this time ive got a reason for my absence and not updating, i was in berlin i saw stray kids live and had hi touch and hold felix hand i can die in peace now.

anyways stan stray kids because they're the best group in existence ngl

but im back now and this time for real cuz yeah

***

Taehyung spent the whole day with Jungkook but in the evening he ended up sitting in his hotel room and waited for Jimin. His husband was kinda feeling the same urge to go there, so around 8 pm both of them sat in their room across from each other-, eye to eye and heart to heart.

Jimin was in tears 10 minutes in their talk while Taehyung kept ruffling his hair desperately, holding Jimin's hand fondly as he kept repeating the same words over and over again.

"I love you, baby, it's all good", Taehyung tried to hug him but Jimin pushed him away again and again, "I know you love me, Tae", he sobbed, wiping his tears away with his free hand.
"Stop crying then", Taehyung begged. "I can't stand seeing you crying-"

"It's your fault", Jimin said in a small voice.

"I know and I'm sorry-"

"You kissed him today, right? After you saw me with Yoongi, right?", Jimin tilted his head, pulling his hand out of the younger's grip. "Tell me the truth, Taehyung."

"Yeah, we made out."

Jimin didn't answer, his sobs just got heavier and his lips were trembling, "We shouldn't have come here, it ruined everything-"

Taehyung nodded, "I'm sorry", he let out bluntly.

"You're not sorry, you're glowing Taehyung. I haven't seen your face without dark sleeping bags and tired eyes in years. You need Jungkook, you always did."

The younger glanced away, "I love you, Jimin. I swear I do-, I-I it's just.. It's.."

"It's Jungkook, I know. I get it", Jimin gulped dryly, trying to push the aching pain away that clenched around his heart.

"I love you, Baby, I really do-"

"But you're in love with someone else", Jimin got up from the bed, bringing distance in between them.

"It's not like you didn't cheat on me first", Taehyung said quietly after a while, eyeing Jimin for a while. "I wouldn't have kissed him if you wouldn't have made out with Yoongi."

"Yeah, it was a mistake. And I'm sorry", Jimin said, ruffling his pink hair with tears falling off his cheeks. "I just felt lonely and he was there and-, a-and I don't know. He's like a bad habit to me."

"Just like Jungkook is to me", Taehyung sighed. "When I'm with him it's like nothing else matters. Like the world stops spinning y'know? I forget everything when I see his smile and his eyes and oh god I'm so sorry Jimin", Taehyung realised what he was saying as the words kept leaving his mouth. "I'm so sorry I can't love you the way you deserve."

"Let's just end this", Jimin said bluntly.

"Will you go back to Yoongi then?", Taehyung asked quietly. "I don't want you to-, I-I don't want to break up", he let out, voice cracking a bit. "It's selfish, I know."

"You can't have both of us. You're not Jungkook and I'm not Lyza, Tae. Let's not repeat stories to which we know the ending."

Both of them were silent for a bit, eyes locking with each other as both of them kept crying.

3 years ago ..

"Jimin!", Taehyung's eyes were sparkling full of happiness when he walked back into their apartment this night. "I've got a surprise for you", he squeaked, pulling out a small package from his bag which was wrapped in cute pink paper. "What? Why-", Jimin looked up from the magazine he was reading as he saw Taehyung smiling like crazy. "I thought you were working-"

"I was-", Taehyung giggled, hopping onto the sofa as he snuggled closer to Jimin. "But on my way home I saw something-, I couldn't resist-. Unwrap it!", he put the package in Jimin's small hands and held them for a while, until both of them looked away shyly.

Jimin focused on unwrapping the present, getting a little nervous while he did so. Taehyung however was glowing, excitement written all over his face. "Hurry up", he said and then just unwrapped it himself because he couldn't wait.
"Dude-", Jimin scoffed. "It's my present, not yours-"
"I know, I know", Taehyung chuckled, his arms pulling the older close, chin resting on his shoulder.

Jimin opened the present finally. His eyes went wide when he saw what was inside. It was a necklace, with a small angel on it. "Look", Taehyung squeaked. "I just- I thought of you when I saw it, so I bought it. Do you like it? Yes you like it, right? It's so pretty-, like you. Oh god why am I getting nervous-, uh. This ain't gay, is it? Oh shit, it is. I just bought you a necklace with an angel on it. Oh goddamnit, shit I can take it back if it's too much? But angels are beautiful and so are you and you always protect me and you saved my life so many times a-and I, fuck this is so gay-"

Jimin put his finger on Taehyung's lips and laughed slightly, "Stop", he chuckled and put the necklace around his neck. "It's beautiful, Tae", he smiled. "Thank you so much for this."

Taehyung blushed like crazy.

"God, Tae you're blushing. Are we ten or what?", Jimin giggled. "Are you that nervous for giving me a present? That's cute-"

"Sssh", Taehyung whined. "I- uh.. "

"Taehyung what the fuck is up with you", Jimin laughed again, pulling the younger in a hug, head resting on his broad chest. They always sat like this lately, both didn't really know why but it made them feel less lonely.

