A/N: sorry for the wait, there's been some shit going on and I haven't been in a good writing place.

I don't want to go into details, but I appreciate the love and support that has been extended to me during this time.

if you're still around. thank you. I'm eternally grateful. I've missed writing so much.

if it's clumsy and full of errors and doesn't make sense at times, whoops, my bad. I hope you enjoy at least some of it !

Stay safe, I love you all.

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"And on your right you will get see the beautiful Sydney Opera House" The tour guide tells us over the intercom. Elena quickly turns in her seat and holds up her phone, taking some quick pictures as the building comes into view. It's a beautiful day for sightseeing, and that's exactly what Elena wants to do. So here I am, sitting on the top open floor of a bright red double decker bus as it takes us through Sydney, the radio occasionally blasting some fun facts about the various landmarks we drive past.

"This is incredible" Elena quietly enthuses next to me as the intercom softly crackles with facts about the buildings history. My arm sits across the back of Elenas seat, my hand drifting softly over the back of her neck. This is one of the best things about our relationship, getting to watch her discover the world that she's never been able to see before. She's been grinning like the Cheshire Cat since we left the house this morning and it's been a sight to behold.

"The tour ends in a few stops, we'll find somewhere for lunch" I tell her, allowing my fingers to wander lightly through her hair as she peers over the side of the bus to the street below.

"Or we could stop here?" Elena suggests, pointing down along the waterfront to a series of restaurants. "The tour goes all day, we can just pick back up after we eat?" Her head turns back to me as the bus pulls to a stop. Lunch along the water front sounds like fun, and we should be taking advantage of all this sunshine before we head back to London after the wedding.

"Perfect" I reply as I stand and hold out a hand to her. She takes it and picks up her bag before we slowly climb down the narrow spiral staircase inside the bus and exit out the back door as people load on at the front.

This weather is absolutely insane, it feels like we've been winter for so long, summers in London can often feel very brief but here the sun feels like it's never going to set.

"How's the Jetlag feeling?" I ask Elena as I take her hand, walking with her down the footpath towards the bank of restaurants. She's had a bit of trouble adjusting to the time difference, this is the first time we've really left the house since we got here.

"A lot better, the sunshine and fresh air is definitely helping. As is knowing that it's your birthday tomorrow!" Elena squeals excitedly, giving my hand a squeeze and walking closely by my side.

"Don't remind me" I groan with a soft smile. Tomorrow I'll be 35, which means I'm in my mid-thirties, and after that comes the late thirties.

"But it's going to be so great! I know it will just be the two of us but we'll have a great day, and then when we get to LA we can celebrate with our friends" Elena tells me with a reassuring smile. It will be a good day tomorrow, that's the only thing I'm absolutely certain off. And I know that for sure because it will just be Elena and I, which is how I love spending every day. We stop outside an upmarket place that describes themselves as 'Modern Australian Dining' with an amazing view of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, we get a table outside and sit down.

"I just don't like the fact that I'm getting older" I tell her once we've sat down and have been given our menus. Elena rolls her eyes and puts her bag down on one of the empty chairs.

"We all get older, and you can't even tell how old you are by looking at you, your grey hair hasn't started to show yet" She replies with a light-hearted smirk.

"Ha ha" I say flatly, though a smile does quirk up the corner of my lips. "It does mean that tomorrow you'll be engaged to a man in his mid-thirties" I continue as Elena sits back in her seat, allowing the sunshine to wash over her face.

"Hey, if you're so bothered by your age then you have no-one to blame but yourself. It's your own fault for falling in love with someone younger than you" She answers with a light giggle, tilting her head to the side as she faces me. Her whole body completely relaxed and carefree, I haven't seen her like this in so long.

"I have no regrets" I tell her with a wide grin.

"Neither do I" She replies solemnly as the waiter comes over. We order some appetisers and a bottle of white wine, only talking again once the waiter retreats back inside.

"I don't know what it is about Australia, but the air feels so light here. Like, all our troubles are miles away" Elena sighs happily as our waiter returns with the bottle of wine. I take it from him and pour us each a glass.

"Our troubles are miles away, we are literally thousands of miles from the UK" I tell her with a grin. It's pretty true; aside from this conference I'm basically on vacation and I get to enjoy my time with Elena for once while travelling. And with regards to Elena, she doesn't have to worry about running off to help Heather with Benji or sitting around and wondering about her dad. Instead we're both here, enjoying the sun and one another's company. What could be more perfect?

"That's true. I think my mums finally settled down" Elena says gratefully as she picks up her glass of wine. Claudia had been quite nervous for Elen to travel so far away, texting and calling multiple times the first two days that we were here. Elena's jetlag was certainly not helping things, with Claudia worried that she had caught some kind of illness from the flight over and would surely need to be brought home to be treated. Now that we've spent the morning out, Claudia seems to be okay now that she's been sent pictures of us exploring Sydney and Elena feeling better.

"I understand why she was stressed, but she knows I'm looking after you" I say with a smile as Elena takes her phone out of her bag, a wide grin on her face.

"She knows, and it's very comforting for her. Now she wants me to go to the zoo and take a photo of a kangaroo for her" Elena giggles as she reads a message off her phone.

"We can do that tomorrow if you like" I say with a shrug. I haven't been to the zoo since I was a little kid. We took Charlie and Theo to the aquarium a last year, but that doesn't really count. Elena quickly puts the phone down and shakes her head.

"Nope, absolutely not. Tomorrow is your birthday and I have made plans for us" She grins shyly before taking another sip of her wine. I raise an eyebrow at her.

"You made plans? What are they?" I ask, officially intrigued. How has she been able to make plans without me realising? And what kind of plans can you make in a country you've never been to before?

"I'm not going to spoil anything! You'll just have to wait and see tomorrow" Elena replies with a smirk on her lips.

"Come on, just a hint" I lean forward slightly, nudging my foot against her leg under the table.

"Nope. You've thrown me two wonderful surprise birthday parties. And just because it's only the two of us doesn't mean that I'm not going to do the same" She states with grinning defiance. I suppose that's fair, even when she said she didn't want a surprise birthday I threw her one, twice. I'm just curious about what she has in store, I don't want her to go to too much trouble.

"We don't have to even do anything bub, it's just another day" I say with a soft smile.

"That's absolutely not true. We are celebrating your birthday because you are a wonderful man and I love you, so deal with it" She grins back at me. Life is good.

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"Happy Birthday to you" Elena's sweet melodic voice breaks me from my sleep as she softly sings near my ear, planting a soft kiss against my cheek.

"Happy birthday dear Harry, happy birthday to youuu" She finishes as I open my eyes to reveal a glowing Elena, hovering beside me with a wide grin on her lips. She leans forward to press a kiss to my lips before leaning over the side of the bed and lifting up a tray.

"Birthday Breakfast!" She states excitedly as she positions the tray over my lap. In front of me sits a a large tray piled with different plates and bowls with granola, pancakes, eggs, bacon, hash browns, waffles and four different juices.

"Don't worry I didn't cook a god damn thing so it's all edible, I ordered it to be delivered" She answers my next question for me with her grin as I sit up, absorbing how great this day is already.

"This is amazing bub, thank you" I tell her as I wrap an arm around her shoulder and hold her close against my side. She grins as she pours us both a cup of coffee while I lean over and grab my phone. It's not my birthday yet in the UK or America and yet I still have some texts wishing me a happy birthday. Mum wants to call me as soon as I wake up, so I reply and tell her that we're awake. She FaceTimes seconds later.

"Morning Mum" I sit my phone to lean up against the pot of coffee as Elena quickly combs through her hair with her fingers before sliding in close beside me and waving to my mum. Anne looks like she's sitting in at the table in her kitchen, and her face lights up as soon as she pops up onto the screen.

"Happpyyy Biirtthhdaaay..." Mum begins to sing with a wide grin. I groan inwardly and shake my head.

