⠀⠀⠀𝟏𝟐. i've never . . .
❛ Everything you say to me takes me one step to the edge and I'm about to break. I need a little room to breathe. ❜
SEASON 4, EPISODE 12
still
━━━━━━ October 17, 2011
CAL, BETH, AND DARYL had been outrunning a horde of biters for what felt like days. They were exhausted and hungry when they found an abandoned car on the side of the road. It was light gray and majorly damaged, with the driver's door missing and the trunk unable to latch close. Despite that, they climbed into the back and tied the trunk shut as they waited out the night.
⠀⠀⠀They didn't sleep, didn't eat, and hardly even moved as they waited with their weapons for anything. A storm passed, making it harder to hear, but they could see the shadows through the crack. Cal practically swallowed Beth in his arms, with Daryl sitting opposite them so they could all fit. She seemed to appreciate the comfort, anyways.
⠀⠀⠀By morning, the walkers were gone, and Beth leaned over Daryl's legs to open the trunk. She stepped out first, followed by Daryl, then Cal. They collected scraps off the car they could use and then headed down the road.
⠀⠀⠀They found camp later in the day. Cal stayed with Beth to set it up as she tended to the fire while he strung up tire caps as an alert system. Daryl went off into the woods to hunt for food and claimed he'd do better alone. Neither argued.
⠀⠀⠀When he returned, there was a dead rattlesnake in his hands. He skinned it before cooking, and each got a large piece. There was barely any flavor, but Daryl commented that it tasted somewhat like a frog.
⠀⠀⠀"I need a drink," Beth said.
⠀⠀⠀She finished picking around her snake and stared pointedly at Daryl. He hardly paused eating as he tossed their soda bottle filled with water at her.
⠀⠀⠀"No, I mean a real drink. As in alcohol. I've never had one 'cause of my dad. But he's not exactly around anymore, so..." Beth paused, but Daryl was consumed with his snake. "I thought we could go find some." She waited again. Her eyes widened, incredulous, then glanced at Cal. He shrugged. "Okay. Well, enjoy your snake jerky."
⠀⠀⠀Beth stood and grabbed her knife as she headed into the woods. Cal sighed, setting his snake on the ground, and followed her. Daryl hardly noticed their absence. It was starting to get irritating how much he dismissed them as useless.
⠀⠀⠀"Beth!" Cal called as he spotted her blonde ponytail between green leaves.
⠀⠀⠀"I'm not goin' back," she said dismissively.
⠀⠀⠀"That's fine, but I'd rather you're not out on your own," Cal said with a slim smile. Beth returned it.
⠀⠀⠀"At least you seem to want me around," Beth muttered, rolling her eyes.
⠀⠀⠀"Same goes for me," Cal assured her. "He's already told me as such."
⠀⠀⠀"When?" Beth asked, raising her brow. They'd been together for days, and she hadn't heard them talk for more than a few sentences.
⠀⠀⠀"Back when we went to Peach Tree."
⠀⠀⠀"He probably didn't mean it," Beth tried to say, but both knew Daryl wasn't that type of guy. He meant every word he said, even if he later regretted it.
⠀⠀⠀"He did," Cal said with a laugh. "He's protective of Bianca. I get it, but we're on our own now. We need to trust each other."
⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, Daryl's big on trust," Beth scoffed. "I remember back on our farm, he went out on his own to look for Carol's little girl because he didn't trust anyone to find her. Ended up getting shot in the head by Andrea."
⠀⠀⠀"Oh, God. Why?"
⠀⠀⠀"Thought he was a walker. Felt really guilty afterward, but that just made Daryl angrier."
⠀⠀⠀The trees rustled around them, halting their conversation, as four walkers appeared. Cal and Beth hid behind trees. Cal pulled out his knife, as did Beth, and they waited for them to get closer. Beth leaned down and grabbed a rock. She tossed it away from them. Three broke off to follow the noise while one continued towards them. Cal raised his hand at Beth to wait. The walker's trail curved toward the other three walkers and headed away.
⠀⠀⠀A twig snapped, surprising them as they turned to find Daryl. He scowled without a word and led them back into the woods. If he had heard their conversation, he didn't make it known.
⠀⠀⠀"I think we made it away. I'm pretty sure we gotta go that way to find the booze," Beth claimed just as her shins met the tire caps making them clang. "What the hell? You brought us back! I'm not staying in this suck-ass camp." Beth threw her middle finger at Daryl and turned on her heel to leave.
