❛ 'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape, from the life I live when I'm awake. ❜

SEASON 4, EPISODE 1
30 days without an accident

━━━━━━ October 11, 2011

"LAST WEEK, WHEN WE spotted this place, there was a bunch of walkers behind this chain link keeping people out like a bunch of guard dogs," Daryl explained to the new guy, Bob Stookey, as they approached the deserted grocery store.

⠀⠀⠀Bob wasn't from Woodbury or Bianca's close-knit group. He was one of the stragglers that passed by and answered Rick's three questions. Cal liked him from the handful of conversations they shared. Bob came off as honest with a sense of humor that snuck up on you and had you laughing hours later. He'd come from two separate groups that fell into the ground. This made him skeptical of how long the prison could last, but he worked despite his worries.

⠀⠀⠀"So, they all just left?" Bob asked. He furrowed his brow as he walked beside Daryl.

⠀⠀⠀"Give a listen," Sasha directed him, and the group quieted. Music played softly but was loud enough to draw the walkers away. "Put a boom box out there three days ago."

⠀⠀⠀"Hooked it up to two car batteries, and boom! The walkers have taken their party elsewhere," Bianca cheered. She raised her hand to Sasha, and the two high-fived with satisfaction.

⠀⠀⠀Cal smiled at Bianca's enthusiasm. She playfully bowed to the group, and Daryl knocked his hand across her head to tell her to quit it. He waved them inside the gates so they could start their supply run.

⠀⠀⠀"Alright, let's make a sweep," Daryl said. "Make sure it's safe. Grab what you can. We'll come back tomorrow with more people."

⠀⠀⠀They cleared the front of the building before they stopped at the front entrance. Bianca hopped onto a ledge and used her sledgehammer as a crutch. Daryl rapped his knuckles on the window behind him to draw any lingering biters.

⠀⠀⠀Cal remembered being skeptical of the weapon, especially on their first supply run. He was certain a knife or a gun would do better in the long run. He was proved wrong immediately as he realized the skill she carried with the blunt object. Her muscles worked tirelessly as she swung the square end through the air. It zipped through the air like a hot knife through butter, knocking out two to three biters simultaneously.

⠀⠀⠀"Okay, I think I got it," Zach claimed with a smirk.

⠀⠀⠀"Got what?" Michonne asked. She appeared out of thin air with a look of curiosity.

⠀⠀⠀"I've been trying to guess what Daryl did before the turn."

⠀⠀⠀"He's been trying to guess for, like, six weeks," Daryl said dismissively.

⠀⠀⠀"I don't think he's gotten close yet," Bianca added with a wide smile. A laugh erupted from her chest, and she grabbed Cal's arm for balance when her sledgehammer fell out of her grip. "My favorite was snake milker."

⠀⠀⠀Michonne snorted, and Zach looked at Bianca with a red face.

⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, well, I'd heard of it before!" Zach claimed. He raised his hands in a defensive pose. "Besides, I'm pacing myself. One shot a day."

⠀⠀⠀"Alright, shoot," Daryl said.

⠀⠀⠀"Well, the way you are at the prison, you being on the council, you're able to track, you're helping people, but you're still being kind of... surly," Zach stated. He stalled for as long as possible as the rest waited with bated breath.

⠀⠀⠀Cal smiled, but a tension rested in it. As he watched the four talk, he felt like an outside observer watching in on a conversation that he wasn't a part of. Zach was a kid from Woodbury. Bianca was his girlfriend. Michonne was his friend. Daryl was close to Bianca. He had the connections, but there was distance between each of them. They could still see the person that had been the Governor's right hand. He had let so many bad things happen, which didn't stop him. He could've ended it with Priya. She was the first girl to leave Woodbury, only for her to die on behalf of the Governor. He felt trapped at this moment, a corpse among the living, as he waited for something to revive him.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca squeezed his arm, and he turned to look at her. The other three were talking around them; he was certain he heard 'homicide cop' as Zach's guess but wasn't sure. Bianca's lips pulled together in a soft smile. Her eyebrows pulled together, then raised to ask if he was alright. Cal sighed and gave a short nod. She frowned immediately. Her eyes darted to the others, then back to him, and raised a brow. He shook his head and smiled. He leaned forward and kissed her lips gently. She gave him a bland look as he pulled back, and she could see the claim, 'We'll talk later,' in her eye.

⠀⠀⠀When Cal returned to the group, Zach learned Daryl was not a homicide cop. The walkers made their way to the front. Bianca stood, her hand leaving Cal's as she bent down to pick up her sledgehammer. Cal adjusted his shoulders to put himself back in and unsheathed his knife.

⠀⠀⠀"You ready for this, Cal?" Bianca asked, glancing back at him with a twinge of worry.

⠀⠀⠀"Never been more ready," Cal assured her.

⠀⠀⠀Sasha and Tyreese pulled the front doors open as the others crowded around. The small crack allowed a manageable few to escape the grocery store. Within half an hour, a pile of biters was at their feet.

