EMMA

The party continues well into the evening, becoming more intimidate with each hour that passes until it's just Adam, David, Nadine, Gemma, Connor, and myself, arranged in a circle on the living room floor, snacks and drinks strewn everywhere between us. Gemma's cousin, Laney, snores softly on the sofa behind us, having enjoyed just a bit too much champagne after desert. To be expected really, as she was the same cousin to get drunk at Gemma's sweet sixteen back in high school. Things haven't changed that much, I laugh as Gemma throws back a shot with ease.

Not for the first time tonight, Adam passes the communal wine bottle to me and I discreetly hand it off to David without taking a sip. So far, no one has noticed. I've been clever, hopping up to go to the bathroom or the kitchen at just the right times, holding onto the bottle for a few moments if I'm not able to sneak away. Still, as everyone around me gets tipsier, it's harder and harder to hold off their encouragement.

"Who's down for some more?" Adam jumps to his feet, dangling another empty bottle from his fingers. Hands around the circle shoot up without hesitation. I try my hardest to fade into the background, pushing myself farther into the beanbag chair I've borrowed from Nadine.

"Let's play that card game you showed me," Gemma speaks from her cozy spot in Connor's lap, leaning her sleepy head on his broad shoulder as her eyelids flutter. A twinge of jealousy zaps through me but is replaced with warmth just as quickly.

"I don't think we can handle that much alcohol right now," Connor chuckles, running his hand protectively over Gemma's hair. I breathe a silent exhale of relief before Adam comes back, three more bottles in his arms.

"Come on, party pooper," Adam shoves Connor's shoulder, already setting the bottles in the center of our circle. He reaches behind him and returns shuffling the deck in his hands like a pro.

"Here we go," Nadine murmurs under her breath, giving me a bemused shrug. David scoots himself forward too, so he's only a couple of inches from Nadine's body, following her lead per usual.

Gemma let's out an excited hoot before untangling her limbs from Connors and bringing herself closer into the circle. As Adam begins dealing the cards and going over the rules, I shoot up from the floor abruptly.

"I just need some air," I explain, hoping to keep the panic out of my tone and off of my face. Adam and Gemma in particular stare at me intently, trying to figure out my jumpiness.

I keep my pace deliberate, feeling them all watching me as I slip out of the glass slider and onto the large deck overlooking the lake. The water laps at the shore lazily with the warm breeze blowing against my skin, the gentle chirping of crickets accompanying the soft crashing of the waves.

Feeling the grain of the wood beneath my palms, I stare out over the railing and try to clear my thoughts. There's a rational way to process this, options to consider, choices to make, but I feel paralyzed. For the first time, I physically can't make a decision. And all I can think about is...

The slider door opens again, making me jump and look over my shoulder quickly, composing my features in a hopefully calm expression.

"Miss Emma, mind if I join you?" Nadine saunters out slowly, wrapping her hands around her arms. I smile half heartedly - Nadine has always been easily chilled. "I'm not really a fan of those drinking games, you know. It's been a long time since I've been back here, though. I've missed this view."

She stands by my side quietly, taking in the lake with a content smile on her full lips. She spent summers here, too. Babysitting me while my parents spent days out on the water with their friends or went to work. My chin trembles slightly and before I know it, the tears are falling down my cheeks steadily. Sinking my head into my hands, I shake it furiously, leaning into Nadine for support as she puts an arm over my shoulder.

"I knew something was off. What's going on with you, hm?" Her fingers are gentle as she wipes under my eyes, cooing softly as she pushes strands of hair from my face.

"I don't know what to do, Nadine." Somewhere deep in my heart aches for my mother, for a chance to just talk with her one more time, to hold her hand and ask her what I should do. I never got the chance to talk to her about any of it, about getting married some day, starting a family. Now I'm here and I just... "I just don't know,"

"About what, honey?" Nadine cups my face in her hands, holding me firmly together. Her dark eyes are wide with concern, trained intently on me as she waits for an explanation.

I feel my cheeks get hot as I cast my eyes downwards. How did this happen?

"I'm pregnant." The words don't even sound like my own and yet somehow, saying them out loud makes it real. When I finally raise my gaze to meet Nadine's, she doesn't look surprised. The realization puzzles me.

