forty five

A/N; sorry y'all. You know I love me a cliffhanger.

Well it's time to climb off the cliff! It's update time!

As usual; I love you all and I'm forever grateful for your support. I hope you enjoy xxxx

"What do you think of the length? Do you want it a little shorter?" The owner of the wedding dress shop asks Sarah as she stands on the small podium in front of a large set of mirrors, twisting and turning as she examines the length of the dress she picked out over a month ago. Today's the day for final alterations and I've just made it in time having landed in LA about two hours ago. The last few days have been a little intense to say the least.

"I'm just nervous about tripping. The aisle is made of grass and that will be enough to compete with I don't really want the dress to get in the way. Maybe just an inch or two?" Sarah asks as she lifts the dress up slightly. She's gone for a a very elegant dress with a slight bohemian mix. To me it reminds me of something that a Greek goddess may have worn, long loose silk sleeves and a hem that pools at her feet. It's very Sarah, it's clear why she's so thrilled about it.

"Top up babes?" Francesca asks quietly as she appears next to me with the open bottle of champagne. I look down at my champagne flute, half empty, might as well. I tip the glass to her gratefully as she fills it up to the top.

"Thank you" I say appreciatively as she and I lean against the back wall while Sarah's mother steps in to throw in her own take, something she's been doing an awful lot of. She's a kind woman but she does remind me of one of those stage mothers that pageant children have to suffer through dealing with.

"You must be exhausted, I don't know if the champagne will help but it's good stuff so we might as well drink it" Francesca says with a soft giggle as she clinks her glass against mine. "So how was Australia?" She asks with a wide naïve smile.

"It was great. I'd never been before" I grin back before taking a small sip from the flute. What else am I supposed to say? We had a great time up until we had a pregnancy scare, had a massive fight that brought up a lot of awful shit we haven't dealt with, found out I wasn't pregnant and have barely talked about all of it since. The travelling certainly helped, we left a day after the pregnancy scare and we weren't exactly thrilled to get into our issues on the 14 hour flight here. We do have to talk about it eventually, but for now I'm just going to stick to denial and expensive champagne.

"Did Harry have a good birthday? Your post on Twitter was so sweet it had me dying" She asks me excitedly. It seems like Harry's birthday was so long ago when in fact it was only a few days, so much seems to have changed since then.  

"We had a great day; just the two of us which was what he wanted. He taught me how to play golf too" I try to match Francesca's enthusiasm even though I'm really not feeling it. She lets out a small squeal.

"You two are just the cutest. Like an old married couple who golf on Sundays. Ooh! You have to try on a dress while you're here!" Fran squeals excitedly as she takes a quick look around at the racks filled with white dresses around us.

"Nooo no no no no, we're here for Sarah not for me. Harry and I aren't even thinking about planning our wedding yet, we're happy where we are" I put a hand on her arm and hold her by my side so that she doesn't wander off and get everyone else's attention. Everyone else seems to be preoccupied with Sarah and the right sleeve length for her dress. We're going to be here for hours, apparently she has two dresses, who the hell needs two wedding dresses?

"Noooo, you'll go bridal shopping in London without me and I want to be a part of it!" Francesca replies quietly with a sad pout.

"I promise you the second we start shopping for dresses I will let you know, you're the most fashionable person I know I'm absolutely going to need your input" I assure her with a soft smile. In the back of my mind I can't help but say to myself 'if we ever get there' but I decide to lock that in a box and throw it to the dark corner of my mind.

"You better. Have you talked to Holly yet?" Francesca whispers the last sentence as she gestures over to Holly, who sits beside Sarah's mum and throws her own opinions in from time to time.

"Nope. And I'm not keen to" I groan as I take another sip of champagne. I'd truly be keen to never see, hear of it talk to the woman again but unfortunately that's not possible.

"You know you'll have to at some point" Francesca points out.

"I know, but now isn't the time. Now is about Sarah" I smile over at Sarah as she fixes the veil over her face, smoothing it out so it doesn't bunch up at the bottom. She truly looks ethereal, and from the smile on her face I think she feels it too. She catches my eye in the mirror and gives me a sly thumbs up before her mum walks onto the podium beside her and begins to again implore that Sarah should pull her hair up and out of her face. But Sarah isn't backing down, her hair is flowing free whether her mother likes it or not.

"Mitch is going to die when he sees her" Fran states quietly as I take one last sip of my champagne. I'm about to agree when one of the assistants holds up my bridesmaids dress and gestures to one of the fitting rooms off to the side. They had to make some alterations to the waist and now it's ready for me to try on.

It's not a struggle to get into at all, a long silky sage dress that seems to drape over me effortlessly. Sarah has been kind, knowing that none of us could possibly upstage her she's picked truly beautiful dresses that seem to work with everyone's skin tone. I pull the curtain back so that the assistant and Francesca can see but don't step out onto the main floor of the shop. We're just checking that it fits, I don't need a spotlight.

