Journal Entry Eleven

I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore. That woman has been infiltrating my carefully guarded thoughts. I cannot seem to stop thinking about her, and on top of that, the voices kept discussing it amongst themselves.

I am being driven to the brink of insanity by these diseased thoughts. I was already mad, but I'm getting worse and worse by the the second. Something needs to be done, and done fast. She's making me feel emotions, and that isn't supposed to happen.

I will stop at nothing in order to get want I want. And what I want is that treacherous witch named Allison McIntyre.

-H

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"You're late," Allison noted when he walked into the office fifteen minutes later than their scheduled time. "I have my appointments booked up for the rest of the day, so we'll have to hurry."

"Sorry, I was a little caught up," he explained, taking a seat on the settee. He looked into her eyes with his own hooded ones. "But as you said, better make this a quickie."

If she caught the innuendo he just made, she either must've ignored it or was too caught up in fixing her notepad to realize.

"So Harry," Allison started, her legs crossed as she sat across from Harry with her usual notepad balanced in her lap. "How have you been this past week?"

Her lips held a smile, as if their moments in the elevator and this very office didn't occur. He gritted his teeth in frustration and annoyance.

"Peachy," he muttered, sitting back into his chair. He looked everywhere in the room but at her.

She was annoying him with her extra white teeth, her seemingly flawless brown skin and her hair that was styled in small individual braids. Everything about her presence was irritating, and after what happened between them, his negative emotions towards her reached an all time high.

"'Peachy'?" She teased, her smile still present. "I thought the life of a CEO could be more-"

"FUCK, Allison!" He yelled suddenly, slamming his large hands onto the glass table that shattered under his fists.

Allison gasped and stood up immediately. She could feel her heart racing beneath her ribcage. "Harry, relax-"

"DO NOT TELL ME TO FUCKING RELAX!" He boomed, coming closer to her and pinning her body to the bookshelf. Taking a deep breath in, he tried to calm the thoughts rushing around his head so he could refrain from lashing out at her again.

"Harry, if you do not sit down, I'm calling your doctor," she told him calmly. "You know what me calling your doctor means."

Institutionalization.

His hands froze around her wrists in surprise, surprise that she would even dare threaten him.

"I'm not kidding," she enforced while trying to detach herself from him, her words still of a calm nature. "Only you have the power to make this stop."

He growled and glared at her small frame beneath him, before he let go of her wrists and took a step back.

"Now have a seat, Mr. Styles," she ordered, extending a hand to the couch across from her. "I have other appointments for the day."

Harry hated how nonchalant and cold she sounded. She was usually perky and optimistic despite his explicit frustration and irritation for her.

She's starting to act like...me, he thought with disbelief and defeat, as he sunk into the couch.

"So how are you?" Allison asked, her bright smile presenting itself on her lips.

Harry only stared at her, his lips pressed in a thin line.

"Harry...?" She called his name in an attempt to receive his attention.

He shook his head and rested his chin in his palm. "How can you sit there and act as if nothing just occurred?"

She shrugged her shoulders noncommittally. "I'm used to it."

Harry remember the way Evan treated her when he saw them on his jog. Is his abuse the reason she is able to forget the wrongdoings of others so easily?

"Anyway, getting back to the reason we're here," she snapped him out of his thoughts. "Which is a good question to start with...why do you think you're here?"

"What?" He questioned while raising an eyebrow. "You know why I'm here, check the file."

"I've read that file on various occasions, very thoroughly too if I may add." Allison crossed her arms over her chest and making a movement to place her notepad on the coffee table. Midway her hand hovered over the shattered table and instead opted to put it on the cushion next to herself. "But I want to know why you think you ended up in a place like this, when you and I both know you could've bought your way out of the hospital contract."

When he just stared at her for a few moments, she raised her hands up in surrender. "Off the record. I give you my word."

"I want to get better," he blurted, before his eyes widened. "I promise you I do-"

"Is this what you wanting to get better looks like? Chasing away the people who want to help you most?" She chuckled humorlessly. "Damn, I wouldn't want to see you not try at all."

Harry felt his hand twitch with anger but he quickly calmed down knowing that her patience with him was waning from the moment they met.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, while twisting his barren fingers. He was in a rush this morning, so he forgot his usual silver rings. "I tend to push away the best people and keep only the toxic ones, and I'm struggling to figure out if it's because I don't know any better or if it's because I'm a masochist."

"Now we're getting somewhere," she said, a small smile on her face. "What I see as a trend in my other patients is that they usually seem to keep toxic people in their lives. Only because they don't want to feel or even think about the darkness they harbor within themselves. They don't see that they're actually killing themselves inside and out."