"You weren't drinking," She murmurs softly in explanation, wrapping her arms around me once more in a tight embrace. Of course she knew. I begin to worry if anyone else does, too. That would only makes everything that much harder - I need more time.

I slump into her embrace, feeling the weight come off my shoulders just a little. "What do I do?" I mumble into her shoulder weakly.

All of these decisions. My mind spins and spins, coming to no firm answers about anything.

"The father..." Nadine eyes me knowingly.

And he's all I can think about. I nod my head, "Beau. Yeah."

Nadine sighs, turning her attention back out to the water, now glinting in the moonlight. I tilt my head up to the stars, wondering what my parents would think of me. Of Beau, too. It's a real shame that I'll never get to know. Subconsciously my hand finds my lower belly, slowly tracing circles over my dress.

"Whatever you decide, I'm here to help with whatever you need." Nadine rests her hand on mine and I close my eyes gratefully.

"Don't tell Gemma." I sigh, looking over my shoulder sadly. Gemma tips her blonde head back to drink from the bottle and her cheeks flush happily. "I don't want to ruin her time with my drama."

Nadine purses her lips but agrees without argument. "What about Beau? Are you going to tell him?"

I groan - I'd been putting off this exact question as it seems impossible to answer. "I don't know - I don't want to hurt him or set him back. What would you do?"

I look to her eagerly, needing any sort of wisdom she can provide. Nadine takes a minute before replying, inhaling deeply as the breeze sends curls into her eyes. "If it was you in his position... what would you want?" She asks, glancing at me from the corner of her eyes.

"I have to tell him, don't I?" I exhale, watching as Nadine shrugs at me, her serious expression giving me all the answer that I need.

Saying nothing, I stare back up at the stars, making lines in the constellations I can still recognize. She shivers beside me, rubbing her hands up her biceps. "I'm headed back in. You do what you have to do and then come back to us, okay?"

I nod, giving her an appreciative grin before leaning back over the railing. The sound of the crickets nags at me until I finally grab my cell from my back pocket and redial the rehab facility number.

What will I even say? What will we do? Just when all of this was supposed to be behind us...

"Hello?" The voice on the other end asks and I jump, realizing that I missed her initial greeting.

"Um hi, is it possible to speak to a patient? Beau Lewis? It's important. I'm Emma Carter, he's called me before." I wince at my voice, hoping I don't sound as frantic as I feel. My fingers tremble as I tap them against the old wooden railing.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Patients have to be allowed phone privileges by their doctors." She says matter-of-faculty. Of course. I chew my lip in frustration. "If it's important," She continues, "I can take a message to our doctors?"

"Um, no." I shake my head, running a hand through my hair. It definitely is important, but I can't imagine Beau getting news like this... like that. "Can I send a letter? Can he receive mail?"

Part of me feels bad for hounding her, but most of me is too anxious to think about anything else. I remind myself to be extra nice to a stranger to make up for it tomorrow.

"Let me check." There's loud keyboard tapping in the background. "It doesn't say he can't, I suppose that would be okay."

"Great, thanks." I mutter, feeling some pressure lift off my chest. I rush to hang up, mind already racing.

What a letter I have to write, I wince internally. Hey Beau, guess what? I'm pregnant and it's got to be yours!

I shake my head before making my way back into the party. Halting just at the door, I look down at my phone as a string of vibrations grabs my attention. A flood of Instagram notifications clutters my screen. I begin to scroll through, not recognizing the names, but get distracted as Gemma calls me from inside.

"Emmy, come back! I need you on my team, Adam is a cheater." She's drunk and incredibly loud, but Adam just shakes his head, holding his heart as if he's been wounded.

"She's a liar!" He looks over his shoulder at me and I slip my phone back into my pocket without another thought of the notifications.

"Cheater, cheater!" Gemma sings through drunken giggles as I lock the door behind me.

Nadine winks at me secretly as I settle back into the circle, instantly diffusing the mock tension between my friends.

"Okay, okay, where were we?"

Thanks loves! Sorry for the long wait - more updates soon! Let me know whatcha think in the comments... do you think Emma should tell Beau?
Leave any questions below for the upcoming Q&A!