"Stunning. Makes your skin look incredible" Francesca compliments me with a wide grin as I push my hair back and let it hang over my shoulders as the assistant steps into the changing room and tugs gently at the material to ensure it's integrity.

"Does it feel okay? Not too tight or too loose?" The assistant suggests as she walks around me to check the back.

"No it's good, it feels really good" I say with a small smile. I might even be able to reuse it at another event, it doesn't look like it could only be a bridesmaids dress.

"Perfect. I'll bag it up for you" The assistant smiles before she closes the curtain and leaves me on my own. I examine myself in the dress for a few seconds. Normally when I go shopping I snap some photos and send them to Harry for him to see, but where we are right now it just doesn't feel right. I need to talk to him, we have to clear the air.

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"Hey" I mumble as I walk in through the front door of the house. Harry is sitting on the couch with his laptop on his lap, his feet up on the coffee table. His head turns at the sound of my voice and he sits upright, placing the laptop down beside him as he stands up and walks over to join me in the kitchen.

"Hey, how was the fitting?" Harry asks somewhat awkwardly as place my bags down and take a bottle of water out of the fridge

"It lasted way longer than it should have. Sarah's mother had Sarah second guessing every decision she had already made, she almost completely changed the bridesmaids dresses" I tell him with a slight groan as I take a swig from the bottle.

"Yeah, Joyce can be like that sometimes." Harry agrees with a slight nod of his head. Oh my god, this is the most awkward we have ever been with one another.

"How were the boys?" I ask, trying to keep the conversation as light as I can. He lets out a sigh with a small smile.

"It took us half an hour, simple black tuxes. Thank fuck" He says with a slight chuckle. I knew Harry had some kind of irrational fear that Mitch would make them all wear something ridiculous. We stare at each other for a few seconds, like we're both standing on opposite sides of a wide chasm trying to get to the same side. I rub my face slightly, I'm so tired and I hate this place that we're in, I need to fix it.

"Look, I know things have been a little, intense, after everything in Australia. I'm sorry for the way that I reacted, I guess I just didn't realise how not ready I am for that next step. And I'm sorry for being angry at you when you were trying to be supportive" I tell him quietly, twisting the bottle of water around in my hand nervously. I glance up at him to see him watching my hands too, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

"I get it. And I'm sorry too, I guess I just didn't realise we both weren't in that place" He mumbles in response.

"It's not that I wouldn't love it or want it if I was pregnant. Just, had I been give a choice it's not something I would have chosen for myself right now" I say with a slight feeling of selfishness bubbling up in my stomach.

"I understand that" Harry nods his head. "And now that I've had the time to think about it I think you're right, I don't think we're ready for that yet. And I clearly still have shit to work through. And I will, because I love you more than anything" Harry replies as a warm smile begins to spread across his face. And just like that, the chasm closes. I know that he loves me, and I trust that he loves me enough to follow through and keep his word.

"I love you too" I say in a quiet mumble. Harry moves quickly around the counter and wraps his arms around me, pulling me tightly against his chest. My arms interlock around his shoulders as I feel a wave of relief sweep over me. No matter the differences we may have, wrapped up in his arms will always be the most safe and sacred place I could ever be.

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"Damn bub" Harry lets out a low whistle as I emerge from the bathroom ready to go for Sarah's bachelorette party. The dress code was 'Sarah's last hoorah', which apparently means we are going to hit the clubs like they've never been hit before. I've gone with a little black dress that is basically backless, treating the world to a lot of skin exposure.

"I appreciate that thank you" I reply with a giggle as I walk over to the chair and pick up the small black clutch I've picked out to go with it. Harry's eyes follow me the entire was as he sits on the bed already dressed in his suit. Apparently the boys plans involve bourbons, cigars and pretending to be James Bond for the night.

"Fucking hell, just don't do a lot of bending over okay?" Harry states with a chuckle. He's probably right, it is a very short dress after all. I turn my head back at him and smirk softly.

"I promise I'll behave, just like I know you will" I reassure him as I put my phone and keys into the clutch. Harry stands from the bed and slowly walks over to me, his hands quickly finding my hips.

"Of course I'll behave, look at the treat I get to come home to" He says with a soft purr before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to my neck. His lips move further up my neck, I close my eyes and pull myself tightly against his body before I hear the front door bell ring. Harry and I both sigh in unison, it's my car, ready to take me to meet the girls.

"Rain check?" I suggest with a giggle as I lean back and press a soft kiss to his lips.

"Oh absolutely. Keep me updated about your night" Harry confirms with a small smirk, tucking my hair behind my ear. I peck his lips one last time before I pick up my clutch and head out of the bedroom, down the hall to the front door.

"I love you!" I call out before I reach the front door. I hear a soft chuckle echo from down the hallway before he replies.

"I love you too!"

