─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

❝ If the sunsets while I'm gone and the moon comes out, remember that I'm looking down at you, smiling proudly. If the stars come out, then remember, you're not alone. I'm here by your side, even if not there physically ❞

🎼

C H A P T E R  T H R E E

KEVIN CAN'T REMEMBER THE last time he received a failing grade on his English papers, having a father who supported his dreams of becoming a published writer and a mother who was fluent in the English language.

Hana was half American and Korean. She was the boy and his father's favorite moon indeed.

With her spring in their air personality, sunset eyes holding a mysterious but loveable gaze, and summer night smile calming the waves of the oceans, she felt like spring and summer, everything in between.

In the beginning, she taught him the languages with his father overlooking them, being their rope when they needed rescuing.

Siwoo always pulled himself down to help them rise, but he never left their side. He never let anything unfair slip through their tight small family bond, ripping it apart.

Kevin's mom also began to realize her son's love for music during grade four of elementary school, showcasing his hidden vocals. He would whisper lyrics under his breath in the music room, fingers drifting across keypads like glittering water hit by the warm sunlight.

The summer rainy day after graduation came like an earthquake, taking Hana from them.

It's not like it wasn't going to happen.

It came too soon.

It filled the hearts of her child and her husband with grief, loss, and memories playing on rewind.

Some things are better left unsaid.

He didn't understand at the age of thirteen, broken-hearted since then.

Now he gets it.

How is he going to face Jacob and apologize?

What if the letter was just mere kindness, understanding, nothing more than friendly like his nature? He's sitting two tables across from him, gaze focused on the printed pages, reading.

Jacob looks up, an easy smile resting on his face. Kevin realizes he caught his gaze, and immediately shifts his own down at his poor exam paper, cheeks tinging a shade of red.

Kevin is stupid, so stupid an idiot for falling in love with his best friend.

He places his phone on the page of the exam practice textbook and holds the spine up to cover it, typing out a message to the random stranger. He's not sure why texting the person is his first choice. 

He could always message Chanhee or Younghoon.

He needs saving, and for some reason, he thinks this person will help.

Kevin

A friend accidentally drunk-kissed their friend. The next day their friend doesn't say anything.

He gives his friend a smile when he looks at his friend. What is that supposed to imply?

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haven't you watched enough k-dramas to figure out the meaning behind this? he likes you. he just needs time to understand his feelings. he was probably shocked

Kevin

It's a friend of mine, not me!

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Idiot, I know it's you.

Kevin

How could you assume that? I watch a healthy amount of different genres with Chanhee, Younghoon, and Hyunjae.

Wait, JACOB LIKES ME BACK ASJADBSKJF

Changmin's slicing carrots when his phone next to him on the table pings, the smile on his face turning upside down, eyes glancing at the text.

He's cutting the orange vegetable, and slices of different sizes mush against each other, causing Chanhee and Juyeon to blink. Their eyes widen, astonishment painting the horror on their faces.

Jacob was not the least shocked. He kissed you even when he knew Hyunjae likes him.

Jacob doesn't want to hurt anyone. He's the campus's angel? I'm aware.

I'm also aware he doesn't want to hurt you.

Changmin's hand on the knife tightens, hearing his phone vibrate again.

"What did the poor carrots ever do to you?" Chanhee says softly, gaze dropping to the text his best friend received, and mouthes an 'oh.'

He gently draws away, giving him the needed space.

Chanhee takes the cutting board, adding the vegetable into the pot of boiling water, mentally praying their final grade won't look unappealing or taste bad: they added too much salt, which is never good, and the carrots, well, they should be fine.

Kevin

Should I ask him if he likes me? I should apologize too.

You don't need to apologize.

"You're jealous, aren't you?" Sunwoo bumps into Changmin's shoulder, lips curling into a sheepish smile.

"Stop bothering Changmin and come help me," Chanhee calls out, a chuckle leaving his mouth.

Changmin's going to tell him one day, just not now.

He's broken and lost.

What good would two broken and lost souls create?

He found the brunette at their high school library, using his arms to rest his head against.

He knew at that moment how hard-working he was and something inside him broke, missing the old days where he had an actual family—a mother.

He still has his brother and his younger sister, but it's not the same.

Jacob changed too. He's not the angel everybody thinks he is.

There's Sunhee, seven years old, blooming like the prettiest sunflower. But she needs the water, nutrients, and sunlight to grow beautiful—not dark and broken like her brothers, wearing a smile to hide the pain.

When their mom's illness one night in the emergency room confirmed if she'd live or not, the news hit the family as dark clouds opened and poured heavy rain.