"Please stop" I mumble. Elena softly runs a hand through my hair and quietly joins in, singing along with them. Mum doesn't even hear me, continuing to sing while Peter slides into the seat next to her and joins in. His singing voice is very deep compared to hers and their pitches don't exactly match, but it's nearly over so I just smile and bare through it.

"Happy Birthday to youuuuu!" Mum finishes with a wide smile.

"Thank you mum" I say with a happy sigh as Elena takes a bite out of the pancake stack. I follow her lead and pick up a fork, it all looks amazing.

"My baby boy is all grown up! How does 35 feel?" Mum asks happily.

"It feels exactly the same as 34" I tell her plainly.

"Well that's good! And do you two have a nice day planned?" She asks. I turn to Elena, who nods quickly.

"We certainly do! It will be a lovely day I'm sure of it" Elena states proudly, smiling at Anne before turning her head to smile at me.

"I'm sure whatever you have planned will be wonderful Elena darling, how's the jetlag feeling now? Any better?" Mum asks with slight concern. I know I never really worried about whether my mum and Elena would get along, but I never dreamed they'd get along this well. They act like they're already mother and daughter in-law and it's almost crazy how much my mum loves her.

"I'm feeling much better, just in time for us to explore this amazing place. It's so beautiful and serene here Anne, look!" Elena picks up the phone and climbs out of bed, walking over to the drawn curtains and pointing the camera out to the view of the ocean from our bedroom. I've owned this place for nearly ten years, and the view still gets to me sometimes. I'm not much of a fan of the beach, never really had the time to enjoy it properly, but owning a property on the beach in one of the most beautiful countries in the world is something I enjoy very much.

"What a fantastic view!" I hear my mum say. I sit back and enjoy the breakfast, watching as my love slides open the glass door and walks out onto the balcony briefly with my phone in hand. I don't know how I managed to plan my birthday to be this perfect, but it already is. Don't get me wrong, I love my family more than anything but being around them for my birthday can be a lot sometimes.

"I'll pass you back to the birthday boy, I've got to get ready for the day. Love you guys!" Elena walks back into the room, holding the phone up to her face and waving with the other hand.

"Have a great day sweet girl, love you!" Anne calls back through the speaker.

"Talk soon sweetheart, love you too" Peter adds in just as Elena walks back over to the bed and hands me the phone, placing a kiss on my cheek before disappearing into the walk in wardrobe. We haven't really bothered to unpack, most of our clothes still sit in our suitcases, but our nicer clothes have all been hung up. What could she be putting on?

"I can't believe my baby boy is so grown up. I'm so wonderfully proud of you honey" Mum coos as I sit the phone back up against the coffee pot on the tray. Knowing mum, it's not my career she's most proud of right now, it's my personal life. There have been a lot of moments where my mum has told me she's proud of me, but I don't know if any of them will compare to the first time I brought Elena to meet her. It's what she's always wanted for me; I could be dirt poor and in love and she would be so thrilled for me. And I kind of get it now, I understand why she was always so insistent that I should be open to settling down and finding love. Now that I've found it, I don't quite know how I'd go on without it.

"I'm proud of me too mum" I reply with a small smile.

"I'll let you go now sweetheart, enjoy your wonderful day with your wonderful lady, let me know how it goes. I'll call you tomorrow" She says as Peter hands her a cup of tea. I watch as she smiles up at him gratefully. I admit, I gave Peter a real hard time when I first found out about him; but just like Michael he's managed to win me over slowly but surely. So long as neither of them do anything to screw it up, they're good in my book.

"Alright mum. Thanks for the call, love you" I say appreciatively, waving as she and Peter both say goodbye and the call ends. I take one last sip of coffee as I check through the messages on my phone, preparing to get up and get dressed when a text from an unknown number comes through.

Hey H, texting you from my work phone. Just wanted to say Happy Birthday, I hope you have a great day. I'll see you in LA for the wedding xx Holly.

Fucking hell. I hadn't even factored in that she'd be invited to the wedding. And knowing Sarah, she'll likely be included in a lot of the bridal duties that she's roped Elena into attending too. I cut ties with Holly, I was done for good and I meant it, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's done with me.

It would be rude of me if I didn't at least acknowledge that I got the message, and it would just make it awkward when I see her in a few weeks. I try and carefully craft a response:

'Thank you Holly. See you at the wedding.'

That seems pretty good to me. Nothing overly personal or heartfelt. It's factual and to the point, closing the door on further conversation. I hit send, the phone sitting back on the bed just as I head Elena's voice from within the closet.

"You better hurry up and get dressed" She calls out in happy manner before appearing in the door way. "We wouldn't want to miss our tee time" She adds with a slight smirk. Leaning against the doorway is Elena in a white skirt, a black polo shirt and a black visor. Holy fuck, we're playing golf.

"Are you serious?" I ask her as I practically spring out of bed, I don't think I've ever felt this giddy at the prospect of playing golf. Elena grins softly and nods her head.

"I am very serious. I always said that I'd let you teach me how to play, what better day than your birthday. I'm sure I'll love it" She tells me enthusiastically. I'm about 60% sure she's going to hate golf and she'll regret signing herself up to doing it, but I love that she's doing this to make this day a great one for me.

"You look so hot in this outfit babe" I say as I walk over to her. She looks like a pro and the skirt is so short, it's heavenly really. Elena's head tilts to the side as she gives me a coy shrug.

"The bra underneath is even better" Her voice drops to a quite whisper as her lips curl into a slight smirk. She knows she has me in the palm of her hand when she talks like that.

"Well now you have to show me, and we really will miss our tee time" I smirk back at her as I inch closer to her.

"I lied about the tee time. We have two hours until we're supposed to be there, I just figured I needed a catchphrase to say when I showed you my outfit" She confesses with a slight giggle.

"You're fucking adorable" I groan softly as I lean down, pressing my lips against her neck and softly kissing her skin. Elena hums and slowly tilts her head to the side, allowing me further access as her hands slide up across my shoulders. Her hands rest on the back of my neck as I grip her waist.

"Happy Birthday sir" She moans softly as I press my hips against her. I waste no more time, inching my hands quickly down to her waist, quickly pushing her top up and over her head. The black fabric falls to the floor to reveal a dark blue bra completely made of lace.

"Fucking hell" I say with an appreciative groan, bringing one hand up to gently caress over the lace while the other hikes up her skirt around her waist. Elena bats her eyelashes and grins softly, biting her bottom lip.

"I was hoping you'd like it" She mumbles softly before pressing soft kisses to my neck. I pull her body close against mine, peering over her shoulder and lifting the skirt up higher.

"You're wearing a thong, you're trying to kill me" I state as I roll my hips against hers, pressing her back flat against the wall. One of Elena's hands drifts down from around my neck and trails down my chest.

"I thought I'd have to at least wear some underwear to play golf, I'll make sure I'm not wearing any for dinner tonight" She purrs gently in my ear as her hand slips down into my sweatpants and brushes up against my cock. I'm in heaven.

"You're such a good girl baby" I moan against her lips as my mouth meets hers. Her fingers wrap around my cock, slowly moving up and down as my tongue battles for dominance against hers.

"I'm always a good girl for my daddy" Elena moans out softly in response as her hand tightly winds itself in my hair and her thumb brushes over the tip of my cock. My hands make quick work of pushing the thong down her legs and Elena jumps up on me, wrapping her legs around my waist as she softly bites down on my lower lip.

"But you can be dirty too, can't you baby" I murmur approvingly against her lips as my cock slips from her hand to manoeuvre my sweatpants down my legs.

"Just for you daddy, it's all just for you"She whimpers sweetly in response as I line myself up and quickly thrust up into her, savouring the feeling of filling her up as her arms wrap tightly around my neck and she clings to me tightly. She knows that's one of my biggest turn ons; that I'm the only man that she's ever been with, that I'm the only one who's made her feel the things that she's felt.

"I'm a lucky man" I say with a quiet grunt as I bury my face into the crook of her neck, kissing and biting along the skin as I quickly thrust my hips up into her, setting up a quick and punishingly hard rhythm. Hard and rough, it's my birthday after all, and Elena doesn't seem to mind as she whimpers and claws at my back with her sharp nails.