And life had been so lonely lately, it wasn't bearable at all.

With every day that passed, Taehyung just felt more and more lost, the only times he didn't was when he was with his best friend, Jimin.
He always made him feel better about himself and the nights weren't as painful anymore now that Jimin was there to hold him when the nightmares haunted him again. It weren't just nightmares of Jungkook and losing him, no, instead his whole past started coming back up. The times Jungkook and himself got knocked down or yelled at for feeling the things they felt, the tears they shed together and the aching pain he felt with every time he knew Jungkook sat at home with Lyza while he laid in bed all alone.

Jimin however, he was always there. Always choosing him over everything, caring so much about his well-being and his health. He was an angel, Taehyung's personal guardian angel.

Taehyung shrugged, eyes darting away.
"I'm just really glad I've got you."

*

"So basically, if I throw a stone at you and you get hurt, the police can't put me to prison because I'm your son and you can't even report me for it", Taejeon hummed, sitting across Jungkook at the dinner table as they were eating salad.

"Why do you ask stuff like that-", Jungkook asked a bit scared of his lowkey violent son.

"You make me eat fucking salad again and I hate it", Taejeon snapped, pushing the salad away.

"It's healthy?", Jungkook tilted his head. "And that's no reason to throw stones at me!"

"It is", Taejeon whined. "I wish you'd still be as careless and dumb as you were when I was five. You never made me eat stupid things-"

Jungkook rolled his eyes, "Sorry for being a good father-"

"You've always been a good father", Taejeon sighed. "But this is child abuse! You can't feed me salad everyday I will die."

"I've always been a good father?", Jungkook asked, eyes wide in surprise.
"That's the only thing you reply to?", Taejeon grumbled. "I didn't mean to give you a compliment."

Jungkook sighed and looked away, "Eat your salad, now."

"I miss Mommy-", Taejeon cried out. "Same", Jungkook snapped. "She usually dealt with your dumbass behavior."

"Wrong. You did", Taejeon giggled. "You've always been there for me, not Mommy-"

"Stop saying cute things while you want to throw things at me!", Jungkook laughed amused, getting up from his chair. He walked over to the fridge and pulled a big chocolate pudding out. "Eat up your salad and this will be all yours", he teased and then sat down again, placing the food in front of Taejeon.

The boy sighed heavier than ever before. "Bitch."
"Don't curse, kiddo."

"Just because you're finally behaving like an adult doesn't mean you can call me kiddo."
"But you literally are a kid", Jungkook tilted his head. "Not really, no", Taejeon crossed his arms.

"Anyway-, can Lili sleep over?"

"She slept over almost every day for the past few weeks-", Jungkook lifted his eyebrow. "So what?", Taejeon asked in a small voice. "I sleep better next to her."

"Do you like her?", Jungkook asked with a smile crawling up on his lips. "N-no", Taejeon blushed and glanced away. "I mean, yeah. As a friend. She's cute-, and pretty. She's really really pretty. And I like her smile and being with her is really cool and I like it. And sometimes we do.. Things. But I feel like I should like boys because you do too, so I like boys."

"You don't have to like boys, honey", Jungkook laughed softly. "You can like whoever you want. If you like her, it's fine. If you like boys too, it's fine as well. If you like boys, it's also fine. And if you like no one at all, that's also okay."

"Really?", Taejeon tilted his head. "I can like both?"

"Yes, of course you can. Look at Taehyung, he likes both too", Jungkook said fondly. "He does?", Taejeon blurted out.

"Yeah, he slept with a girl and had a crush on another one for a long time", Jungkook said, smiling bittersweetly.
"He slept with Mommy, right?", Taejeon asked. "I know about that, you guys always yelled and fought when I was close-"

Jungkook didn't answer, he just smiled while his heart dropped to his knees. He avoided this thought for five years now, he didn't like it being spoken out.
"Sorry", Taejeon immediately said. "So. I think I like Lili then."

"That's good. Does she like you too?"

"Of course, who doesn't like me? I'm boyfriend goals-", Taejeon stuck his tongue out and then stuffed his mouth with salad afterwards.

Jungkook only smiled, glad that his son found his first love. The first one always stayed with someone and Lili seemed to be a good girl.

*

Taehyung put the phone down, face going blank as his eyes met Jimin's after he ended the call he just received. "You alright?", Jimin asked worriedly, forgetting about their problems when he saw Taehyung in such a frightened state.

"No-"

"Who was it?", Jimin asked quietly.
"I need to go", Taehyung let out bluntly. "I-I need to pick up Jungkook", he got up from their bed and packed his things quickly, rushing through the room mindlessly.
"What's wrong, Tae?"

"Everything", the younger said in a small voice.

With that being said he left the room, leaving Jimin behind in the middle of their talk, heading towards the elevator to get out of the hotel, into the next cab.
It took him around 10 minutes to get to Jungkook's apartment.

