A/N: Hey guys! wanted to push out this super-sized update before my exam tomorrow (should probs be studying but who cares its open book and online lol)

anyway! I made a Twitter account so go and follow me for update information, ask me questions or we can just chat about anything random in general! I've never had a Twitter account before and I'm really loving it so come and engage with me!

https://twitter.com/scarwattpad

As always:

Stay Safe

Look after one another

Praise be our golden king (that music video was divine)

and I love yall

Hope you enjoy! xx

Harry's P.O.V

I know I said I didn't want to move to New York anymore, but that doesn't mean I was particularly excited to get back to London. This was mostly because it meant that Elena's last semester of university would begin, and just as I had suspected, her course load takes up a lot of her time. This first week we've barely seen each other, of course we've been texting and calling but as far as spending time together, it really hasn't happened.

We agreed that Elena would move back in with me, but she's been trying to help Heather with her move as well. When Elena told Heather she was moving back in with me, Heather was apparently relieved as she wanted to move back home to her family so that they could help her with the baby. It's what's best for everyone, but I have a feeling that they're both pretty sad that they aren't going to be living together anymore.

She's coming over to my place tomorrow night after class, but I'm feeling restless right now. I haven't held her in a fucking week, not for any particular reason, just because she's been busy and readjusting to her new schedule. I hate feeling this desperate need for her but I do, and I can't just sit here and dwell in it.

"Fuck it," I say to myself as I grab my keys and head to the elevator. I don't call ahead, I don't ask if I can come over, I'm just going to show up at her door. Even if she's studying, just being in the same room as her might be enough to have things make sense again.

The drive to her and Heathers apartment feels like it takes no time at all, maybe I'm speeding, I'm shit at checking my speedometer sometimes. I am surprised that there aren't too many cars out, especially for 8 o'clock on a Thursday night, I'm also surprised that there is parking almost directly opposite from their apartment building. I park the car and quickly cross the road, hitting the intercom button of their apartment, it's a few seconds before I hear any sound crackle through the small speaker beside the rows of apartment numbers.

"Hello?" A voice I recognise as Heathers asks.

"Heather, it's Harry, can you let me up?" I ask her, why have I not gotten a key off of Elena yet? I suppose it wouldn't really make that much sense since she's moving out soon, but still.

"Well good evening Mr Styles, I wasn't expecting you. Sure, come on up" I hear her gleefully announces before the line goes dead and a loud sound echoes from the door in front of me, I give it a tug and it opens heavily. I retrace the steps I took the first and only time Elena brought me here and find Heather already has the door propped open with her shoulder. Her hand is up by her ear, securing an earring to the lobe before she smiles at me and pushes the door further open for me.

"Styles, she's in there" Heather greets me and immediately invites me in, gesturing to a closed-door beside the TV. "I'm heading out for dinner. Please whatever you do, don't dent the walls, I'm hoping to get back my deposit" She says as she pulls a jacket over her shoulders. Not much has changed from the last time I saw her, except for a tiny little curve to her stomach just visible beneath the shirt, if you weren't looking for it you probably wouldn't be able to see it.

"Always good to see you Heather, have a good night," I tell her as she picks up her bag.

"Good luck getting her to stop studying" Heather replies over her shoulder as she walks out the door. I walk over to Elena's bedroom and tap softly on the door before I inch it open.

Elena sits in the middle of her bed, surrounded by a series of papers, pens, and an open laptop that she's currently rapidly typing on. Dressed in one of my old t-shirts and a pair of tiny shorts that barely skim below her bum, she looks up for a brief second before she returns back to the screen, then back up at me as though just registering who is knocking at her door.

"Hey!" She grins softly as I enter the room, closing the door behind me. I was kind of hoping I could convince her to park what she needs for the next few days and just stay at mine, but I don't think I'll have much luck.

"Hi bub, you okay?" I ask her as I step open a half-packed box full of books and sit down on the edge of her bed. She places the laptop to the side and leans over, resting a hand on my shoulder and briefly pressing her lips to mine. She tastes of strawberry lip balm, and I feel like I'm in heaven. A week is too long, way too fucking long. It's only just a taste, it's not nearly enough, I'm going through withdrawal and I'm going to need a bigger hit than that.

"Yeah it's okay," She says unconvincingly. "I just have a bunch of readings to do before class tomorrow" Her hands gesture to the various scattered papers surrounding her bed, I can only just briefly see that her sheets are white with tiny blue flowers on them.

"Is this all just one class?" I ask as I pick up one of the papers titled 'Small Business and Social Responsibility - A Critical Review'. Fuck.

"Yeah, and it starts at nine. Even if I did have time to read all of these I can't process what they're all saying in time for tomorrow" She says in a defeated tone. On the surface, I can see that it looks like a lot, but it's not that bad, especially not if I help.

"Move over," I tell her as I slip my shoes off my feet, she doesn't make any movement but she does peer up at me inquisitively. I scoop my hands underneath her hips and slide her a few inches to the left, hearing her laugh in my ear as she holds onto my shoulder for support "Come on, give me the trickiest one. I'll read it and summarise it for you" I sit down on the bed with my back against the headboard as Elena reaches for the article I had picked up earlier and hands me a yellow highlighter.

"It's 15 pages and I have absolutely no idea what the first paragraph means. I love you so much" She says quickly after pressing a warm soft kiss to my jaw. If I help her get through these papers she's finally going to relax, and she's wound up so tightly I think she's about to explode. Best if I help her before that happens.

We spend the next forty-five minutes working through the pile of papers. I try to summarise as best as I can, the content is not as complex to me because I've been doing this sort of thing for over a decade. And it's not even like she enjoys it very much, when she finally understands something it's more of a look of relief and not one of enjoyment about learning something interesting.

"Thank god that's over" Elena tilts her head backwards and tosses the last pile of paper onto a small stack sitting on a chair beside her bed. The angle that she has her head enables me to see the tattoo she got done last week, the one she did for me. I was completely surprised when she told me she wanted to get a tattoo, she just never seemed the typical type for someone who wanted one. Personally, I don't know if she could have gotten anything sexier. She left a permanent marker for me on her skin, reserved it for me for the rest of time, claimed me as her own and she as mine with just a few simple strokes of a tattoo gun. The lines were raised for a few days while the ink settled in and I found myself tracing my fingers across it all the time, treating it as though it's my own personal kind of Braille. I want her to get more, to wrap her body in art as perfect as she already is. But just for now, this little 'H' is all I need.

"Thank you for helping" Elena let's out a quiet sigh as she checks her phone, letting it drop back down to the bed and rubbing a hand over her eye. I've always seen Elena relatively put together, she prides herself on having things under control and not asking for help, but I can see already that she's struggling with all of this extra work and the semesters only just begun.

"Are you sure you can handle all of this bub?" I ask her quietly as I let my fingertips wander across the back of her hand that rests on her thigh. "I'm sure you're advisors will understand and you can take some of the classes next semester"

"No no, I can handle it. I'm not working now and once all of the orientation is over and I figure out a schedule it will become more manageable" She replies adamantly as she places both of her hands on my shoulder, swinging one of her legs over my lap to rest on the other side of my hip, straddling me. I'm trying to listen to her convince me she's okay, but all I can think about is her sitting on my lap. This woman drives me crazy with the smallest of movements. Come on Harry, be a good boyfriend, show her you care, try not to think about her fingers twisting through your hair as they rest on the nape of your neck.

