EMMA

"Good morning," Beau murmurs, deep voice thick with sleep. Eyes still closed, he reaches out to me, blindly grabbing my fingers and holding my hand close to his chest. His eyes flash open then. "Sorry," He let's go and my heart falls.

I keep my smile in place, knowing that taking it slow is the best way to go. Despite last night and how amazing it feels to be with him, we need to do this right, to be responsible.

The little one deserves it.

"Don't be sorry." I say quietly, resisting my own urges to trace his face, flush in the sunlight making its way through the window. "For the first time in awhile, I don't feel so... angry."

I trail my eyes over him instead, the hard line of his jaw, the smudged liner he didn't take off before we fell asleep on the floor, and catch as he grimaces. Grunting, he sits up straighter against the wall and pulls a comforter over his lap.

"I don't want you to be angry." He sighs, using long, tattooed fingers to pull a loose strand in the material."Ever. But especially not at me." I smile at the child-like statement, but don't interject. "Hey, can I talk to you about something?" His green eyes flutter to my face and then back down to the chipped polish on his nails.

I try to hide my surprise - while Beau's communication has gotten better, an outright request to talk is rare.

"Sure," I nod, watching him intently. "You said you wanted to talk about that meeting with Zach and Rocco, right?"

Beau's expression shifts just barely, before he nods finally. "Um, yeah. I wanted to know what you think."

Now it's my turn to stare at my hands. Whatever he's going to say - just please don't let it ruin everything. Not after last night.

After dozing off discussing his tattoos and whether or not I would ever ink my own skin, we were startled awake by his phone ringing. He ignored the call but the damage was done - wide awake, we spent even more hours up talking. From laughing about Fiona and our awkward first meeting, to pondering what our baby will be like - a little book lover in my eyes, and a total badass musician in Beau's - our talk left me content.

Hopeful. Excited, even. Ready to take on the future.

Whatever Rocco and Zach said, it better not disrupt the balance we seemed to strike last night. Flirty, but casual. Just two people who know each other best, talking like friends.

I lift my head when Beau continues, voice slow and unsure.

"Zach wants me to join a band he's pulling together. He's getting a lot of cool guys, kind of like a mega-band or something. He wants... he wants me to do it with him." Beau narrows his eyes at me, trying to read me, I'm sure.

It's like my heart drops into my stomach, all the hope I'd just been feeling drowning right along with it. Not this. Not again.

Before I can speak, Beau rushes out the next part. "I told him I couldn't do it."

"You what?" This time, I can't help that my jaw nearly hits the floor.

"Well." He rubs a hand over his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. "I said I'd think about it. But I don't think it's good for me to go back to that shit... Zach said maybe I could just write for them instead."

I deliberate for a moment, trying to sort out how this situation might affect us. Beau. Me. Our relationship. Our child. I chew my lip, a million thoughts buzzing through my mind, making me dizzy and tired all at once.

"Say something, Em." Beau nudges my knee gently, voice and eyes pleading with me.

"I'm not sure what to say yet." I mumble truthfully, my emotions overwhelming rational logic.

It's selfish to tell him not to. But is it selfish to not want to be hurt again?

"Why would you wait till after we have sex to tell me that?" I groan, leaning my head back against the wall, the same way his is. I cross my arms over my chest, wishing we'd talked about this before we complicated things further.

"I wanted to talk about it, Em." Beau sighs, "And I never thought last night was gonna happen. It just did - I wasn't really thinking about anything else at the time."

"But I told you to be honest." I turn my head towards him, our noses just inches apart. "And you promised."

"That's why I'm being honest now. Just tell me what to do, Emma. I'll do it. Whatever I decide, I don't want it to ruin anything with us or the baby. Just tell me."

The pain in his eyes startles me. He looks so young, so in need of guidance. So lost.

I let my lips curve into a soft smile, sighing as I face forward again. "I can't tell you what to do, Beau. You have to learn to make decisions - good ones - for yourself. But I can say that I won't try to make it harder on you. If you choose to go, I won't stop you. You gave me your word that you'd be there for this kid," I bite my lip, looking out the sliding door to the glistening water of the lake. "So whatever happens..." Be strong, like Mom. I remind myself. Fiercely protective like Dad. "I'll have to do what's best for them, no matter what."

I meet his eyes and hope he knows how serious I am.

He nods slowly before running his hands through his hair.

"Thanks." He murmurs. "What would you do, if you were me?"

"Ha!" I laugh abruptly at the thought. "Oh my, to be Beau Lewis for a day." I tease him, lightening the mood. Sadly, his tired eyes remind me how little he cares for being in the spotlight and I grow somber again. "I don't know. Music means so much to you. I don't know what that feels like to give it up."

I watch his bare chest rise and fall as he takes slow, even breaths. I wonder what he's thinking, how confused he must feel and wish I could comfort him somehow. I wish I could tell him to just go for it - what's the worst that could happen?

