EMMA

Pressing the palms of my hands into my eyes, I try not to fall asleep in my cereal bowl before work. As my head drops forward and my eyes get heavy, I jolt upright at the sound of my cuckoo clock - a novelty homecoming gift from Nadine. Damn, I'm already running late.

Making a baby might take a lot out of me, but keeping it a secret takes out so much more. I just need a little bit more time to figure out what I'm going to do and then I'll be able to get this weight off my chest.

Stirring soggy cholesterol-healthy cereal with my spoon, I feel a rush of nausea and shove the bowl away from me, milk splashing onto the wooden table.

"Shit," I rush to grab a towel and soak up the liquid before it can stain the antique Nana left to me when she passed. I mop it up just in time, but tears well in my eyes even after the crisis has been averted. "Shit." I sigh again, tossing my hands up in defeat.

I'm always crying.

Rolling my weepy eyes to my wall clock, I realize traffic will probably be picking up, too. God, I just need the world to slow down for a couple of minutes. Is that too much to ask for?

Tossing my bowl and spoon into the sink, I quickly stuff my feet into my ballet flats - another unwelcome change with this pregnancy - and fly through my front door. So determined to make it in on time, I almost don't notice the red rose, placed neatly across my welcome mat, waiting for me.

With a furrowed brow, I bring it to my nose, scanning the area for anyone who might have seen who left it. Not a trace left behind, I can't find the culprit, or even a neighbor who might be able to give me a clue.

No note, again. Hm. I inhale the sweet scent of the petals, mind wandering.

Chalking it up to Beau and his remorse for how things ended, I hurriedly stuff the flower into my bag, hearing the sharp snap of its stem as I do.

***

"So on Saturday, we have cake tasting - I have a feeling this is gonna be my favorite part," Gemma's big eyes go wide, hearts practically filling her irises at the mention of trying nearly unlimited sweets. My own belly flops, glad the appointment is in the afternoon.

I yawn, hiding it behind my hand, as I take in my cluttered coffee table. Various wedding magazines, all dog-eared and highlighted, litter my table and floor. Between all of this and the Pinterest board Gemma shared with me, I'm overwhelmed by all of the  wedding bliss. Today's focus is on the dessert station - a cake will be the main attraction, of course, but Gemma wants cupcakes and pastries, as well. Various pastel snacks stare back at me from the glossy pages.

In all of the photos, every one of the glowing brides just looks so... happy. In love.

I'm not bitter, I just don't feel particularly romantic at the moment. From what I've seen, no matter how much you love someone... they can still hurt you. Probably more, the more you love them.

My mind wanders to my last meeting with Beau, his clear eyes and urgency to make things right by me and the baby - I force myself to think the word - so apparent in my thoughts.

But I've seen his eyes clear before, I've heard his promises, I've believed his words. The image of he and Rey kissing burns in my brain, filling my mouth with bile all over again. It wasn't her, it wasn't her, it wasn't her. It was the alcohol on her lips that he wanted. I know this. I do. But whether it was Rey or the alcohol, he made his choice and again, it wasn't me.

"Em?" Gemma pushes my knee with her foot across the couch. "What's going on, you've been out of it lately. First at the fitting - which you haven't told me your decision on the dress yet, by the way -" Her little face pinches as she pulls her blonde locks into a bun. "And now I don't know... I feel like I'm boring you."

"I'm not bored or out of it!" I lie too quickly and she raises her brows at me suspiciously. "I just had a rough night is all. So cake tasting - any flavors you're leaning towards already?"

Gemma shakes her head slowly, turning her gaze back down to the catalog in her hands. "Not really."

She flips through her magazine quietly, not making eye contact. Leaning my head back against the plush sofa, I let out a deep sigh. Now she's mad at me. Maybe I haven't hidden my issues as well as I've thought.

"Don't be mad, Gem. I'm here! I'm excited - just overwhelmed. I want to be the best Maid of Honor I can be," I grab her dainty hand in mine and squeeze when she meets my eyes. "There's so much to plan."

Laney, Gemma's obnoxious, loud-mouthed cousin, pops into my brain and I quickly continue.

"But I'm happy to be doing it for you - with you. Just tired, I promise."

Gemma narrows her eyes at me, watching me intently. "You're sure?"

I nod enthusiastically, nearly making myself dizzy with the quick movements.

"Pinky promise, then?" Gemma sticks out her little finger and my heart drops.

Ignoring the regret I already feel for lying to her, I wrap my finger around hers and top it with a kiss.

"Pinky promise."

