EMMA

"Do you want to talk about it?" I pick at the frayed edge of my jeans, my feet tucked under my legs in the passenger side of Beau's mustang.

He hasn't said a word since we left my appointment - the majority of the ride back to my place. Conversation hasn't been easy between us lately, I know, but I need him to talk to me right now. If I can focus on him, then I can't get caught in my own thoughts, the ones that are nearly suffocating me already.

"About what?" Beau asks, his voice calmer and more even than I had expected. He keeps his eyes on the road, his grown in hair falling into his face, as he steadily thumps his fingers against the wheel.

I purse my lips, blinking back tears as I stare at the rubber soles of converse. Throat tight, I croak out, "Adoption."

Beau glances my way before quickly focusing ahead of him. The drumming stops and his tattooed knuckles whiten, clenched tightly around the steering wheel.

"What about it?"

I throw my hands up, tears slipping from my eyes despite my best efforts. "Anything!" I wipe furiously at my cheeks. "Literally anything at all. You don't have any thoughts on the matter?"

Beau puts the car in park, now in the lot of my condo complex, and angles his body towards me. "I told you already. Whatever you decide-"

"Don't." I interrupt, facing him head on. "You've been quiet since I brought it up with Dr. Banks. Please just be honest with me - what do you want?"

Beau meets my stare with a sad, longing look. He leans forward, reaching his hand out to my face. I lean into his touch, wincing as he pulls away. I miss the way his skin feels against mine.

Face fallen, he shrugs lamely. "What do you want me to say, Emma?"

I search his eyes - for what, I'm not sure. Would it have been crazy for me to hope that he'd want this? At least somewhat? Want me, our baby? It's scary as hell and probably the worst idea out there, but I can't deny that there's a part of me that wishes there was a way to make this work. Maybe it was naive to think he'd want the same.

"Nothing." I exhale, a painful, tight lipped grin on my face as I get out of the car. Before I close the door, I'm unable to help myself and lean back inside. "My mistake for thinking you might ever actually be up front about what you want."

Beau's jaw clenches as he watches me retreat again. For a moment, I'm surprised - almost impressed really, with his ability to resist the argument.

"Are you serious?" Seconds later, his voice spins me around in his direction again.

I meet his narrowed eyes with a defiant glare of my own. It shouldn't feel so good to start a fight, but it's been so long since I've gotten anything from him. I need to know he cares, I just... really need it, need him, right now.

"Fine, Emma. You want to talk about what we want?" Beau licks his lips, leaning his forearms on the roof of his car. "I'll go first. I never wanted us to separate to begin with."

I flinch at his words. Beau's selective vulnerability seems to come in biting rushes, somehow beautiful and painful all at once.

"It's your turn, Emma." He reminds me sarcastically.

I cross my arms over my chest, chin jutting out defiantly. "You called me for closure, Beau."

He shrugs, expression somehow bored and hurt simultaneously. I know him too well to be fooled by his aloof attitude - I see through the careless facade he puts on for the world.

"After you left me." He says the words easily, like they don't even sting.

"After you," I shout, pointing over the car and ignoring my neighbor strolling by, trying to walk their pug in peace. "Kissed Rey!"

"I didn't kiss Rey and you know that." Beau shakes his head, hair falling into his eyes. "It was wrong, but it wasn't a kiss so much as a shot and you know it."

I open my mouth and close it again, the breeze picking up as the storm clouds roll in.

"But of course you do," He tips his head back in exasperation, tiny raindrops landing on his face. "Because you called and had Rocco drag me back to rehab."

The comment is like a smack in the face.

"Do you think I wanted to?" I want to tug my hair out, my frustration boiling into full blown anger. "I felt awful - knowing you'd consider it betrayal, but you left me no choice. Like always!"

"Like always, Em? What's that supposed to mean?"

"That over and over again, you leave me with an impossible choice!" I storm away before stomping back to my original standing place and yelling again. "The first time: I could be there for you or be completely humiliated in front of the entire world," He winces but I keep going, years of things left unsaid tumbling out now. "Then, stay with you again, after you did everything you said you wouldn't do again, or finally take care of myself. Help you get better and know you'll probably hate me for it, or let you fall into a ditch, drunk somewhere." I glare at him, chin quivering. "And now-"

"Now what?" Beau snaps, his eyes intent and unforgiving on me now.

"Now," I repeat, tears spilling over as my hands rest on my hips. I look back to him, "Now I have to make the most difficult decision yet." I track my fingers through my tangled hair, damp now from the slight drizzle turning into rain. "God, what am I gonna do?"

"Looks like you got that figured out too." Beau shakes his head at me, hands pulling at his roots. "Get an adoption and you'll never have to see me again." He claps his hands together as if he's wiping them clean.