"Yes, oh god yes that's so good" She moans out loudly, threading her fingers through my hair and pulling down tightly. I trail my lips down to the swells of her breasts. I haven't removed her bra, it's too hot to be thrown to the floor with the rest of her clothes. I pepper kisses over the exposed skin as I grind my hips roughly against her. Her legs tighten around me as she tilts her head back, letting out loud moans of pleasure as I continue to bury myself in her.

"Harder daddy, fuck me harder" Elena calls out with a whimpering moan, her grip on my hair pulling my head back up as our lips meet in a frenzied kiss. I obey her request, pounding deeply into her at an intense speed.

"Like that baby? You like daddy fucking you like this?" I ask with a groan as Elenas forehead begins to glisten with sweat.

"I love it daddy, it feels so good. I'm so close daddy, I can't hold it any longer. Please let me cum" She whimpers in response as I suck on her neck in a spot that I know drives her wild. I take my hand off her waist and press it in between us, rubbing my thumb quickly back and forth along her clit. A jolt washes through Elena as she grips onto me, her moans becoming louder with every minute I make her wait for my permission.

"You're such a good girl for daddy, cum for me" I reward her as I feel myself approaching my own climax. Elena's arms wrap tightly around my neck as she anchors herself against me, her whole body rapidly quaking as she finds her release. Her lips part to let out a loud stream of expletives while I continue to pound my hips deep into her.

"Cum for me daddy, I love you. Give me your cum daddy" Elena's pretty words are my undoing as I bury myself deep inside her and find my release as Elena's fingertips gently stroke up and down my back.

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"That was really fun!" Elena grins up at me as we make our way back to the car later in the afternoon. It's fair to say that I won, by quite a lot at that. Elena is a hopeless golfer; she barely ever hits the ball and when she does it doesn't get very far. But through it all, she laughed and cheered for herself when her ball moved more than a few feet. She was a good sport, and a great cheerleader when it was my turn to play. Personally it wasn't my best game, Elena standing by with a golf club in that little skirt was somewhat of a distraction while I was lining up my shot.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself" I say with a grin as the driver opens up the door, allowing Elena and myself to slide into the back seat.

"And did you have fun?" Elena asks me with slight concern, putting a hand on my knee as the car starts up and we pull out of the parking lot of the club.

"Are you kidding? This was the best" I reassure her with a wide smile. I distinctly remember once telling Elena that my perfect day would be to spend time with her and to also play at least one round of golf. I think I told her this at one point while she was busy with University, and I may have said it in part just to guilt her into freeing up some more of her time. But it's the truth, she's made this day pretty amazing.

"You've just given me so many wonderful surprises, I wanted to try and do the same for you" She smiles up at me, her hand resting on my knee as the driver takes us back into the city. The way she says it makes it sound like we've been together for so long and that I've spent decades surprising her. Decades, that doesn't sound so bad. I wonder how many cars I will have surprised her with by the time her 50th birthday comes, or how many surprise parties I will have thrown her. I've been thinking about all of this stuff so much more lately. About how I'll make her breakfast and gather our kids up to climb into our bed to surprise her on Mother's Day with cards and gifts in hand. Just the other day when Elena brought up the zoo, I thought about what it would be like to go there a little further down the road. I thought about how we might bring Gemma and Michael and Heather ans Sarah and Mitchell and mum and Peter and all of the kids. We'd all stay at our place, there's plenty of room, and we'd go to the zoo and the beach like one giant school field trip. It would be exhausting and stressful and really fucking amazing, and I'd be holding Elena's hand the whole way through it. I never used to think about this shit, but now it's where my mind wanders all the time. To think I used to want to be single forever, how fucking stupid was I ?

"And you've done an amazing job bub, I couldn't have asked for more" I tell her, lifting up her hand and placing a kiss on the back of it. Elena smiles to herself. "Just please tell me you haven't organised a surprise party" I ask hesitantly. I do love my family and my friends, but having them all in Australia would kind of ruin the 'couples getaway' I had in mind. Elena giggles and squeezes my hand.

"Don't be silly, I know your perfect day is golf, me and no unwanted surprises. I can't make any promises for when I get to LA though, that's all Mitch" She informs me. I groan, Mitch is my best friend but he is going to throw a shit birthday party I just know it. It's going to be at a nightclub and he's going to get one of those big neon signs informing everyone that they're celebrating my birthday and it's going to be loud and exhausting. I tip my head back and feel Elena rubbing my shoulder.

"I have no control over what he's organised, so I figured I'd give you your version of the perfect birthday before Mitch does his damage" She explains and places a soft kiss to my cheek.

"You're a very smart woman." I tell her with a soft smile.

"I am well aware" she grins back in response. My phone vibrates through my pocket and I take it out to see Gemma's caller ID on the screen. Elena squeals excitedly and reaches over me, swiping the accept call button and laying her head on my shoulder as Gemma's pixelated face slowly forms on my screen.

"Happy birthday!" Gemma yells excitedly through the screen as she walks through what I'm thinking is her kitchen. Before long she's sat down beside Charlie at the kitchen table, angling the camera so that we can see her. Charlie sits with a crayon clutched in her grasp, focusing on the page in front of her like she's trying to do calculus.

"Thank you Gem, hi Charlie" I reply back as Gemma gives Charlie a slight nudge. Charlie looks up at her mum who points to the screen in front of her, her eyes lighting up and a toothy grin spreading over her face.

"Hi Lena!" Charlie excitedly calls through the screen, the crayon dropping onto the counter as she uses that hand to wave rapidly. Even in the small corner of the screen that shows Elena and I it's obvious that Elena is grinning.

"Hi Charlie, something you want to say to uncle Harry?" Elena prompts sweetly to Charlie, who smiles much more shyly as she quickly looks to Gemma for reassurance.

"Happy birfday unkie" Charlie tells me as she climbs over her seat and into her mother's lap.

"Thank you Charlie, I miss you" I reply with a smile, Elena's hand squeezes my arm comfortingly as she curls herself into my side.

"Miss yew unkie. Guess what!" Charlie replies more animatedly than before.

"What Charlie?" I ask, buying into the fact that judging by her tone, I'm about to be told something extraordinary.

"I'm a ballewina!" Charlie calls out loudly. Gemma laughs softly and strokes her daughters hair.

"We've entered her into a couple of classes before she starts preschool next year. So far we're loving baby ballet class and we're also big fans of baby art class. It seems all the time painting with her auntie Lena seems to have inspired her, isn't that right Charlie?" Gemma clarifies, smiling at Charlie as she nods her head quickly.

"Love Lena" Charlie mumbles. I wrap an arm around Elena's shoulder as she bites her bottom lip, I know she's trying her hardest not to cry at how sweet Charlie is being. I don't even care that the kid is barely paying any attention to me, watching Charlie fawn over Elena is the best.

"We're very proud of you Charlie. We'll have to come and see you in action when we get back from our trip" I tell her without thinking. Damn it, now I have to go to some sort of baby ballet class, sounds like hell. But Charlie seems happy.

"Yay!" Charlie claps her hands together excitedly before Gemma tilts the phone to the side to show Michael walking over with Theo sitting on his hip.

"Hey! There's the birthday boy! Happy birthday mate!" Michael enthuses as he sits down next to Gemma and Charlie with a wide grin.

"Thanks Michael, how are you?" I ask as Elena waves beside me.

"Yeah I'm good, we're all good here! How's Australia?" He asks as Theo immediately reaches for Gemma. The kids a real mamas boy.

"It's amazing, the sunshine is incredible" Elena responds dreamily, laying her head down on my shoulder and smiling warmly at the screen. Gemma groans softly.

"Ugh, it feels like forever since I've felt the sunshine. Please get a tan for me" Gemma says with a wistful sigh.

"I think I got a bit of one already, Elena took my golfing" I say with pride as Michael smiles approvingly.

