hi! did u miss me!:D

***

"This is so weird", Taehyung said when they sat around the table later that day, eating ice cream which Jimin just bought from the grocery store around the corner. "I know right", Jungkook said, chuckling a little when he eyed Taehyung pushing away his ice cream. "Shut up, Jungkook", he snapped, voice cold and making Jungkook freeze.
"I'm s-sorry for saying something", he mumbled, stuffing his mouth as quick as possible with a huge spoon of his chocolate ice cream.

"No, you don't get it. This is so weird", Taehyung said again, balling his fist. "All of this is so fucking weird and no one says a damn thing."

Jimin lifted his eyebrow, "Tae, calm yourself." But the younger slammed his fist on the table, yelling out, "No, you calm your fucking self. This is so fucking awkward."

With that he grabbed his glass of water while clenching his hand around it, "We're sitting here, eating fucking ice cream as if everything would be fucking fine."

"What's not fine right now?", Jimin asked, ready to provoke Taehyung even further. Not that he enjoyed doing so, but it had to happen at some point. Someone needed to step out of themselves and speak their mind, otherwise nothing would change.
And Jimin knew that, so did Taehyung.

"Everyfuckingthing!"

"I don't get what you're talking about. We're sitting inside our warm apartment, your childhood friend came over and we're having ice cream in November. Isn't that cozy?", Jimin asked calmly, smiling a little as he licked above his lips, tasting the stains of the ice cream that got left on his plump, pink-ish lips.

"No, it's fucking not", Taehyung's dark eyes filled up with tears that kept rolling off his puffy cheeks while he kept eating ice cream, even though he started crying. "We're all so goddamn unhappy, yet we sit here and eat ice cream as if there weren't any broken hearts around here."

Jimin chuckled, "You think too much, Tae."

The younger scoffed and turned his head away, wiping the tears off his cheeks. While doing so he caught glimpse of Jungkook who just sat there in silence and stared at them with eyes wide open, nails pressed into his skin to keep himself together. It wasn't that easy not to lose his shit all the time when he was around Jimin, he couldn't stop thinking of how Jimin had gotten everything he ever wanted, and he'd probably keep it. That thought hurt as fuck.

"What you're staring at, hm?", Taehyung suddenly screamed. He took the glass up, pressing his fingers around it while he started crying even more. "Stop fucking staring at me, you left me. Why are you even here? Just get the fuck out of my door!"

Jungkook gulped dryly, not responding.

"Just get the fuck out of my damn house, Jungkook!", Taehyung threw the glass, hitting the table in front of Jungkook as it splittered to thousand pieces, making Jungkook squeal in pain as the pieces hit his skin and left several cuts all over it, blood flooding not long after.

Jungkook shut his eyes, pushing back the crying that tried to get over him. "Okay, okay I'm leaving Tae, it's fine", he rushed to say as he got up. Jimin's smile got even more satisfied when he saw Jungkook heading towards the door.

"You ruined everything, Jungkook. You ruined me", Taehyung yelled after him, running after him. "And I'm sorry for that!", Jungkook screamed back, still hurrying to get to the door. "Stop yelling at me, Tae! I'm sorry I'm fucking sorry for breaking you I didn't mean to hurt anyone by leaving! I tried to save myself and I'm damn sorry for that-"

"And that's the problem. All you ever think of is yourfuckingself!", Taehyung cried, knees going weak when both boys reached the door. "You cheated on Lyza, you broke my heart. You left your father, you brought your kid to his mother today- all because all you ever do is put yourself first", Taehyung sobbed, holding himself up at the wall while Jungkook had a hard time breathing. "I'm sorry, Tae I thought you were happy to have me back I'm really fucking sorry I-, I- I'm so sorry-", he said in a small voice, still trying not to cry in front of him.

"Where the hell are you going?", Taehyung suddenly asked. "Hm? Is it Lyza again? Like today? You're gonna sleep at her house and leave me alone again?"

"You just told me to leave, Tae", Jungkook yelled out, tears rushing down his cheeks. "I don't know what to do! I'm going to get a hotel room and pick up my son, that's fucking it, I'm not about to run back to a girl-"

"So you're leaving me alone all over again", Taehyung said, stepping back.

