockets hidden behind the milk.

My mom's secret stash.

As much as she preached about balanced diets and fitness lifestyle's even she cracked under the sweet pressure of saturated foods.

I pulled a packet out of the box and skipped towards the microwave. I was just about to open the door when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I let out a groan, I was so close but so far away and pulled the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I tried to sound enthusiastic.

"Ivy," Rose's exasperated voice breathed through the phone, "I have a dilemma and I need your help,"

"What is it?" I leant against the counter and balanced the phone on my shoulder. I pulled the hot pocket out of the packaging.  If it was about which condom, she should use I was going to hang up.

"My date with Brody is today and I need help with what underwear I should wear,"

My hot pocket slipped through my fingers and dropped to the floor.

I slowly looked down at the splattered tomato sauce and cheese. It was a visual representation of how I felt inside.

There was a moment before I responded, "Why does it matter what underwear you wear?"

"Because he's going to see it afterwards duh," She said it as if it was the most obvious answer. I felt my stomach twist.

She continued into a frenzy of verbal diarrhoea, "So do you think hot pink? Or is that too in your face? Or maybe red but then that might seem a bit slutty. How about a dark purple? That's your favourite colour-"

"My favourite colour is Lilac you should know-"

"But light blue would look so good on me, don't you think?"

"I don't know-"

"Black would be quite sexy but not too sexy but then a pale yellow is quite the sweet girl look-"

"Rose seriously, I do not give a fuck about what underwear you are planning on wearing," I let out the breath I had been holding as I rubbed aggressively at my temple, trying to ease the tension that had built up.

The last hot pocket in the packet had suffered a deadly fate, I was cranky and the last thing I wanted to hear was how she was going to try to seduce Brody.

How her parents allowed her to use the phone, I do not know. Their bill must be soaring.

I thought after spending hours with her at Victoria Secret she would have chosen an outfit by now. But as soon as the boys had left, we were back to square one.

I had been too preoccupied to realise that Rose's date with Brody was tonight. The night I had been secretly dreading for a while. Not just because I had to be on hand for Rose to talk at but because there is talking about something and then there is it happening.

I did not know how I would feel. Even though we were never anything more than enemies with benefits it is still strange to think your best friend is dating the guy you slept with.

I did not know why I felt that way. I could not quite pinpoint my reasonings. Maybe it was because Rose was stealing my one form of release. Maybe it was not to do with Brody himself but more to do with the fact that Rose always seemed to get what she wanted, and I did not.

Whatever it was I knew for sure It could not be that I had feelings for Brody.

After all, I hated him, didn't I?

"You don't need to be so grouchy I need your help," Her voice resembled a whiny child and I had to resist the urge to hang up.

"I'm sorry but there are some things I don't need to know" - meaning I did not want or need to know the details of how she planned to seduce him. It made me feel nauseous to have the image of them bumping uglies in my mind.

"Well you are being moody so I'm going to ask my little sister for help," When I heard the phone cut off, I let out a sigh of relief. It was verging on painful having to listen to her repeat the same sentence repeatedly.

I know I should have been happy for her.

But I was not.

A moment had passed, and I looked down at the deflated hot pocket. I crouched down and picked it up. "I'm sorry friend," I mumbled as I threw it in the trash.

I walked towards the fridge in the hope of finding some more food and the first thing I noticed was a pink post-it note.

Hey, hunnie. I am going to be away this weekend. Meditation retreat. I left a twenty on the side for some food. Mom. See you soon xx

I snorted out loud.

Meditation retreat? More like sex retreat with a Spanish man half her age.

I pulled the fridge open and died inside at the lack of contents. She could have at least restocked the fridge instead of leaving me with tasteless salads and milk. Starving to death was not the way I had intended on dying. A jug full of creamy liquid that was at the back of the fridge caught my attention and I pulled it out, examining the label that said 'Pina Colada'.

I shrugged before pouring myself a glass. I knew it was one of my Mom's concoctions and would most likely give me liver damage, but I did not care. If I was to have a weekend full of loneliness, then alcohol could be my friend.

I brought the glass to my lips and chugged the contents, scrunching my face up at how sickly sweet the taste was. It was a mixture of coconut cream, a generous portion of rum, and pineapple juice.

Surprisingly, I could not taste the alcohol, which was very deadly.

Deciding it was bearable and less likely to kill me I poured another. After five glasses I started to feel the familiar buzz in my chest and felt heat radiate from my skin. I struggled to keep my balance as I made my way into the living room. I felt as if I was having some out of body experience. My legs weren't moving in the direction I told them, and my head was lopsided, or it felt as if it was.

I found my stereo and after several attempts, I managed to connect my Spotify. I played the first song I could see and as I danced, I felt the earth rocking beneath me and my mind drifting in and out like the tide. 

I grabbed my glass, misjudging the distance from my mouth to the glass and poured the liquid onto my clothes.

"Oh dammit," I mumbled, "I guess I'll have to take this off,"

I struggled to pull my sticky soaked hoodie over my head and almost became tangled in the material. I fell onto the nearest object, which thank god was the couch. I pulled the rest of my clothes off and chucked them onto the floor. I let out a sigh in relief from no longer feeling restricted by clothing. I lazily grabbed the television remote and turned on the first channel I could find.

Fault In Our Stars played on the screen.

I could not remember how much time had passed, but I ended up shouting, cursing, and crying at the television. Augustus and Hazel would never have their happy ending. I was distraught. I dramatically fell to the carpet and squished my face against the floor.

"It's not fair," I cried.

Why does love always to have to end in heartbreak?

First my hot pocket, now this.

I needed a drink.

I managed to pull myself off the floor and grab my glass of Pina Colada. I needed the sweet taste of coconuts to get me through this tragedy. I gulped the contents and smiled in satisfaction.

