"Are you always this battle damaged?" A voice called off in the distance.

Backfire swiveled her head slightly in the direction of the sound, her optics leaving the glow cast by her holopad for only a few seconds before she was back to staring at her screen. The lilac, peach, and orange femme did not want company.

"Yo! Missile launcher! Over here?!" The voice called out again.

She continued to ignore him. After all, missile launcher wasn't her name. Plus, she had far more important matters to deal with than dealing with obnoxious mechs. They were all the same after all, with her being one of the few femmes assigned to their platoon. The fighting had been fierce, and she had gotten little rest in the recent weeks leading up to this night. It was a night she dreaded. There were plenty of those.

"Hey, I'm just trying to make some conversation. Whaddya say about taking a break for a bit, y'know, rest your eyes before the big day." the mech called out.

Great. He was being persistent. He was also making a major miscalculation. She never could sleep the night before an attack. All they saw her as was an object, a weapon of mass destruction. She hated the carnage and the damage her alt mode wrought on others, but she had to do it. She had to sacrifice her soul one piece at a time in order to save the souls of the future. If there even were such things as souls. In truth, she was growing skeptical. 

For a moment it seemed like the mech was turning to leave. And then, she heard him coming closer. She could feel the metal floor of the shuttle vibrating slightly as he approached. Primus. Didn't he see the signs that she was busy and didn't need to be bothered? Backfire continued to scroll through the data, trying harder and harder to ignore the mech as he stepped even closer. Yes, it was a cramped ship. But that still didn't mean that bots should throw decency overboard and intentionally violate one another's personal space.

There was a loud and obvious "CLUNK" sound as to her horror, the mech planted his aft right down on the bench next to her. It was an open room. He could have chosen to sit anywhere else. Wasn't there rumor of some cases of high grade being passed around in the lower decks? There were plenty of other seats in the room. Why did he have to pick here, of all places? Why did he have to pick her?

"Alright. I get it. You're the silent type. I guess I'll do the talking for the both of us then." he said, smiling.

Why was he smiling? This was a war. People were dying on all sides. What did he want?

Backfire continued staring at her holopad, scrolling through the never ending walls of text that had long ago blurred into mush at the back of her processor as she recounted recent events.

"Why don't I start by introducing myself. The name's Longshot. And the guys all said it'd take a long shot to getcha to talk, pun intended, and so I figured I'd just step on over and say hello. You got a name, Miss Missile Launcher?" the mech said.

She hated it when they called her that. She refused to acknowledge him while she was working. Was she even working any more? Or was she just distracting herself. Either way, she figured eventually he'd get bored and move on. They always did. Especially when she pretended that the screen was far more interesting than them. In fact, come tomorrow, that's probably all they'd be, words on a screen, tiny glyphs that melted down into the quagmire that flashed up at her optics almost every night.

"Alright. I guess you aren't going to tell me your name, are you? Hmm... okay... how about... What's that you're reading there?" Longshot asked, pointing to the never ending list that flashed on the screen of her holopad. He squinted, trying to make out the writing.

Fine. If he was going to be this persistent, she figured she'd give him what he wanted. By that she meant that she'd hand him the holopad and have him read for himself the riveting text that was keeping her up all night.

"Huh... what's this? Some of these names look familiar...." Longshot said, delicately taking the holopad from her servos as she put her own servos in her lap and stared at the floor between her pedes. The mech squinted his optics again and tilted his helm. "This looks like a list of our crew members, in fact. I recognize quite a lot of them actually. Hey! There's a couple of my friends on here! Venture, Dreamscape, Cavalcade, and... Arsenal..."

Longshot went gravely silent for a second. "Arsenal... he...he's dead..." he finally managed to say, before he slid the holopad back into her servos.

Backfire nodded solemnly, her face still not changing its grimly concentrated expression. "They're all dead." she said softly, releasing her grip on the holopad as he handed it back, letting it fall to the floor.

"Even Venture and Cavalcade?" Longshot gasped. "I mean... I know Cav got a little roughed up in our last little excursion, but c'mon, the guy's too tough to let a few stray decepticons take him out. Just the other night we were laughing it out in the medibay. Surely I thought he'd pull through. Are you sure they didn't add him to the list as a joke?"

Backfire nodded, closing her optics and trying to hide the quiver in her lower jaw.

"But Cavalcade! He's... he's..."

"He's gone." Backfire finished. "They're all gone."

Longshot was silent for a long moment, before he pointed to a name on the list. "What about Venture?"

"Missing in action." Backfire said, turning away as she said it.

"So there's a chance he might..."

"No. No one ever comes back, Longshot." she snapped, standing up suddenly and turning to leave the room.

"You knew him, didn't you?" Longshot asked, placing a very unwanted hand on her shoulder.

Backfire yanked herself free from his grasp and spun around to face him, looking him in the optics. "No. I didn't know him." she stated, almost feeling the urge to do what she was built for and fire a rocket in his face. Maybe that would shut him up.

"Hey! Hey! I'm sorry!" Longshot said, raising his servos in his defense.

"I didn't know any of them. And I regret every second I didn't spend knowing them. But nothing can change that because they are all dead." Backfire growled.

Longshot shook his head, almost as if he pitied her. "What about the bots who still live?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"They're going to die any day now. They're just statistics, names on a list that get forgotten as soon as they are added, only making room for more names. The cycle goes on and on, never ending, always repeating. It isn't worth it." she replied in almost a monotone, as if she had repeated this speech dozens of times in her head.