Harry nodded, actually listening to her words. What she was saying was unlike any other therapist he consulted in the past. She didn't just want to get paid or just spit out the old ramblings of some Chinese philosopher.

She wanted to help. She actually wanted to help.

And that thought alone almost made Harry break.

Allison looked him in the eyes and she could see the emotions swimming through his irises. She knew she was getting through to him but before she knew it, he blinked and his bright olive green eyes glazed back over to the usual cold steely viridian.

"I think our session is over," he stated before getting up and wiping his sweaty palms on his black skinny jeans. "Schedule me for next Wednesday, I need to go."

"Harry, wait!" She called, standing up and reaching out for the sleeve of his shirt.

He quickly shifted his body away from her, and she stumbled before falling hands first into the table of broken glass.

She cried out in pain as the sharp glass cut into her palms. Harry swung around and his eyes widened.

"Allison!" He called out, rushing back over to her and helping her up.

"Ow," she whimpered, as she stood upright. Her hands were stinging and she saw the pieces jutting out from her skin.

"How are you so clumsy?" He whispered, while grabbing her wrists and inspecting her hands.

"It's not my fault," she defended herself, before trying to yank free from his arms. "I was trying to stop you-"

"From running?" He finished, a cold smile on his pink lips. "That's all I'm known for, love."

Allison was quiet, and Harry could see the tears streaming from her eyes but she tried to keep her face as stoic as possible.

"I ran from Cheshire when I was 18 when my mother was killed, I ran from my father's corrupt company when I was 21, and look where I am," he spat, shaking his head. "Running in circles back into my toxic reality."

She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off. "Where's your bathroom? Let's clean this up before it gets infected."

"Down the hall," she told him, and he pulled her down the hall. "You know I can do it myself. I don't need your help."

"Both of your hands are injured," he pointed out when they reached the restroom. "I'd love to see you try."

He pushed open the door and he checked under the stalls before locking the door behind him.

"Why'd you lock the door?" She questioned, before walking further into the room.

"I wouldn't want anyone to walk into the room and see you with your legs spread wide on the sink counters," he told her, before searching under the sink.

When he saw her wide eyes, he sighed and looked at her. "I was kidding." He wasn't.

She visibly relaxed and watched Harry as he rummaged through the drawers of the sink before finding the first aid kit.

In a flash, Harry grabbed the back of Allison's thighs and hoisted her onto the obsidian counter.

He grabbed the tweezers from the kit and took her glass filled palm. Carefully but swiftly, he plucked the shards from her skin. Before she knew it, he had cleared both hands and he leaned back.

She missed the warmth of his body but she shook that thought from her head. She wouldn't allow herself to do this again.

"Wash your hands and I'll put Neosporin on when you're finished," he ordered, while turning on the faucet.

She ran her hands under the water and yelped in pain when she felt the temperature of the water. "That's boiling hot."

"I'm sorry, my mistake," he said before switching it to the cold water tap.

While she washed her hands, Harry smirked to himself. That was no error, he just wanted to see her in pain once more, knowing he was the only solution to help her get better. It was the one time he could pretend for just a bit to have her job.

And that was all he wanted.

She finished washing her hands and held her dripping hands up to his face.

He grabbed the towel and concentrated on dabbing softly so he wouldn't hurt her again, no matter how much he wanted to.

While he did this, he felt Allison's doe brown eyes trained on his face, studying his facial features.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," he murmured, while still drying her hands.

When those words would've unsettled most people, Allison continued to stare at him as if she didn't hear him.

Harry knew she wouldn't let up, so he gently rubbed in the Neosporin and wrapped her wrist with bandages to keep it from getting in contact with the air.

"There," he said. "All done."

He tried to take a step back, but she shockingly prevented him from doing so by linking her legs around his waist and pulling him closer to her own body.

"What are you doing?" He asked, skepticism clear in his voice.

Allison bit her bottom lips seductively, as she gazed up at him through her eyelashes. She wound her hands around the back of his neck and teased him by playing with the short hairs at the nape of his neck.

"I know you weren't kidding about why you locked the doors," she purred, before pulling him tighter to her body, so tight that she could feel his growing ereçtion. "So let me repay the good doctor for doing a job well done."

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a/n: soooooo I guess this was long?? idk

also if you're curious my Twitter (for right now) is @harryfuckmeup, so follow me on there because that's what I'm on the most

also, please please PLEASE comment. I appreciate hearing what y'all think after each chapter. like I know it feels like it's just going back and forth and dragging but I plan to make this about 35 chapters so I think next chapter we'll dive into the good stuff. :)))

all the love, rachel.