"You suffered through a whole game of golf Elena? You poor thing are you okay?" Gemma asks sarcastically.

"It was actually pretty fun. I mean, I'm rubbish at it but it was a lot of fun" Elena says with a slight giggle.

"Never let her go Harry, she's the perfect woman" Gemma tells me with a soft smirk. Like she needs to remind me, I'm very aware.

"I don't intend to" I reply with a chuckle and check outside the window. We're nearly back at the house. "We gotta get going but it was nice to talk to you guys, thanks for calling" I say with a sincere smile.

"Of course we called silly, it's your birthday! Have a good rest of the night guys, love you both" Gemma calls back, lifting up Theo's hand to make him wave at the screen. Theo gets really into it, trying to jump up and down as Gemma makes him wave.

"Love you guys, see you soon" Elena says with a wave. Charlie starts to wave now, I know she's waving at Elena and not me but I'll take it. The call ends and Elena sighs happily, giving my hand a soft squeeze. "I love your sister so much" She tells me softly.

"Yeah she's pretty great" I reply, tilting my head to kiss the top of her head.

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I climb out of the shower and wrap a towel around my waist before picking up my phone after it starts to ring.

"Hello?" I answer, not checking the Caller ID

"Happy Birthday Sweetheart!" Claudias jubilant voice sounds through the phone. I hold the phone away from my ear as Elena looks at me quizzically as I wander back into the bedroom.

"Your mum" I tell her quietly, placing a kiss against her wet hair and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Thank you Claudia, how are you?" I return back to phone and resume the conversation as Elena smiles to herself and packs some things into a small toiletry bag.

"Oh I'm wonderful darling but enough about me it's your birthday! What have you kids gotten up to today?" She asks. I spare a look at Elena who has brought her things into the bathroom, sitting up on the sink in front of the mirror in her fluffy white robe as she begins to apply her makeup.

"It's been a great day, I just taught your daughter how to play golf and she wasn't half bad" I say with a smirk, watching Elena's reaction in the mirror as she smirks gently, rummaging through the bag set up beside her.

"Aw, well that sounds lovely! I do remember you telling me you were a fan of golf" Claudia replies. Elena mentioned this little thing that her mother does sometimes; when she was ill Claudia used to forget things, a lot of things. One year she forgot Elena's birthday and very often she would forget details about her daughters life like when she needed to be picked up from school or what foods she was allergic too. But now that she's better, she puts a lot of effort into remembering things that people have told her about themselves. And now she does it with me, showing me that she cares by remembering the small things. It's very sweet and I'm sure it means a lot to Elena.

"Yes I am, and now we're just getting ready to go and have some dinner somewhere. I don't know what else the day has in store for us, Elena is wanting to keep a lot of things a surprise for me" I inform her, to which Elena grins and nods her head pointedly.

"Aw, it sounds like she's making it into a lovely day for the two of you" Claudia remarks, I can hear the pride in her voice. I stand up and walk over into the bathroom, standing behind Elena as she uses some kind of brush to spread liquid onto her face. I think she looks quite beautiful without it but she somehow manages to look even hotter when it's on.

"It's been a perfect day, best birthday in years" I tell Claudia, watching Elena as she grins back at me in the mirror. I put a hand on her shoulder and she tips her head down to place a kiss on top of it. I know Elena will probably always feel a little guilt for ending our relationship and missing my birthday last year, but she's more than made up for that. I told her my birthday last year was fine but honestly it was awful. Sure I was with my family and that was nice, but the first and only woman I had ever loved had left me out of the blue only weeks earlier, to say I was a depressed mess would be a huge understatement.

"Well I'm glad to hear that sweetheart, you're a wonderful man and you should be celebrated everyday. I am so grateful that you and Elena found each other" Claudia praises me as Elena strains her head up to listen to the call, nodding appreciatively as she hears her mother's words. The most important thing in the world to Elena is her mothers wellbeing, so I always appreciate being reminded that I have a big stamp of approval from her.

"Thank you Claudia I appreciate that. I look forward to seeing you when we get back" I reply as Elena pulls her bag into her lap and begins to dig through it.

"So do I darling. Have a great rest of your birthday" Claudia replies happily.

"I will. And don't worry, I'll look after Elena" I say with a smile, since I know the next words out of her mouth are going to be 'look after Elena'. I always do, it's my favourite job. Elena rolls her eyes as she opens up a container, the hint of a grin at the side of her mouth.

"I know you will. Love to you both!" Claudia calls out as we say goodbye and I end the call, placing my phone on the counter beside Elena's hip.

"That was sweet of her to call" I remark as Elena looks back up at the mirror, one of her eyes shut as the other eyelid is slowly being covered by light pink dust.

"When I set up her phone she made me input everyone's birthdays, she's even got Peter and Michael in there so she knows when to start knitting their gifts" Elena replies with a wide grin. It's very evident where Elena gets the majority of her personality from, thank god it's not from her narcissistic cunt of a 'father'.

"That's very thoughtful, most of my own family just text me" I say with a shrug as Elena opens both of her eyes and puts down her small brush, pouting softly up at me.

"Well, I guess it could be difficult, with the time difference and all" She says sweetly, trying to defend my many money hungry relatives who only reach out when it's convenient for them. I've heard from the people I care most about, the rest can go screw themselves. I shrug and tucks some of her hair behind her ear.

"You're probably right, I'll hear from them eventually" I assure her, even though I know it's not true. Elena luckily hasn't experienced much of it yet, but eventually people from her past are going to reappear and want a pay day.

"I know you're not a big fan of most of your family, but I have faith that they'll remember your birthday and care enough to wish you a good one" Elena smiles hopefully, turning her attention back to the mirror and applying some mascara. "Now go get dressed, we have reservations" She says with a wide smile. I give her a small salute and walk back into the closet, quickly getting changed into a suit.

"Wow" Is all I can say as Elena emerges from the bathroom a few minutes later. She's really gone all out, with a long silky black dress with a small slit up the side, her hair falling in wave down her back. She smiles at me and does a small twirl at the edge of the room.

"Ready when you are birthday boy" She grins at me before leaning down and picking up a large white bag, there's only one reason why she'd be taking that with us.

"Is that my present?" I ask with a smirk as we walk down the hall towards the front door.

"You're supposed to pretend that you don't notice it, that's common gift etiquette" She replies with a soft laugh, holding the bag away as I try to lean over her shoulder and take a look inside it.

"Right. Like when you open a card and money falls out so you have to pretend to be really interested in the message inside and not notice the money that's fallen onto your lap" I say as I open the front door, allowing her to walk out ahead of me.

"I would assume so, that's never happened to me." Elena answers with a smile as we approach the car waiting for us outside the door. I remember Elena mentioning that she used to get a cupcake and a book for her birthday, only if they could afford to do that. I suppose Frank and Claudia never slipped a £5 note in with her Christmas cards.

"Oh, right. Sorry" I mumble as Elena slides carefully into the back seat. I climb in next to her as she tilts her head to the side, eyebrows raised.

"Don't worry, I'm fine with it" Elena assures me with a soft giggle. Of course she is, she's the toughest person I know.

"Should I have got more dressed up? Like a tux?" I ask, changing the subject as the driver pulls out of the driveway. I've worn a suit, but Elena looks like she could be going to a gala or a ball in this dress, it's pretty phenomenal.

"No, it's not that fancy I promise. I just thought you'd like this dress" She replies with a soft smirk as she cross her legs, the slit rising up and exposing some of her thigh.

"What is that?" I ask her as I reach out to touch her thigh. Draped across her thigh are a small delicate chain of diamonds that stretches inconspicuously up her leg, the top of which are concealed by the dress.

"I believe it's a subsection of body jewellery called 'thigh jewellery'. Apparently it's a thing, I kind of let the saleswoman talk me into it" Elena grins and brushes her fingers softly over the chain. It's delicate and understated, yet something about it just makes her look so fucking sexy.

"You really have gone all out for me haven't you?" I remark with a soft smirk. She returns the smirk and coyly shrugs her shoulders.

