Journal Entry Fourteen

Today I have my much anticipated appointment. It is the first time I'm happy to see Allison, and I'm proud of myself.

I would never admit it to that she-devil, but I can feel myself getting better as the days progress. I can feel improvement, which is something I have felt in quite a while. The voices, which once reassured me no longer appeared as often, and I was now left to my own blissful thoughts and not someone else's voice.

-H

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Harry walked to the 4 train station, heading uptown from his building on Wall Street to East 78th, where Allison's office was.

He bounded down the steps, knowing if he missed the next train, it'd take at least twenty five more minutes for the next one to come, and Harry hated waiting more than anything.

Thankfully, the train arrived just as he reached the base of the steps, and he hopped on just as the doors closed.

"This is the Bronx bound 4 local train," the automated voice rang out from the speakers.

"Local?" He murmured to himself, before looking at the train map.

Sure enough, he had gotten on the local train instead of the express, and it would take him 16 stops to get to 77th street instead of four on the express.

He groaned and buried his hand in his hair.

Stupid. It was low, almost low enough to me unheard, but Harry heard it loud and clear.

Harry reached into his briefcase for his pill bottle, but he came up empty handed.

I must've left it in the office, he thought frantically, running his hand through his hair.

Always messing up, you've got to be quicker than that, another voice chided.

Harry's fists clenched, his nails digging into his palm. It was weeks since he heard the voices, and they were unwelcome guests in his already filled head.

You know Allison is in trouble, a voice said lowly. Fix it.

Fix it. Fix it. Fix it. They chanted, increasing in sound until it was as if they were screaming in his head.

"Fuck!" He yelled out loud, which brought attention to himself on the train. Their eyes focused on him for a quick second before going back to their own business.

It was New York City after all.

Whipping out his phone, he punched some numbers into his phone and pressed it to his ear.

"It's Styles," he muttered, making sure to keep his voice down. "I can't wait. We need to go through with it. Tonight."

----

Allison waited in her office, her foot tapping on the floor as she gazed at the clock on the wall. Harry was twenty minutes late, and she even wondered if he was going to show up at all.

He was her last appointment of the day, and if he didn't show up in the next five minutes, she was going home.

She sighed and packed up her belonging into her purse, ready to leave. Just as she was about to stand, her door opened.

"Oh, Harry!" She exclaimed in shock, not expecting him to barge in so suddenly. "I didn't think you were going to come."

"So you could call my doctor and have them lock me up in an institution?" He spat, taking a seat on the couch. "I'll pass."

She sighed, not in the mood for this today. "Harry, please."

He didn't know what cause the voices to halt, but he narrowed it down from either the way her sigh escaped from her full lips or from the pleading sound of her voice.

"Your doctors are starting to lose hope since you haven't been showing much progress in the reports," she started, while throwing her braids over her shoulder. "So they've recommended electroconvulsive therapy as a solution."

"Electroconvulsive therapy?" He repeated with disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Electroshock therapy was the last stop for a mentally ill patient outside a facility. Harry once stole a manual from the desk of the psychologist's office and he saw the stages of treatment for patients with mild schizophrenia.

It was one step away from being institutionalized.

"It was merely a recommendation, Harry," she said calmly, as if she wasn't watching his life crumble before her eyes. "Relax. It's only if you continue to not improve, and you've been getting better."

His hands clenched into fists and he felt like driving them into something. Someone.

"Anyway, how is your week so far?" She asked, crossing her legs and leaning over to hear him speak.

He ran a hand through his long hair. God, I need a haircut. "Um, well today was probably the most stressful day because I was buried in work. I didn't take my pills this morning, and I got in the wrong train to get here, which was why I was late."

"The 4, right?" She chuckled when he nodded. "That train is the slowest in the city, I hate it so much that I'd rather take a taxi and pay all that money just to get from place to place."

She reached into the drawer behind her and retrieved a capsule. "Oh, and I have your medication here. Your doctors made sure I had a supply on hand for you."

Harry stared at the pills in her hand before thanking her and picking them out of her palm. He could feel the warmth radiating from her as his fingers lightly brushed her hand.

It was silent before she cleared her throat. "Harry, I need you to help me help you."

He nodded his head and looked at his lap, his hair shielding his face before he glanced up.

"God, you don't know how badly I want to get help," he said, pushing his hair away from his face. "It's always one step forward two steps back and I don't know what to do anymore so I just don't try."

"You can't give up," she told him, a small smile on her face. "You have to push through till the end, or you'll never be satisfied with your results."

The words tumbled out of Harry's mouth before he could stop them. "Is that what you do?"

He stared at her and studied her features, and to the average person, she would've not giving anything away.

He wasn't a normal person.

He noticed the small smile she had froze slightly before the corner of her lips turned down the slightest bit.

"I would say so," she said with a forced chuckle. "But this isn't about me, it's about you."

"How about we make a compromise?" He ignored her last sentence. "I cooperate for our next sessions, and you tell me a fact about yourself. Just one."

She looked deep in thought for about a minute before nodding. "Okay, I can do that."

"So what's a fact about you?" Harry asked, curiosity clear in his voice. "Tell me something."

"My birthday is December 16th," Allison said, with a shrug of her shoulder.

"A winter baby," he concluded, as if he didn't know this already from his extensive research on her. "How fitting."

She smiled at him genuinely, a laugh leaving her lips. "Let's get back to business, Styles."

------

It was late that night, when Evan walked to the train station to get to Allison's apartment.

He rubbed his palms together to get warmth to his palms since the fall was slowly transitioning into winter. The sun had already set and it was almost ten at night.

He knew it was a long train ride from East New York to Lenox Hill, but he couldn't help himself to the little tight bodied blonde temp in the construction office.

She gave great head, Evan thought to himself with a chuckle.

Whipping out his carton of cigarettes, he ducked below an awning by an alley to light it up but before he could even pull out his lighter, he was shoved into the alley.

"What the fuck?" He muttered, as he harshly hit the ground. What was this?

"I heard you like to hit women," a familiar voice said from the dark side of the alley.

His eyes widened. "W-what?"

"Don't act like you don't know what you've been doing," he said before he let out a tsk.

Evan tried to turn the other way and get up, but three burly guys blocked the entryway to the alley. One of them, kicked his elbow in and made him collapse on the dirty concrete.

Then he realized where he recognized that voice from.

"Wait...you're Harry!" He concluded, scooting back until he was pressed into the dingy brick wall. "Her coworker."

The smirk was audible in his voice. "You can say that."

Even let a laugh fly by his lips. "Did you have fun fucking my bitch? Her pûssy is tighter than-"

The metal baseball bat connected with the side of his face before he could get out another word.

Harry smiled down at his crumpled body sadistically. "Oh, how I'll make you wish you never said those words."

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a/n: :)

all the love, rachel.

p.s I keep changing the cast for Allison and it's so frustrating omg! too many beautiful black women out here lmao