"Well aren't you just a bucket of sunshine! Primus! And I thought Ultra Magnus was a downer. But y'know what? Missile launcher whatever-your-name-is, you're wrong. It is worth it. It's worth every second you get to know someone, and every second that they're gone, well, it only gives you room to love the ones who still live. And y'know what else I think? I think you're worth it."

He paused, allowing his words to sink in before he continued, "...That's why I came down here, instead of drinking with the guys. Or well...what's left of the guys. I suppose it's awful lonely down there with Cavalcade and..and Venture off with the Allspark... Dustbuster's probably hoggin' all the high grade. But no. My point is, I just thought I'd say hello because it's even more lonely in here than it would be down there. And well... especially with the guys gone, I thought you might wanna come to the lower decks for a drink. But I'm guessing that's a 'no' because all you seem to wanna do is stare at a list of dead people all day."

"Backfire." Backfire said, clenching her jaw, her servos shaking.

"What?"

"My name. It's Backfire." she said.

"Well isn't that great! And why should I care about your name when you certainly don't care about the names on that list of yours? Every single one of those bots lived and died without knowing you I'm pretty sure. And why do you stare at that list anyway? Do you actually enjoy staring at all the names of the people you avoided getting to know?" Longshot ranted, throwing his servos up in the air in exasperation.

"I mean, what do you even do around here but sit around waiting for someone to ask you to come blow stuff up? You are one bleak bot, I tell you." he added, indignantly crossing his arms.

"I wish it were me." she said, hanging her head in sorrow.

At that, Longshot gazed at her, perplexed. It was only then that she started to notice the color on his plating, and how in the lights of the ship he was very much alive. Since she'd stopped staring at the holopad it had taken awhile for her optics to adjust and her processor to register the moving white, cobalt, and emerald green splotch moving about in her field of vision. She had learned to tune them all out for so long that they all just melted into a sea of color in her mind. It was best that she didn't remember them, the names, the faces. Because the more of them she cared about, the more she'd eventually lose.

"I wish it was my name on that list, not them. I was only built as a weapon. An object of mass destruction. But maybe they had a chance to create instead of destroy. Surely they were far more worthy to exist. I'm just a tool. You said it yourself. Missile launcher. That's all they call me. All I'm good for. Shooting things out of the sky. Destroying lives that could just as easily have been saved if it had not been for this primus forsaken war. That's why I do it. That's why I read the names. It's to remind myself every night that I am not worthy." Backfire said, her voice quivering slightly at the gravity of her words.

"I....I'm sorry." Longshot said, his face softening as he stepped closer and reached out, clasping her servos in his.

Backfire looked away. She didn't want this. She didn't want to be seeing his face and how alive and full of hope he was. She didn't want him to exist, because he'd only be snatched away from her. And yet... as their fingers touched, she felt more alive than she had ever felt in ages. Warmth tingled between their servos as he held her hands. And at once, she was aware, aware of her surroundings. The small room in the ship they were in was painted in shades of silver and gold with little hints of color here and there. Her holopad lay on the floor, yellow edges and a blue screen bathing the dimly lit room with light. The dull glow of the ceiling lights shone above them. Outside the window, the stars shone as thousands of bright and brilliant shining lights. And for just that moment, the universe seemed to be at peace.

"Do you know of anything that makes life worth living for you?" Longshot asked, smiling weakly at her, more of a compassionate I-care-about-you smile than anything else.

Backfire stood there as if frozen in time, taking in all of her surroundings for once in a very long time. She paused, looking around and then bringing her gaze back to his face, her optics locking on his. She spoke only one word as an answer to his question. "Hope."

Longshot smiled even wider, his face cracking up in this goofy I-told-you-so grin. "See?" He said, grinning even wider. "Maybe there is hope for you after all, pun intended."

Backfire clenched her jaw and shook her head. He could tell that she was trying not to smile.

"What is it that you hope for?" he asked softly, giving her fingers a gently squeeze and reminding her that their servos were still touching.

"A better future. A future in which sparklings can be born without the scourge of war. A future in which those equipped with weaponary alt modes will have a choice about how they use them. A future in which death only comes to the old and the weary who welcome it with open arms. A future where everyone is safe and content and at peace. And that is why I am still fighting." Backfire said, some of the tension she carried herself with just rolling down her back. The corners of her mouth twitched.

Longshot just continued to grin that obnoxious dopey grin that in the short span of their conversation was quickly growing on her. She was almost glad that he had invaded her evening. Without him, it would just be business as usual, staring at a screen of meaningless names and waiting her turn to die.

"I suppose I'll see you around the ship?" Longshot said, releasing her hands and walking towards the door. "Maybe if you took the chance to get to know people there would at least be meaning to that list of yours. Well... I'm heading downstairs for a drink. My offer still stands, and you don't even have to join in the conversation."

Was it worth it?

What if she lost them just as soon as she met them all?

Backfire stared at him intensely, her face fading back into its usual grim state of neutrality as she watched him go. She picked up her holopad from the floor as he closed the door behind him and found herself staring at the list of names once more. Except this time, there was one name that swam about in her head more than any of the others. That name wasn't on the list.

Longshot.

Her face felt strange as she thought of him, and before she knew it, she saw an eerie reflection on the screen of the holopad that was baring its dentas in what looked like halfway between a snarl and a smirk. She was...smiling? On his face it had looked so carefree, so natural. But to her, seeing such an alien look on her own face quite startled her and she nearly dropped her holopad. And then, as if by some miracle, she chuckled to herself. She didn't even understand why.

Maybe there was a reason to live after all.

One thing was for sure. If she was going to keep on reading that list again, she'd be checking to make sure that his name wasn't on it. He was right. Maybe she should get to know more people for a change.

Starting with Longshot.