"This isn't something I can casually wear going down to the Tesco, it's saved for special occasions" She replies as I watch her fingertips continue to trail up her thigh. She's teasing me, and I fucking love it. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I take it out to check it.

Heather
'Happy birthday Mr Billionaire. Look after my best friend and have a great day, see you in a few weeks. Love Heather and Benji'

I tilt the phone to show Elena, who grins widely and puts a hand on her heart.

"I love that she says from her and Benji, that's so freaking sweet" Elena coos with a wide smile.

"I'm guessing you have no more concerns about her being a good mum like you did when she first got pregnant?" I ask as I quickly type a response and tuck the phone back into my pocket.

"None whatsoever. I'm sad that I was even concerned in the first place, she's really a natural mother" Elena responds, a slight haze of guilt flickering across her features. Heather has really grown into the role, but I too was concerned that she wouldn't rise to the challenge. I wouldn't exactly call her a natural, but Elena definitely knows Heather a lot better than I do.

"Has she mentioned anything about Max?" I ask, slightly curious. I know Max likes her but he doesn't want to act on it while she's still adjusting to her new role as a mum.

"She says that they talk, nothing more than that. I think there's more to it but she's scared of what I'll think so she's not telling me" Elena says with a shrug.

"You think so?" I ask. I didn't think Elena and Heather had secrets from one another. After all, Heather is pretty much the only person that knows how Elena and I really met.

"Maybe. I didn't have the best reaction when she told me about her and Brad. I was fairly judgemental of that relationship" Elena replies with a small frown. I'd love to know what Elena's definition of 'fairly judgemental' is because I guarantee it's not as bad as she thinks. As the reigning king of being judgemental, I'm sure Elena's only said one or two things that could be deemed to be even slightly judgemental.

"That's a very different situation. And besides that may actually be all it is, it could be that they're just talking. Perhaps after you threatened to castrate Max at the dinner party he's taking a slower approach" I say with a grin as Elena blushes and covers her eyes slightly in response.

"I didn't mean to completely scare him off. He's a nice guy, and that's what Heather deserves. I'm just nervous about her possibly jumping into something so quick" Elena sighs with a warm smile. The friendship that Heather and Elena have is very sweet, they have each other's back no matter what.

"I'm sure she knows that too, she's a big girl you don't have to worry about her" I say reassuringly, cupping the side of Elena's cheek in my hand. She tilts her head into my hand, spreading warmth across my palm as she nods her head slowly.

"Yeah you're right. You're totally right. I'm not worried about Heather right now I'm totally 100% focused on us right now, and your birthday" Elena grins up at me, placing a hand on my knee and squeezing it gently.

"I know I've already said it a bunch of times but you've really done a great job love. Best birthday ever" I tell her genuinely as she blushes in response.

"All I've done is order food for you and take you to play golf. It hasn't been that spectacular" She replies quietly.

"But you know that that's my perfect day and that's what you've given me. And now we're going to have a nice romantic evening with just the two of us. Right? It's just the two of us?" I ask with a chuckle, it suddenly dawning on me that Elena could have organised some kind of surprise party for me.

"Just us, I promise you for the fifteen thousandth time" She replies with a soft laugh. The car slowly pulls to a stop and I look out the window for the first time since we got into the car. The sun is setting outside, coating the sky in a warm orange haze as we climb out of the car outside a restaurant overlooking the beach.

"The pictures on the website for this place don't do it justice, this is stunning" Elena states dreamily as she walks over to stand beside me. My gaze turns to her as she takes in the view, her eyes wide with wonder as the breeze brushes her hair back of her shoulder. She's breathtaking, I take out my phone and take a quick photo of her, because even though my phone has hundreds of photos of her I need thousands more.

"I saw that you creep" Elena giggles before taking my hand, pulling me alongside her as we walk into the restaurant and are promptly seated by the hostess at a table next to a wall completely made of glass, the crashing waves of the ocean sitting below us.

"Shall I get you guys started on some drinks?" A very young and eager looking waitress appears by our table only moments after we sat down. I pick up the menu and have a quick read through before selecting one I like and handing the menu to Elena.

"Let's make it a bottle, my fiancé has incredible taste" Elena says with a smile as she rests her elbow on the table, holding up her head with her hand and subtly flashing the waitress her ring. I want to laugh aloud, but I manage to bite my lip and sit quietly and watch as Elena marks her territory before we have even ordered appetisers.

"I- of course, I'll bring that right out" The waitress replies as her posture straightens up and she quickly makes her way back across to the other side of the restaurant. Elena turns to smile back at me, reaching for her glass of water and taking a sip.

"Don't you smirk at me, she undid her two top buttons on the way over to our table" Elena smirks back at me as she explains her actions. I hadn't even noticed her doing that, Elena's got better eye sight than I do.

"I love when you mark your territory on me. It's incredibly hot" I tell her, the smirk very much remaining on my lips. Elena raises an eyebrow slightly and nods her head.

"That was kind of fun" Elena admits with a small grin.

"You like marking your territory baby?" I ask her as I lean forward, dropping my voice slightly lower so that only she can hear. Elena's tongue covers her bottom lip for a split second as she too sits forward in her seat.

"You know I do, I like the world knowing that of all the women in the world you could have chosen you chose me" Elena replies with a warm smile.

"Not a hard choice at all, I'd do it again a million times over" I state proudly.

"So would I" She smiles back just as the waitress reappears with our bottle of wine. Elena thanks her kindly as her glass is filled first, clearly appreciative that the top buttons of the waitresses shirt are now buttoned back up as they should be. I understand where I take it too far with the whole territorial side of our relationship. Mentioning that Elena was my fiancée just once wouldn't be enough, I'd take it way too far.

"Cheers to us" I say as I pick up my glass and hold it up in the air as Elena wraps her hand around hers and lifts it up.

"Cheers to you. Happy birthday baby" She replies as her glass clinks gently against mine and she's takes a small sip, smiling appreciatively before taking another one. Her fiancé does have excellent taste.

"Okay time for presents" Elena says as she leans down and digs into the white bag she's tucked underneath the table on her side. I sigh softly, I know we have the same idea about presents; we love giving them way more than we like receiving them.

"More than one?" I ask with a slight groan. Elena's eyes sparkle as she nods her head, sliding a yellow envelope across the table towards me.

"Yes more than one, but you need to read the card first like a good boy" She tells me before sitting back in her chair. I brace myself as I open the envelope. Elena says romantic shit all the time with great ease, I can only imagine how good it will be when she's had time to write it down.

The front of the card simply says 'happy birthday' with a small hand drawn candle. Very sweet and simple, I find I'm already smiling before I've even opened it. The message inside reads:

i've written at least a dozen drafts of this card but even with all of those drafts i've been unable to fully incapsulate how wonderful you are how much you mean to me. but thirteenth times the charm right? so here we go.

happy birthday my lovely man.

you make my life so sweet and beautiful and i am so grateful for your love and your life every single day.

you brighten my life and soothe my soul in every way possible. and when i look at you i instantly know what it is to be loved and to be in love. i can't wait to celebrate all the rest of your birthdays with you.

you are my future, my best friend, my everything.

happy birthday baby. i love you always and forever.

elena

I suck in a deep breath and shake my head, the sweet sentiment behind her words threatening to bring tears to my eyes. I've never kept birthday cards, but I will keep this one forever.

"That's beautiful bub, thank you" I say as a warmth spreads through my chest. Elena smiles as a sense of relief washes over her face, like she was nervous about what I would think of her card. It's complete perfection, just like everything else about her.

"You don't have to thank me for writing you a birthday card silly" Elena says with a slight laugh as she leans over to take out s medium size box and slides it over to me.

Inside the box is a small thin and golden picture frame with a glass backing. Inside is an unfurled piece of white ribbon. I feel like I know what this is from, but Elena's words put it into perspective.

"That ribbon was wrapped around the first gift you ever gave me" I hear the grin in her voice. I lift my head up and her nervous but beaming smile greets me as she gently brushes her hair to the side to reveal a pair of earrings I instantly recognise.

