EMMA
present

"Beau?" My eyes slowly raise to face myself in the mirror as my hand numbly reaches for the pregnancy stick that fell into the sink. Twisting it between my fingers, the bold "pregnant" staring back at me menacingly, I can't help but laugh humorlessly. "Holy crap, your timing could not be any crazier,"

I stop myself, realizing what I've almost given away and bite my lip. Can I tell him? Should I tell him?
Tell him what... exactly?

There's a moment of silence until Beau speaks up again, clearing his throat first. "What do you mean?"

Tears well in my eyes as I clutch the stick in my palm, having no idea what I should do. The call came from a rehab facility in LA - the same one Rocco decided upon a month ago. So Beau must have stayed - he might even be doing better. Blinking back my tears, I open the mirrored cabinet above my sink and stick the pregnancy test inside.

To deal with another time, my mind quips, because you know this isn't going to just go away, right?

"Nothing," I lie, wiping my cheeks harshly, leaving my eyes bloodshot and watery looking back at me in my reflection. "I was just thinking about you, is all."

"Oh," Beau sounds like he might be smiling. The thought twists like a knife in my chest and I'm unable to escape the fear that he'll never forgive me for keeping this from him. But I have to keep it from him, don't I?

If I tell him, there's no way he'll stay in rehab. The news will either send him over the edge and to the bottle, or to me. That's not what either of us needs right now. He needs to be there.

What do I need right now?

In the mirror, my reflection is shell shocked and pale, worry creasing my forehead. My fingers shake as I knot them together just to untangle them over and over. It's like I'm a spectator - watching some drama play out in front of me - instead of being the person to actually live through the moment.

"You there, Em?" Beau asks, snapping me back to reality.

"Uh, yeah. What was that?" I settle on the toilet seat, no longer trusting my legs to keep me standing.

"I said I've been thinking a lot about you, too." He repeats himself and I focus on his words, trying to ignore the way my heart soars hearing his voice, even weeks later, even after seeing him kiss Rey. "Emma... I'm not okay."

Instantly, my heart races and I'm almost on my feet to go help him. Almost.

"I mean, I'm doing the steps and you know, seeing Dr. Dex - I mean Dr. Williams, and all of that. But I've never really been okay. I don't think..." He exhales a long, shaky breath. "I don't think it's good for us to be together, Em. I think we need space. And I know I'm the one calling you out of no where, but I just think we - I, at least - need closure."

Closure. The word repeats itself in my mind, sounding more and more unfamiliar every time.

There it is - the ending. The ending we have so frequently skipped out on. I never really thought it would be Beau delivering it, though, or that it would happen over the phone, just minutes after finding out that I'm pregnant with his child.

I also never thought it would still hurt so badly, nearly a month after seeing him last. Blinking blankly at my screen, I take the call off of speakerphone and press my cell to my ear.

"I think so, too." The words must come from me, although I don't remember telling my lips to move.

Beau let's out a long sigh, as if that's not what he wanted to hear, despite being the one to bring it up. "Hey, Em? The note you left on my birthday?"

I wince at the memory. The night was supposed to be unforgettable - Beau's first birthday where he felt loved and cared for. Instead his brother wrecked it and Rey crashed through whatever Beck left in tact.

"Yeah?" My voice is weak, bouncing off of the lonely bathroom walls. I can still see my handwriting etched in the little card stock from the hotel lobby, propped up in the strings of his new guitar.

I've loved you every day since the first one, even when I just didn't know it.

Even after being crushed a second time, I couldn't have been any more truthful.

Beau clears his throat again. "I just wanted to say, um... All it took was that first look at Nadine's coffee shop and I was done for. Completely and totally yours, even when I didn't want to be." His voice sounds thicker now. "And I'm really fucking sorry for how I've hurt you."

I wipe my eyes again, filled with a new flood of tears, and nod my head. "Me too, Beau. Me too." I sniff hard, trying to keep my voice even. "But you're right - we need time apart. Space is the best thing for us right now."

As I let my sentence trail off, a feeble attempt at pretending to sound okay, my hand falls to my lower belly subconsciously.

"Okay." Beau sounds better than I feel and part of me hates him for it. "I'll be out in a couple of months and then maybe we can figure some things out. Our stuff and all of that,"

My heart nearly breaks. I have no interest in going through our personal items together - he can have anything I've left with him. I'll send his in a care package if I have to, but seeing him? Just to go through our relationship's lost and found box?

I don't trust my voice to say anything so I'm glad when he continues. "The lake house is yours, though. I only bought it for you."