"You know I'm always here to support, whatever you need," I say with conviction. Being me definitely has its perks, I could make three phone calls and have a decent job lined up for her without having to get her degree. And in a field that she loves, like publishing or editing, but she'd never accept it being given to her. Perhaps I'll figure out a way to make her take a job offer without her finding out I played a part. I'm about to start a mental list of people who may be able to help me find her something when a simple roll of her hips evaporates the task from my mind.

"I know, and right now what I need is a distraction" Elena's sultry voice and smooth-rolling hips are more than enough to send me the message of what she needs. Thank fuck, it's been four days since any kind of sex and that's far too long in my opinion.

"What kind of distraction baby?" I play dumb, sliding my hips slowly up her thighs and under her shirt, resting them against the skin just above her shorts. Her doe eyes pierce straight through mine, fluttering gently in response to my touch. I feel her fingers weave themselves into my hair and her nails lightly scratch at my scalp, something I hadn't even known was a turn-on of mine until she first did it.

"I need my daddy to make me feel good" She whispers sweetly, her forehead resting against mine. Her words are pants tightening and I'm putty in her hands. I lift one of her hands from the back of my head and guide it down her front. As her fingertips graze down her stomach, she takes charge of her hand and places it against the front of my jeans, palming me gently.

"No baby, you're not going to touch me, you're going to touch yourself," I tell her softly and redirect her hand back up to her stomach, skimming her fingers against the patch of skin just below her bellybutton.

"I want daddy to touch me" Her bottom lip pouts out ever so slightly as she speaks, and it really does take every single ounce of my self-control to not flip her over and fuck her like a mad man.

"All in good time darling" I reply before dipping my head down slightly to place a soft kiss against her throat, pushing her hand past the soft elastic barrier of her pyjama shorts. Her hips wriggle gently and her head tilts slightly in anticipation, I wonder if this is distracting enough for her.

"You're just so much better at it than I am sir" She mumbles, her fingers tightening in my hair as her own fingers make contact with herself under the fabric of her underwear. I know what she's doing, she's trying to flatter me so I take over and show her how it's done. I'm not taking the bait; if I do it for her this won't last very long at all, my desperate need for her will take over and I want to savour this, to truly make her feel good.

"Well, that's why you need to practice, so that you can do it on your own if you want to," I say against her ear, lightly nipping at the lower lobe. Imagining Elena laid out at home one day pleasuring herself is an image that just drives me wild to think about. And it's one that I'd love to watch unprovoked at some point, it's so fucking sexy when she takes control. Elena's breaths begin to sound out like short puffs as I gently hold her wrist, her own fingers working herself over.

"I don't want to do this alone" Her answer comes out in small puffs, her body betraying her attempt at appearing unaffected by her own actions. I use my hands to slowly slide the shorts down her legs, letting the gather at her knees to enable a better view. My girl, sitting on my lap in my old shirt with her hand dipped into her dark blue laced underwear, it's a fucking phenomenal sight. I lean forward and place a small kiss to her jaw, breathing hotly across the centre of her neck as her head tips backwards.

"It's always good to know. You never do this when you're away from daddy?" I ask her quietly, silently wishing I had gotten her to remove her shirt before we began her lesson. My lips remain focused on the area where her neck meets her shoulder as my eyes trail back down to her lap. Her hand twitches around at a slightly fast pace largely obscured by the lining of her underwear, again something I should have had her remove. Instead of answering straight away, she shakes her head and lets out a series of small whimpers as my teeth sink into her slightly tanned shoulder.

"I never do this daddy, I save it all for you" She pants out sweetly, her words directly engaging my dick. Does she have any idea what her words do to me? Her forehead falls to rest on my shoulder as the movement of her hand picks up, her tattoo is visible to me as I slide my hands up under her shirt and palm her breasts. She's not even wearing a bra, fucking hell. I flick my thumb over her nipple and crane my neck up to suck on the skin just below her tattoo. A loud moan emanates from her body as her own lips sloppily kiss down my neck, her free hand winding up tightly in my hair.

"Fuck daddy I'm so close. I need you to touch me, please touch me" She whimpers out in ragged breaths, her fingernails scratching at my scalp as her back arches towards me. Fuck I love it when she begs, this woman is irresistible. I remove one of my hands from her chest and slide it down her stomach and into the lining of her underwear. Her hand quickly withdraws to give me room while my fingers slowly flicker against her.

"You're so fucking wet baby, you did so well" I praise her softly as I slowly push my finger along her folds and softly flick her clit. She lifts her head up off of my shoulder and squeezes her eyes shut, biting down on her lower lip as she rocks her hips quickly against my hand. "Take off your shirt," I tell her. Her eyes quickly open and in a matter of seconds, the shirt she was wearing falls to its new resting place on the floor beside her bed. I dip my head down to her chest and press a series of soft kisses against the pale skin as I push one finger up inside of her. Her walls immediately clench around my finger and it takes me a second before I can ease another one inside of her.

"Fuck" Elena's head tips upwards towards the ceiling as her hips begin to quickly rock against me. I start a quick rhythm, withdrawing my fingers and quickly pushing them back in as my thumb rubs roughly against her clit. She starts to quiver, her hand gripping my shoulder as I increase the pace of my fingers.

"You gonna cum on daddy's fingers baby?" I say, dipping my head down to flick my tongue against one of her nipples. Her hips continue to gyrate against my hand while soft moans trickle out of her mouth. Her head nods just seconds before her mouth opens wide to loudly moan my name as I feel her tighten and combust around my fingers. One of her hands clutches my chin as she pulls my head up and kisses my lips, flicking her tongue against mine and gently moaning as she rides out her high.

I gently withdraw my fingers and place them on her bottom lip, watching as she stares up at me for half a beat before slowly taking my fingers into her mouth and sucking them softly. "Good Girl," I tell her as I use my other hand to tuck some of her wayward hair behind her ear. Her teeth graze against my knuckle before she slides her lips off of my fingers and tries to pull the bottom of my shirt up and over my head.

"I want more" She mumbles with a quiet laugh as she struggles with the removal of my clothing. I help lift the shirt over my head and start to unbuckle my jeans as she leans forward, placing featherlight kisses against my chest. She's always been so delicate with me, every move so gentle and purposeful. I normally like to take charge in bed, and before Elena, I used to only like it rough and fast and hard. But things change and now I very willingly surrender my control to her if that's what she wants; if she wants slow then we go slow, if she wants rough then I give her rough. I also never used to worry if it felt good, they always just told me it did, now I need Elena's assurance that she feels good. If she doesn't feel good, then I don't want it.