⠀⠀⠀"Hey!" Daryl shouted, grabbing her by the arm. "You had your fun."
⠀⠀⠀"Let go of her," Cal snapped at him. He stormed over and stood between the two.
⠀⠀⠀"What the hell is wrong with you?" Beth snapped at Daryl. "Do you feel anythin'? Yeah, you think everything's screwed. I guess that's a feeling. So you wanna spend the rest of your life staring into a fire and eating mud snakes? Screw that. We might as well do somethin'. I can take care of myself, and I'm gonna get a damn drink."
⠀⠀⠀Beth stormed off, and Cal trailed behind her, not wanting to be left alone with Daryl. If he was anything like Bianca, there was a rage inside him that only grew worse. He'd seen a sliver of it on the roof with Bob, but Cal had heard stories of him from their first camp. Where he was quick to fight and angry, running around with his brother.
⠀⠀⠀Cal fell into step beside Beth and smiled.
⠀⠀⠀"I know you can take care of yourself, but mind if I join you?" Cal asked.
⠀⠀⠀"Sure," Beth said and shrugged. "You were in college before this. You drank a lot?"
⠀⠀⠀"Every other weekend, sure. Doesn't mean I have good taste," Cal laughed.
⠀⠀⠀Beth cracked a genuine smile at that.
⠀⠀⠀"I'm sure that's not true," Beth said. "Even if it was, how would I know? I've never had anythin'."
⠀⠀⠀"You still have taste buds. I think you'd know."
⠀⠀⠀A few miles further and Daryl caught up to them. There was a break in the trees, and they found themselves on the edge of a golf course. Still, a twenty-minute walk away was the storefront.
⠀⠀⠀Beth turned to them and asked, "Golfers like to booze it up, right?"
⠀⠀⠀"Like a biter likes flesh."
⠀⠀⠀Growls emitted from a good distance away as a horde of biters headed for them.
⠀⠀⠀"Come on," Beth called.
⠀⠀⠀They went to the front doors and tried to look inside the dark building.
⠀⠀⠀"Might be people inside," Beth said.
⠀⠀⠀Thunder rumbled, and they decided to take their chances. Beth stepped over a body as she tried to open the doors. They wouldn't budge as she tried shaking them. Daryl checked the dead man for any weapons they could use, but he was clean. Cal watched the course as the walkers gained mileage and waited for any surprises that might come their way.
⠀⠀⠀With the front doors locked, they moved around the side of the building. Daryl found a metal golf club to hold the door in place. They moved around to the side of the building and opened a door there. Daryl checked inside before nodding them in.
⠀⠀⠀Pillows and blankets made up most of the flooring with clothesline marking territory. The windows were covered in pieces of newspaper, and the walkers grew closer. Daryl found a flashlight and pointed it toward Beth and Cal. Then, as he moved the light over the room, they noticed even more bodies with their brains blown out.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl found a bag filled with money and gold jewelry. He stuffed it all back in and swung it over his shoulder. Beth and Cal watched him in confusion.
⠀⠀⠀"Why are you keepin' all that stuff?" she asked.
⠀⠀⠀He didn't answer, wouldn't answer even if the doors didn't spring to life with the biters stalking them. Daryl nodded for them to run through the next set of doors and further themselves into the country club.
THEY RAN THROUGH THE country club, past dozens of rooms, and stopped inside a gift shop. Beth changed into a clean yellow shirt and white cardigan. Cal found a blue button-up that fit well enough. Daryl stayed in his sleeveless top and leather jacket.
⠀⠀⠀A biter top half rested on a pair of mannequin legs with the words 'rich bitch' written on a sheet of paper pinned to her chest. It disturbed Beth, and she asked them to help take it down. Daryl was still in a mood and told her no. However, he reluctantly draped a sheet over the woman once Beth tried taking the biter down.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl handed out jerky to soothe their grumbling stomachs before they kept moving.
⠀⠀⠀The hall they came from had a glass case slammed against the wall with glass shards lining the floor. A grandfather clock leaned sideways, but Daryl picked it up and placed it upright. However, not long after they kept moving, the clock began to chime.
