Lisa's POV

I waited Jennie at the parking area of our University then we went home together. She was all quiet while we were on our way.

When we reached the house and I parked the car, Jennie mumbled thanks to me then went out of the car. I did the same and followed her.

"Jennie, wait."

Jennie stopped walking then turned to me, she just looked at me.

I fidgeted my fingers "Someone wants to talk to you," I timidly said.

I knew someone who could help her, someone who's capable of handling depression.

Jennie arched an eyebrow "Huh? Who?"

I took all the courage I had then held her hand "Come..."

I dragged her inside then we stopped in front of session room, I knocked on the door. Tiffany's doctor opened the door, Dr. Summer Choi.

I bowed my head to her "Annyeong haseyo Dr. Choi," I greeted.

Dr. Choi smiled "Hello there Lisa," she greeted back. "You can call me Summer."

I smiled "Ne, Summer eonni. Here's Jennie," I squeezed Jennie's hand.

Jennie snatched her hand from me "What's the meaning of this?" She asked with an attitude.

Yes, I asked Taeyeon eonni for this when I saw her waiting for Tiffany outside the session room. I asked if she could get the doctor's number then after an hour she gave it to me so I immediately contacted Dr. Choi and asked her questions. She told me that she's a specialist of Dissociative identity disorder but she can also handle a person with depression.

I told her about Jennie's condition and she said that it might be Situational Depression because of the situation of her mother being in coma. It also looks like a major depression because Jennie thought of self-harming or even worse, suicide.

"You need help Jennie and Summer eonni can help you," I said.

Jennie's forehead puckered angrily "What? She's Tiffany's doctor and I'm not mentally retarded! Thanks but no thanks."

"We will just talk Jennie," Summer eonni said.

Jennie snorted "That's what you do with Tiffany and I'm not like Tiffany. I'm not crazy."

"Do you hear yourself Jennie? It's not really you. You cared for Tiffany but after the accident you became like this," Summer eonni firmly said.

Jennie looked away and for split second, I saw her sad face.

"Just leave me alone," Jennie grumbled.

"We need to talk things to avoid misunderstanding and don't push people away who care for you. Please, we will just talk. Just a casual talk like before," Summer eonnie insisted.

Jennie looked back at her as her jaw clenched.

"Just talk," Summer eonni reassured her.

Jennie rolled her eyes, she didn't reply but she went inside the room.

"I'll take care of it," Summer eonni smiled.

I nodded "Okay, thank you Summer eonni."

She tapped my shoulder and winked at me then she went inside the room and closed the door.

I hope Jennie will be fine soon.

-

Jennie's POV

I was sitting in the session room as Summer came in and closed the door. She walked to the chair in front of me and sat there. She leaned her back on the chair as she sat comfortably.

I didn't know how this happened but Lisa was determined about this talk. It was annoying, I didn't want anyone to get involved in my life. I just wanted them to mind their own business.

I am worthless. I deserve to die. I can't do anything about my mom's situation and I hate myself because I didn't do anything to help them. I was there when they got abducted. I just watched them as my body became frozen that time. I was terrified as well. I always remember what happened, it's vivid and the guilt inside me is eating me whole.

I was ashamed because of that. I'm accountable for what happened. I hate seeing Tiffany eonni being like that. Her situation reminds me of how coward I was, still am. I really don't hate her, she's a loving sister. I just hate myself.

I'm trying to hide it. I'm very sad and disappointed to myself. I'm trying to distance myself from other people. If they knew, they wouldn't understand how I feel. I know what I have done and it's unforgivable. It's worse than despicable crime.

I don't deserve love, if people knew what happened they would hate me. Definitely, Uncle Leonard would hate me. My mom would be ashamed of me as her daughter. Tiffany eonni would loathe me for sure. Lisa would be disgusted with me and she would leave me alone.

If they leave me in the end, it's better for me to die sooner because that would be the case. Why do I have to wait for them all to leave? I would just get hurt, I couldn't handle that and I would just die. Well... I think I deserve that.

Then someone interrupted my thoughts "Jennie..." Summer called.

I looked at her.

"You were spacing out. I was calling you many times," she informed. "Clearly, you're overthinking."

I frowned "What am I doing here? There's no need to talk." I said ignoring her statement. I leaned on my chair then folded my arms.

"We need to talk. Lisa told me that you tried committing suicide. That's not really good thing you know," Summer said as she cocked an eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes "That girl really has a big mouth to tell you that," I said irritably.

"She's just concern about you."

I smirked then shook my head "I don't need her concern."

Summer sighed "Obviously you're pushing everyone away. Why Jennie? Tell me."

I bitterly laughed "I don't need to tell you anything. Lisa is a dyke, I don't want to involve myself to her. I'm okay Summer. Tell Lisa to leave me alone."