"Tell me what you want baby," I say as I lift my hips up to help her slide down my jeans and then my boxers. My dick springs free and rests up on my stomach, already pretty fucking hard as Elena inches her kisses down my stomach. Instead of answering my question, Elena's hand wrap around my dick and holds it before pressing a light kiss to the tip. Her eyes focus up on me as she wraps her lips around the tip and pushes her head further down onto it.

"Fuck" I sigh as I feel her tongue swirl around me, trying to savour it as long as I can before the inevitable orgasm ends the night for me. She flutters her long eyelashes up at me and wraps her hand around the area that her mouth can't fit, gently stroking me up towards her mouth. I've not had very many of Elena's blowjobs, I have a feeling that she doesn't enjoy them nearly as much as I do, but she still likes to give it a go and what kind of an idiot am I to turn down a fucking amazing blow job from the woman I love? I slide one of my hands into her hair and try to gently push her head further down until I feel the tip hit the back of her throat. Elena lets out a soft moan and brings her hand down to squeeze my balls.

"Shit, come on baby I'm gonna fuck you now" I moan and try to lift her chin off of my dick. Slowly she slides her mouth off of me and places a long lick up the entire shaft before quickly sitting up, sliding her shorts and underwear off her legs and climbing into my lap. Her lips roughly attach to mine as I line her up and sit her down slowly on my length until it's all the way inside of her.

"Oh fuck daddy that's so deep" She moans loudly against my cheek as I grip her bum and help her to quickly bounce up and down on my lap, nearly slipping her all the way off of me before pushing her all the way back in. The air between us instantly begins to build into a hot sweaty mess. I attach my lips to an area of her skin just above her left nipple and suck and bite down until a soft purple bruise arises.

One of her hands tugs on my hair so hard it feels like it could come out at any moment while the other hands' nails dig into my back and leave long scratches up and around the back of my neck. We continue to mark each other, the sound of loud moaning and the rough slap of our thighs making contact as she lifts her hips filling the room.

"Oh fuck Harry! Oh my god, it's so good, it feels so fucking good" Elena moans loudly as her teeth nip at my lower earlobe, her movements becoming slightly jerky and off-balanced. I use my hands to steady her and quicken the movements of her hips as she starts to clench around me.

"You're so fucking tight baby, such a good girl. You gonna cum on daddy's cock now?" I say roughly as Elena quickly nods her head, her mouth falling open to release a string of moans and curse words. I feel her tighten and explode around me, and it brings me closer and closer to my own release.

"Oh my god daddy that was so good, I want you to cum inside me daddy. I love you" Elena's moans trigger my own high, I roughly press my lips against hers and bury myself deep inside of her as I release into her. My head falls back against the headboard as I continue to twitch inside her, my tongue coming into repeated contact with hers. Eventually, Elena lifts up her hips and slides off of me before laying her body down on top of my chest. I shuffle my body back down the bed and lay my head on one of her pillows, caressing her warm sweaty back as we both collect our breath.

"A week is way too long without seeing each other" Elena lets out a soft giggle after she speaks, echoing my earlier thoughts. It always feels that good, but today there was a new sense of aching and urgency to have one another that we haven't felt in a long time.

"Couldn't agree more" I mumble into her hair as she reaches down to the end of the bed and pulls the covers up and over the both of us.

"I know you don't like staying in rooms this small, but could you stay here tonight?" She asks quietly, her head laid on my chest. I pull her even closer around me, my hand lightly caressing her bare back

"Of course love," I tell her, I don't think there are many things that could get me out of this bed right now. "Besides, this room is a lot better than your last one" I take a moment to look around the room, half of it packed away in a series of half-empty boxes and a fully packed suitcase already sitting at the door. I should offer to transport it to my apartment when I leave in the morning.

"It sure is. But never fear, I still have my bat under the bed" She replies, the grin evident in her voice.

"Yes, I feel very safe knowing you have your bat," I say sarcastically as she lets out a small giggle. Secretly I'm grateful that she's chosen to sleep on the left side of the bed, the same way that she does at my place.

I used to never pick a side, stubborn in my belief that it's my bed and I will sleep on whatever side I like. But since Elena started sleeping in my bed, I've taken the right-hand side with no exceptions. Why? Because in my apartment the door is on the right-hand side, if someone ever came in to hurt us, I could protect her from getting hurt. It's a scenario that used to play through my head on occasion, waking me up in a cold sweat just as a masked intruder placed a hand on her shoulder as I lay paralysed to stop it by some unknown force. They started when we were separated, and now I can't remember when they stopped.

"Can you turn the lamp off babe?" Elena asks as she places a soft kiss to my chest. I pull my hand away from her hip and turn my body slightly to find the lamp on my side of the bed.

Beside the lamp are two framed photos sitting side by side. One is a photo of Elena and Claudia, sitting together on a park bench surrounded by vibrant purple flowers. I believe it may have been taken recently, or at least within the year that I've known Elena, as I can just make out the shine of her charm bracelet dangling from her wrist below the cuff of her jacket. The other photo is that Gemma took of Elena and me at her birthday last year. Charlie sits on Elena's lap, too engrossed in the colouring book in front of her to participate in the photo. My arm is thrown around her shoulder as she tilts her head up to kiss my chin. By some miracle, Gemma's managed to capture a smile, a real genuine one. It's been hard to do in recent years, but almost impossible to not do in the last year or so.

"Cute pictures" I mumble as I find the off switch for the lamp and flick it, sending the room into almost complete darkness. Elena curls up tighter around me and readjusts the blankets covering us.

"My favourite people go in frames," She tells me as she readjusts her head, laying it down on my shoulder so her face is almost pressed against my neck.

"And Heather didn't make the cut?" I make an exaggerated gasping sound and feel Elena laugh against my neck.

"She did, just not the bedside table frame. Hers is up on my dresser" She reassures me. I try to narrow my eyes and make out the outline of a few frames sitting atop her dresser directly opposite the bed. I'll have to investigate who else made the cut of Elena's favourite people.

"I see. I'm bedside table worthy" I grin to myself and whisper in response.

"And Lock Screen and Home Screen, plus you're up on the dresser too. You've completely infiltrated my life" Elena replies gleefully. I know she's trying to sleep but she'll still engage me in conversation if I keep talking to her. I do love hearing about how she reminders of me all around, my beautiful little stalker. I guess I'm no different really; I have the movie ticket to when we saw Love Actually sitting in my office along with the Polaroid picture from her file given to me by the Angel Club. I wonder if she has mine, but I really hate bringing up that place to her, our less than romantic origin story.

"Well, I'm honoured" I tell her before pressing a soft kiss against her temple. Her breathing begins to even out after a few minutes of silence, I figure she must have fallen asleep. My eyes have begun to adjust to the darkness and I can pinpoint some things around her room. The twinkle lights that she had hanging around her entire room are half strung up over the tall window over Elena's shoulder, the other half pooled together in a large ball on the window sill. Over on her bedside table are more frames, I'll have to check those out in the morning.

And on the wall just to my left is what makes me smile the most, hung up in a frame is the drawing that Charlie and I did for her while we were separated. The one that Charlie made me promise I would give to her when I next saw her, thinking that that day may not ever come. And then she did, my beautiful girl stumbling in half drunk just wanting to come home to me. When I did end up giving her the drawing, she nearly cried and said she loved it, promising that she would frame it. And she has it hung in a place where she sees it first thing when she wakes up. I fall asleep as I relive the memory, of my bub coming back to me.