⠀⠀⠀Beth, Cal, and Daryl ran to the next open exit as the biters followed the sound of the clock. They entered a room but stopped to clear out some of the biters. Beth stood at the far side of the room. Daryl pulled his crossbow out to shoot a biter as it entered. Cal picked up a gold club from the floor and slammed it into another. They blazed through a dozen walkers until there was all but one.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl raised his hand at Cal, calling the biter for himself. He picked up a club and smacked the handle into the walker, and it fell to the ground. A slight whistling noise irritated Cal's ears as Daryl continued to slam his club into it. Anger overwhelmed him. Then, Daryl swung into the biter's face, slinging blood all over Beth and her new clothes.
⠀⠀⠀They moved on from the room without a word. Beth removed her stained cardigan and tossed it on the ground behind her.
⠀⠀⠀The three turned a corner and entered a large dining hall. There was hardly any light despite the many windows covered in newspaper. There were at least twenty oak tables with upholstered chairs sat at them. Every liquor bottle was either empty or shattered, with a hundred wine bottles strewn across the tables, clothes, and counters. Whoever was there before decided to go out with a bang.
⠀⠀⠀"We made it," Beth said softly. She turned to the two of them. She smiled at Cal with accomplishment and then looked at Daryl. "I know you think this is stupid. And it probably is. But I don't care. All I wanted to do today was lay down and cry, but we don't get to do that. So beat up on walkers if that makes you feel better. I need to do this."
⠀⠀⠀Beth stepped into the room first. Cal followed after her and helped search the bar. Daryl went around the room and desperately looked for something else. Beth found a bottle, turning to Cal to cheer in her victory when a glass shattered. The two turned to Daryl as he peeled a sheet of paper from its frame.
⠀⠀⠀"Did you have to break the glass?" Beth asked.
⠀⠀⠀"No," he answered. "You have your drink yet?"
⠀⠀⠀"No, but I found this," Beth said. She walked around the bar with the bottle in her hand. "Peach schnapps. Is it good?"
⠀⠀⠀"No," Daryl said bluntly.
⠀⠀⠀"It's 34 proof," Cal retorted with an annoyed smile. "It'll do the job."
⠀⠀⠀Beth returned his smile and started looking for a glass to use. She found nothing in her vicinity clean, shrugged, and asked, "Who needs a glass?"
⠀⠀⠀Daryl had moved on to using the faces of the country club as a dart board while Beth reached for the bottle. Her hand rested over the top, ready to unscrew it, then froze.
⠀⠀⠀Cal's brows furrowed together, and worriedly, he asked, "Beth?"
⠀⠀⠀Beth sobbed like she had beside the body. She was all but frozen except for where the tears traced down her face. She looked close to losing it when Daryl stormed over. He pulled the bottle from her hand and threw it against the floor.
⠀⠀⠀"Ain't gonna have your first drink be no damned peach schnapps," Daryl said before either could react. He walked over to the door and opened it. "C'mon."
"A MOTORCYCLE MECHANIC," BETH said as they walked through the woods. It had been quiet for a while, so her words surprised the two men.
⠀⠀⠀"Huh?" Daryl asked.
⠀⠀⠀"That's my guess. For what you were doin' before the turn. Did Zack ever guess that one?" Beth asked.
⠀⠀⠀"It don't matter," Daryl told her. "Hasn't mattered for a long time."
⠀⠀⠀"It's just what people talk about, y'know, to feel normal."
⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, well, that never felt normal to me."
⠀⠀⠀"What about you, Cal? I know you were goin' to college, but what for?" Beth asked. She wouldn't let Daryl's mood affect her, and Cal had entertained her notions before.
⠀⠀⠀"No guesses?" Cal asked, raising a brow.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl started to walk faster to keep a few paces ahead and not feel so involved in their meaningless conversation.
⠀⠀⠀"Ummmm..." Beth hummed. She tapped her finger against her chin and momentarily looked up at the trees. "Were you in the same classes as Bianca?"
⠀⠀⠀"Are we playin' twenty questions now?" Cal asked, laughing.
⠀⠀⠀"That sounds fun! Yeah," Beth exclaimed.
⠀⠀⠀"Alright, no, we weren't."
⠀⠀⠀"How'd you meet?" Beth asked, raising a brow.
⠀⠀⠀"I thought this game was yes or no," Cal retorted.
⠀⠀⠀"Just answer the question."
⠀⠀⠀Cal chuckled. "I saw her lyin' down in the grass staring' at the sky and I thought to myself 'that's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.' So I decided to lie down next to her."