Seemingly satisfied, Gemma lifts the catalog to me, pointing to a large five-tiered cake adorned with real flowers.

"What do you think?" Gemma bites her lip in thought.

Expensive.

"Beautiful! Do you think it'll be enough?" Gemma has a huge family and all will be invited, no matter the drama that ensues. Plus, being the social butterfly that she is, she's made lots of friends during her many travels and many have already told her that they're looking forward to the big day after receiving their save-the-dates. Everyone is eager to meet the one man to finally get the illusive Gemma to settle down.

Soon, Gemma is lost in her own musings about her guest list and I'm able to drift away in thought again. My thoughts shift towards my slow growing belly, the little person growing inside me. There were times, at my parents lake house, when I laid down with Beau, my head on his chest, and wondered about our future. Would we ever get to the place where we could have our own children?

I thought so. But not for a long while, not until Beau was over his past and I was able to trust that this was what he wanted.

Now, here we are. The situation couldn't be any less like how I pictured - Beau and I, linked together by both our history and apparently our future, forced to be close to one another, unable to be together. When I saw him the other night, my heart physically hurt - I wanted to hold him, to kiss him, to push him out the door, to scream at him.

And when I curled up in his arms, it was easy to forget that he was the one to rip me apart in the first place.

Resting my hand on my belly under my throw blanket, I chew my lip nervously, wondering what the hell I should do.

Gemma's ringtone pierces the air, interrupting her lengthening monologue and I snap to attention. Her smile brightens when she answers and I know instantly that it must be Connor.

Gemma takes the phone from her mouth, asking me, "Would you mind if Connor and Adam came by? They'll bring pizza."

"Awesome." I grin my best fake smile and hope no one notices my sour mood.

By the time the pizza is gone, the smell of cheese and grease heavy in the air, the wedding materials have been pushed aside. Some medical drama plays on my TV, Gemma and Connor arguing animatedly about the primary relationship of the show, while Adam reads through one of his manuscripts and I play on my phone.

Realistically, I'm scrolling through Instagram, trying to make sense of my growing number of follow requests. Not recognizing any of them, I continuously decline each one, stopping only when Adam nudges me with his elbow.

"I might call it a night. I've got an early meeting with Shannon tomorrow," Adam groans, shoving his papers into his leather shoulder bag.

"Oh, right." I stretch, recalling the information Adam shared with me at the start of the week. "No idea what it's about yet?" Shannon has become quite notorious for requesting spontaneous meetings and providing little input beforehand.

Adam shakes his head, sucking air between his teeth. "Hope I'm not fired."

I stand to walk him out, allowing Gemma and Connor some private time to say their goodbyes.

"Of course you're not fired." I shake my head, pulling my cardigan closer around my body.

Right before Adam can argue, my phone buzzes and I glance down, hoping it's not something else from Instagram. Seeing Beau's name, I feel the frown on my face immediately.

"Emma?" Adam's voice is concerned.

"It's just Beau." I admit, pushing my hair behind my ears and offering Adam a small shrug. "It's nothing."

He adjusts his bag on his shoulder, chocolate eyes clouded with worry. "I thought he was in rehab."

"He was, he got out. He's sober again." I add, feeling slightly defensive.

Adam nods, a polite smile on his full lips. "Good for him."

The air between us is almost tense and I'm not sure why. Shifting my weight from foot to foot, I cross my arms over my chest and wait for him to break the increasingly uncomfortable silence.

"I just worry, is all." Adam admits finally. "Is it really a good idea to talk to him again?"

My eyes flash to his face and I feel the blush in my cheeks instantly. I don't need someone else judging my relationship, if that's even what we can call it anymore. What does Adam know about it, anyway?

Way less than he thinks he does, that's for sure. I resist the urge to place my hand protectively over my belly.

I raise my brows at him skeptically. "Is it really your business?"

Adam rocks back on his heels, a slow smile playing over his lips. "Guess not." He looks at his feet before slowly raising his eyes to my face. My blush deepens under his gaze until I finally look away, the weird energy between us becoming too much. "Hey, I'll see you after my meeting."

Adam finally touches my shoulder as Connor approaches and I nod in agreement, the contact sending an unexpected chill up my spine. "Good luck." I tell him before saying goodbye to Connor, as well.

I watch as they walk to Connors car in the parking lot, scanning the neighborhood before I pull my door closed again. With an uneasy feeling in my belly, I lock both locks, take a deep breath and push my paranoia from my mind before rejoining Gemma in the living room.

Thanks for reading loves!
What's your take on the roses? Adam's comments to Emma? Gemma and Connor and the wedding?
Let me hear it! ❤️