For another time, my chest constricts tightly. I think I preferred the immature way we left things before - at least unspoken, the end didn't cut so deeply.

"Okay," I mutter finally, a weak last line to follow my hearts most precious relationship, but all I can manage while trying to keep it together.

"Okay." The line goes quiet for a few seconds and I know they're the last I'll share with him for awhile, but I don't know how to say what needs to be said. "Okay, so take care of yourself, Em. I - uh. Well. I'll see you around." Beau stumbles over his words.

"Beau, wait!" My heart pounds loudly in my ears. Gulping back my moment of courage, I peel my eyes from the mirrored cabinet above the sink and drop my head into my hands. "You take care, too."

***

Bubbles fizz up my nostrils as I take a sip of the sparkling cider I snuck into Gemma's engagement party. Too preoccupied being the gorgeous bride to be, Gemma hardly has time to notice the details anymore. That's why she's entrusted me with all things wedding related.

Nadine is the one I have to be careful of. I chew the corner of my lip as I take another long gulp of the cool drink, feeling her eyes on me even across the great room of my parents lake house. Smiling at her casually, I make my way over to Gemma, radiant in an emerald cocktail dress and her now signature blonde hair.

Her eyes twinkle as she laughs at something Connor's mom says, her twin cousins flanking her in lighter green dresses of their own. I try not to roll my eyes at them, linking my arm through Gemma's as I come up beside her.

"Hi Emmy," Gemma leans her head on my shoulder, "We were saying what a great job you did with the catering. It's delicious," She points a finger to the array of Mexican appetizers lining the long table, her diamond twinkling in the natural light.

I'd been so excited when I'd booked the caterer. Now the heavy, spicy aroma turns my stomach.

"I'm glad you like it," I smile genuinely. As we drift back into wedding conversation, particularly Gemma's upcoming dress shopping, Adam returns from the store, David just behind him.

As they drop additional booze in the kitchen, Nadine makes her way after them and I follow lazily, needing a break from the wedding details.

"Can I help you with anything?" My nose scrunches as Nadine wraps her arms around David's neck, his sweet nothings sending her into a fit of giggles. I turn to Adam, a similar disgusted frown on his full lips.

"Cool it Maid of Honor. You already made me look bad with the party," Adam chuckles, offering me a glass of champagne. I shake my head and he continues, "Let the Best Man handle the liquor, okay?"

Good idea. I feel my cheeks get hot as my mind instantly goes to my belly. I'm no where close to showing, but I have the creeping suspicion that everyone must know my secret.

Adam raises his brows at me, concern turning his smile downwards. I shake my head, turning my attention to Gemma, now tearing her way into the kitchen with her head thrown back in laughter.

Adam nudges my ribs, raising one finger, then two, then three, before finally pointing after Gemma. Right on cue, Connor follows after his fiancé.

I pop a couple of light green M&Ms in my mouth as Adam rolls his eyes at me, pretending to gag at the happy couple. Nadine, David, Connor, and Gemma lose themselves in a joke about one of their recent double dates, and Adam leans back with me against the center island.

"Find a date to the wedding yet?" Adam asks, taking an M&M from my hand.

Rolling my head back, I close my eyes tightly before peeking at him from under my lashes. I shake my head, "You?"

Tossing a candy into the air and catching it in his mouth, he shrugs. "Not yet."

"Oh," I wiggle my brows at him suggestively. "Got anyone in mind?"

"I might." Once again, Adam shrugs at me casually. I try not to look disappointed - the wedding will be more fun if I'm not the only one flying solo, but I can't blame Adam for wanting a date. "Come on, I think Gemma wants to do presents."

As he takes one of my hands, Gemma grabs the other, pulling me back into the other room. Dutifully, and honestly with a lot of love, I sit beside her as she opens boxes of kitchen appliances and honeymoon excursions, taking careful notes of who gifted her which items.

If it was up to Gemma, she would forget to write thank you notes, but I won't let that happen. Taking another sip of my cider, I raise my glass as she peels the tissue paper away to reveal a sexy new set of lingerie.

Writing the gift in my notepad, I notice Connor's mom stiffen in her seat and Gemma's cheeks flush a deep red. A wide smile spreads over my face.

Gemma blushing, now that's something I never thought I would see.

Hopefully this chapter clears up some of the timeline questions in earlier chapters!
Prologue jumped way forward, then we went back to right after Bemma broke up in Beau's pov. Then jumped ahead a month in Beau's rehab - which brings us to the end of The Distance Between Us, when Emma finds out she's pregnant!

Let me know your thoughts on the chapter!! ❤️
Have a Closer to You question?? I'm doing a Q&A so leave a comment below!!