————————————————————————

Elena 🌻
I've got study group tonight until 6, I'll stop quickly at my place to get my stuff then I'll be at yours. Love you x

I read the text Elena sent me earlier today one more time to make sure I got the times right. I did, she said she'd finish at 6 and would be over not long after that. It's nearly 8 now, and I'm getting kind of worried. I want to call her, but what if I do and she's driving and she gets distracted and gets into an accident? But surely if she was running late for some other reason she would have let me know, and maybe she hasn't because she isn't able to?

My mind is about to spiral, I pick up the phone and I'm about to call her when the elevator door opens. In she walks with a small roller suitcase in one hand and a bulking bag over her shoulder, and if I know Elena then that tote that she's carrying will have all of her study notes. She's wearing a pair of skinny jeans with an old T-shirt and a pair of black ankle boots, a jacket poking through the tote bag as she sits both that and the small suitcase down by the couch.

"Harry, I'm so sorry, study group ran late" She apologises as she hurries over to my standing position in the kitchen and wraps her arms around my shoulders. I put down the knife I was using to make a salad and hug her back, pulling her close against my chest.

"That's okay bub, everything go okay today?" I ask as I bury my nose in her hair. She's here, she's fine, I can relax.

"Yeah it's fine, we got given our first assignments today so everyone just wanted to discuss them all after our team meeting" Elena sighs into my chest.

"Team meeting?" I ask as she pulls back from my embrace and opens one of the top cabinets to retrieve herself a wine glass.

"Yeah, did I not tell you? For one of my classes they've paired us into a group and we basically have to build a business model. We have to go into meetings twice a week and plan to get ready to present before the end of the semester" She tells me as she picks up the wine bottle from the middle of the island and pours herself a glass of red wine.

"What's your group like?" I ask as I resume making the salad. Her timing is actually kind of perfect, the lasagna will be ready pretty soon. Elena takes a seat ontop of the counter beside my chopping board.

"They're pretty nice. There's fives of us, 2 boys and 3 girls so it's a fairly even ratio. Just gotta hope none of them are slackers" She replies before taking a small sip of wine. I try to ignore the urge to interrogate her about the guys in the group, I'm sure I'll have to deal with them and their advances at some point.

"Even if they are slackers don't do their work" I reply firmly.

"Yes sir" She smiles above her glass before she takes another sip. "Is everything all ready for tomorrow?"

"I think so. Gemma sent through the lines we have to say during the ceremony. We have to get there around ten so we'll just drive straight to the church and go to mums afterwards" I tell her, gesturing to a small pile of papers near the corner of the counter. I've already bitched to her today about all the fake Christian stuff I'll have to do tomorrow and she's assured me that I don't have to actually 'protect these children's faith and spirit in the lord'. Both mum and Gemma held onto their faith fairly tightly, mum more so than all of us. As for me, the second mum stopped making me go was the last time I went aside from Gemma's wedding 5 years ago. They're actually holding the christening at the same church she and Michael got married in, and I'm sure that's not on accident.

"We have to speak?" Elena raises an eyebrow and puts down the glass in her hand.

"Very basic stuff, kind like a 'repeat after me' sort of deal" I reassure her before I turn to the oven and check the lasagna.

"How's Gemma feeling?" Elena asks as I take the lasagna out of the oven and place it down on the counter. "Oh my god yum," She says to the lasagna, eagerly hopping down off the counter and taking two plates out of the cupboard.

"Thanks. She's feeling good. Though Michael's parents are here and she thinks they hate her so she's dealing with that" I reply, taking the plates from her and dishing us both up a slice of lasagna and some salad.

"Poor Gemma, it would suck if your mum hated me" Elena beams as she carries her plate and wine glass over to the dining table by the window and sits down. I grab us some cutlery and join her.

"I can't even imagine that happening" I chuckle and sit down at the head of the table as she has taken the seat just to my left.

"Not even when we broke up?" Elena asks as she starts to eat.

"Not even a little bit. She was concerned and sad, I wouldn't give her your number just so that she wouldn't blow up your phone. That was my job" I smile back at her after she lets out a small giggle, shaking her head.

"It seems so long ago now," She says with a happy sigh. Now that I think back, it actually does seem like a far distant memory when in reality it's only been around two months since we got back together. "By the way, I talked to my mum today" Elena states after a mouthful of food. She hasn't talked to her since we were in New York and she told us she was being released. I hope Elena's not about to tell me that they changed their mind and want to keep her longer.

"How's she doing?" Elena smiles before she responds to my question.

"She's really good. She had a job interview at one of the local florists and they want to have her on part-time. I think she'll be really good at that, she loves her gardening" Her smile beams with pride as she sits back and lifts the wine up to her lips again.

"That sounds like a great plan" I nod and smile back. I have only met Claudia in person one time but at Elena's birthday, I do remember her and my mum lamenting on what a great summer they had just had for the different kinds of flowers they both grew.

"They're having a discharge meeting in the middle of the week which I can skype in for but I'll need to go up there in three weeks for one final meeting and to help her transition out of there" Elena continues.

"Perfect, we can start looking for a place she can move into. I'll make sure whatever she gets is ready by the time she is released" I tell her as I take a sip of my own wine. Elena grins at me for a few seconds, wrinkling her nose slightly.

"You're the best you know that right?" She tells me with sincerity.

"I know" I grin.

———————————————————————

I'm not sure what wakes me up but something does, and my suspicions are confirmed when I open my eyes to see Elena nearly dressed, pulling a pair of socks onto her feet.

"Bub, what's going on?" I whisper to her as I turn my head to check the time on my phone, it's nearly four o'clock in the morning.

"I'm going for a walk, I have to clear my head I can't breathe in here" Elena's quick and panicked tone jolts me awake, I watch as she frantically pulls her hair up into a ponytail and pulls a different colour sock onto her foot.

"It's four am you can't for a walk right now" I begin, easing the covers off of my legs and stand up. It's the middle of the night and London is not a safe place for 4 am walks, I'm not sure of any place where a 4 am walk is a safe and rational thing someone does.

"I need to I can't breathe" Elena turns to me and clutches at her throat for a second before locating her other shoe and pulling them onto her wriggling feet. But they're not wriggling, they're shaking, is this a panic attack? Why is she having a panic attack?

"Alright then, give me a minute," I tell her and hurry over to find a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. If she insists on going for a walk then fine, but I'm coming with her to make sure that she's alright. She mumbles something under her breath before she starts to pace, waiting for me to find some shoes. It's so dark in here and I don't want to turn the lights on in case it makes things worse so I really have no idea what I'm wearing right now, all I know is that it fits and I don't have time to make a different choice.

Before I can even tell her that I'm ready, she's already quickly walking down the hall and taking the stairs at a jogging pace towards the elevator. I have got to move out of this place, maybe she'd feel better if there was a garden or a field or something, I don't know if the London skyline would help in this scenario. She has to stop moving once we get into the elevator, and when she does I have to try to get to the bottom of this.