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"Okay ladies! A toast! To our lovely Sarah and her last few nights of freedom!" Sarah's friend Talia holds her shot glass up in the air and we all follow suit, clinking our glasses together and drinking them back in unison. It burns all the way down until it makes a warm puddle in my stomach.

"I'm going to be Sarah fucking Rowland!" Sarah calls out excitedly. "He's finally going to wife me up! Finally!" She hollers as we all cheer along with her. She's so excited, and drunk, but mostly just excited.

"Anyone else's feet already killing them?" Lucy says with a groan as she leans against the stand up table we've all been gathered around for the last half hour. It's well into the middle of the night and we've been dancing for pretty much all of it. Holly's stayed out of my way, Francesca's been by my side and the music has been amazing, all the makings of a pretty good night.

"Yes!" Holly calls back and lets out a small groan herself.

"Screw that! Suffer through the pain! To the dance floor!" Sarah commands as she leads the charge, weaving us through the crowds of people towards the stairs down into the pit of people dancing on a luminescent floor.

Francesca lets out a squeal and points to the top of the stairs, where Mitch, Harry and the rest of the boys are filing down over to see us.

"Intruders!! Intruders!" Francesca screams out to them as they surround us, effectively merging our two parties. Before I can even make a move over to his side, Harry's arms are wrapped around my shoulders as he pulls me tight against his chest, crushing me into him.

"Baby! I've missed you" He coos as his body gently sways, bringing me with him. Mitch puts a hand on his shoulder and grins down at me.

"Elena, let me introduce you to somebody. This, is Honest Harry, your fiancé's drunk alter ego" Mitch grins as Harry nods and turns to him with a delighted grin.

"How drunk are you?" I ask Harry with a slight laugh. I don't think I've ever seen Harry drunk, I've seen him slightly tipsy but never drunk.

"We've been doing shots for the last hour, so pretty drunk" Mitch admits as Sarah fixes his hair, which is now hanging around his face like a curtain.

"He peer pressured me! We had to do a shot of tequila for every year that we've known each other!" Harry yells down to me, even though it's not at all necessary for him to yell. A shot for every year, oh man he's really drunk.

"Maybe I should get you home" I say while I wrap an arm around his back as he begins to lean on me.

"No way! Let's have funnn! You look so fucking sexy baby" Harry coos down at me as his fingertips brush across the bare skin of my back.

"Thank you" I reply with a slight blush as I slide a hand up into his hair and lightly play with his curls. "How has your night been?" I ask curiously as Harry leans his head down to pepper kisses across my shoulders.

"Very fun! Just the boys, smoking cigars, telling jokes, it was awesome. But I missed you, I missed you so fucking much" Harry mumbles against my skin as he presses long kisses up the side of my neck. The dance floor suddenly feels more crowded as people descend down onto the floor, Harry holds me tight against him, isolating us from everyone else.

"Tell me that you missed me" Harry whines as he draws his head back, a soft pout on his lips. I giggle and curl his hair around my finger, smiling widely back at him. My sweet baby, so clingy when he's drunk. I love him so much.

"Of course I missed you, I always miss you when you're not around" I reassure him with a slight laugh. Harry drunk very much reminds me of a whiny child on laughing gas; clingy but sweet and endearing. His grin widens as he hears my answer.

"Look at how fiancée my sexy is!" He calls out to the other patrons of the club before burying his face in his hand as he realises his mistake. "I mean how SEXY my FIANCÉE is!" He corrects himself as I wrap an arm around his stomach and hug myself close to him, unable to hide the blush on my face.

"Oh my goodness" I mumble as Sarah throws her head back in laughter while Mitch nods quickly.

"It's the truth! You're so fucking sexy it hurts my head" Harry chuckles as Mitch raises an eyebrow.

"Which head mate?" Mitch snorts as he laughs at his own joke. Sarah rolls her eyes and give Mitch a slap on the arm.

"Both" Harry whispers conspiratorially back to him with a goofy grin. They're like teenage boys crowded around an issue of Playboy, it's hilarious.

"I think maybe it's time I got you home mister" I tell Harry with a warm smile. It's been a fun night, but he's very drunk and I should probably get him home before he gets himself into trouble.

"Let's Dance!" Harry announces excitedly as he twirls me around in his arms.

"You want to dance?" I ask with a grin. Normally I have to strong arm him into dancing with me, so it's strange for him to just openly volunteer for it.

"Fuck yeah I do!" He chuckles as he draws me back in and starts to slow dance with me to the beat of this upbeat techno song. It hilarious and sweet and I love every second of it. I wrap arm arm around his shoulder and go with it, allowing him to sway with me for at least a little while longer.

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"Alright you, time for bed" I say as I shut the door behind us and flick on the light switch. We've finally called it a night, it started to get difficult to dance with Harry since it's nearly impossible for him to stand up straight and support his own weight. Harry chuckles quietly and tightens his arm around my shoulders.