⠀⠀⠀"And that worked?" Beth balked. "She didn't find the creepy?"
⠀⠀⠀"No, in fact, she found it charming," Cal bit back with a smile between grit teeth. "Now, come on, you're cold."
⠀⠀⠀"So, not anything to do with engineering," Beth mused. "Does that discount math and science, then?"
⠀⠀⠀"Yes."
⠀⠀⠀"Alright, so history?"
⠀⠀⠀"You're very close."
⠀⠀⠀"I have to narrow it down from that! But there's so much history!"
⠀⠀⠀"Well, I'll say it doesn't have so much to do with war and colonization," Cal explained with a knowing grin.
⠀⠀⠀Beth rolled it over in her mind, unsure. She mouthed things to herself, shook her head, and gave a few more answers before finally raising her arms and saying, "I give up!"
⠀⠀⠀"Want me to tell you?" Cal asked, teasing.
⠀⠀⠀"Yes."
⠀⠀⠀"Are you sure?"
⠀⠀⠀"Just tell me!"
⠀⠀⠀"Fine. I was majoring in art history."
⠀⠀⠀"Is that even a thing?"
⠀⠀⠀Cal turned to her with wide eyes and his mouth agape. How could she even say that to him? After all the time and dedication he put into his degree (that he never ended up receiving).
⠀⠀⠀"Yes, it is," he hissed at her. "It's not the most useful, but I wanted to be a curator for a museum."
⠀⠀⠀"A what?" Beth asked, furrowing her brows.
⠀⠀⠀"Someone who picks out the exhibits," Cal explained.
⠀⠀⠀"Oh, is that what the guy did in Night at the Museum?"
⠀⠀⠀Cal felt like his eye was twitching and his head would explode. "What? Have you ever seen that movie?"
⠀⠀⠀"What?!"
⠀⠀⠀"He's a security guard!"
⠀⠀⠀"Oh, that actually makes more sense," she muttered. Her eyes darted up to his. "Have you thought about being a security guard instead?"
⠀⠀⠀"Hm, not really. I like the idea of becoming a hermit out in the woods," Cal said as he ran his hand over their surroundings.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl led them into a break in the trees, quieting their conversation. Ahead was a run-down house in the middle of a clearing.
⠀⠀⠀"Found this place with Michonne," Daryl said.
⠀⠀⠀"I was expecting a liquor store," Beth admitted.
⠀⠀⠀"Nah, this is better."
⠀⠀⠀Daryl led them to a shed, where he pushed through some boxes before he eventually found a crate of mason jars.
⠀⠀⠀"What's that?" Beth asked.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl pushed the crate into Cal's arms and looked at Beth as he said, "Moonshine."
⠀⠀⠀He led them inside next and opened the door with his crossbow ready. The house was still and quiet as they entered. Daryl walked to the opposite end of the house and opened a door to check for anything hiding inside. Cal set the crate on a card table and then looked around the house.
⠀⠀⠀It was an absolute dump. There were newspaper pages thrown all over the floor, hiding the light red carpet underneath. Dishes piled up in the sink and onto the counter. The walls looked ready to cave in, and a small TV sat across from a beat-up recliner. It was dingy and smelled of musk, cigarettes, and booze, but it was better than them sitting out in the open.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl returned to the table, blew the dust out of a cup, and set it in front of Beth. She sat down at the table as he poured the moonshine for her.
⠀⠀⠀"Alright. That's a real first drink right there," Daryl said. They watched her curiously as she hesitated to take her first sip. "What's the matter?"
⠀⠀⠀"Nothin'. It's just... my dad always said bad moonshine can make you go blind," Beth explained.
⠀⠀⠀"Ain't nothin' worth seein' out there anymore, anyway."
⠀⠀⠀Cal smiled at Beth and took the moonshine jar. He raised the glass to Beth, and they toasted. Beth smiled brighter as she had someone to share her first drink with. Their faces screwed up at the striking face. Cal realized he hadn't had moonshine before.
⠀⠀⠀"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted," Beth coughed.
⠀⠀⠀"You've never had Bud Light, then," Cal retorted. Daryl gave him a look. "What? You know it tastes like piss."
⠀⠀⠀Beth took another sip and finished it in one gulp.
⠀⠀⠀"Second round's better," she told them.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl chuckled as she reached for more.
⠀⠀⠀"Slow down," Daryl told her.