Jungkook shook his head, "You threw me out of your house, Tae."

"Why can't you ever fight for us?", Taehyung sobbed, going down on his knees. "How comes you always bend to whatever someone yells at you-, I just want you to fight for me", he sobbed, wiping his tears away as Jungkook stood there confused, ready to open the door already. "I'm not fighting for things that hurt me and I'm sorry for that", Jungkook whispered.

"You hurt me too and I always fought for you. All you do is leave, every goddamn time."

"That doesn't give you the right to do the same, Taehyung!", Jungkook said in a small voice, tears making his eyes all sparkly. "Just because I did a bad thing, doesn't give you any right to hurt me the same. I apologized so much for it and I can't turn back time, Tae. I love you but I'm not going to- t-to give you that part of me that once has been so weak that I almost killed myself."

"What does that mean? Stop speaking like a fucking philosopher, Jeon."

"It means that I'm not going to fight for something that's not worth fighting for. And a boy that insults me and blames me for everything isn't what I call worth it. I'm sorry-", Jungkook explained firmly, finally able to hold his tears back and calm down a little bit. "You're sorry?", Taehyung let out weakly, almost laughing while saying so. "I'm not worth it. After all those years of loving you, I'm not fucking worth it?"

Jimin still sat at the table, watching everything that's been happening for quite a while. He then got up and rushed into the bedroom, grabbing his bags. They've been packed since the afternoon, he wasn't planning to stay. Actually he was done being the second choice and he'd make Taehyung choose at some point. Luckily, he knew Taehyung would choose him, well hopefully, probably. The boy let out a sigh as he grabbed his bags and pulled his phone out, sending Yoongi a message if he had arrived yet.
He was on his way back to Korea as well after Jimin called him last night when Taehyung was asleep, telling him that he was getting sick of Taehyung and he needed Yoongi.

It took the boy two hours to get to the next airport and take the next flight back into Jimin's short arms that always felt like home to the older.

"Tae-" Jungkook whispered. "I didn't mean it like that."
"It fucking sounded like it though!"

"You threw a glass after me!", Jungkook yelled, balling his fists. "My wrists are bleeding and that's your fault Tae. They haven't been bleeding in years. Don't you think this is a sign? That those cuts that glass gave me are right above the scars you gave me?"

"I didn't give you any scars, Jungkook."

"Loving you did, though."

Taehyung felt like the world stopped spinning for a bit, still clenching on the wall besides him. His heart was aching in such a painful way that he find it hard to breath, his mouth gasping for air not much after. "Loving me did", he repeated slowly, pressing his hand to his heart as he slowly got down on the floor, sitting there while staring into nothing. "Loving me did", he said again, covering his face with his hands, then ruffling them through his blonde hair. Jungkook got down on his knees as well, reaching for Taehyung's thigh when he realised that Taehyung wasn't responding anymore, his gaze becoming blurry while he kept staring wholes into the air.

"Tae, hey- are you alright?", Jungkook let out, scrunching his nose worriedly as he tilted his head in confusion.
"I can't breathe", Taehyung let out. "Loving me did", he said again, tears falling off his jawline, leaving wet spots on his shirt. "Jungkook I can't breathe!", he suddenly yelled, gasping for air.

Jungkook gulped, "Tae it's fine I think you're having a panic attack", he whispered as he grabbed Taehyung by his waist and just held him for a while, wrapping his arms around his body. Taehyung wasn't answering, he just kept crying so loudly that it physically hurt Jungkook to hold him. The younger pressed the older's head against his chest, "Listen to my heartbeat, try to think of nothing else but it-"

Taehyung shut his eyes, sobbing heavily as he cried onto Jungkook's shirt now, turning it wet not much later. Jungkook didn't mind, he just held the older as long as he needed. "It's fine, just focus on breathing", Kook hummed again, his voice being calming and soft as always, not a hint of the ache he felt in his stomach while holding the person he loved the most.