"Now you're talking. I've been wanting to get you out of this dress all night" He replies with a small smirk, pressing his lips to my jaw as I support his weight down the hall towards the bedroom.

"Oh honey, I doubt very much you're in any kind of state to be doing that" I giggle in response, opening the bedroom door and flicking on the light switch.

"Noooooo, I want to. I want you to sit on my face, we haven't done that in so long bubby" Harry gently whines as I toss my clutch down onto the edge of the bed and sit Harry down beside it.

"Baby your eyes aren't even open right now" I laugh as I take a step back and look at him, his white shirt is untucked and askew, his eyes are hooded and his lips are pulled up into the goofiest grin I think I've ever seen.

"I'm blinded by your beauty" He says with a smirk, making an effort to open his eyes at least part of the way. I put a hand on the wall beside the bed and prop myself up while I remove my shoes, there's no way I'm going to be able to get him ready and into bed with heels on.

"Very smooth Styles, come on its time to brush your teeth" I take his hands and use all my strength to try and pull him to his feet. It wouldn't be possible without his help, so it does take a few seconds until he's upright and walking with me to the bathroom. I sit him down on the vanity stool and prepare his toothbrush for him.

"I don't wanna brush my teeth, my lips taste like strawberry" He grins softly as I hold out the toothbrush to him. That will be my lipgloss, sweet man.

"If you brush your teeth I'll give you a kiss" I promise as I kneel down in front of him. Harry responds immediately by opening his mouth wide, I guess I'm brushing his teeth for him. I brush the bristles gently over his pearly white teeth as Harry's thumb brushes clumsily over my cheek, it is very reminiscent of getting Charlie ready for bed.

"Yur so goo do me" Harry mumbles as I brush his bottom teeth, the toothpaste frothing up his mouth.

"I know, I'm the best" I laugh as I comprehend his words. I help him stand up, lean over the sink and spit before helping to rinse out his mouth and pat his face dry.

"I wanted that test to be positive" Harry mumbles as I hang the facecloth back up, him leaning against the wall watching me intently.

"Harry..." I say with a sigh. I thought we had moved on from this, but apparently drunk Harry has something's to say.

"I was excited about possibly having a baby, and that feels so fucking weird to say. But it sucked that it was negative, and it sucks that you didn't want it" He states with a frown as he puts his arm around my shoulder while I guide him back over to the bedroom.

"Come on, you know it's not that. We'll have them one day, we're just not ready right now" I try and say gently as I begin to unbutton the rest of his shirt, many of the buttons already being undone.

"I didn't think I was ready, but I totally am. And one day imma put a baby in that belly and it's gonna be fucking awesome" Harry's mood changes dramatically, the goofy grin returns as he shoots finger guns at my stomach while I take off his belt.

"You sure will" I shrug with a small laugh. I've met many different Harry alter egos since I met him, but drunk honest clingy Harry may be my favourite one yet.

"I need to tell you something" Harry mumbles as he shuffles his legs out of his pants.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" I ask with a small giggle as the pants shimmy themselves to the floor.

"Mitch made us go see strippers. He wanted to see one last pair of tits in real life before he spent the rest of his life with Sarah's." He confesses with a frown. I furrow my brow, that's a gross side of Mitch I didn't need to know about. And he promised me no strippers, what the hell?

"That's gross. And you promised me you wouldn't do that" I frown as he sits down on the bed, grasping hold of my hand.

"Yeah it was. And I'm sorry but he got me hammered and everyone else wanted to go. We were there for five minutes before we left." He says with a tinge of guilt, and now I feel bad.

"You didn't enjoy it?" I ask curiously. Boy, he knows there is only one right answer to this, I hope smart Harry wakes up and informs honest Harry what answer that it.

"Fuck no! I don't like looking at other girls like that." He says firmly. I roll my eyes, I think he doth protest too much.

"You don't like other girls dancing naked covered in body glitter? Like I believe that." I say somewhat sullenly as Harry leans forward and kisses the back of my hand.

"It's the truth. I love your body, I love your little tiny titties and your cute perky bum. Your body is all that I like." Harry replies goofily, his hand brushing up the side of my leg and underneath my dress. I swat his hand away with a laugh and inch back from him as I walk over to the closet and grab out some pyjamas for myself.

"Well, that very sweet of you to say." I tell him with a smile as I get dressed in the closet, no need to give him a show when he's in this kind of state.

"It's the truth. I can't even watch porn anymore! You've ruined porn for me !" He calls out to me, causing me to poke my head out of the closet.

"When would you even watch porn?" I ask curiously. We spend practically all our time together and I've never even come close to catching him in any kind of compromising position.

"Well I don't anymore, that my thesis of this conversation. Not only do I no longer have a need for porn but I also don't even want to watch it." He replies as he sits up in the bed while I cross back over to the bathroom, applying toothpaste to my toothbrush and leaning against the doorframe. Harry's eyes follow me the entire time.