"Emerald earrings, from Seattle" I state with a warm smile. I had to leave London so quickly after our negotiations but I couldn't get her out of my mind. I was still trying to figure her out, she had just sort of tumbled into my life and at that point in time I had no idea how or even if she would fit there. All I knew was that she was never far from my thoughts, like a song stuck in my head that never seemed to want to filter itself out. I wanted to give her something to bring her into my world; something elegant and expensive but not too extravagant so I didn't scare her off. And it worked, she loved them.

"No-one had ever bought me something 'just because they wanted to', they were the loveliest things I had ever owned" Elena replies warmly as I trace the rim of the frame with my fingertip. "Everything was so new and scary. Contracts and NDA's and negotiations, it was a lot to take on board" She continues with a slight sigh. I hate that all of our firsts are tainted by the way our relationship began.

"But these lovely little earrings and the reason why you gave them to me, they gave me hope. And it's that sort of hope that got us here." Her cheeks must ache from her wide grin, I know mine do. She tilts her head to the side slightly and in the dimly lit restaurant I can see that her eyes are glistening slightly.

"We may not love how our relationship began but we did have a lot of wonderful and genuine moments amongst all of that dysfunction. I just thought you might like a little reminder of that" She reaffirms with a soft giggle. I grasp the frame in one hand and stretch my other hand out towards her across the table. She delicately places her hand in mine and gives it a gentle squeeze.

"I love it" I say simply. Words always fail me when I'm with Elena, or talking about her. She shows her love and devotion in the sweetest ways and I'm always surprised by it. When I think of gifts I often have trouble with the sentimental side of it all, opting for expensive jewellery or cars or trips. But Elena thrives on the sentimental aspects; the painted guitar strap, getting my initial as her first tattoo, framing children's artworks and saving trinkets from important moments.

"Do you really? I know it's kind of lame but I just feel like you already have everything in the world. You're a hard man to buy for" She begins to ramble as a soft blush warms up her cheeks as her smile softens.

"It's perfect baby. I love it, it's going to sit on my desk at the office back in London" I reply proudly. How could I not like this gift? I never used to give a damn about having photo frames or displays of affection around my office and home but that's just not the case anymore. We have photos all over the house of the people that we love and art with a story behind it hung on almost every wall.

My apartment felt like a prop home, like a shell that someone just threw furniture at and decided to call it 'home'. There was no real trace of my own existence anywhere, the space could have belonged to anyone and that's how I liked it. Impersonal, cold and empty, that was my comfort zone. But that's not who I am now. Now, I love my home and everything in it. And this girl in front of me, well.... I love her more than anything in this whole world.

"Well, I'm glad you like it" She shrugs with a smile as her hand retracts back from my grasp and picks up her wine glass, taking what seems like a sip of relief. "I know I don't ever really get you anything you want..." She begins, I cut her off.

"Don't be ridiculous, I love every gift you give me" I assure her as I place the frame carefully back into the box along with the card and sit it down under the table.

"Well good, because I also got you something else" Elena grins as she takes out another wrapped box and slides it across the table towards me.

"You're spoiling me" I tel her with a grin as I take the box off the table. It's similar to the first one, white with a simple black bow across the top.

"A wise man once told me that you're supposed to be spoiled on your birthday" She echos the words I said to her a few months ago on her birthday. I unwrap the bow and lift the lid off the box to reveal a beautiful silver Rolex. I'm honestly shocked at how gorgeous it is, and how she managed to pick a watch that I haven't bought for myself before.

"Fucking hell this is beautiful" I say in wonder as I take it out of the box and examine it closely. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Elena grinning as she watches me. I turn it over and discover it's engraved.

For all the time I get to love you. E

For all the time I get to love you. How did I get this fucking lucky? I don't understand. I can feel my heart beat harder inside my chest as though the thought suddenly dawns on me, I get to be loved by this woman forever. That's truly extraordinary.

"Sorry if you hate the pun" Elena giggles nervously as I brush my thumb over the engraving. I lift my eyes up to meet hers as she shrugs her shoulders. I'll be honest, if a few years ago Sarah had given something like this to Mitch I would have teased him about it for months. But I've changed, and I know they always say that people don't change but I have. I'm not the loveless cynic I used to be, I'm a man very much in love who wants to tear up over painted guitar straps, ribbons in frames and engravings on watches.

"It's perfect. You're perfect" I say, unable to stand sitting across from her as it feels too far away for a moment like this. I quickly get out of my seat and step over to her side of the table, cupping her face in my hands and pressing a kiss to her lips. I feel her smile against me, her hand stretching up to cup my cheek.

"Happy birthday" Elena whispers for the hundredth time today, each one feeling sweeter than the one prior. I place a soft kiss to the tip of her nose a mumble a quiet 'thank you' before I sit back down in my seat across from her.

————————————————————————

"Feeling any better bub?" I ask as I enter back into the bedroom. It's been a few days since my birthday and it seems that Elena has been struck by some sort of flu that's rendered her pretty much bedridden the last day and a half. Elena is lying on the white sheets, bunched up around her blinking up at the ceiling. From here I can see that she's not doing well, her skin is a whole new level of pale and her lips are completely dry. She's been like this for at least a day, she felt a little better yesterday afternoon but then it picked up again last night.

"Nooooo" She answers, tilting her head to the side as I sit down beside her on the sheet and put a hand on her hip. "How was the conference?" She asks weakly.

"It was good, you would have been bored out of your mind. Just a panel of 6 rich white guys telling the audience that it's 'easy if you work hard'. No other representation whatsoever" I say with a roll of my eyes. It was a complete waste of time honestly, and I do wish I hadn't agreed to be a part of it but I made a commitment and I believe in sticking to my commitments. Elena gently pouts out her lips and softly sighs.

"That sucks, I'm sorry bub. At least it's over now" She replies with a weak smile, her eyes slowly shutting. She looks completely exhausted and worn out, she wasn't this bad when I left this morning.

"Starting to feel any better?" I ask her hopefully. She shrugs her shoulders as much as she can manage.

"I fell like the worst might be over but I don't know. It must be food poisoning or something, it'll just make its way out of my system. Slowly" Elena says with a small groan as she holds her stomach.

"We ate here last night and we had basically the same thing and I feel completely fine" I reply with a furrowed brow. I haven't felt anything close to as bad as she seems to be right now. I had some slight nerves before the conference but aside from that I feel totally fine. Elena shrugs, I don't think she's really even listening to what I'm saying right now. But this doesn't make any sense. If she's sick, I should be too. A wave of cold washes over my entire body for a split second as the possibility of what I'm about to say sets in.

"Bub, you don't think you could be, you know...pregnant. Right?" I ask quietly as Elena slowly rolls onto her back, most of her face obstructed by her mess of hair.

"No, no I take my pill everyday. I'm religious about it, it can't...." She trails off before sitting up slowly, her back presses against the headboard as a dark cloud seems to slowly fall over her face. "Oh god, my pain meds" She says in a quiet whisper.

"What about them?" I ask. She's barely even taken any in weeks. Now that her body's nearly back to normal there's been no need for them. One of her hands combs back her hair and gives me a better view of her face. She looks...devastated.

"The doctor warned me that they could interact with other medications...Oh god" She heaves out a heavy sigh and tips her head back to stare at the ceiling. I'm kind of thrown by her reaction.

"It's gonna be fine" I try and reassure her, putting a hand on her leg as she slowly begins to shake her head.

"No it's not fine, this can't be happening right now. How could I have been so stupid?" She mutters to herself in whispered confusion.

"Hey. You were not stupid and this is all just a possibility, there's a good chance that you're not" I point out. Elena scoffs and picks up her water bottle again.

"Yeah right. Knowing my luck that's exactly what this is" She replies rather cynically as she takes the lid off the bottle and drinks a large mouthful.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask with a furrowed brow. "We always said we would have kids" Elena tips her head back and lets out a soft groan.