⠀⠀⠀"This one's for you."
⠀⠀⠀"Nah, I'm good."
⠀⠀⠀"Why?"
⠀⠀⠀"Someone's gotta keep watch."
⠀⠀⠀"So, what, you're like my chaperone now?"
⠀⠀⠀"Just drink lots of water," Daryl told them, walking off.
⠀⠀⠀"Yes, Mr. Dixon," Beth chided back.
⠀⠀⠀"I've never had a chaperone while drinking before," Cal said, laughing.
CAL WASN'T INTOXICATED TO the point of being useless, so he helped Daryl board the windows. Beth tidied up the room a little so they could feel more comfortable. It was a weird pleasantness that surrounded them and made them escape from the outside world. They were alone, and it was quiet. The type of quiet that sang of nature and comforted them in her warmth.
⠀⠀⠀Cal held the board while Daryl nailed it into the window as Beth started chuckling.
⠀⠀⠀"Who'd go into a store and walk out with this?" she asked. Beth pulled out a ceramic bright pink bra filled to the brim with cigarette buds. Cal snorted at the sight of it.
⠀⠀⠀"My dad, that's who," Daryl said. When Beth's face fell, Daryl was quick to recover. "Oh, he's a dumbass. He'd set those up on top of the TV set. Use them as target practice."
⠀⠀⠀"He shot things inside your house?" Beth asked, a frown playing on her lips.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl took a long look at her, then said, "It was just a bunch of junk anyway. That's how I knew what this place was. That shed out there, my dad had a place just like this. You got your dumpster chair. That's for sittin' in. And your drawers all summer drinkin'. Got your fancy buckets. That's for spittin' chaw in after your old lady tells you to stop smokin'." He picked up a piece of newspaper to show her. "You got your internet."
⠀⠀⠀Outside, a walker started to growl. Daryl raised his hand for them to both be quiet.
⠀⠀⠀"It's just one of 'em," Daryl said.
⠀⠀⠀"Should we get it?" Beth asked.
⠀⠀⠀"If he keeps makin' too much noise, yeah."
⠀⠀⠀"Well, if we're gonna be trapped again, we might as well make the best of it. Unless you're too busy chaperoning, Mr. Dixon," Beth teased and held a mason jar out to him.
⠀⠀⠀"Hell, might as well make the best of it," Daryl sighed, taking the glass from Beth.
⠀⠀⠀Beth grinned as he took it, then passed one to Cal. Cal joined her on the floor as Daryl sat in the dumpster chair. He raised his glass in a toast, and the two followed suit.
⠀⠀⠀"Home sweet home."
"SO FIRST, I SAY somethin' I've never done, and if either of you have done it, you drink, and if you haven't, I drink. Then we rotate," Beth explained to Daryl. "You really don't know this game?"
⠀⠀⠀"I never needed a game to get lit before," Daryl said, and Cal drank.
⠀⠀⠀Beth looked between them and asked, "Wait, are we starting?"
⠀⠀⠀"How do you know this game?" Daryl asked her.
⠀⠀⠀"My friends played. I watched," she explained with a shrug. "Okay, I'll start. I've never shot a crossbow. So now you drink."
⠀⠀⠀Daryl narrowed his eyes as he picked up his glass. "Ain't much of a game."
⠀⠀⠀"That was a warm-up. Now you go."
⠀⠀⠀Daryl raised his hand to his face and chewed on his thumbnail. "I don't know," he muttered.
⠀⠀⠀"Just say the first thing that pops into your head," she encouraged.
⠀⠀⠀"I've never been out of Georgia."
⠀⠀⠀"Really?" Beth asked with a smile. "Okay, good one."
⠀⠀⠀She and Cal both drank.
⠀⠀⠀"Oh, shit, yeah," Cal muttered, taking a moment. "I've never cheated on my girlfriend."
⠀⠀⠀Daryl glanced at Cal, brow raised. "Better not have," he muttered, then drank.
⠀⠀⠀"I've never had a girlfriend," Beth proudly said.
⠀⠀⠀Cal pushed against her shoulder and reiterated, "Or boyfriend."
⠀⠀⠀Beth shook her head, and Cal scoffed.
⠀⠀⠀"Why'd you say that then?" Cal asked.
⠀⠀⠀Beth shrugged, then thought over her next question. "I've never... been drunk and did somethin' I regretted."