"I wouldn't like it if you watched porn" I admit before I start to brush my teeth. It kind of weirds me out to think about him watching other people have sex. I know it's not exactly cheating, but it just feels like a grey area that I don't like the thought of him partaking in.

"Have you ever done it?" He asks me, his hands resting on his stomach.

"No, why would I ?" I ask, taking the toothbrush out of my mouth to answer. If I'm ever in the mood I just find Harry, who always seems to be happy to help me out.

"To make yourself feel good. To help you get turned on. Not even when we weren't together ?" He presses further. I rinse out my mouth and put the toothbrush back before leaving the bathroom.

"No, you know I don't do that kind of thing." I reply shyly. I still feel lost sometimes when Harry and I do those kinds of things, I can't imagine it would be very fun completely on my own.

"You save it all for me, that so fucking sexy. You have no idea." Harry smirks. I roll my eyes and turn off the main light before climbing into bed beside him. Harry lays back in the bed, his eyes already shut.

"Any other secrets you feel like you need to get off your chest?" I ask him with a slight laugh, I'm a little nervous to hear his answer. His eyes remain shut but his lips curl up into a wide grin.

"Just that you're the most beautiful woman in the world and I can't wait to make you my wife someday" He states sleepily as I run my fingers gently through his curls.

"Oh, one last one. Your dad called me and wanted money, so I gave him some in return for promising to never reach out again" Harry's words fall out of his mouth, causing the breath to hitch tightly in my throat and my heart pick up the slack. "That's it! Those are all my secrets I'm okay with sharing! Ah, that feels so much better" He finishes with a lazy smile and a soft sigh, tucking his hand up underneath his pillow, immediately drifting off to sleep.

What the fuck.

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I hardly got any sleep last night. Harry was completely drunk out of his mind last night, maybe he didn't mean what he said. Or maybe he did, and he's been keeping a gigantic lie from me for god knows how long. This is a mess, a mess that not even a third cup of coffee can begin to fix.

"Holy fuck am I hungover" Harry groans as he emerges into the kitchen, his hands covering his eyes as he shuffles over to me. "I haven't been this hungover in years"

"Coffee?" I offer flatly, holding the jug in my hand. Harry nods with a slight pout before sitting up at the island bench and laying his head down on the cool marble. I pour him a cup and place it down beside him.

"Did you have a good night with the girls?" He asks as he squints up at me.

"Yeah it was fun. What's the last thing you remember?" I ask as I lean against the fridge, clutching the warm cup against my chest.

"You putting me into the car to come home I think. I am so sorry for being that drunk" He mumbles as he takes a small sip from him mug. I shake my head.

"Where exactly did you guys go last night?" I ask, trying to sound nonchalant. I know they went to a strip club, please don't lie to me bub.

"We went to a cigar bar for a few hours, then some random club where we all got very very hammered. Then we figured out where you guys were and crashed your party" He replies as he runs a hand through his hair. Motherfucker.

"Okay. So you just lied to me. Because last night you told me that you went to a strip club" I say flatly, my heart beginning to race in my chest. Harry lets out a soft groan and shuts his eyes momentarily.

"Shit. I'm sorry. I know I promised we wouldn't and it was so stupid that we did , we were there for like 2 minutes before we all realised how gross it was and we left. I'm really sorry bub" He tells me with sincere sadness in his eyes, his lips slightly pouty.

"You could have just been honest about it. I'd prefer to know that I don't have to get you drunk to get a straight answer from you" I say defensively. Harry nods his head quickly.

"You're completely right. I'm really sorry, you deserve honesty" He confirms with a nod of his head. His words twist in my gut. He's right, I deserve honesty.

"What did you do with my dad?" I ask him firmly. Harry's face immediately pales before he swallows a lump in his throat.

"What do you mean?" He asks quietly.

"When I was putting you to bed last night you mumbled something about my dad and money, and I need you to tell me what happened right now" I give him vague details because I don't want him to sugar coat it and try to lie to me. If his words don't match what he told me last night then I know he's just lying again, and he doesn't think that I deserve honesty.

Harry's rubs his hands over his eyes and shakes his head slowly. "Fuck" he whispers under his breath before he lifts his head back up to meet my eyes. "Please just remember how much I love you" He stutters out nervously , oh god. This is really bad.

"Just tell me what you did" I whisper quietly, feeling the tears brim on the edge of my eyes already. Harry wipes his hands on his legs and takes a deep breath.

"A little while ago, your dad called me. He said that he had needed some time to come to the terms with the fact that you weren't a match and that you couldn't give him a kidney. He wanted my help in reconnecting the two of you. I told him no, that he wasn't allowed to just walk back into your life after abandoning you again. He said that I couldn't stop him...so I offered him so money" His words leave me feeling winded, like someone has punched me in the gut.