"What's going on bub?" I ask her gently as she presses the button for the lobby multiple times after the doors closed.

"I don't know I just don't think that I can breathe so I need wind or something I just need to breathe" Her words come out in short puffs, does she have asthma? I should know if my girlfriend has asthma. I'm about to ask when the elevator door opens up into an empty lobby, and Elena walks quickly towards the exit as the doorman holds the door open for her. She doesn't thank him, something is definitely really long.

"Bub, slow down okay. You're outside you can breathe" I jog to catch up to her as she turns to head down the street. My hand catches hold of her shoulder before she puts her hands on her knees and leans over, taking deep breathes in as though she's been underwater for a long time. "Should I call a doctor?" I ask. She immediately shakes her head before taking a few more breathes and standing back up, tucking some loose hairs behind her ears.

"No no it's fine, it's just a panicking thing that's recently started happening," Elena says quickly, what the fuck.

"How recently?" I ask concerned, had I just not noticed her having these intense panicked moments?

"Since my first day back at school" Her breathing slows down ever so slightly, but it still sounds as though she's just come back from a run.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask before I can even think through the question. I know that's not what's most important right now, but I really need to know why she didn't think to come to me when whatever this is started happening.

"Because it's not a big deal it just happens when I'm stressed but I can control it, I just need fresh air and a little walk. It's only temporary while I get used to the course load" Her voice is quiet as she starts to walk again, wrapping her arms around herself. I want to hold her hand, to touch her, anything, but I don't know what her reactions going to be.

"You're stressed about school? At four in the morning?" I ask with a raised brow as I fall into step beside her. We had a great night, we talked a little bit about her school stuff and even though she said the course load was a lot she seemed confident that she could handle it.

"No, I'm stressed because in less than 12 hours I'm going to become a godmother and I'm freaking out! What if I'm a terrible godmother?" She admits as she seems to finally get her breathing under control, turning the corner to head towards the park. I'm not keen to enter a park in the middle of the night, so I'm going to have to calm her down and steer us back towards the apartment before we get there.

"You couldn't be a terrible godmother," I say gently.

"How would you know you haven't seen me as a godmother" She replies sullenly.

"But I've seen you as an aunt, and you're great with them. They love you" I respond.

"That's different. Right now I'm just their uncle's girlfriend, but soon I'll be obligated by god and I'm pretty sure the law to never let them down." Her arms unhook from around her, and I take a risk by reaching out to hold her hand. Instead of pushing it back, she intertwines her fingers to me and squeezes my hand tightly, like she's anchoring herself to me.

"You're not going to let them down. You're not that kind of person" I tell her, running my thumb over the back of her hand as we stop at a traffic light.

"That's not true, it's in my blood. My dad disappeared into thin air, my mum went crazy and before that happened my extended family turned their back on all of us. I'm not used to relying on people or them relying on me, what if I just can't do it?" She sighs and starts to cross the road, pulling my rather shell shocked self behind her. I say my childhood was shit because I had a dad with anger issues, but what I went through is nothing like what she had to experience. For a long time, all she's had was Claudia, and even then that wasn't much. I've brought her into my family and she's been given a lot of love and compassion, I can see now how that might be overwhelming.

"Because you've already been doing it. You were one of the first people to hold Theo, Charlie practically drools on you when we visit them, and even when we were on our trip Charlie drew you two pictures and called us up to have you read her a story. Just by having you around you've made me a semi-decent uncle" I hate to admit it, but having Elena around has really made me step up my family game because I realise now how important it is and how good I have it.

"You've always been a good uncle" Elena praises me, from the sounds of it the early morning air has done her some good, she can breathe again.

"See, we've got this. But if you don't want to go through with it we can call Gemma and explain. We can blame it on me..." I start to tell her.

"No no I want to, I want to be their godmother, I'm just scared. Like, what if I drop one of them during the ceremony?" She finally stops walking and turns to face me. Her cheeks are flushed red and some of her baby hairs cling to her forehead.

"You can hold Theo, I know Charlie is a bit of a wriggler and Theo will probably be asleep the entire time" I answer.

"What if I mess up my lines?"

"No one is going to care. At Gemma's wedding, my uncle got so drunk that he nearly knocked over the entire table as he was standing up to make his speech. We aren't exactly known as being perfect graceful people. It will be a happy day, it won't matter" I reassure her as I reach my other hand up and cup her cheek. Her head tilts towards my hand as she swallows a large lump in her throat before I get a slight smile out of her.

"Your family is just so incredible, I don't want to let them down" She confides with a heavy sigh. She still looks somewhat panicked, but it's a thousand times better than what I saw when I first woke up.

"You couldn't possibly let them down, they like you more than they like me" I tell her with a soft grin. I know my family love me, but the first thing my mum said to me after I told her that Elena left me was 'what did you do?'  They really adore her, but then again how could they not?

"That's not true" Elena states, this time with a real smile.

"It's completely true but it's fine because we're a team," I tell her. She nods her head and looks down at her shoes for half a second before she lifts her head back up to talk to me.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this weird panicking thing, I just didn't want you to worry because I know I'll be able to handle it. It will just take some adjusting" Her voice has dropped almost to a whisper.

"Don't apologise. You came back into a lot of stuff; your final semester, Heather's pregnancy, moving, a christening, it's totally normal to feel stressed and anxious. But you need to know that I'm here to help you through it. That's what we're supposed to do" I remind her. We talk to each other, that's our rule now. She nods along as I speak.

"You're right, and I thought that if I just dove into everything all at once it would be better but now I see that it's a really stupid idea to put this much on my plate" She steps towards me as leans her head on my shoulder. "I need help"

"Tell me what you need me to do," I say immediately. Thank fuck, I can actually be useful. I'm not losing her because I didn't help her when she needed it the most.

"Can you get someone to help me move my things over to your place? Trying to organise and pack my stuff in between everything is not working right now. I have no idea where anything is" She half laughs as she explains what she needs, I wrap my arms around her shoulders and pull her close against my chest.

"Of course bub, I'll put in a call when the sun comes up" I'm relieved when I feel her arms wrap themselves around my waist and her small giggles against the thin fabric of my T-shirt.

"Can we go home now? I feel better" Elena's quiet voice speaks after a few moments of silence. I keep an arm around her shoulder and guide us back towards the apartment building.

"Thank you" She quietly says, resting her head on my chest as we walk.

"Of course bub," I tell her. She's safe, she's okay, she still here, I don't remember ever feeling this grateful to be outside at 4 in the morning.

————————————————————————

"How did you sleep when we got back?" I ask Elena as we finally settle in for the long drive up to Manchester. Having basically spent the whole morning both running around trying to get everything packed and ready for the day, we haven't really spoken about what happened last night.

"Yeah I slept good, like really good" Elena replies as she finishes applying her lipstick and slides the small stick back into her clutch. Of course she looks stunning, she's wearing some kind of light pink silk dress with tiny stars across it and some white heels, I'm so glad she's using the money she has now to dress herself up like this.