⠀⠀⠀Cal sipped and said, "Took a bet, went streakin' through the parking lot. Worst day of my college life."
⠀⠀⠀"How?" Beth asked curiously.
⠀⠀⠀"One of my professors caught me, and it was the beginning of the year. So, every time I go to my class, I remember that this guy's seen my dick!"
⠀⠀⠀Beth had to grip her stomach in laughter. Her eyes squeezed tight, and she leaned back as she imagined Cal getting caught.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl drank as well. "I've done a lot of things," was all he said.
⠀⠀⠀"Your turn," Beth said.
⠀⠀⠀"I've never been on vacation," Daryl said.
⠀⠀⠀"What about campin'?" Beth retorted, trying to catch him out.
⠀⠀⠀"No, that was just somethin' I had to learn... to hunt."
⠀⠀⠀"Your dad teach you?"
⠀⠀⠀"Mm-hmm."
⠀⠀⠀Beth didn't push him and took a sip, as did Cal.
⠀⠀⠀"I've never, um..." Cal muttered as he mulled over the things he hadn't done before. It was a lot harder than remembering what he had. He smirked to himself as a story popped into his head. Cal hoped it was long enough ago that Daryl wouldn't be upset. "I've never tried to open a metal door with an ax."
⠀⠀⠀Daryl scoffed in annoyance and rolled his eyes but took a sip.
⠀⠀⠀"Bianca's such a snitch," Daryl muttered.
⠀⠀⠀"Why did you do that?" Beth asked with wide eyes.
⠀⠀⠀"Right before we got to your farm, we'd been at the CDC," Daryl explained. "The asshole inside went insane and tried to kill us. You can only do so much when the whole place is automated."
⠀⠀⠀"I never knew that," Beth said softly. "I'm sorry."
⠀⠀⠀"Long time ago. We're okay now," Daryl said with a thin smile.
⠀⠀⠀"Your turn," Cal told Beth.
⠀⠀⠀"Right. Um, I've never had a bad relationship with my parents."
⠀⠀⠀Beth looked at Daryl, but both seemed surprised when Cal drank.
⠀⠀⠀"Mom was a bitch," Cal stated.
⠀⠀⠀"I don't think she meant—" Daryl started.
⠀⠀⠀"I know what she meant," Cal assured him, putting it to bed.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl nodded. "I've never worn a god-awful Halloween costume," he said.
⠀⠀⠀Cal didn't drink, and Daryl looked at him.
⠀⠀⠀"I've never done that either," Cal said haughtily, crossing his arms.
⠀⠀⠀"I've seen that photo of you in the stupid outfit from that weird show," Daryl told him with narrowed eyes.
⠀⠀⠀"Lost, and it wasn't god awful—!"
⠀⠀⠀"Drink."
⠀⠀⠀"Fine!" Cal exclaimed and slammed it back. "Me again?" he sighed.
⠀⠀⠀"Yes," Beth said, chuckling.
⠀⠀⠀"I'm runnin' out of ideas," Cal said, rubbing his forehead. "I've never ridden a horse?"
⠀⠀⠀Daryl and Beth drank.
⠀⠀⠀"You've never ridden a horse?" Beth asked.
⠀⠀⠀"No, have you seen those things? They're giant monsters," Cal said.
⠀⠀⠀"So, you're scared of 'em?" Daryl asked, raising a brow.
⠀⠀⠀"No, not entirely," Cal argued, then broke under Daryl's knowing gaze. "Maybe a little. But those things are brutal. My uncle got kicked in the chest by one."
⠀⠀⠀"Must not've been very nice to it then," Beth muttered, looking away in amusement.
⠀⠀⠀"Right, that's why. Your turn, blondie," Cal snapped at her, unamused.
⠀⠀⠀Beth smiled and thought over her following statement. "Okay, I've never... been in jail. I mean, as a prisoner."
⠀⠀⠀A stiff silence flooded the room as Beth's eyes seemed to be pinned to Daryl. They both knew what she was implying, which didn't bode well for the chummy atmosphere. On the other hand, Beth didn't notice how her question came off. She chuckled lightly, fidgeting with her glass.
⠀⠀⠀"Is that what you think of me?" Daryl asked.
⠀⠀⠀"I didn't mean anythin' serious. I just thought, y'know, like the drunk tank. Even my dad got locked up for that back in the day."
⠀⠀⠀Daryl glared at her and then pointed at her glass. "Drink up."