"Okay. I will tell Lisa to leave you alone because that's what you want. I'm sure she will definitely do that if it will make you feel better," she just agreed. Just like that? Seriously?

My heart clenched hearing that. What if Lisa leave me? No one will care anymore. I panicked inside. But I don't care if no one will care for me anymore. I only want Lisa to care for me.

"You look struggling, you don't really want me to tell that to her right?" She hit the right note but I acted cool.

"I don't care," I stammered.

Why am I being like this? I can't control my emotion. I keep denying it but I know, I care for Lisa. I like her a lot. No, I love her. I'm just afraid of what people will think if I come out. I'm coward as usual. I hate myself for that. I don't deserve to be happy, I deserve to suffer. I deserve to die alone.

I'm worthless. All I do is to hurt people I love.

"Do you really hate Tiffany? After the accident, you started treating her bad. You're mad," she concluded.

Summer is really good at reading people. She must be, it's her forte.

"Why are you mad?" She asked tilting her head.

"Because it's her fault!" I tried my best to say it firm and loud but I failed. My voice quivered. I was guilty.

"You know it's not her fault and you're not really mad at her. I can see that you're mad at yourself. Why?"

I looked at her dubiously. How? How could she know that?

"What are you saying?"

"Don't deny it Jennie, I can see it clearly. Tell me the truth. Tell me everything. You need to let it out, you need to let it go, all the concealed feelings you have. It will help you Jennie, help yourself," she adviced as she leaned forward to the table and put her hands on it.

I shook my head being stubborn, she could see me through and I hate it.

"Jennie... please. If you keep pushing people away, they might be gone forever. Imagine that. You will never see them again, all the people you love," she said trying to convince me.

They won't be gone, I will be.

"Live your life, use your time wisely. Don't waste it being alone and miserable. Enjoy your time while you still have it, be with people you love. Keep your hope and faith strong, do what you love." she preached.

I bowed down, her words were surely hitting me. My eyes became teary and my body began to shake. Did she know the impact of her words to me? It was strong.

"And of course, you need to love yourself Jennie." That hit me really hard.

I looked up to her and my tears instantly fell on my cheeks.

My hands balled into fists on my lap.

"I can see that you hate yourself but it's not your fault Jennie. Don't blame yourself-"

"Of course it's my fault! I'm coward!" That was it. She kept pushing me, she knew that I would burst.

She frowned "No, it's not your fault," she firmly said.

I slapped my hands on the table to release my frustration, she didn't understand me "It's my fault Summer. I was there but I did nothing!" I said as I gritted my teeth. Tears kept falling from my eyes.

"I see..." She nodded. "You're blaming yourself but still, it's not your fault," she simply said.

I exhaled heavily and stood up "How the hell you don't understand that it's my fault. I did nothing to help them! I'm worthless coward! I did nothing to help them! Look what happened, Tiffany got mental problem and my mom is in coma! I deserve to die!" I blurted out.

Summer shood her head "Don't say that. No one deserves to die, no matter what they did. It doesn't equates their mistakes. And for you Jennie, what if the kidnappers saw you? Probably they would also get you or worse, they would kill you. You can't do anything in that kind of situation, those men were armed," she explained. And I guess she was right. My guilt subsided.

"Are you trying to make me feel good?"

"No," she immediately answered. "I'm trying to make you realize what would happen if you involved yourself in that situation. Tiffany would be crazy if you also got caught. She loves you like a real sister, you know that."

"But look what happened to her," I sobbed. I hate seeing Tiffany like that and I can't do anything about it.

"Tiffany will be fine soon and also your mom will wake up," she assured me.

My eyebrows snapped together "How would you know that?!" I shouted. It didn't make sense.

"I know that because I trust them. We can't do anything about it so we will just wait and have faith. I trust them and I know, they will make it. They will be fine soon," she confidently said.

Yes, they are strong women. Of course, they can do it. They will get through this.

"All you need to do is to trust them and wait. Don't stress yourself Jennie and don't push people who care for you. Don't take them for granted because they might leave. Don't hurt them just because they care for you. Try to let them in. Lisa really cares for you and she loves you. She wouldn't do this if she didn't," she said as she stood up.

How weird that the guilt inside my chest disappeared and also, it became light. No burdens anymore.

Summer walked to me and held my shoulder "Stop blaming yourself Jennie, they won't like it. They want you to support them, trust them. And about Lisa, give her a chance."

I looked down as my lips quivered "I can't," I said. "I'm afraid of what people will think."

"Damn people, you love her!" She slightly squeezed my shoulder.

I looked up at her. Somehow, it felt good to hear that.

I love her but of course, I have to be coward. I always do.

"Don't think about what others will think, it's your life." She leaned forward to me and looked me in the eyes. "Be with the people you love and be happy. Don't shut yourself to the world, you have to fight for yourself and for the people you value. I trust you Jennie, you will overcome this because you're a strong person like your mother, like Tiffany," she said as she smiled.

