"ROBIN!" Roy screeched. 

Whoa two chapters started like this in a row, I must be losing my touch lmao

Robin sighed dramatically and looked up from the paperback book he was reading. Damn what a boomer- hold on, is that a PHONE hidden in the pages??? HOW DARE HE.

"A little birdie told me that you have a girlfriend." Roy waggled his own phone in front of Robin's face. It was currently open to Twitter, which was displaying a hashtag and a short description of why it was trending. 

Fans react to the news that Robin of the Brawltang Boys and Tharja, famous for playing the character of Tharja (AKA "Thanjavur") in the hit TV show Killer, are reportedly in a relationship. 

"So when were ya gonna tell us that you have a girlfriend?" Roy asked, a shit-eating smirk on his face. 

Sheik poked his head over the couch and took out one of his earbuds. He didn't say anything though. The rest of the boys turned their attention to Robin, who started squirming under the attention like a fish caught on a fishing line and cruelly dragged out of the water for the entertainment of a boat full of stupid redneck Republican white men. 

"Damn, Robbo, GET IT!" Link clapped and gave him a wolf whistle. (No pun intended. I forgot which version of Link this is anyway so LOL)

"Never call me that again." Robin groaned and covered his eyes with his hands. He was blushing like mad, so his face basically looked like a tomato. Haha tomato robbo go brr

"Ignore him, then." Marth said. "Seriously though, I'm super happy for you. Is she nice?"

"Ehh..." Robin shrugged. "She's nice enough, I guess. Lucina introduced me to her when she took me to one of her Killer cast get-togethers. We hit it off and yeah." 

Roy and Link made twin Lenny faces at him, while Ike, Marth, and Pit clapped. Pit didn't look too certain about it, he was kind of just piggybacking off of Marth and Ike's energy. Sheik mostly looked a bit confused, but who knows why? Either way, a grin spread across his face and he started clapping as well. Robin tried to ignore the little burst of satisfaction this gave him. He was dating Tharja now. Forget him.

"Wait don't you mean Miller-" Roy started saying before Link smacked him over the head. 

"No you idiot, it's called Killer smh"

"Shut the fuck up, I could've sworn it's called Miller!"

"Dumbass"

"Idiot"

"Jerk"

"Oh ffs you two, just kiss already." Sheik groaned and plopped his head down on the arm of the couch again. 

"No :heart emoji:" Roy said, though that was a big ass lie. 

Link pretended to make gagging sounds and look very disgusted. He was internally dying though, because he actually did want to kiss Roy. 

"OKAY anyways, back to Robin." Roy exclaimed, wanting to get the subject off of his massive crush on Link before things got awkward for him. "How long has this been a thing???"

"Uhh like 2 weeks I think. Tharja was the one who thought it would be a good idea to tell the public." Robin responded, searching his memory for the answer. A slight grimace crossed his face at the memory of the fight they'd had about going public with it. Robin had lost it, big time, and Tharja hadn't been too happy about his disagreement in the first place. 

"Damn. You gotta tell us these things, man." Ike sighed and shook his head in mock disapproval. He's literally the dad, what did you expect?

"Yeah no kidding. Are we allowed to intimidate her like we did with Corrin?" Marth asked, his eyes narrowing slightly as he spoke.

"No. I don't want you guys meeting her." 

"Whaaaat? Why not?" Pit asked poutily. Is that even a word? Whatever. 

"Yeah, are you trying to keep her all for yourself or something?" Roy waggled his eyebrows like the horny fuck he is. Someone ought to tell him that trying to fuck someone else's girlfriend is frowned on... CoUgh @ miller palutena COuGH

"Stfu Roy." the rest of the boys chorused. 

"I just don't think you'd get along with her, that's all. It's best if you don't try to seek her out, either." Robin said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. For some reason, the thought of the boys meeting Tharja made him really nervous. Wack. 

"Okay buddy boy, whatever you say." Link snickered. "I'm going to go make cookies because I'm bored. Anybody want to help?"

"OOH! ME!" Pit and Roy both exclaimed at the same time. Then they glared at each other, because Link only picked one person to help him bake at a time. Whoever helped him got first dibs on the treats, so it was a highly coveted position. 

"Hmm, no, I had you help me last time." Link said while pointing at Pit. Then he gestured to Roy and said "And you're too distracting, so... Sheik, you're coming with me!" 

"Wait, what?!" Sheik protested as Link literally picked him up and dragged him off the couch. 

"Holy Hylia, dude, have you been eating enough?" Link asked. 

"Yes! Now put me down!" Sheik squawked. "Maybe you're just freakishly strong!"

"With you, I tend to think it's the former." 

"Whatever!" 

Link and Sheik's voices faded as they drifted over to the kitchen. Roy and Pit were both pouting because they wanted to help Link make the cookies. 

And Robin was left feeling suspiciously like this relationship was going to be a very bad idea down the line. 

VIRAL COMPILATION OF THE DAY! 

Pit being the literal sweetest human being on the planet for 17 minutes straight

The thumbnail is a picture of Pit grinning and doing peace signs at the camera with a bunch of hearts edited onto the image. 

Top comments 

SINamon roll 

man i love him so much :pleading_face: he's so cuteeee 

[ 5.2k likes ] 

you make special 

5:16

thank me later

(The linked timestamp takes the viewer to a segment taken from a recent Vlive that Pit did by himself. He's talking about how much he appreciates the fans and is wishing all of them a good day.) 

[ 63k likes ] 

ben barnes pls step on me

how did i get here... i'm so confused but i'm not complaining, these guys look pretty cool

[ 1.3k likes ] 

[ Replying to ben barnes pls step on me ] 

leader of the cult of brawltang 

ONE OF US
ONE OF US
ONE OF US

[ 1k likes ] 

[ Replying to ben barnes pls step on me ] 

Nikolai Lantsov is my king

YOOOO a new fan of Brawltang AND you like the Grishaverse?? you're my new best friend 

[ 887 likes ]