"Look at me," I said to no one in particular, "I don't need anyone. I am having fun by myself. I bet Rose and Brody are having an awful time on their date – "

I paused.

Rose and Brody were on a date?

But we did the horizontal tango? Were they going to do the horizontal tango? Why does my mind keep saying horizontal tango?

I shook my head so rapidly that I saw stars. I should not be thinking about that. I was having a party and they were not invited. I got off my feet, my legs swaying on the spot and my head feeling as if I was on a turbulent plane.

Should I text him?

Wait why did I need to text him?

We did the horizontal tango that is why.

Stop saying that.

I held onto my head. My thoughts were a jumbled, drunken mess and I could not rationalise them. All I knew was that I needed to text someone... Why? I was not too sure. My phone was in my hand in a matter of seconds. Where did come from? Did I have it this whole time?

I opened my phone after a few failed attempts at face recognition and clicked on the icon I thought I needed. As if I were possessed by some unknown force I began to type away. The predictive text being the bitch it always was.

Hi. I just thought I would massage you. Even though you are a good duck, smell nice and are a great kisser I wanted to tell you that I hate you.  And your head is massive. Bye.

I read out my text before sending it, giggling at how much of a genius I was. I sat back in satisfaction and sipped my drink with my pinkie sticking out.

Time moved fast in drunken Ivy world and before I knew it, I was outside. My head spun rapidly as I stared up at the stars floating in the dark sky. Each one having their own purpose and story. I shivered against the wet grass and wrapped my arms around my bare skin to keep my warmth. Just as I felt my heavy lids flutter close, I was suddenly no longer against the dirt but instead snuggling up into a warm chest. I brought all my strength to open my eyes to see the dark shadow of Ryan's features.

"What are you doing here?" I mumbled already feeling sleep take over.

Before I allowed the blackness to consume my body, I heard his husky voice whisper "You text me,"

I woke up covered from head to toe in blankets, still feeling the alcohol surging in my veins. The sight of my surroundings caused me to jerk upwards and I held onto my forehead to ease the sudden throbbing sensation consuming my head.

I groaned cursing vigorously for drinking so much. I scanned the room I was placed in, seeing it was a large square-based room with dark green painted walls that had sports posters scattered across them. I was currently laying in a double bed and when I glanced to look at the clock on the table beside me a picture in its frame caused my breath to hitch in my throat.

I was in Brody's room.

Confusion and shock plastered across my face and I desperately tried to wrack my brain as to why I was here. The last memory that came to me was drinking that rancid Pina Colada and believing I was a contestant on X-Factor. I shook my head rapidly annoyed for my lack of recollection of my previous actions and because I was so stupid.

Damn you alcohol.

Looking for answers, I quickly jumped out of the bed and felt a cold breeze waft over my legs. I glanced down and freeze at the fact I was only wearing a grey t-shirt that barely reached mid-thigh.

Oh no we did not, did we?

I let out a loud frustrated sigh and searched the room for any indication that Brody had recently been in here. If we had slept together, I would cut his dick off. I was/still very intoxicated and it's not cool of Brody to use that to his advantage.

Also, how the hell did I stumble here?

The realisation I was alone in his room brought evil thoughts to my mind and without thinking twice about it, I decided to search for anything I could get my hands on.

Ideally snacks.

Now everyone knows people hide snacks in all sorts of places. That late-night urge to raid the fridge has to be satisfied some way or another.

And taking Brody's source of delicious treats would be like a bullet to the chest.

I began to embark on my adventure, I checked his draws, his wardrobe, his shoeboxes and anywhere I could think of.

I struck gold when I opened a metal box on his dresser that contained Oreos and Reece's buttercups. I imagined a light shining on my discovery and angels singing in the background.

I unravelled the wrapper feverous like Augustus Gloop in the chocolate factory and was just about to shove the chocolate in my mouth when the door swung open. I froze staring wide-eyed at a shocked Brody. He was wearing a light brown dress shirt and jeans. The realisation that he had just got back from his date crossed over me.

Yay, we had not slept together but oh shit he caught me red-handed with the buttercups.

"Hi" I smiled sheepishly slowly putting the chocolate down and raising my hands up as if he were a cop who had just pulled me over.

I gulped, the look he was giving me right now was deadly.

"What the hell are you-" I did not let him finish his sentence as I tried to quickly make a mad dash past him. If I stayed in that room any longer, I would lose my life and it would be for nothing since I didn't even get a chance to eat the damn chocolate.

"I don't think so," He growled wrapping a strong arm around my waist preventing me from passing. I struggled in his grasp and kicked his leg causing him to buckle over pulling me down with him. He landed on top of me and I let out a shrill scream, but he silenced me by placing his beefy hand over my mouth.

He continued to straddle my waist pinning me to the wooden floor and I struggled against his weight. Realising it was no use in fighting back I stopped protesting and looked up into his brown eyes, which held a mixture of annoyance and amusement in its iris.

"Are you going to stop?" He breathed his sweet scent wafting in my direction. I quickly nodded my head in response, my brain suddenly feeling frazzled from his proximity and maybe because of the amount of alcohol I had consumed.

I blamed my Mother.

Satisfied with my reply he slowly removed his hand and placed his palm beside my head to hold his weight above me.

"Why are you in only Ryan's t-shirt and are you going to tell me why you were eating my god damn chocolate?"

"It's all an illusion," Was my only response which caused him to scoff and shake his head.

"Did you guys sleep together?" His voice was short and cutting even I flinched a little.

"No, we didn't you idiot," I exclaimed, and He let out the breath he had been holding.

"Then you are one crazy bitch-"

I do not know why I did it.

Maybe because of the way he looked at me, or because of the alcohol still in my system.

I kissed Brody Jackson and he kissed me back.

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