"I'm really sorry about what happened, and for not telling you that it had happened before," She says with a gentle sigh, reaching her hand over and placing it on my thigh. Her nails are painted a soft shade of blue and she's wearing more rings than I am.

"It's okay bub, I just want you to be okay and I need you to tell me when things aren't okay" I repeat what I told her already last night.

"I know. I'll schedule an appointment with Dr Lawrence later in the week, she might be able to give me some advice about it" Elena states. It's probably a good idea, she seemed to really help her while Elena and I were separated so hopefully she'll be able to help her in a way that I can't.

"Who exactly is coming to this thing?" Elena asks after adjusting her air conditioning settings to a slightly cooler temperature.

"Our family, Michael's family and some of their friends, I think there will be around 60 or 70 people" I tell her, based on the information I've been given by both Gemma and mum it's going to be quite the family affair. Apparently mum has organised a big party for afterwards in her garden, fucking awesome.

"Will Jack be there?" She turns to me and asks. I told her that I met up with him when we were broken up, but the last time she saw him it must have been at Christmas when he tried to talk to her and I was seconds away from punching him in the mouth for doing so.

"Gemma told me ahead of time that she was inviting him, I told her it was fine but she didn't mention if he had RSVP'd or not," I say nonchalantly. He's family, I have to accept that he'll be around for things, plus we're slowly making our amends.

"And you're really okay if he's there?" Elena inquires, her hand holding my hand that I had placed on her knee.

"Yeah, I really am. we haven't hung out much since we decided to bury the hatchet but we've talked on the phone a little, its been nice" I reassure her. I still have my boundaries set, and as long as we stick with them then we're going to be fine. But he's on thin ice, if he doesn't take this whole recovery and making amends shit seriously then neither will I.

"I'm really glad" She replies with a small, happy sigh. It must have sucked for Elena to finally get to be a part of a big family like mine to only then find out I wasn't much of a family man. But I'm different now. Look at me, I'm a 33-year-old man finally reaching emotional maturity.

"So today if he comes up to talk to you its fine, I won't freak out like I did last time" I tell her with a wry smirk. The two times that Elena has met Jack have resulted in me having a hissy fits, so it should be nice for her to have a day off from being annoyed at me.

"That's good to hear" Elena giggles before she leans down and rustles through her bag. A second later she takes out her phone and puts it close to her ear.

"Hey babes, how's it going?" She answers the call, I'm assuming it's Heather. She listens for a few seconds before out of the corner of my eye I see her mouth drop open slightly.

"Wait seriously? I thought he told you he was going to take you?" She waits for Heather's response, all the while her fingertips lightly tracing over my rings.

"Asshole" She mutters down the phone. Must be something about Heather's baby daddy. I'm sure Elena's told me his name before; Benjamin? Brad? Yeah, I think it's Brad, wonder if I know him.

"I'm sorry babes I can't, remember I told you Harry and I are up in Manchester for the kid's christenings" Elena apologises, nodding her head before responding again.

"Yeah, of course, I will, send me some pics okay? love ya too, bye" She ends the call with a heavy sigh and shakes her head before returning her phone back into her bag that is situated on the floor.

"That Heather?" I ask.

"Yeah. Apparently, Brad was supposed to pick her up and take her to this baby appointment today but he completely flaked and when she called him to remind him, he yelled at her for calling him while he was with his family" Elena replies sadly, tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

"Did they break up then?" I inquire. Heather's relationship status doesn't particularly interest me, but her and Elena's lives are so tightly intertwined at this point that it might serve me well to get more acquainted with her and her life.

"I guess, I don't even think she knows what she wants now" She shrugs in response and shakes her head. "Her relationship confuses me to no end but I'm just trying to be supportive and only give my opinion or advice when she asks me for it"

"Whats Brads last name?" I ask, drumming my fingers against the wheel

"Uh...Kent, why?" Elena thinks for a moment before answering. Oh fuck.

"Shit, I think I know him," I tell her, Elena turns her whole body to face me with a wide-eyed look on her face.

"Wait really?" She asks with a small gasp.

"Yeah, I think he works in finance or something like that. His name rings a bell. He's got a wife and two kids" I vaguely recall the details of this man that I'm an acquaintance of. At some point in the past, we may have done business together. Maybe not directly but I may have employed his firm to help me in the past before I got my own financial team together.

"That's him" Elena nods her head. "I've never met him before, they have a pretty strict contract to say that they don't mingle in each other's personal lives. No public appearances, no family dinners, nothing like what we had".

"Well, that makes sense if she's his girlfriend," I reply. "Can't exactly take your girlfriend to a function where people know that you are in fact married. Is that what she wanted?"

"Not really, but then again she was really just looking for money, the married part really didn't bother her all that much," Elena says flatly. It makes me think about whether it would have bothered her if I had been married and wanted to meet her. Of course, I wouldn't ever do that, if you're not happy in your marriage you just get a fucking divorce you don't go sneaking around with someone else.

"Sounds like it has become a pretty big mess," I say as I change into the middle lane to escape a particularly slow-moving truck ahead of us.

"That it has, but it's not something I'm worried about. She's getting her head on straight, she has a supportive family and she has her little boy coming in a few months, I've got faith that it will all work out" Elena replies with a small smile. "Speaking of faith do your family know that I'm not Christian?" She asks.

"They never asked so I don't think it's all that important. We do have to promise that we will 'safeguard their religion' and shit like that but Gemma promised that it's just a formality. It's a pretty relaxed ceremony" I tell her reassuringly.  I have my own suspicions as to why Gemma wants Elena and me to be the kid's godparents. It's a commitment, to be around more, to Elena, to my family. I know its a ploy, but its one that I'm agreeing to. I don't want to be a stranger in their lives anymore, I'm tired of being alone.

"That's good. If they ask us what Church we belong to we can always just say St Pauls" She giggles to herself, I'm guessing she's referring to St Paul's Cathedral.

"Or Westminster Abbey" I return the joke, enjoying her growing laughter.

————————————————————————

The traffic is remarkably light for a Saturday morning, and Elena and I make it early to the church where Charlie and Theo are being christened. As I pull the car into the small parking lot, I can see that my mum and Michael's cars are all here so we aren't the first ones to arrive. Climbing out of the car, mum appears in the front doorway off the church and quickly hobbles down the small set of steps over to us.

"Oh don't you two look amazing!" She squeals and immediately wraps me in a tight hug. I don't know about me, I'm just in a regular light blue button-up shirt and dark pants, Elena on the other hand looks like an ethereal dream.

"It's so good to see you!" Elena exclaims as my mum turns to hug her just as tight as she hugged me.

"And you sweetheart, come on then let's get you both inside. We're still a little while away from getting things going but that gives us all a chance to catch up!" Mum says as wraps an arm each around Elena and I and leads us into the small church. It's absolutely tiny, sitting on the corner of a small dirt road in the middle of nowhere with blue walls and tiny stained glass windows.

Charlie is running around the pews with a long fairy wand with one of Gemma's friend's kids following closely behind her. She stops immediately in her tracks and runs over to us, of course attaching herself to Elena's leg first.

