Okay. Alright. Many of you are probably wondering what my thoughts were. Y'know. What it felt like. What the ever living hell was going on in my mind, what was I thinking that was so weirdly stressful that it drove me to kiss Ben.

And I can proudly say with all my heart that I have no idea!

I can't even remember that well what it felt like. Granted, I, uhh...do have much more proof now. But that moment could have been completely different for all I know. So I guess you'll never know. Ha. Um, sorry.

But what I knew, almost immediately after Ben and I had that little talk, was that I was now in some deep shit. Something about the situation felt even more wrong now. A whole new layer was just slapped onto this rollercoaster ride; I wasn't even sure if I actually felt that way about him! And to make matters worse, he probably didn't feel that way about me anyway.

Probably? Don't be nice to yourself like that. He was just trying not to be rude, he's so disgusted by you now.

Dude. If that was true he would have looked at least a little bit more uncomfortable. What's your deal with this "everyone hates you" shit anyways?

I'm just telling the truth. I am you, after all.

True. Wish it wasn't, but it is.

Thank you. Good luck trying to win him back, you idiot.

Wait, win him back? We're friends, not ex-boyfriends with a grudge.

Well, who says he still wants to be your friend?

Without hesitating this time, I opened up my laptop and went directly to Cleverbot.com. It was time to break out the big guns.

You don't even know if he still uses that.

Shut up. Worth a try.

Hey there, buddy...? Is that something I could call you? Because it feels weird for some reason.

He responded after a couple of seconds. I could swear I heard faint laughter coming from inside my computer.

Yeah I don't think that's gonna work. Wanna try again?

Sure pal. Wait. Ugh, no. That's even worse.

Agreed. Maybe just don't do that then. What's up.

I was arguing with myself about whether you hate me or not after...you know. Wanted to hear your thoughts.

Oh. Well...I sure hope I don't hate you. Why would you think that, anyway.

You know! That thing I did yesterday, like, in the middle of our conversation.

I hit enter, hoping with the utmost sincerity that he couldn't sense how nervous I was about all this.

You could just say it, you know. You kissed me?

...yeah. That. How are you being so casual about this? Does it happen to you that much?

This is the second time at most. Promise. Why don't you just talk to me in person? That seems like what our conversations usually lead to these days.

Because this is easier to handle.

I'm sure it's not. I'm coming on out.

"Wait, but—"

I didn't have much time to explain exactly why it would be easier to talk through Cleverbot before he popped up next to me on the couch. At first I just flinched a little; I was getting better at handling his whole appearing-suddenly-right-by-me-with-no-real-reason bullshit. But when I took a second look I noticed he was in full kid Link garb, hat and all. I gave him a strange look, to which he responded with a sigh.

"I look like Link, don't I."

I nodded.

Ben sighed again and waved his hand through the tip of his cap, causing it to disintegrate and turn into mist. He rubbed his arms and chest, annoyed, and the clothes came off almost like marker, leaving his usual outfit underneath. How many times has this happened before?

"Goddammit, Clever," he muttered resentfully. "Every...single...time..."

"I'll ask later, I guess," I said mostly to myself, still not sure of what I would say once he was ready to talk. Whether he knew how strangely inarticulate I was or not, that didn't stop him from crossing his arms and looking at me expectantly when he was back to normal, like, Well?

"...so...that thing I did...?" I began awkwardly. He raised his eyebrows and nodded. Go on.

God! You can't just switch back and forth like that.

Yes I can. I just did. "I forgot how weird people are about that," he continued out loud. "Didn't seem to have a problem with it earlier, anyway."

I scratched my arm uncomfortably. "Well, earlier I wasn't thinking this crazily, and I wasn't worried about what you could actually find out since you can literally read my mind."

Ben paused, and I fixed him with a glare.

"Normal, out-loud talk only, please."

"Ugh. Fine. But it would be so much easier—!"

"I did it because I like you."

—

I decided to say it anyway, really because I knew he could just as easily find out right about then. My nerves were acting up as Ben looked at me strangely.

"...well, I sure hope you do...? We should be able to stand each other at this point, right?"

"No. I mean, I like you. Or...maybe I don't. I don't know! It's just, I know it's weird, and uncomfortable, and cliche—"

"Like I said, only the second time."

"—but I've hit my junior year depression. I don't know what I want to do in life, and nobody else seems to really want me around, and I see you every day and you've been so nice to me! And you probably hear this a lot—"

"What part of second time do you not understand?"

"—so I get it if you hate me now. You can go and find somebody else to help you, if you want. Somebody who's not like...this."

I took a shudder of a breath, choosing to leave it at that since I didn't really have much more to say. Ben stayed silent for some time. It seemed he genuinely didn't know how to react. I didn't blame him.

After what must have been minutes but felt like hours, he...cupped my face in his hand, and pulled me towards him.

He kissed me.

Besides the obvious, and quite frankly annoying explosion I felt happen in my gut when he pressed his lips to mine, everything felt surprisingly calm in that moment. My mind should have been reeling, my stomach should have been churning, my face should have been bursting into flame (well, that last one actually was happening), but all I could feel was...care. Him, well, doing that felt more like a friendly and caring gesture more than anything, despite it literally being a kiss on the mouth. But somehow I could now feel what he felt. I saw what he saw; and what he saw was somebody who only wanted him to leave, because they were afraid they would just hurt him more.

And that felt so confusing and wonderful.

He broke apart from me, still holding my face. I could feel cold, rushed breaths hitting me as he looked me in the eyes with a strange sense of guilt.

"I sent you that dream."

I didn't exactly process what he'd said at first; I was a little lightheaded from the kiss. After a good second, I mumbled, "...w-what?"

"You said that you had a dream. About me. About how the Children drove me to ascension. I sent it to you, I got into your head." He gulped audibly. "Thought you had a right to know."

I blinked. "Uh...wait. Okay, could you repeat that? 'Cause, I don't know about your weird undead mental stamina, but I can't really process all this at once."

Ben's expression softened. "Sorry. I just...needed to say that. I don't want there to be too many secrets between us, even little ones. Back before we met, I sent out a vision to people around who were open. Understanding. Who knew. I was guessing that you got it, and I didn't want you to be too worried about it," he said almost in one breath. "...so I'm telling you now."

I paused. I still didn't quite understand what he was saying about a vision, but I felt like I got the gist of it. "...alright. I guess that makes sense. I got your message, got the game, had the dream. Sounds fair."

Silence.

"...anything else you wanna tell me? Now seems like a good time to spill your heart out, Benji."

"Please don't ever call me that. Speaking of which, I guess. I'm not...really BEN."

My eyes widened. I truly, sincerely hope this is some sort of identity crisis and not a case of spiritual impersonation.

"No. I just—it's not. Probably a better way of phrasing it is, BEN isn't me. I don't know if you've noticed this, but I probably act a lot different than you'd expect me to, no?"

I slowly nodded, not sure where he was going with this.

"That's because BEN was born when I died. The truth is, BEN is a part of me that likes to do horrible things. The truth is, it comes out when I get out of control. When I'm angry. When I want to destroy things, or people. The truth is, I was never even originally named Ben, at least, not when I was born. That...thing you see in all that Alex guy's videos...that's not me. That's what happens when people like the Moon Children do...you know." Ben finished with an almost aggravated sigh. "So I guess the truth is, Avery, that we're more similar than you probably think. Nobody else seems to want me around, either.

"They just want that fucking statue."