"Yeah, when we were ready. We are not ready" She sighs in frustration before she climbs out of bed and walks across the room over to the dresser.

"I get that we're not ready, but you're not seriously suggesting we wouldn't have it if it's positive?" I reply with slight concern. She walks over to the dresser and grabs a hair tie, raising her hands up to bunch her hair into a pony tail. Of course it would be her choice since it's her body but I mean.....fuck.

"I'm just saying that I would really really prefer not to be pregnant right now, I'm allowed to have that kind of opinion" She bites back as I sit back on the edge of the bed. Okay maybe it was a little naïve of me to assume that we might both be okay about this, but I didn't consider that she might be openly opposed to it. She raises an eyebrow at me.

"What? Like you'd want this for us right now?" She asks me in disbelief as she reaches down into her bag and takes out a sweatshirt, holding it in her hands.

I can't say no, I can't just say 'I want what you want' because that's not true. I know I'm going to be with Elena for the rest of my life. I know she's the one, I've always known that much is true. Whatever we go through, wherever we end up, we're always going to try and make it work. Things have been a real mix of tough and wonderful these last few months, but she's always made it all worth it.

And honestly, if this test comes back as positive, I'd be excited.

I never had big aspirations of becoming a dad before I met Elena. Mostly because I never thought I had the qualities of being a good dad. I was never very loving or caring and I was very selfish with my time. But loving Elena has definitely set off a change in me. She's the only one I would ever want to do it with. I wouldn't necessarily state that I'm ready, but I'd become ready, I'd figure it out. We could both figure it out.

"Whatever the result is, I'd be okay" I tell her simply. I don't want to pressure her into feeling a certain type of way and I don't want her to think I'd be upset or angry about either option. Her frown hardens as she pulls the sweatshirt on over her head.

"You don't really think we're ready for this right? I just finished school, I'm nowhere close to getting a job. I'm fucking 21 years old!" She exclaims with a shake of her head.

"You'd still be able to work, we'd figure it out" I tell her. I think sometimes she forgets that we have money, and that the issues of things like travel and childcare aren't really issues.

"But that's not what we planned" Elena retorts.

"We haven't really planned anything" I tell her.

"We have plans! We were going to travel and then I was going to get a job and establish myself. A baby doesn't really fit in to that!" Elena groans in frustration as she rubs a hand over her face.

"Plans change! It's all going to be fine. If it is really this then we will be fine" I try and tell her in as calm of a voice as I can manage.

"You're telling me that you'd be fine if I was pregnant?" She asks, her eyebrows knitting together. I shrug my shoulders.

"I would. Because I know we'd figure it out." I answer honestly with a slight shrug. Was she really expecting me to overreact and freak out over this? I mean in a way I am, but I think I'm also just trying to keep calm for Elena's sake. She's not doing too well with all of this.

"No it won't be fine. We just got engaged and we still have so many things to work out before we should be feeling anywhere close to having a baby!" Elena huffs in response and leans her back against the dresser, folding her arms across her chest.

"You mean a wedding?" I ask in confusion. This isn't the dark ages anymore, it's okay to have a baby and not be married. I didn't think that being married first was of great importance to her.

"No I mean us, we have so many things to sort out between us" She gestures between the two of us.

"Like what?" I ask, suddenly becoming defensive.

"I'm not getting into this now" She replies with a frustrated sigh.

"Well we've already started so why don't we finish it. What issues have you been having that you've only just brought up now?" I ask cynically as I sit down on a chair in the corner of the room and wait for her answer. I'm pissed off now, she's fine to pretend that she's very happy and in wonderland until the slightest problem pops up and then all of a sudden the world is a nightmare and I'm the reason why.

"Fine, you want to get into this then let's do it. Why didn't you tell me that Holly messaged you?" Elena asks with a defiant glare. A pit forms in my stomach, fuck, I didn't know she'd seen that.

"All she said was happy birthday and that she'll see us at the wedding. I said thanks. That's it, that was our whole conversation. Did you read my texts?" I reply quickly. Elena runs a hand through her hair and grips the back of her own neck, a move in familiar with when she's frustrated.

"Your phone was open and the message came through. I thought it was my phone and picked it up. I haven't gone snooping through your phone for gods sake. You told me you blocked her. Were you lying?" She asks, much quieter than before. I want to roll my eyes so fucking badly, because it's ridiculous to fight about Holly when the woman means literally nothing to me.

"No I wasn't lying. She texted me from a new number, maybe her work cell. Are you trying to accuse me of something?" I ask as I lean forward and narrow my eyes at her. She shakes her head, meeting my gaze in a defiant stare.

"I'm just wondering how you would feel if I neglected to mention that Luke had messaged me ever, even though we've established that you used to fuck Holly on a regular basis and Luke is just a guy I knew" She replies angrily. Just the mention of his name pisses me off, but at least she's not calling him her friend.

"You're making a bigger deal out of this than there needs to be. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that she messaged me, there were other things going on" I say somewhat sarcastically. My birthday was fucking awesome, just Elena and I playing golf, exploring Sydney, having sex, a perfect fucking day. Why on earth would I have mentioned that my ex messaged me?

"Am I making a big deal? Or are you just telling me what you want me to hear? Like how you said you'd work on this protective controlling side of you and yet you've only been to therapy once?" She bites back angrily.

"I've been busy I haven't had the time to make another session" I make an excuse up on the spot, and Elena laughs softly and shakes her head.

"All you've had is time. You could have gone back at any point in the last month but you haven't because I let the issue go and trusted you to remember how important it is to me. But clearly I was wrong and clearly you don't think it's important" She huffs her response, her arms tightly folded across her chest as her jaw clenches slightly. Fucking hell, she's really pissed off at me.

"Nobody likes going to therapy, it's not exactly easy for me or something that I want to do" I say in a slightly mumbled tone. Elenas shoulders sag.

"If you don't want to go then don't fucking go that's fine by me. Don't try and sort out the issues that you clearly have that stand in the way of us being able to move forward from anything." Her response drips with sarcasm and frustration.

"Where is this all even coming from?" I reply quickly as I rub a hand over my face. If it has been bothering her that I hadn't gone back then why didn't she say anything?

"It's coming from the fact that I feel like you just said what you thought I needed to hear. That you didn't bother to really follow through with it" She says firmly. She's trying to hold tough, but I know that standing up for herself and arguing with me isn't something that she likes doing or even feels comfortable with. In a a very small and weird way, I'm kind of proud of her.

"You know what therapy is for me, Elena? Therapy means me sitting down with a complete stranger and talking about the deepest shit I've ever felt in my whole life. And to me, that's hell. That's fucking hell on earth" I say angrily. I fucking hated therapy, the more I think about it the more I fucking hated it. I hate that a random man knows about me and my private relationship. And I also hate knowing that he's probably going to be able to fix parts of me that I haven't touched in years, parts that I wish didn't exist in the first place.

"That's also what relationships are! Relationships are about opening yourself up completely to one another. No secrets, no lies, just honesty" Elena sighs with frustration.

"So that's why you've been holding all of this back then? That's you being honest and open?" I shift forward in my seat, feeling slightly vindicated by her words. I'm not the screw up in this relationship, we both have equally been screwing things up. A silence follows before Elena shakes her head and stands up slightly taller before taking a deep breath.

"You know, when I was in therapy the other day, my doctor asked me what I think you think marriage is. And I said 'control'" Elena's words come out as quiet and hushed but they hit me like a gut punch.

"What?" Is all I can manage to say. What the fuck does that mean? What the fuck is going on? Elena sighs and closes her eyes for a moment, like she'd wish the ground would open up and swallow her whole.

"I think in some way, you proposed to me just so I would wear a ring on my finger tying me to you. So that guys wouldn't hit on me or try to ask me out. That the world would know I was yours" She admits quietly. The silence that follows is deafening. It's ridiculous, fucking ridiculous, and insulting. How could she think that about me? That I would propose to her for some ulterior motive other than the fact that I love her.