His tummy was turned upside down as his shaking fingers pressed the bell. It wasn't that he felt like drowning because of what news he just received, rather knowing how Jungkook's happiness would wash away with hearing about that-, this was what made Taehyung want to throw up.

"Hi?", Jungkook asked when he opened the front door, smiling cutely. "I thought you'd stay at the hotel tonight to talk things out with Jimin?"

Taehyung stayed silent, Jungkook only then realised how blank his face was, how the colors were faded out of it and his lips were bitten red. "Tae?", Jungkook took his hand. "Are you alright? What's wrong?", he softly led the older inside but Taehyung barely realised anything.
"Kookie", he said quietly after a while, pulling him into a hug.

"Oh my god what's up-", Jungkook got scared with every move Taehyung made, he was behaving oddly.

"Your Dad-", Taehyung started.. "Oh damn, shit. I still haven't visited him once", Jungkook interrupted, rolling his eyes. "I'm a shitty son", he chuckled. "What is it about him though?", he asked, tilting his head.

But the older stayed silent for a bit and that's when Jungkook got it. Something was really wrong back home. And fuck, he should've visited his father more often.

"He's at the hospital", Taehyung explained. "The cancer got worse, t-the doctors give him another week or two-"

Jungkook's eyes went wide in surprise. "Cancer? He had cancer?", he asked, voice going weak and his legs started shaking. "I- I didn't know-"

Taehyung gulped dryly, "You didn't know?"

"I-I didn't know", Jungkook repeated, tears sparkling in his eyes. "H-he never told me-"

"We should go, Kookie", Taehyung let out. "You should be there.."

But the younger stepped back, shaking his head rapidly. "N-no, no no no", he whined. "No please no", he pleaded softly. "I can't-"

"Why?"

"I don't want to go back to this place, Tae", Jungkook cried out. "I-I don't want to be around t-there ever again-"

"Have you never visited Korea since you left?", Taehyung asked confused. Jungkook nodded, "No-, I'm not ready-"

"Jungkook, it's your father and he's dying-"

"If I go back there I'll be the one dying", Jungkook pressed his fingernails into his skin, stepping back more and more. "Go back alone, tell him I'm sorry and I love him and-, a-and yeah.."

"You're coming with me", Taehyung let out. "You're his son. Imagine Taejeon wouldn't show up when you're about to die-", Taehyung said dryly.
"It's still like 60 years until that happens-", Jungkook tried to argue but Taehyung lifted his eyebrow. "I remember a teenage Jungkook who did horrible, horrible things to himself and his son was always the very first to take care of his Dad-"

Jungkook gulped, "I had no one else-"

"Neither does your Dad! He waits for you every single day to show up, or to call. He loves you so much, you owe it to him", Taehyung snapped and then started packing Jungkook's bags while the younger stood there, still frozen as tears left his eyes.

"Don't make me go there", he whispered but Taehyung wasn't listening.

"Please", he tried again, still no answer.
Taejeon stuck his head through the door. "Dad, you okay?", he asked. "I heard you crying", he said worriedly and hurried over to hug his father softly. But Jungkook wasn't answering. "Why is Tae packing our stuff?"

"We gotta go back to Korea", Jungkook said dryly. "Grandpa isn't feeling well, we have to go there", he tried sounding like an adult even though his world was spinning so fast that he couldn't keep up with it anymore.
"What-", Taejeon's eyes went big. "Why? What's wrong?"

"He might--", Jungkook couldn't even finish his sentence, instead he pulled his son in a tight hug and cried into his shoulders, fingers pressed into his back. "Dad, oh god what's wrong", Taejeon asked a little scared. "Is grandpa gonna be fine?"

"N-no", Jungkook let out.

"Shit", Taejeon bit his lips, heart aching in pain when he remembered his beloved grandfather.

Taehyung however finished packing real quick, then got back to his boys. "We should leave right now. It's a long way from America to Korea-"
Jungkook was still frozen but he somehow made it to nod. "Let's go then", he shrugged and walked straight ahead out of the door.

Taejeon following them quietly as he kept texting Lili what was happening. Taehyung reached for Jungkook's hand but the younger was pushing it away. He didn't do it on purpose, but his hands were literally shaking in anxiety, scared just by the thought of having to go back to this place he held nothing but despise for in his mind.

"Dad, it'll be fine", Taejeon let out, trying to be the mature one of them for once as he intertwined his hand with his father's. Jungkook didn't push his son's hand away, instead he squeezed it, trying to calm down. Taejeon sighed and Taehyung bit his lips, rushing over to the next bus that would take them to the airport.

"We won't stay too long, okay?", Taehyung promised after a while. He realised how extremely uncomfortable Jungkook felt with all of this, knowing that the longer he kept him there, the less of his happiness would be left in the end.
"It's fine", Jungkook said. Taejeon simply kept squeezing Jungkook's hand to give him comfort, smiling softly when he felt Jungkook's hand less shaking and his breath not hitching anymore.

If Taehyung was Jungkook's happy place,

Then Taejeon would be his safe spot. 

***

this book will hurt as fuck :))