"I offered him £50,000 to leave your life and never come back...he said to make it £100,000 and we'd have a deal" He says guiltily, unable to even look at me. "I transferred him the money, and that was that" He finishes with a sigh. I brace myself up against the fridge door.

My dad sold me out for £100,000, and Harry brokered the deal.

I feel so many things. I feel sick, furious, betrayed, empty, confused, sad, I feel everything and nothing. I don't hear Harry stand up, but all of a sudden he's standing in front of me, his hands on my arms as I stare directly at the floor.

"I did this to protect you, to make sure he wouldn't come back and fuck up your life again. I did it because I love you so much and the thought of that cunt coming back in and breaking your heart all over again isn't something I could just watch and let happen" Harry says frantically, trying to lift my chin up with his hand. I shove his hand away and leave the kitchen, needing to create some space between us.

"What has to go through your brain to make you think that that's an okay thing to do?!" I angrily hiss at him. He's stopped just short of the living room, leaving me my space to explode.

"I was trying to protect you! I saw you last time he left, how broken you were, I didn't want that to happen again" He says defensively.

"That's not your choice to make! That was my choice and you took that away from me!" I scream back at him, the tears actively flowing down my face and burning my skin as they fall.

"What choice would you have made then ? You would have just gotten your hopes up only for him to walk back out again?!" Harry bites back, he really is delusional if he believes I would eventually see it his way.

"At least it would have been my decision! Whatever choice I would have made you have taken from me!" I bite back. I don't know what choice I would have made, I don't know what I would have done. But now I'll never get to know, because the decision was made for me.

"I'm sorry I'm preventing you from having a relationship with a father who sold you out for £100,000!" Harry yells back at me angrily. I can't believe he would through it into my face like that.

"You're a real asshole you know that right?! For you to actually think that you did that because you love me!" I call back.

"What other reason would there have been for me to do that?!" He furrows his brow in disbelief.

"To control me ! To shape my life in the way that you see fit and appropriate !" I yell at him. He's still trying to squash me down into the perfect trophy wide box he claims he doesn't want me to fit into. Fathers like Frank are not a part of the life he has planned for me.

"To try and help you have a life without a man who mentally and emotionally abused you?! No you're right, that's really sick of me to do that!" He retorts angrily, as though he thinks I should be thanking him for providing me with a service of some kind.

"But you did it without me ! You made that decision without me! Were you ever going to tell me?" My voice drops down to a soft whimper, because the choice to keep it from me hurts almost as much as the act itself. Harry frowns back at me, his chest rising and falling quickly as he considers his answers for a few moments.

"Probably not, no." He admits quietly.

"So you were planning on keeping a massive secret from me for the rest of our lives?" I ask in disbelief, wiping my hand across both cheeks to mop up the rest of the tears that have fallen. Harry opens his mouth to answer, but my cellphone rings in my back pocket, giving us both a chance to breathe. I begrudgingly take my phone out and answer the unknown number.

"Hello?" I answer. Harry stares back at me, his hands clutched by my side.

"Miss Graham this is Richard, your driver for this morning. I will be out the front of your home in two minutes" The driver informs me. Sarah has us all booked in for a spa retreat morning to help take the edge off of last nights events. I don't think it could come at a better time.

"Thank you Richard, I'll be outside very soon" I reply, hanging up the phone before picking up my bag.

"You're seriously going to leave right now? Right in the middle of this?" Harry asks angrily as I walk straight past him and over to the front door.

"You're fucking right I am." I call back to him as I slip on a pair of flats.

"We need to fix this." He answers as he follows me up the hallway.

"No, I need to get out of here because I can't stand to look at your face right now" I huff as I open the front door and slam it shut behind me, leaving him behind.

————————————————————————

"Don't you just love a post massage relax" Francesca enthuses as we recline on a set of loungers in a small greenhouse courtyard following a hot stone massage. My argument with Harry has been bubbling in my stomach for the last two hours, so I can't exactly say that I'm relaxed.

"It's great" I mumble out a response. Francesca grins as she sits up, her white fluffy robe enveloping her completely.

"I'm going to get us some soothing lemon tea. Be right back!" She giggles as she walks back inside the set of open glass doors behind us.

"Elena honey, can we talk?" Holly appears from around the corner, flashing me her sickly sweet smile dressed in her fluffy white robe and a pink hair turban. Of course, Fran disappears for five seconds and I've already got this bitch yapping at my feet. I really don't want to deal with this today.

"Yeah, alright" I say with a sigh as she sits down in the seat across from me.

"I just wanted to formally congratulate you on yours and Harry's engagement. I did send flowers..." She begins, accentuating every word as her lips settle into the softest and fakest smile I've probably ever seen.

"Your thank you card must have gotten lost in the mail" I say with disinterest. I don't want to start a fight, but I'm really not interested in anything she has to say to me about anything.