Do I like that she wears a ring? Yeah I do, I really fucking love it. Is that a bad thing? To want the person that you love walking around with a symbol to prove to the rest of the world that they love you and will be with you forever. That doesn't seem like a bad thing to me. I mean, I can't say it's not one of the reasons why I proposed to her because it is. I got so mad when she didn't tell Luke that we were engaged, like the proposal didn't mean what I thought it meant.

Fuck. Is she right? Did I do this to control her?

"You're right. In a way at least." I stare at the floor, unable to even look her in the eye as I admit what I hadn't even realised up until right now. "I proposed because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But, a part of me wanted you to have a ring on your finger to prove to the world that you're mine. That they can't take you from me"

She doesn't respond, not for a long time. Neither of us say anything as the words that I've spoken aloud for the first time hang around us like a smog. When I do dare to look up at her I can see that she's digging around in her suitcase.

"Where are you going?" I ask as she sits down on the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath with a pair of shoes in her hand.

"I need to get a test. I need to know before I spiral any further" She huffs out. She's in no state to leave the house.

"I'll go, you stay here" I put a hand on her shoulder, she shrugs it off and tosses her shoes back onto the floor.

"Fine. Go then" She demands as she lies back down on the bed. All of a sudden she seems completely exhausted, not just because she's sick or that we've been arguing over all of this heavy shit, but because of us. I gotta get out of this room, I've just got to get the test and out this whole thing to bed once and for all. Maybe once we know for certain if this is all for real then we will be able to figure the rest of it out.

I'm about to walk out the door of the bedroom when a rather haunting thought crosses my mind, and I turn back around.

"Please still be here when I get back" I say quietly. The last time I left when we were in the middle of a fight she was gone, and I spent the next few months wishing I could go back in time and never have left. Elena turns her head to the side and looks over at me, a sadness in her eyes I don't think I've ever seen before.

"I will be here" She promises softly. I take off down the hallway and through the front door, headed for the local corner store that I pray sells pregnancy tests.

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How does one even buy a pregnancy test? Why are there so many different options? Why is there not one straight forward one, are some more accurate than others? These are all thoughts I had on the walk back to the house, a small yellow plastic bag of pregnancy tests in my hand.

Back in our bedroom, Elena is sitting on the floor, her back against the wall beside the bathroom. She seems paler, she must have been sick in the time that I left the house.

"Got a couple of different ones" I say with a slight cough as I sit the bag down on the bed and take out the four different boxes. "I think they're all basically the same" I continue as I pick up the boxes and hand them to her. She picks one and takes it out of its packaging, her water bottle sitting half empty beside her. She doesn't say anything, just takes out one of the sticks that resembles a thermometer and reads the back of the pack.

"You okay?" I ask as I sit down on the edge of the bed opposite her as she continues to read the back of the packet. She lets out a small sigh and presses her lips together, finally looking from the packet back up to me with a shake of her head.

"Not really" She replies with a sad smile, her eyes brimming with tears. "I'm sorry, for everything I said" She continues. I stand up from the bed and move over to where she is, sitting down against the wall beside her.

"You were being honest, you don't have to apologise for that" I assure her, stretching out my legs in front of me.

"I'm sorry for not saying it sooner, for it all coming out like that" She adds in a timid voice. I have to say, it might have been a calmer and more productive conversation had it not all come out in the middle of a fight.

"I don't want to control you" I say quietly. "And you're right, I do have some issues with control and being possessive over you. I will sort them out, and I really mean that" I tell her sincerely. Her hand leaves her lap and sits atop mine as I finish speaking and it's like an electrical current pulsing through me. It's always such a relief when she touches me, especially after we've been in a fight. I wrap my fingers around hers and gently squeeze her hand and let out a quiet sigh of relief.

"We have to figure all of this stuff out, or else it's going to destroy us later down the road. And I don't want that to happen, not if we can stop it" Elena says as she's leans her head down to rest on my shoulder. I don't think I really allowed myself to realise all the problems that we still had going on, I really need to go back for another session with Dr Schwartz.

"Yeah we really do" I reply, looking down at the unused pregnancy test in her other hand. "So if this is positive, what do you want to do?" I ask her quietly. Elena turns the test over in her hand, as though it's a magic 8 ball and she's looking for the answer.

"If it's positive, then we're having a baby." She sighs gently and I allow myself to feel a wave of selfish relief wash over me. "I never really considered having kids. I always thought I'd spend the rest of my life looking after my mum. Kids just seemed like a complication in a life that didn't have room for complications." She confides in me, her voice small and timid. Thinking of teenage Elena preparing to sacrifice her life to look after her mum breaks my heart every-time I think about it.

"I never thought I'd be a dad. I like kids, and I love being an uncle, but I just didn't think I'd be able to provide what kids need. That constant love and support, I just didn't have that in me. And no kid should be without that kind of thing, everyone deserves to have parents who love them more than anything." I confess. I used to be the most selfish person, and in many ways I still am.

"And now?" Elena asks quietly. I squeeze her hand.

"Now, I know I'll be able to figure it out. I'm not going to be the perfect dad in any way, but I'll always try. And with a teammate like you, we should be okay" I allow myself to smile for the first time since this crazy afternoon began.

"What if I'm a bad mum?" Elena asks breathlessly. I turn my head and furrow my brow at the impossible scenario.

"Bub-" I prepare myself to convince her otherwise but Elena keeps on talking.

"We can't rule it out as a possibility. You haven't heard all of my childhood trauma with my mentally ill mother but you've heard enough to know that the apple may not fall far from the tree" She states her reasoning quickly. I have only heard a few stories, but what I have heard is truly awful and heartbreaking, I can hardly fathom that there'd be anymore.

"You couldn't be a bad mum" I say with a sigh.

"How could you know that?" She asks.

"Because it's you, Elena. You're the most wonderful, sweet, loving, kind person I have ever known. And whether it's in nine or so months from now or in 20 years, you're going to be an amazing mother." I begin as Elena's hand squeezes mine.

"I've watched you sit with Charlie for an hour and patiently encourage her while she completes a 15 piece puzzle. You're a pro at putting Theo to bed and you laughed and settled Benji after he threw up all over you. You're going to be a great mum" I remind her. It's truly remarkable to sit and watch her with kids, I could do it for hours on end. It's not like she even has to adapt a different personality like I have to sometimes, it's just how she is naturally. She's warm and kind and patient and thoughtful, it's her natural state of being. And it blows my mind that she has any doubts about whether she'd be a good mum.

"Thank you" She replies with a slight sigh. "And you'll be a good dad, I know you have your doubts but I know you will be. You're protective and fun and supportive, and you don't give yourself enough credit for how much you've grown." She compliments me, causing my breath to hitch in my throat. I wasn't expecting her to be so complimentary to me simply because of our prior conversation. But that's just how we are; we have our issues and our problems, but they'll never be bigger than the love that we have for each other.

"Thank you bub" I smile and press a kiss into the top of her head.

"Guess I should go pee on this then" Elena says with a slight smile as she holds up the test in her hand. I can't help but chuckle as she rises to her feet.

"And what do I do? Do I sit here, do I come in with you?" I ask her, suddenly feeling quite helpless. What am I supposed to do? Elena shrugs.

"I think I can handle peeing on my own" She says with a small smile. I nod and she makes her way into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

It feels like I'm sitting there forever, but I feel paralysed. I can't check my phone or even get up off the floor and sit on the bed or one of the chairs. I just can't help thinking about what's going to happen when she's comes out of that room. What do we do? What happens next?

Eventually I hear a flush of the toilet and the water running before Elena exits out of the bathroom, empty handed.

"It's on the sink, it needs to sit flat for three minutes before it shows the results" She explains as she sits back down on the floor beside me. She breathes out a heavy sigh as we both sit in silence and wait for what feels like yet another eternity.

"How do you know?" Elena asks suddenly.

"How do I know what?" I answer.

"That everything will be okay" She says simply.

"Because it's you and me. As long as we have that, I think we're going to be okay" I reiterate my thoughts, taking her hand in mine once more.