⠀⠀⠀"Wait. Prison guard. Were you a prison guard before?"
⠀⠀⠀Cal's hands were getting clammy as he watched Daryl with unease. He was upset, but that cool front he kept hidden from Beth started coming down. From what Cal concluded in their drinking game, she didn't know what living with someone who could flip a switch was like. You could see it a mile away. It struck cords of fear into Cal's stomach, sucking away his ability to move, and held him in a state of fight or flight.
⠀⠀⠀"Nah."
⠀⠀⠀"It's your turn again," Beth said, still smiling, but it soured slowly.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl stood to his feet with a groan and said, "I'm gonna take a piss."
⠀⠀⠀His mason jar fell to the floor with a shatter, and Beth turned sharply at the sound.
⠀⠀⠀"You have to be quiet," she scolded him.
⠀⠀⠀"Can't hear you! I'm takin' a piss!" Daryl shouted across the room.
⠀⠀⠀Cal was a child again. He was small and weak. He wanted to curl up into a ball and hide in the closest as his parents screamed at each other.
⠀⠀⠀"Daryl, don't talk so loud."
⠀⠀⠀"What? Are you my chaperone now?"
⠀⠀⠀Cal reached out to Beth and lightly shook his head to stop. Beth looked confused, but she must've seen the strike of fear in his eyes because she kept quiet.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl finished urinating and zipped his pants up.
⠀⠀⠀"Oh, wait. It's my turn, right?" Daryl asked, stalking toward them. Cal kept his eyes downcast and his shoulders tense. "I've never—never eaten frozen yogurt. Never had a pet pony. Never got nothin' from Santa Claus!" he exclaimed, pushing a chair over. "Never relied on anyone for protection before! Hell, I don't think I've ever relied on anyone for anything."
⠀⠀⠀"Daryl," Beth tried, but he kept going.
⠀⠀⠀"Never sung out in front of a big group out in public like everything was fun. Like everything was a big game. I sure as hell never cut my wrists lookin' for attention!"
⠀⠀⠀The biter outside started to growl again.
⠀⠀⠀"Sounds like our friend out there is tryin' to call all of his buddies."
⠀⠀⠀"Daryl, just shut up."
⠀⠀⠀"Hey, you never shot a crossbow before?" he asked Beth. "I'm gonna teach you right now."
⠀⠀⠀Daryl stormed over to them. Cal chose to fight. He stood, pressing himself between Daryl's rage and Beth's naivety. Daryl scowled in annoyance. His eyes were covered by hair, but Cal could feel the glare like a knife to his chest.
⠀⠀⠀"Move out of my way," Daryl seethed.
⠀⠀⠀"You're bein' a dick," Cal snapped back. An unfamiliar heat was rising in him that he'd never felt before. Cal had no brothers or sisters that he needed to protect. There was only himself. In all his years, he had just taken his mom's abuse. But standing in the middle of it with someone else, he couldn't do that.
⠀⠀⠀"I'm not! I'm tryin' to teach y'all something," Daryl seethed. He kicked Cal's leg so he fell over and grabbed Beth's wrist to drag her outside. "C'mon. It's gonna be fun."
⠀⠀⠀"We should stay inside," Beth tried to reason. "Daryl cut it out! Daryl!"
⠀⠀⠀Cal followed them outside and stopped on the front porch as Daryl manhandled Beth into his grip. Beth pulled out of it.
⠀⠀⠀"Let's practice later," she said calmly.
⠀⠀⠀"C'mon, it's fun," Daryl said.
⠀⠀⠀"Daryl, knock it off!" Cal exclaimed. He walked down the steps to try and break them apart again.
⠀⠀⠀"Just stop it. Daryl!" Beth exclaimed as she was back in his arms. Cal paused again. Daryl had his crossbow between them, and in his state, he was worried that there'd be a bolt in his or Beth's chest.
⠀⠀⠀"Come here. Eight ball," Daryl muttered as the pinned walker had another bolt in its chest.
⠀⠀⠀"Just kill it!"
⠀⠀⠀Daryl let Beth go and walked toward the walker.
⠀⠀⠀"Come here, Greene. Let's pull these out. Get a little more target practice."
⠀⠀⠀Beth walked around and used her knife to stab the biter in the head.
⠀⠀⠀"What the hell you do that for? I was havin' fun!" Daryl shouted at her.