The sounds of thunder were terrifying to their ears.

Eunji didn't live.

Changmin's mom, whose smile was morning glory, eyes holding a galaxy, black hair carried in a messy ponytail, loosening and tangling down her back. Strands falling into her eyes when working hard, promised him one thing.

"Do you see that star?"

"There are so many!"

"It's by the moon. Sunhee found it," Jacob points out, and she laughs.

Eunji laughs too. Changmin, dumbfounded, grins when he finally finds the star right next to the moon. "This is ridiculous," Sunhee blurts out. Eunji looks at her, shocked.

"Honey, where did you learn that word?"

"Jacob and Changminnie's watching too much harry potter again!" Sunhee's bright eyes beam, a sly smile slithering onto her face making her seem like a fox.

"Looks like you've been watching too, haven't you, sunflower?"

Changmin drawls out the word.

Jacob laughs, pulling him back.

She's not scared like the raven; they're partners in crime.

"I know you love harry potter but, if Sunhee says such words at a young age, I don't know anything anymore. I haven't asked how everything has been for the three of you since I've left for three weeks with your dad on a business trip. I'm so sorry."

"It doesn't matter. As long as you're with us, everything will be okay," the three say.

Eunji's mouth opens in utter astonishment.

"I think you got my message. Don't leave each other, okay?"

"We're not leaving you either. You can't let go. Okay, mom?"

"Promise," she wraps her finger around her children's fingers one by one, giving a tug, receiving a smile from them.

Eunji worked hard and made the world fall in love with her. It could be why she left early.

"Useless child, all you do is dance.  Why can't you do well in the important subjects, English and Maths? Dancing will get you nowhere. I can't believe I have a son like you. Why did Eunji ever want you? "

His dad coughs and leans over.

He drank again.

Changmin runs over to him quickly with a trashcan, hesitantly reaching out to rub his back, but the man pushes him away.

"I don't need your help. You don't have money when I need it."

His tone is cold, emotionless eyes holding the boy's scared ones.

Two weeks after the fifteen-year-old Changmin came home from school, calling out to his father, hearing strange noises. He was scared but also curious. Each step he took, getting closer to the sound, he felt his heart hammer against his chest.

His breath catches in his throat, finding another woman in his father's bed.

Changmin can't find his voice, silently hoping his dad would look up, catch his eyes.

Somewhere inside them pleading for forgiveness and guilt.

The boy runs before the man can call out to him, brown eyes glistening with tears.

Changmin never went back home that night.

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sure, why not? It's worth a try

Kevin

Tell me you are positive

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you're asking me, so yes

Kevin

You aren't going to stop me?

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I shouldn't hold you back, harry potter

Kevin

I'm not the chosen one, just a fool in love

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but you are, that's why you're a fool in love. did you not watch, harry potter and the half-blood prince?

Kevin

shUT UP Hermione Grainger

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I'm not stopping you but if you need me, I'll offer virtual hugs and listen

Kevin

wait—

The teacher dismisses the Literature class as the bell rings. Kevin hurries out, freezing by the stairs as a hand claps on his shoulder, warm honey eyes burning the back of his neck.

He doesn't even need to turn around. He knows it's Jacob.

"Hey, Kevin, can we talk?"

"We're going in different directions—" he can't finish his sentence because the next second, a hand embraces his own, slender fingers overlapping.

When the brunette's head raises, brown eyes meeting blue eyes, his heart stops. Kevin's gaze returns to Jacob's confused one.

"I'll take him from here," Changmin tells Jacob. They hold each other's gaze and an uneasy tension weighs on Kevin's shoulders, "You can still walk to class with us," he offers.

"You took care of him, but now it's my turn," Changmin responds, leaving with Kevin to their next class. The brunette looks up at him then, face flushing a brighter shade of red.

"I don't know what's your problem, but we're not in the same—" Kevin begins and slips his hand from Changmin's grasp. When the raven turns around, answering, "AP, room number 243," raising a brow, Kevin's face goes blank.

"No shit."

. . .

High School, senior year has to be the best and worst year.

The assignments are either too much or okay to handle because of the last three years of experience. There's less drama, save for the athletic and performing arts department, prom night, finals, and graduation.

Kevin needs to focus on preparing for graduation.

His mind drifted a long time ago from the said highlight of the fourth year, thoughts playing a love song that would probably never end right.

It's called heartbreak for a reason.

His dad makes it alright though, the dinner table is set with his favorite meals.