"Hmm" She hums with a slight nod. She knows the game of chess we're playing, but she believes she's better at it than I am. "Anyway, I want to let you know that there are no hard feelings on my side of things" She adds with a soft purr. I sit up in the deck chair and take off my sunglasses at that remark, as though it will help me hear better.

"No hard feelings?" I query as Holly sits back in her chair. I was going to play this conversation with complete disinterest, but now I know I can't. No hard feelings? Is she high?

"Yeah, no hard feelings. I know that you don't like me being around Harry because of our chemistry and our history and I don't want you to think that I'm mad at you for that. You're territorial over him, you should be, he has been known to be kind of a flight risk when it comes to relationships" Holly lets out a small laugh, like we have a little inside joke between us and she expects me to laugh as well.

"I think you're a little confused. That's not at all why I don't like you and him being around one another" I keep my tone in check, trying not to start going ballistic on her. She's so pretentious and self-important I don't understand how people can stand to be around her, unless she's been saving this all up for me.

"Why else would you not want us being around each other? If your relationship is as solid as you both portray that it is, there wouldn't be an issue with letting two old friends see one another" She barely manages to suppress her smirk as she speaks, curling her feet up underneath her as she makes herself comfortable. I'm not about to confide in her about anything to do with mine and Harry's relationship.

"But you two aren't old friends, you had a relationship. It's a different situation" I say with a small sigh. Sarah told me this was supposed to be a relaxing spa day, but I'm so fucking tense.

"And that aspect of our relationship ended long ago" She retorts quickly, lying directly to my face.

"The last time that you and I had a conversation, you insinuated that he was keeping you around as a potential side piece, but now you're just friends? You should get your stories straight" I say flippantly. I remember our conversation very vividly, because in it she assumed that not only would Harry definitely cheat on me in the future but that he was probably already doing it. And then it became a massive argument because he thought I was lying or that I misheard, fuck even thinking about it is getting me riled up again.

"That was because you two weren't so serious back then" Holly brushes off with a slight laugh and a dismissive wave of her hand. Now it's my turn to flash her the fakest smile.

"Oh but we were, while we were on that trip in New York he bought me my ring" I reply gleefully, lifting my hand up and wiggling my fingers slightly. Just wanted to help her out by using some visual aids to bolster my argument. She clearly does not have a good read on the man she has 'so much chemistry with' considering she thought she still had a shot while he was planning his proposal to me.

"But he didn't propose to you for a while right? There was a good six month gap in there" Holly points out as she tries to hide her glee, tilting her head to the side as she asks the question.

"Well you know, I had school and he had work and then we were both in that massive car accident" I add with a knowing smile. Yeah that's right, I played that card. You say you sent me flowers for my engagement, where were your 'sorry you got injured' flowers babes? Holly presses her lips together and nods her head.

"Of course of course, gosh that really was so dreadful for you both to have gone through. But look at you now, it's like it never even happened" Holly replies supportively. Yeah right, I bet she was pissed when the report from in the newspaper came out saying that I had made an almost miraculous recovery.

"Yes I agree I've been quite lucky, of course there is still the trauma of going through the accident but still I'm very lucky. Now back to the topic at hand, you say that there are no hard feelings and that you and Harry are just friends. So you've changed your mind about the nature of your relationship or are you lying about it now?" I ask in a polite tone. She really thought she was going to come in here, sit down with me and rule this conversation. Maybe the old Elena would have let her do that but not today bitch. It's been a rough few days and I'm done with putting up with nonsense, I won't be stepped on any longer.

"I just wanted to clear the air. There's nothing between Harry and I anymore" Holly repeats with a small but nervous laugh, probably sensing that she's lost control of this conversation.

"Oh I know that, and there won't ever be again. Not that you didn't continue to try, you gave it all you had but now it's time to let it go. He's not interested in a relationship or a friendship anymore" I tell her sincerely. Her mouth drops open slightly before looking around slightly as though she's searching for back up. She's all on her own.

"I think that's up for him to decide honestly, not you" Holly replies somewhat firmly. I nod my head.

"I supposed that's true, but I think you're smart enough to realise when it's just not working. I mean, let's do the math. You've been his side piece for over a decade and you have nothing to show for it. Whereas I have known him for only two years and have two cars, a family home and a ring signifying that he wants to be with me forever. His family love me and his niece and nephew are our godchildren, while I don't think his mother or sister would be able to pick you out of a lineup because you were never important enough to be introduced. He bought my mother a home for her to live in, has thrown me two surprise birthday parties, taken me to Disneyland and reunited his high school band all because I said it sounded cool."

"He loves me. I'm his future, you're his past and he's well and truly moved on. It's high time you do the same. You're an intelligent, mature, gorgeous young woman with an amazing career and still a few good years left, stop wasting your time on a man who dropped you a long time ago. It's not a good look" I recline back into my chair and subtly smirk back at her. I can't lie, after all the shit that I've had come my way the last few days, taking it out on someone like Holly without screaming or crying felt exhilarating. Holly looks shellshocked, well as shellshocked as she can look with all the filler in her face.