⠀⠀⠀"Alright!" Sasha called for attention before they headed inside. "We go in, stay in formation for the sweep. After that, you all know what you're supposed to look for. Any questions?"

⠀⠀⠀"Was there ever a time you weren't the boss of me?" Tyreese asked with a proud older brother smile.

⠀⠀⠀"You had a few years before I was born," she teased with a shrug.

⠀⠀⠀Their banter was familiar to his ears. They reminded him of sunny days on the campus grass as he and his friends ate lunch together. Bianca and Eugene were best friends, but they were constantly bickering. He looked at her then and could see in the tug of her eyebrow that she thought the same thing. His hand rested on her shoulder and squeezed it gently to remind her he was there.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca reached up and took his hand with a tingling kiss pressed to the back. He smiled sadly, and she did, too. Both are thankful to at least have each other.

CAL PUSHED THE SHOPPING cart through the aisles while Bianca led the way. Their situation had a strange sense of normalcy that Cal couldn't shake. He didn't know if he wanted to. He liked the fantasy of being a young couple getting groceries for the week.

⠀⠀⠀He imagined Bianca had a high-pay, high-stress job that Cal would hate. He knew she wasn't taking care of herself. They'd go on vacations when he'd finally crack her workaholic tendencies. They would have dinner with friends on Fridays and spend Sundays in their pajamas. Cal would find a job as a museum curator. He would be there late at night, wrapped up in the new deliveries, and fall in love with new artists. They would have their imperfect, perfect life and—

⠀⠀⠀The cart jerked into Cal's gut, with the palm of Bianca's hand slammed against the back to make him stop.

⠀⠀⠀"Oh, yeah, and I'm the one always stuck in my head!" Bianca said. She rolled her eyes. Cal noticed the blender in her hands.

⠀⠀⠀"What?"

⠀⠀⠀"I was trying to talk to you, but you were completely blank."

⠀⠀⠀"Sorry, I was just... thinking," Cal muttered. His fingers tapped against the cart nervously.

⠀⠀⠀"About what?" Bianca asked. It was innocently curious. It told him she would know something was bothering him, but if he lied, she would let it pass.

⠀⠀⠀He didn't want to let it pass, though. So, he said, "What would it have been like if our life was normal? If we'd gone grocery shopping on Saturday mornings. Meal prepped because our jobs would take up half our time..."

⠀⠀⠀"Well, obviously, we'd have to work within ten minutes of each other to get lunch together every day," Bianca said with ease. Cal could sense she thought about this, too. Maybe when they both lay awake at night, not ready to face the nightmares, they thought of what could have been instead.

⠀⠀⠀"Fridays we'd meet Elena and Peter somewhere to catch up." Cal smiled.

⠀⠀⠀"Eugene would find his way there even though he works teaching on the other side of town."

⠀⠀⠀"We'd likely make it back to work an hour late, but they don't care because we're good at our jobs."

⠀⠀⠀"Speak for yourself. My boss is upset if I show up on time. If you're not early, then you're late!"

⠀⠀⠀"What an asshole. You should work somewhere else."

⠀⠀⠀Bianca shrugged. "Eh, but then I wouldn't work so close to you."

⠀⠀⠀Cal smiled so much that his cheeks hurt, and his eyes nearly closed. Bianca found herself in front of him. Her arms reached up and wrapped around his neck. Her fingers played with the outgrown hair curling on his neck. Cal's eyes fluttered closed at the feeling. It grounded him to that moment. Only him and Bianca and—

⠀⠀⠀"Sorry!"

⠀⠀⠀Glenn attempted to back out of the aisle. Bianca sighed, bowed her head then turned to Glenn before he could disappear.

⠀⠀⠀"It's alright," she said, but Glenn still attempted to sneak away. "Glenn!" she snapped.

⠀⠀⠀Glenn stopped in his tracks. "Yeah?"

⠀⠀⠀"It's fine, c'mon."

⠀⠀⠀Glenn pushed his cart down the aisle and stopped beside them with a sheepish smile.

⠀⠀⠀"Sorry, I was looking for batteries," he said to Bianca. He scratched at the back of his neck.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca grinned ear-to-ear and jutted her thumb to the cart, where she swiped a case full of them. Glenn looked impressed as he raised a brow. Nothing was left on the aisle for them, so they moved through the store until Glenn stopped. His eyes were plastered on an end cap advertising homemade baby photo frames.

⠀⠀⠀Cal's eyes widened as Bianca pinned a stare on him. Then, she nodded her head toward Glenn. Cal frowned. He wasn't close to Glenn. What did Bianca want him to do? It didn't matter. Bianca was stubborn as she schooled her face. Her brows tugged down, and pressed her lips into a firm line. Her eyes darted from Cal and then to Glenn. Apparently, Glenn needed someone else to reassure him that everything with Maggie would be okay.

⠀⠀⠀Cal let out a huff of annoyed air and glared at Bianca as he walked over to Glenn. After an awkward moment, Cal rested his hand awkwardly on Glenn's shoulder and tightened an awkward smile on his face.