But I can't. If we haven't seen the worst that can happen already, then I never want to. Still, as uncertain of the situation as I am, I know that if Beau works at it, he will pull through anything.

"I believe in you." I say firmly, shocking him, I think. His eyes widen at me before he tries to play it off with a chuckle. I don't let him off the hook. "I mean it."

Rolling his eyes to the ceiling, Beau laughs, low and raspy. "I know you do." He smirks at me. "And that makes you even crazier than I am."

I shake my head at him playfully, rising to my feet as my stomach grumbles loudly. "I'm going to get breakfast. Want anything?"

"You're the pregnant one. I'm supposed to get you things." Beau frowns up at me from the floor.

"Better stop slacking." I laugh, slipping into my cardigan. Maybe covering the wrinkles of my shirt will hide that it's the same one I slept in. Hopefully. "Kidding. I'm fine. I could use some air."

"Okay." Beau stands, pulling the comforter with him, but allowing it to rest low on his hips. My eyes trail the patch of hair beneath his belly button, the ripples of his abdomen, before I regain my focus on his voice. "Can we keep this going when you get back?"

"Talking?" I raise my brows at him. Taking his sarcastic eye roll as a yes, I agree before heading out the door.

A chatty Beau Lewis. Who would have ever thought?

***

Almost in slow motion, I drop my coffee cup from my mouth, appetite completely gone. It wasn't that good anyways, but even Nadine's would be bitter now.

I'm sure he'd planned a better way to tell me - one that made sense, or at least tried to. But when I'd returned with scones and coffee faster than Beau had thought I would, I'd interrupted a phone call he seemed to wish I hadn't.

From there, the rest came tumbling out, each word more surprising and somehow more painful than the last.

"So," My voice doesn't even sound like my own. It's like I'm watching a bad soap opera on TV. "Zoey reached out to you..." I bring my gaze to Beau's face, his torn expression ripping me apart even more. "So that you could find your son? Who was adopted? And you're... You're helping her."

I cock my head to the side, the words sounding even more ridiculous out loud. There's no way - no way that Zoey, the pretty ex-girlfriend, now pregnant and engaged to his big brother, was actually pregnant with their child first. Or that somehow, when I begged him to tell me the truth about why Zoey was so damn important, he managed to leave that detail out.

But alas, there must be. Because, with longing eyes, Beau nods his head and confirms it, nearly crushing the air from my lungs with one simple gesture.

"You have a family," I squeak, aware that the statement isn't fully true.

"You're my family." Beau steps forward but I raise my hands, halting him in his tracks.

"We're supposed to move forward as your ex wrangles you into some plot to get your kid back?" I bring a hand to my forehead, the hammering of my heart starting to make me lightheaded. "A kid I knew nothing about?"

"I didn't know about it either, Em!" Beau finally snaps, frustration coloring his tone. "I told you, I thought it was done."

"But see, that's just the problem, Beau!" I shout, slamming my hand to the kitchen island. "I don't know you! I don't know anything about you! I didn't know about Zoey until I met her, and even then you didn't tell me why she meant so much, why it bothered you so much to see her with Beck. How was I ever supposed to know you when you don't tell me anything?"

Closing his eyes and breathing deeply, Beau is more relaxed when he speaks again. "That's why I'm telling you now."

"But you should have told me before!" I finally reach my boiling point, angry tears pooling in my eyes as I shout even louder than before. God damn it, I will not cry. Not now. "Before, when we met them for brunch, maybe. I get you like your privacy, Beau. But definitely before you fucking slept with me last night!"

I hang my head over the sink, wondering how I could have been so stupid. Am I mad that he has a kid? No. Not thrilled, but not mad.

But it hurts. How well do I even really know him? Clearly not as well as I think. And somehow, knowing the connection he and Zoey have makes the way he reacted at brunch a few months ago so much worse. It still bothers him. She's still under his skin. Right?

I should've kept better control of myself last night.

I shake my head, sniffling to control the dampness in my eyes, and face him again. I wish he'd say something - at least try to defend himself. Try to make sense.

But his words don't do anything to comfort me. "I wanted to tell you when you got back. I didn't want you to overhear."

"It wouldn't have mattered." I shake my head, mood stabling into exhausted numbness. "The end result is the same."

"And what is that? The end result?"

With a hard swallow, I shrug my shoulders and grab my now just warm coffee cup. "Nothing has changed."

Beau raises his brows at me in disbelief. I feel the same.

I continue, voice bleak and monotone. "We said we'd go slow, be friends. We'll do that. You can do what you want with Zoey." His frown deepens. "But like I said, I'm doing whatever is best for my baby. No matter what."

Thanks for reading loves! Remember to vote if you liked it.
Kinda an intense chapter - we knew it was coming. Dang Beau.
Anyone surprised by Emma's reaction?
What's your favorite closer to you / TDBS / back to me moment?