"Well, you certainly didn't mix your words there" She says after a slight swallow, her face contorting into a look of slight discomfort.

"I don't think it's necessary now. We don't have to be friends, we just need to tolerate being in the same room together when our mutual friends invite us places. And I think that we're both mature enough to do that now that I've said my peace and you've said yours. Or is there anything else you'd like to say to me?" I prompt with a raised brow. Come on bitch, try me. Holly shakes her head slowly.

"I think you're wrong for him, and I think he'll realise that someday. That's all" She states as quietly as she can, if I hadn't been actively listening I might have missed it. I force a smile onto my face and nod my head.

"That's always a possibility. But I can assure you that even if I'm not the one, you most definitely aren't the one either. I hope that brings you some comfort" I tell her in the kindest tone I can manage. This girl has been chasing Harry for over a decade, if he had any interest at all there wouldn't have been much standing in the way. I truly believe that even if Harry and I crash and burn, she isn't ever going to wear my ring.

"Even so. I hope you'll be able to deal with the fact that Harry and I will have to deal with each other from time to time" She continues to press the subject, I feel like we're talking in circles.

"Of course I will be able to deal with it. Because I'll be right by his side dealing with you too" I reply with a gentle smirk. Even if I don't have full confidence in mine and Harry's relationship right now, I'm not going to let Holly in on it. As though by magic, one of the spa consultants comes over with her hands folded behind her back.

"Miss Holly, your massage is ready" She informs her with a soft soothing voice.

"Good Talk Holly" I say with a smirk, closing my eyes as I recline my head all the way back. "Have a lovely massage" I add before I hear two sets of feet padding away from me. I sincerely doubt she'll enjoy the rest of our relaxing afternoon, my words will probably be rattling around her head the entire time. I however, seem to have found a weight that has been lifted off my shoulders.

"Oh my fucking god!" Francesca's voice breaks through my serenity only a few seconds later as she perches herself back down on the recliner next to me.

"Oh god how long were you listening?" I ask with a slight grimace. I was quite a bitch to Holly, I'd hate for Francesca to think less of me.

"Basically the whole time. I've never been so proud of you!" She excitedly squeals as she pours two cups of hot lemon tea from the tray sitting on the side table between us.

"Seriously?" I ask nervously as I sit up completely.

"You were fantastic! You put her in her place for once, made her see the light of day. I didn't think you had it in you but you did, you were excellent. I wish I had recorded it, Harry would get such a kick out of it" Francesca states with a small giggle. I roll my eyes slightly, I doubt Harry would get a 'kick' out of it right now considering the fight we had when I left the house this morning, but he might like hearing about it at some point one day.

"It's been a rough few days, she just pushed all the wrong buttons. I just snapped" I tell Francesca quietly. Now that the adrenaline of the moment is leaving my body I feel bad for some of the things I said to her.

"What's been going on?" Fran asks quietly, settling down into the seat. I sigh gently and run a hand through my hair, might as well confide in someone.

"Harry and I had a fight, right before I came here" I tell her quietly. She nods her head slowly.

"What happened?" She asks gently.

"I don't really want to get into it, but I found out something that he had been keeping from me and it's, it's a big thing" I try to word things as carefully as I can. Francesca blinks slowly before a look of realisation flickers across her face.

"Oh, so it's a big fight?" She asks cautiously. I nod my head.

"A massive fight" I confirm.

"Like, a 'this is over' fight?" Her tone is nervous as she leans closer to me. I shrug my shoulders.

"I really don't know" I answer with another shrug. The phone sitting in my lap starts to ring again, it's Harry. That makes 5 times he's called since I left the house.

"Maybe you should answer it..." Francesca says quietly after I make no attempt to accept the call. I shake my head. "Why not?"

"Because I'm afraid I'll say something I'll regret" I state clearly. I'm apocalyptically angry right now, I don't want to make any decisions from that state of mind. I can't say that I won't feel differently in a few days or even a few hours. This is a big issue, and it could have really serious consequences, consequences that I know I'll have to face if I answer that call.

"He's probably going out of his mind babes. Just tell him you're okay at least" Francesca replies sympathetically.

"But I'm not okay, and he knows that" I say slightly defensively. I slammed the door behind me this morning after letting him have it, he knows I'm definitely not okay, and telling him that I am wouldn't do any good. Francesca sighs and reaches her hand over, taking my hand in hers and giving it a small squeeze. It's a simple thoughtful gesture, and I didn't realise how much I needed a friend until that very moment.

"You're going to get through this" She says comfortingly, brushing her thumb across the back of my hand. I wish I believed her, but I don't know if I do. Will we get through this?

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