"Lena!" She beams up at Elena, who beams back just as brightly before picking her up and sitting her on her hip.

"Hello miss Charlie, how are you?" Elena asks in a bright and cheery voice as we make our way over to Gemma and Michael, who chat eagerly with people who I believe are Michaels parents.

"Good, hi unkie" Charlie leans over Elena's shoulder and gives me a toothy grin before laying her head down directly on Elena's shoulder bone, settling in nicely.

"Hello, Charlie," I tell her, reaching over to squeeze her nose resulting in a loud giggle from my niece. Michael and Gemma briefly excuse themselves from the older looking couple and greet us both. I'm confused by the bundle of long white satin that Gemma is holding in her arms, only to realise it's a sleeping Theo in a dress.

"Why is Theo in a dress?" I point to Theo as Elena places Charlie on the ground and gives Michael a kiss on the cheek.

"They're baptism robes, it's what they're supposed to wear" Gemma sighs happily after giving me a half hug before kneeling down beside Charlie and licks her thumb, wiping it across Charlie's cheek. I suppress a laugh as Charlie scrunches up her nose and attempts to escape from Gemma's attempts at cleaning her face.

"Elena can you hold him for a while, Michael and I just need a few minutes to sort out some stuff and I need to use my hands again," Gemma asks, in the middle of her question Elena holds her arms out to take him.

"Of course, go do what you've got to do" Elena replies.

"Thank you, you're a lifesaver. We have some time until the ceremony starts so just mingle I guess" Gemma shrugs her shoulders and gives Elena a warm smile and a kiss on the cheek as Charlie tugs on the bottom of my pants.

"I want 'Lena" Charlie pouts as Gemma carefully places Theo into Elena's arms, helping her adjust his dress. I kneel down next to Charlie and talk to her quietly.

"I know you do. But Elena's going to hold your little brother in the ceremony and you'll be with me, and that won't be so bad right? Plus, if you're really good for the whole ceremony I'll get you a chocolate bar" I smile and watch as her eyes light up. Bribery, you're never too young to learn.

"Two" She's hustling with me, I don't think I've ever been more proud to be her uncle.

"Fine, two. But only if you're on your absolute best behaviour. That means no squirming, no talking unless you're told to and you thank people for coming. Deal?" I hold out my hand to her to shake, her tiny hand wraps around three of my fingers and shakes them up and down quickly. It's a fairly sloppy handshake, but I guess it's alright for a three-year-old. I stand back up as Charlie walks off to talk to my Uncle Will and Aunt Sylvia who are settling into their seats.

"You know, this is the church where Gemma and Michael got married" Mum threads her arm through Elena's and walks her up the pews with her.

"I'm guessing that's why they chose to do the ceremony here then?" Elena makes idle conversation in response to mums comment. I just know that this is somehow going to lead down a path where she'll manage to bring up the prospect of Elena and I getting married. She does it practically every time she talks to us or sees us, which is why I'm definitely not telling her that I bought a ring. She'd get way too excited, ask about it every chance she got and probably somehow manage to tell Elena that I have one.

But I need to talk to someone about it because I honestly don't know what the fuck I should do.  Normally I would go to either Gemma or my mum but they're too close to this, and I don't trust any of my friends to give good advice on anything to do with relationships. I do know someone I can ask who I've known for a long time, has a somewhat invested interest in my future, and if I ask them not to they won't tell anyone we've had this conversation.

"Peter, can I talk to you for a minute?" I ask him once he turns around, ending his conversation with one of Gemma's friends. It might not be conventional to ask your mum's boyfriend for advice on relationships, but something tells me he'll know what to say.

"Of course," He says before I head towards the back door, they've chosen a pretty warm day to hold this bloody thing inside. "What's on your mind kid?" He asks as we sit down on a bench facing the church, where people are mingling in small groups both inside and outside of the church.

"First off, I just wanted to say again that I'm fine with you and my mum. I'll admit it was a little weird at first because I've known you for a long time, but you make her happy and that's what matters" I start off. After I left home I honestly thought I would never see Peter again. I'd always just known him as the guy who lived up the street from us; who made idle conversation as we walked past on the way home from the shops or gave Gemma and me king-size chocolate bars on Halloween. I knew he and mum were friendly, but I never thought this would happen between the two of them, or that if it was going to it would have started long ago.

"I appreciate that mate. Ya know I care a lot for your mum, and also for you and Gem. Your mum would never have been okay with her and I being together if she thought it bothered you two, so I really appreciate how great you both have been with welcoming me in" He gestures towards the various family members I can see from our seated position. Honestly, I think it would be hard for anyone to be opposed to Peter being with my mum, there's not much to him, he's just a plain nice guy.

"Sure. And even though you're dating my mum, you're not my dad. But, right now I think I need some fatherly advice and I thought maybe you could help me out" I say, somewhat swallowing my pride. I sit staring straight ahead, but out of the corner of my eye, I can see a small hint of surprise in his eyes. I better not regret this.

"Yeah of course mate, what can I help you with?" He asks in an even tone.

"It's about Elena," I say simply, clearing my throat afterwards, how do I even word this properly?

"Everything going okay?" His tone is one of concern. He's only met Elena once, maybe he wouldn't know how to best give advice on her. But he's my best shot, it's not like I can ask Heather or her mum about what would be best, she's way too close with both of them.

"Everything's great. Really great. I bought her a ring" I state. The silence that follows is practically deafening. He's the first person that knows about this ring besides me, by saying it out loud it's as though I've made it real.

"You bought her a ring?" He clarifies. I nod.

"Yeah" I turn my head after his response doesn't come out immediately to see him smiling warmly back at me. Clearly a fan of that idea. See Elena, everyone who knows you loves you.

"So you're planning to propose?" He queries. I tilt my head slightly and half shake it.

"Well, maybe. I don't know" I answer, I hadn't really expected that to be a difficult question. It doesn't make sense to have something like an engagement ring unless it's either an heirloom or you're planning to propose.

"How did you get the ring?" Peter asks, and even though I'm not sure why it's relevant, I explain to him what happened. About Elena's charm bracelet, the store, Elena trying on the ring, us leaving without the ring...

"Then we had a tiny conversation about how we both wanted that, but at some point in the future and not right now. And then she walked away for not even a minute and I called the shop and just bought the bloody ring. Like who does that?" I ask more myself than him, rubbing a hand over my face. It just felt so important in that moment to have that ring, but now I think about having to hold onto it for god knows how long until I actually use it.

"Someone who's in love that's who. So she doesn't know that you have the ring?" Peter replies quickly.

"No," I tell him. I managed to keep the sale under wraps from Elena. I got my assistant to pick up the ring and ship it to my office in London. And I've kept it there, worried that in the process of Elena moving back in with me she'll somehow find it. Eventually, it will have to be put in a better hiding place.

"Do you want to propose?" He asks quietly. There's no one around, I think people may have figured out that we're having a sort of private conversation and have left us alone.

"I want her to wear the ring so bad" I answer honestly. Something inside me just wants her to have the ring, to tie her to me in this physical way, to make this promise to her. But there's a lot in the way.