⠀⠀⠀Cal approached them and pushed Beth behind him.
⠀⠀⠀"You're actin' like a jackass," Cal told him, pushing Daryl back a step.
⠀⠀⠀"If anyone found my dad—" Beth spoke up.
⠀⠀⠀"Don't," Daryl warned her. "That ain't remotely the same."
⠀⠀⠀"Killing them is not supposed to be fun."
⠀⠀⠀"What do you want from me, girl, huh?"
⠀⠀⠀"Knock it off!" Cal shouted.
⠀⠀⠀"Knock it off?" Daryl asked, annoyed. "Why don't you knock it off? You're just a little pansy who hides behind his girlfriend. Well, she's not here!"
⠀⠀⠀Daryl started for Beth again, but Cal caught him by surprise with a punch.
⠀⠀⠀"How's that for hidin' behind my girlfriend?" Cal hissed.
⠀⠀⠀Daryl scowled, took two steps forward, and punched him back. He was a heavy hitter and had Cal falling on his ass.
⠀⠀⠀"Daryl!" Beth exclaimed, rushing over to Cal's side. "Why would you do that?"
⠀⠀⠀"He hit me first!"
⠀⠀⠀"That doesn't matter! Look, he's bleedin'!" Beth exclaimed.
⠀⠀⠀"I am?" Cal asked. He raised his hand and found blood under his nose. "Oh, it's fine."
⠀⠀⠀"It's not fine," Beth exclaimed.
⠀⠀⠀"Better than a brain injury," Cal said. He pulled the collar of his shirt up and wiped the blood off.
⠀⠀⠀"Ugh! You need to stop actin' like you don't give a crap about anything!" Beth exclaimed, turning on Daryl. "Like nothin', we went through matters. Like none of the people we lost meant anything to you. It's bullshit!"
⠀⠀⠀"Is that what you think?" Daryl asked.
⠀⠀⠀"That's what I know."
⠀⠀⠀"You don't know nothing."
⠀⠀⠀"I know you look at me, and you just see another dead girl. I'm not Michonne. I'm not Carol. I'm not Maggie. I'm not Bianca. I've survived, and you don't get it 'cause I'm not like you or them. But I made it, and you don't get to treat me or Cal like crap just because you're afraid."
⠀⠀⠀"I ain't afraid of nothin'."
⠀⠀⠀"I remember," Beth whispered. "When that little girl came out of the barn after my mom. You were like me. And now, God forbid, you ever let anybody get too close."
⠀⠀⠀"Too close, huh? You know all about that. You lost two boyfriends. You can't even shed a tear. Your whole family's gone. All you can do is just go out lookin' for hooch like some dumb college bitch."
⠀⠀⠀"Screw you. You don't get it."
⠀⠀⠀"No, you don't get it! Everyone we know's dead!" Daryl shouted at her.
⠀⠀⠀"You don't know that!"
⠀⠀⠀"Might as well be, 'cause you ain't never gonna see 'em again. Rick. Bianca. You ain't never gonna see Maggie again."
⠀⠀⠀"Daryl, just stop."
⠀⠀⠀"No! The Governor rolled right up to our gates. Maybe if I wouldn't have stopped lookin'," Daryl said, and something in his voice changed. His words cracked as if he was holding back tears. "Maybe 'cause I gave up. That's on me."
⠀⠀⠀"Daryl!" Beth exclaimed, trying to hold him but he ripped out of her grip.
⠀⠀⠀"No—and your dad. Maybe—maybe I could have done somethin'."
⠀⠀⠀Beth clung onto Daryl, realizing that this wasn't rage that burned but despair. Cal recognized it. It blazed in Bianca before, and he should've seen it before. They were brought closer together as Daryl cried in Beth's forgiving embrace.
AUTHOR'S NOTE —
This is a longggggg chapter! However, the next one's kind of short so we have to make sacrifices, don't we.
I love Beth in this half of the season. She's just a refreshing character in the long list of surrogate father-daughter trope. So many of them (including Bianca) are angry and temperamental but she is optimistic and hopeful while still being realistic.
Also, her and Cal!!! They're so sweet together and he's never had siblings so she kind of acts like that.
SONG: One Step Closer by Linkin Park
Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you'd like, they keep me motivated! However, this is an all kind of reader safe space. So even if you ghost read or comment every chapter, I hope you know it means the world to me that you've come into this fic ♡ I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and until the next one.
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