"Fuck you," I snap, my anger finally exploding out of me. "Fuck you! How dare you?" I storm around the car, shoving against his chest with my hands.

"What?" Beau barely budges. "You've made it clear - you don't want this. I don't blame you. It's fucked up. But let's just call it like it is."

I shake my head, feeling all of the fight leaving my body. "Don't you get it?" I tilt my head and blink away raindrops to shout at him. "It's because I want this - so, so badly - that I'm even thinking about adoption, you asshole! I think about this... this baby - our baby - and all I want to do is pick out a name and decorate a nursery and ... and..." I clasp my hand over my mouth to control my crying, sobs unraveling what's left of my composure.

"Emma," Beau's face softens slightly and he reaches out to me.

I swat at his hand, wrapping my arms around my chest and taking a step back. Inhaling deeply, I continue, more coherently, now.

"Our baby deserves so much," I feel a small smile pull at my lips. Despite the surging anger I felt just seconds ago, I gently place a hand on Beau's chest - the same spot I thrashed at - and sigh. "Our baby deserves parents who will give them everything. Parents like mine."

Beau uses a thumb to wipe away a stray tear and I lean into the warmth of his hand, chilled now that we're standing in the bad weather. I close my eyes, wanting so badly to be held by him. To feel, if even for just a minute, like things will be good again. Like they were before.

"We could be like them." Beau murmurs softly, snarky sarcasm and cool indifference lost from his tone now. His thumb lowers to brush against my bottom lip and my belly somersaults wildly as sparks shoot through my veins.

I let out a small, humorless chuckle. I've had so many dreams just like that - Beau and me, older but still in love, surrounded by kids and then grandchildren. There would be more leather and black hair dye than in Mom and Dad's marriage, but it only made me love the fantasy more.

I shake my head anyways, pushing aside the butterflies I still get every time he touches me.

"I don't think we can, Beau."

Wordlessly, he nods before finally dropping his hand from my cheek. With one final, lingering look, Beau gets back into his car and ignites the engine.

Leaning into the open window, I feel my brows crinkle together as I ignore the warning lights pinging in my brain.

"So, I guess we didn't really talk everything out." I tuck a soaked strand of hair behind my ear, feeling a bit reckless at my next words, his mouth so close to mine in the space of his drivers side. "Do you want to come inside to finish up?"

I shouldn't have asked, shouldn't have wanted to. It's irresponsible - especially when I really don't want to talk. But with his black t-shirt sticking to his skin, his wet hair a stark contrast to his piercing green eyes, and the empty ache I've been feeling lately... the one only he can fill, I want company. In particular, I want his company.

That much has never changed.

We shouldn't - not with emotions running so high. But that's exactly why I need it now.

His gaze finds mine as he runs a hand through his hair again. "I do." He doesn't move. "But you're right, about everything. Even though I want to," Beau licks his lips, eyes hungry, and I know he's thinking the same things I am. "And I really want to... It's better if we're apart. Maybe we should talk at the coffee shop some time, instead."

Shocked, stung, and embarrassed, I feel my cheeks flush pink. Removing my arms from the window, I take a step back so that he can leave, but don't say anything.

"I'll talk to you soon." He sighs.

"Hey," I mutter quickly, catching him just in time. "I am sorry about the rehab thing. I didn't want it to have to happen like that."

I stare down at the toe of my shoes, remembering the horrible day Rey called me, unable to find Beau. Sending Rocco his location was horrible - like helping the enemy, in a sense. But it's what was best for Beau, I had to keep telling myself that.

Chuckling, Beau shrugs casually. "Like you said, Em," He smirks half-heartedly. "I didn't give you a whole lot of options."

I watch as the mustang pulls out of the complex, speeding off to the other side of town where he's staying. Still feeling rejected, I shake my head and try not to daydream about how differently this whole scenario could have gone.

The whole day would've gone differently if we were together. The appointment would've brought hope and closeness, not fighting and hurt feelings.

Jogging up to my condo, the rain falling much harder now, I fumble for my keys in my purse. The keys slip through my fingers and as I bend to grab them from my welcome mat, I find another solitary, red rose.

Turning over my shoulder quickly, I confirm that Beau has not returned.

Snatching the flower in my fingers, more confused than ever, my fingers find a soggy piece of paper attached.

A note, too, this time?

Shoving my front door open with my butt, I carefully peel the paper apart, the running ink just barely legible.

My mouth pops open, my bag thumping to the floor loudly as it drops from my hands, as my mind registers the two simple words running across the crumpled paper.

You're glowing.

Happy update loves!
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Whaaaat do we think?
The argument?
How they left it?
Emma wanting to get it on with Beau and Beau... saying no?!
And finally... the note!!
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