It took a while until Taehyung calmed down, still snuggled up into Jungkook's lap as his heavy sobs turned into a soft crying, face nuzzled to Jungkook's broad chest. "How do you know how to stop a panic attack?", he asked after a while, looking up.

"I had lots of them", Jungkook smiled sadly. "And Taejeon found out that a steady heartbeat works best."

"Let's pick him up", Taehyung let out. "Let's pick our boy up, okay?"
Jungkook nodded as he slowly got up from the floor.

As they turned back to the table, Jimin was gone, left through the back entrance.

Nowhere to be seen.

*

"Okay before you say anything, I'm sorry", Lyza whispered, intertwining her hands with each other as she send quiet prayers up to heaven.

Please, not today.

"It's only a few days, you'll not even realise he's here. I'm sorry but his father has some issues to deal with and I-"
Not again.

Lyza's gaze met the ground when she felt hands on her waist, her body feeling numb as her heart started to speed up. "I promise, he'll be gone soon."

Hands were roaming above her back, resting on her butt for quite a bit until they moved towards her tummy. "It's fine", a deep voice hummed as he leaned down to reach her ear, leaving a small peck on it. "You know how to calm me down."

Lyza nodded, quietly waiting until he opened her bra underneath her shirt, letting it fall down to the floor. "Oh goddamnit, what a slut you are." The man turned her around, "I do not favor looking at you while doing you."
Lyza gulped, her gaze freezing as she stared into nothing. "Getting pregnant at an age of 15 and you're still letting men touch you without resisting, stupid little girl."
He slapped her ass, making her flinch a bit. "Please", she whispered. "My kid is right next door."

"Sweet."

He pushed her roughly on the bed in front of them, slapping her ass again when she landed on the mattress, tears filling her eyes as she felt her ankle hurting like shit. "Why are you crying?", he asked immediately. "I didn't do anything yet."

"It's still my ankle", Lyza let out in a small voice. "I need to see a doctor-"

"You do?", he chuckled amused. "What do you think you're gonna tell him? That you hurt your ankle while what? Because you got it kicked after trying to leave the house without my permission?" Lyza kept quiet, not responding any further. "It will heal by itself", she hummed. Well, it wouldn't. It was swollen, blue and felt as if a bone was broken.

Taejeon was still awake, he sat in his bed as he kept crying because he heard every single word from the room next door. Lili was on facetime, crying as well. They tried to be silent though, not showing their emotions too loudly. By now they were experts doing so, that's how they used to be some years ago when things were still rough for Jungkook and Taejeon tried to keep his own pain lowkey, only crying on facetime at nights when he was talking to Lili.

Obviously he should do something, go there and scream at the man that was hurting his mother right in that room, yet he didn't even move the slightest bit. Fear crawling up to his throat. He already had texted his father if he could come pick him up tonight, saying sorry for being a bitch earlier. 

-

Taehyung reached for Jungkook's hand while they were driving along the street this night. It got quite late and the streets were still covered in snow, flakes still falling softly down on the rooftops. "I'm sorry for everything I said", the older whispered, the soft melody of Time after Time by Cyndi Laupter playing from the radio that late at night. 

Jungkook was wearing one of Taehyung's big hoodies as he leaned back in the seat, staring out of the window. "I'd say it's okay but it's not", Jungkook hummed, nuzzling deeper into the seat as he got even cozier in the car which was all warmed up by the heater, dark except for the street lights shining inside while passing by. 

Jungkook got quite sleepy, smiling softly when Taehyung started singing along the song for a bit, then going back to their conversation. "It's not easy for me, y'know."

"Things like that will happen", Jungkook nodded softly, squeezing Tae's hand while driving. "And I'm not going to leave you for struggling with being okay, Taehyung." The older couldn't help but lean over at the traffic light they stopped right this very moment, and press a small kiss to Jungkook's dry lips.
"You should put balm on your lips, Baby. It's cold outside, they need to be taken care of." Jungkook giggled a little, shaking his head, "That's gay, man."

Taehyung sighed, "It is, isn't it?" Both of them got silent as they passed by several bars and shops, heading to Lyza's apartment at the other side of the town where they would pick Taejeon up.

***

summer break officially started today for me :D