December 2005

The birthday night was the most memorable by far, and I finally succumbed to the fact that my life is still worth to be spared. Adia and her boyfriend, Faiz actually took the liberty to set up a surprise birthday dinner in an enclosed garden in front of the campus cafeteria, my favourite spot to hide whenever I had one of my melancholic moods.

I enjoyed the artificial grass covering the entire garden floor with white, grey, and black pebbles scattered along the cobblestone path. A couple of small pots with colourful petal flowers inside a wooden crate and a medium size pot with a different type of flowers inside the garden basket were arranged neatly by the sides of a metal bench. Above me as I sat on the bench was a wrought iron arch encircled by dried crawling plants with some sprouts of promising flowers half-blossoming, making it look romantically gothic, and reminded me of one of Evanescence's music videos I watched.

But the cherry on top for that evening was the presence of Danial (Dan), that cute junior who had a crush on me since last year. Dan and I bear blaring contrast from one another because he's a rural boy who yearns to connect with a city girl like me. I secretly had feelings for him too at some point, but I refrained myself from going further as it somehow violated my principle for courtship. I should date only guys of same age or older.

Dan, however, is a year younger and a junior by two semesters, so it's a NO for me. But as our mentor-mentee relationship blossomed gradually throughout the semester, my caged feelings craved for freedom. Dan had proven himself valuable than any of those slovenly males that I've been chasing after, does the code really matter?

"Happy birthday, Sof," Adia handed out a small brown gift box with a yellow lid to me. "It's not that much but I hope you like it."

'Well, you brought Dan to this occasion, that's overwhelming enough,' was what I wanted to say. "Thank you, Adia. I cherish whatever gifts coming from you," was what I said instead.

I opened the lid and saw a friendship bracelet woven into a combination of a beautiful pattern made out of purple, blue and pink thread. They are my favourite colour.

"I've something for you too," Dan delivered a small paper package to me.

"Thank you, Dan. You're my surprise guest, you don't have to give me anything," I blushed.

"Initially I told him to get you something," Faiz nudged him. "It's a good thing he had all sorted out prior. Even if I didn't tag him along, he already planned to give something on your birthday."

"Really?" I flitted my gaze from Faiz to Dan. "You know my birthday?"

"Well, I remember everything you said about yourself during the Brass Band junior initiation session," Dan confessed.

The birthday celebration was brief but meaningful with just the four of us. It started with them singing the birthday song, me blowing the cake candle, followed by cake cutting and then resume reminiscing campus life and talked about the future in between our refreshments. We both left half an hour later when the cafeteria announced its closure of the day, so the lovebirds went west while Dan and I went east.

"You have yet to open my gift," Dan's remark was soft but assertive.

"Oh, yeah. Sure," I opened the package as he watched eagerly.

To my surprise, it was a navy-blue coloured Swatch watch with red stripes on each strap wrapped in a vacuum sealed plastic bag. I gasped, too speechless to utter a word. This somehow threw me back to the day when I gave Jocelyn a Swatch watch for her birthday which she bitterly accepted and responded with a smirk. But I couldn't believe Dan gave me one too.

"I hope you like it," Dan twisted his lips in nervousness. "I know you like blue and your quote about 'time waits for no man' really moved me."

"Dan, this... is too much! I love it!" I responded breathlessly.

His twisted lips finally curved into a smile. "I'm so happy you did."

"Thank you, Dan," I felt flushed with affection. "This really means a lot to me."

"Don't mention it. I also hope I could be someone meaningful to you," he blurted out hastily.

"What–"

"Sofia, I really like you and you know it," he went on. "And I know somehow deep within your heart, you're trying to connect with me. But something's pulling you back."

I chuckled, trying to conceal my emotions but flunked. "Dan, it's hard. I don't think I can."

"Why is it hard?" he probed. "I've seen you checking up on me, clearly there's nothing wrong with me. Why are you denying your own feelings? What's stopping you? How can I win you over?"

Wow! This escalated quickly. "Because... I don't date younger guys."

He looked at me incredulously. "That's it? Because I'm younger than you? That's what's holding you up?"

"You wouldn't understand–"

"Of course I don't," he grumbled. "You're having these sick twisted rules about dating younger men like it's a sin."

My stomach churned as when he preaches something religious about denying God's predestined plan on relationship and fate. I wasn't denying, I was just– I don't know what I'm fighting for actually. I always believed that ideally a man should be older than his partner, but when I see the determination in him of wanting me, it makes me realised that this could be the fate predestined for me. Besides, I find him to be more mature than any guy I know. And I don't get to have someone whom I like loving me back, this could be the chance.

"Dan, stop!" I ordered which he did as told. "I'm sorry about what I said. You're right. I have feelings for you too and I denied it."

"Okay, so..." his eyes sparkled, hoping for a positive answer.

"Give me some time to think this through. It's too much for me to digest in a night," I said eventually.

"Well, you can put me on probation," he suggested. "If you don't find me worthy of your time, you may exit at any juncture."

My naïve, immature mind began to weigh on his proposal and finally gave in to the idea. He beamed with an utmost satisfaction fluttering in his chest when he passed the first layer of my guarded wall without even ramming it.

I think it's about time I review that code. I should insert a clause somewhere in its provisions, 'unless if he's gentleman enough to take care of me and treat me like the woman should be, then an exception shall be given', something like that. I'll perfect it out later.

That was a couple of months ago.

Now he successfully conquers my kingdom at the first base where I share my throne with him and let him lead the empire the way a true king of my heart should. He is my first boyfriend, so I feel love of a different level that I never had before. He made me special, valued, protected and on top of all, he made me love me.

Despite all that, I'm beginning to feel Dan is a reminder of my old self who broke a little boy's heart just because I refuse to love him back. Those flashbacks started to reappear in my memories.

Now, we are going back to Sofia's high school years, picking up where we left off.

By the way, I need your feedback. Does this chapter distort the flow of the story? 

Photo source : (header photo) Swatch Watch website, (inline gif) giphy.com

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