⠀⠀⠀"Hey, man," Cal said, the tone oddly flat on his ears. "It's gonna be alright."

⠀⠀⠀Glenn hunched his shoulders and bowed his head. Cal worried he came off rude and looked frantically at Bianca. She gave him a wide smile and a thumbs up but no further help.

⠀⠀⠀"I don't know, man," Glenn muttered. "I'm just so worried. After Lori, I don't even know if it's safe for anyone to get pregnant these days."

⠀⠀⠀Cal noticed Bianca tense at Lori's name. Her face turned a shade lighter, and she quickly blinked three times. He knew the story. Bianca delivered Judith in the middle of an attack. The weight of that guilt still rested on her shoulders. He wished it didn't, as Bianca did all she could and delivered on the promise to get her baby to survive. But he knew there were more things to that day than Bianca was willing to share. It was a dark spot in her murky background in the months they were apart.

⠀⠀⠀"We have Hershel and Caleb," Bianca said when Cal couldn't find anything to say. "And Lori said she had complications with Carl. Maggie will be okay and well taken care of."

⠀⠀⠀Glenn visibly relaxed. Cal didn't know why Bianca had him attempt to reassure Glenn when she was able to so easily.

⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, you're right. Thanks," Glenn sighed. He continued on and spotted a battery-operated camera. He smiled as he picked it up and looked over the packaging curiously. "You guys want one?"

⠀⠀⠀"Hell yeah!" Bianca grinned. She caught the package Glenn threw at her. She held it up to Cal, and he smiled faintly. She nearly asked him what was wrong when a shattering boom echoed through the store.

⠀⠀⠀Cal turned in the direction of the crash. Fear spread through his veins. In the back of his head, he feared the Governor had found them and started to pick them off one by one. Bianca grabbed her sledgehammer from the cart and sprinted ahead. Cal followed seconds behind with the cart rattling in front of him.

⠀⠀⠀They squealed to a stop in front of the wine display. It had been knocked over with red wine bleeding across the floor, and Bob pinned underneath. Cal, Glenn, Daryl, and Tyreese pushed the display upright.

⠀⠀⠀"Man, you lucked out," Tyreese sighed as Bob stood from the floor. "If this thing had come down on you the wrong way—"

⠀⠀⠀The ceiling cracked then Bianca screeched, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

⠀⠀⠀Bianca was covered head to toe in blood and guts. Her face contorted, and she held her hands to her sides to keep herself from touching anything.

⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, uh, we should probably go now," Glenn said meekly.

⠀⠀⠀Glenn's eyes were focused above Bianca, and his hands extended out for her. Cal followed his line of sight to see the biters wandering on the roof. Bianca took Glenn's hand as he led her to the side of the room. A few biters fell through the roof just as she was moved and started to crawl toward them.

⠀⠀⠀Cal unsheathed his knife and cleared the walkers between him and Bianca. She was unseen by them due to the guts coating her, and she used it to her advantage. However, her sledgehammer flung out of her grip and skidded to a stop a few feet from the front door.

⠀⠀⠀Cal switched his knife for his gun. He shot one coming too close to comfort on his left, then beelined it to Bianca. His arm wrapped around her waist and lifted her up. He shot two more in their direct vicinity before finding a vacant area and setting her down.

⠀⠀⠀"Wipe your hands off on my shirt," Cal told her.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca listened and did so. Her grip returned, and Cal handed her his knife.

⠀⠀⠀"Thanks," Bianca said.

⠀⠀⠀"Of course."

⠀⠀⠀Above, a helicopter sunk through the roof, creating spiderwebs through the drywall. The ceiling started to give way as the others were preoccupied with their biters to fight.

⠀⠀⠀"RUN!" Bianca screamed. Her right hand took Cal's and forced him to run for the exit. She made a beeline for her precious sledgehammer and picked it up in the same hand that held the knife. They could hear the others behind them as the rumble of the helicopter grew louder and louder.

⠀⠀⠀When they hit the dirt, they tripped over their feet and ate shit. Cal could feel the sting of road rash on his hands and face as he opened his eyes to stare at the clear blue sky above them. The helicopter landed inside the store, and Cal pushed himself up to see the cloud of debris escaping. He turned to Bianca, who looked like she'd just stepped out Carrie. He couldn't help it. A smile burst across his face. She smiled back, happy to be alive.

AUTHOR'S NOTE —

I was worried I wouldn't get this finished tonight! I really need to start editing on Thursdays so I have it ready for Friday smh...

Anyways, these kids are really going through it this season. They've got each other but there's a lot of what ifs and trauma coursing through the two of them.

I hope you guys have a great 4th of July weekend! I know my weeks gonna be weird because I have Tuesday off but not Monday :((( I'll probably get to leave early tho so yay!!

SONG: Higher by Creed

Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you'd like, they keep me motivated! However, this is an all kind of reader safe space. So even if you ghost read or comment every chapter, I hope you know it means the world to me that you've come into this fic ♡ I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and until the next one.