Kevin smiles, wincing at his dad making a mess of his brown hair and huffs, even though he knows it's a way of showing his affection.

"You always do that. I'm not thirteen anymore, dad."

"Just like your mother," Siwoo says, chuckling at Kevin groaning. "How was prom?"

Kevin almost spits out the water he was drinking and smiles, cheeks round, glasses falling down the bridge of his nose. "I—uh—maybe partied hard and ended up staying over at Jacobs. . . " the twinge silence, raised brow, sharp look from his dad makes him feel small and guilty.

He's not partially lying.

"Kevin, dear, it's your last year. Graduation is four weeks away. Your teachers called me, asking me if you were okay. What happened?" Siwoo asks, worry lacing along with it, his sharp look molding into a soft one. "I hope this isn't another innocent love story happening again and you're not hurting yourself."

It is another.

I am.

I can't tell you.

It's been like this since freshmen year.

His dad sighs, long and stressful, hands coming to his forehead to massage it, preventing another headache. It aches Kevin's heart. All he wants is everything to be alright.

"Dad—" Kevin voices, coming over to him. He tilts his head, trying to catch his eyes.

A smile breaks on his lips from the tug on his arm into a much-needed hug are home, old memories syncing as if their hearts hold so much of Hana, their whole universe. 

He wants to tell the truth, but Siwoo starts talking, pulling away from the embrace, hands on the boy's shoulders in a reassuring way. "I—I've booked a ticket to Seoul. We can't stay here anymore and you have so much potential in music. I think it's better for you. For the both of us."

Kevin freezes, immediately stepping back, heart racing. "Better? For the both of us?"

"Kevin, please understand."

"No. You're running away. You're leaving mom behind. You're leaving Hana behind—"

Siwoo averts his gaze, and Kevin follows, landing on the frame of his mother's picture.

It was her 41st birthday and before she left the world.

"I'm not you who accepts what has happened, happened. Mom wouldn't want us to leave her, you leave her," the words are bitter and heavy.

He knew it would happen but not like this—run upstairs, tears streaming down his cheeks, heart beating fast, and slamming the bedroom door.

His back slides against the door and his bottom meet the ground, removing off his glasses. He puts them on the table next to him, hugging his knees to his chest, and buries his face there.

I wish you were here, mom.

The loud music playing from below startles him, actually irritating him.

It's happy music. It doesn't fit the mood. Kevin lifts himself to his feet, walking over to his window, looking down, and finds a boy dancing. "Would you turn it out down?"

"I can't hear you!"

"Are you doing this on purpose?"

He's yelling. They are yelling. Oh my god.

The music isn't playing anymore.

Kevin figures Changmin left, but when he turns around, his heart does a U-turn.

He runs over to him, worry filling the fibers of his being. "Are you crazy? Why would you climb a tree? You could hurt yourself—"

"You're worried about me?"

It's his eyes—ocean blue irises he could drown in, the easy grin plastered across his confident lips daring to ask that particular question. He's cold like Neptune, mysterious, hidden, stormy with the way he denies love confessions, and the brunette can't stop looking at him.

Prom night plays inside his mind, rewinding to the moment before accidentally kissing Jacob, and he looks away.

Kevin's a mess.

"Were you crying?" Changmin's voice is light, forbearing, so only the both of them can hear.

Kevin's gaze flickers up, meeting Changmin's, and it's enough to send a wave of emotions run through him. It's enough to wonder why he fell in love with his best friend when the raven reaches out, the pad of his thumb gingerly wiping away the tear droplet resting on his cheekbone.

"Did anyone tell you that your eyes are beautiful? It's like they're holding the universe."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A U T H O R 'S N O T E

I am back with a 2.6k length of a chapter, filled with lots of angst that will be further seen in the rest of the chapters because I love you guys.

this wouldn't have been possible without you cheering on me, Erin sunseokd When I told you about entering this fic of mine into the wattys, you lifted me up no matter what I thought

Kevin in glasses is cute, okay? I won't take no for an answer

what did you guys think? did I succeed in portraying the characters' emotions? I know I always ask this, but it's because I want to make sure I am doing best at what I do & I want my characters to be real as possible. I wanted to write about their family & their past as well. 

I hope you guys don't mind this long chapter

as always, thank you so much for reading. your support means a lot to me 💖💖

reference notes |

changmin's family:

eunji | mom passed away

kangdae | dad

bonhwa | the dad married another woman

jacob | 19 years old

changmin | 17 years old

sunhee | 11 years old

kevin's family:

hana | mom passed away

siwoo | dad

kevin | 18