"How long have you been thinking about this?" Peter asks.

"Christmas," I say almost immediately, even though I didn't even really know it.

"How come?"

"Because it was the greatest Christmas I've ever had. And it was because she was there. And it just made me think, what if she was there for every Christmas?" I tell him. It did have its ups and downs, but those days spent up at mums last Christmas were incredible. It was the first time I told her I love her, and the first time she said it back. Deep down I had known for a long time, not that I'm ever likely to admit that.

"So you've wanted to do it for a long time then. Are you scared she'll say no?" Peter asks, in a tone that says 'why haven't you done it yet?'

"No I think she'd say yes, but I'm scared she'll regret it afterwards" Deep down, I'm pretty sure that even if Elena didn't particularly want to say yes she would because she wouldn't have it in her to say no.

"Why do you think she'll regret it?" He probes further. I suppose it is important that he knows all the details so he can help me with my dilemma, but that doesn't mean I'm enjoying it.

"Fuck, a lot of reasons I guess. She's still so young, we have a huge age difference, her life is just starting while I'm very much in the middle of mine and we're both very different people and it can make things difficult sometimes. And that's on top of the fact that we've only been dating for a year and she's only just moving back in with me after our break up" I admit, Peter sits silently for a few moments, as though he's mulling over my words.

"You're right, that is a lot of reasons" He sighs. "She's very mature for her age"

"If you'd been through half the shit she has then you would be too," I tell him under my breath as I sit with my back slumped against the bench. Elena is the way that she is because time and time again the world has conspired against her, and she wouldn't be the person that she is today if it wasn't for all of that. Sometimes I think that her past is the only reason why she's with me. That if she had been cared for and loved and given more opportunities, she wouldn't have had any use for me or would have had more self-respect than to put up with my bullshit. What if the world worked against her to bring her to me, and I'm not even worth it?

"Have you considered having a conversation about it? Telling her that this is what you want?" Peter asks lightheartedly.

"No, and that's not something I'm willing to risk. I just got her back, I'm not going to chase her away with some kind of ultimatum" I reply sullenly. I vaguely recall Mitch bitching about how Sarah had talked about giving him an ultimatum even though he didn't need one. That boy had been planning on marrying her since the day he met her, he was just waiting for the right moment. Sarah being impatient as ever, told him to do it within a year or she walks, he proposed the next day and I've never seen him so happy. But we aren't Mitch and Sarah.

"Not an ultimatum, a conversation. Where you tell her that it's something you'd like for her to try to be open to. Maybe not right now, but sooner rather than later. She deserves to know, and you deserve to be able to tell her how you feel." Peter corrects himself.

"I don't know" I sigh and push my hand through my hair.

"Is it a dealbreaker for you?" He asks, I turn to him and furrow my eyebrows. "If she said to you that she doesn't want to get married for a long time, would you walk away?"

"Fuck no," I tell him. How could I walk away? There would be no point in walking away. I'd spend the rest of my days miserable and alone. Whereas she wouldn't, she's a fighter. She'd dust herself off and live her life for herself. She'd get her happy ending eventually; marry a nice guy and have a couple of kids. She'd think about me every once in a while; run her fingers over her tattoo and laugh about her stupid first love who let her go.

"Then you're okay with waiting until she's ready?" He asks. I nod my head slowly.

"But am I crazy for wanting this? I've only known her for a year and I don't know if we could be any more different. It just feels very quick" I ask him. I never used to want this, any of it. I thought that if I was with somebody for this long that I would feel like I was suffocating. All of my friends were wanting to get married or were already married and I couldn't figure out why they wanted it so bad, now I kind of get it.

"Sometimes love doesn't have to make sense, for some people it can take a long time and for others it's instantaneous," Peter says with a small sigh. I almost feel bad for asking him about love, he was married for a while but they divorced before I left home. He never had kids either so on second thought maybe he wasn't the best to go to for fatherly advice, but I was lacking in options.

"You should consider yourself very lucky" He adds.

"I do, all the time" Basically every time I see her all I can think is 'I'm so fucking lucky'.

"I wish I had been as lucky as you. My first marriage was a complete disaster, and I spent the last 20 years being in love with the woman who lived down the street from me and I never did anything about it" He says with a large sigh, is he talking about my mum?

"You've been in love with my mum for 20 years?" I ask in disbelief. Peter nods his head and folds his arms over his chest.

"Yes, and I sat there and did nothing about it because I was scared to tell her how I felt, and now that's what I regret the most, all the time we missed out on spending together. Just imagine how different things could have been if I had plucked up the courage to tell her sooner" He says, and I do. I would have been 14, I probably would have been a real shit to him at first. But maybe we would have had a good relationship, he could have given Gemma away at her wedding, we could have had family Christmas together, my mum could have been a lot happier than she was, a lot would have been different. He could have been almost like a dad to me, in the times when I probably really needed one.

"Yeah, I guess a lot would have been different" I admit and start to turn one of the rings on my finger around.

"I always just figured that it would happen one day, that there would be some sort of sign that said 'today's the day you tell Anne how you feel'. But I kept waiting and it never really came, so one day I just said screw it and told her how I felt. And the only thing I regret is not doing it thousands of days earlier" He states, more to himself than to me. I'm not going to end up like Peter, I know I've found my girl and she knows how I feel. But I'm happy with the way things are right now, and I think she is too. There's no real need to rush into anything, in a few days she'll be all moved in and things will feel more permanent than maybe they do right now. This is something I can visit later, like once she's graduated.

"I'm glad you finally said something, you make my mum really happy. And thanks for the advice" I tell him sincerely.

"Know what you're going to do?" He asks with a kind smile.

"I think I'll hold off for a while, I want the moment to be right for the both of us. Besides, she's moved in with me and we're both godparents to my niece and nephew, she's hardly going anywhere anytime soon. Just gotta make sure I don't fuck it up" I let out a slight chuckle as I say my inner thoughts aloud.

"Don't think like that. You're a wonderful boy, and she's lucky to have you. You're not going to fuck this up, relationships always have their moments but when it's love like this you don't ever give up" He adopts a more serious tone this time, looking me straight in the eye. I'm about to thank him again before a loud whistling sound interrupts our quiet moment. Peter and I both turn our heads back towards the church to see Michael and Elena standing in the doorway, trying to capture our attention.

"Godfather, surrogate grandpa, priests here!" Michael hollers to us as Elena laughs quietly, sweetly rocking Theo in her arms. Peter clasps his hand on my shoulder as we stand up and subtly gestures towards Elena.

"Don't worry, what happens on the bench stays on the bench. I won't even tell your mum, I figure that might be something you tell her yourself" Peter says before he walks ahead of me back into the church, but not before muttering something to Elena that makes her laugh and squeezing past her as she waits for me in the doorway.

"Did we interrupt a bro moment?" Elena's smile beams up at me as I join her in the doorway and we file our way up to the front of the church.

"Just killing time" I shrug with a small smile as Charlie runs up to me, I scoop her up and join Gemma and Michael at the podium, ready to become a godfather.