I unconsciously smiled a bit. She was right, she enlightened me.

She moved backward "I think you're okay now. I told you, we will just talk. You just need to let it out because when I saw you, I knew you were restraining yourself from opening up."

I merely nodded.

Then Summer hugged me "Don't overthink and don't stress yourself. Talk to us. We're always here to listen. We're always here for you."

I slowly wrapped my arms around her "Thank you," I murmured.

"I missed you, Kim Jennie," she said as she massaged my back.

I smiled. A real and genuine smile on my face for the first time since the incident of abduction. It felt great to smile again.

Summer pulled away "You have to talk to Lisa and I have to go now."

I nodded and smiled.

"Take care," she smiled back as she took her shoulder bag. "See you again," she waved goodbye then went outside.

I took a deep breathe.

I feel new and fresh. I also feel strong knowing that there are people who support and love me. They care for me and they trust me. I should trust myself too and fight these negative thoughts. It's not healthy for all of us. I don't want to be a burden instead, I want to help them so I need to fix myself. I need to be brave this time.

Then Lisa entered the room timidly as her head down, she looked nervous and it was cute.

"I'm sorry if I forced you to talk, I'm just worried about you. Don't worry, I won't bother you anymore but please don't try to do that again. I don't want you to hurt yourself, seeing you like that also hurts me. It breaks me," she sadly said as she glanced at me, she kept her head down as she fidgeted her fingers. It was kinda cute.

"Why are you doing this Lisa? Why are you trying to help me?" I asked.

Lisa looked up at me then she swallowed hard, it was visible "Because I care for you and you know that..." She paused as she released a sharp breathe. "You know that I love you," she said staring at me. It was pure and sincere as it reached my heart. I could feel that my heart was jumping in my chest. It was a bliss.

"But I won't force myself to you and if you want..." She sighed sadly. "I will leave you alone, I will never bother you again." She looked hurt just saying those words.

My heart was also hurting and there was something that clutching my stomach. 

I hate this feeling.

"You're so annoying," I said as I tightened my jaw. She was annoying, really.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for bringing this up. It won't happen again."  She barely breathed.

"I don't like your sorry. You just said that you love me then you will take it back and leave me," I said as I stepped closer to her.

She stiffened and she silently gulped again. She was nervous, I could tell. I made her feel like that. It was my effect on her and it fluttered my heart.

"Huh? I... I-I didn't take it back..." She stammered.

I slightly grabbed her seamless shirt in front "But you will leave me. If you really love me, you won't leave. You will still care."

"But you don't want me to stay with you, I'm just here Jennie. I'm always here for you," she assured me. 

I trust her with that. I trust her.

"I told you to leave me alone but I didn't say that I don't want you to stay."

"What do you mean Jennie? I don't understand you. You're giving me mixed signals and sometimes, I feel that you're leading me on. I know that you're dating Kai, you love him. I respect that but please, stop this-" She held my hand and was about to pull it away from her.

I interrupted her "Who said that I'm still dating Kai?"

"H-huh?" She seemed bewildered.

I leaned forward to her and our faces were just an inch apart "We dated before but we're just friends now. Who said that I'm still dating Kai?" I asked again.

"I just... um... I just thought that you were dating him..." She murmured. She couldn't look me in the eyes. She was all shy.

I glanced at her lips then looked back to her eyes "I won't let you go this time, I don't want to hurt you and myself anymore because of this cowardice. I keep denying this before but now, I want you to know that I love you."

"Y... y-you love me?" She asked stunned as her eyes widened.

I smiled "Yes I love you," then I quicly pecked her lips. I licked my lips as I could still taste her strawberry lip gloss.

I really wanted a full make out session but that would be fast.

"Did you just... kiss me?" She looked mesmerized and I giggled.

"Cute. And yes, I kissed you. You're my girlfriend now," I suddenly announced.

"Huh?" Obviously, she couldn't process it yet. She was speechless.

"I'm your girlfriend Lisa," I cooed as I let go of her shirt then I held her cheek. "I was coward but from on, I will use all your love for me to be brave. I will fight for you, I will fight for all the people I love." I said as I fondled her cheek.

Lisa smiled widely as she held my hand on her cheek and kissed my palm for few times.

"I'm so happy right now Jennie. It's like a dream come true. I love you so much," she sincerely said as she wrapped her arms around me. I felt secure and safe. I buried my face on her shoulder as I hugged her waist.

"Thank you for not getting tired of me Lisa."

"I will never get tired of you Jennie. I'm always here for you, I promise."

"And I want you to stay with me, forever." I said being hopeless romantic.

Lalisa Manoban. She's my forever love and I don't want any others to be. I only see my future with her and with my family. I will never love anybody else.

I guess, the truth set me free.

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