THE KEG
SE01:E06

It was Friday and like any other Friday, Babe sat in her US History & Politics class. Her favorite subject, well besides English Literature. There was nothing else she would rather be doing than sitting in the lecture. Everyone at school knew the girl's aspiration to run for Congress one day.

She wasn't going to let anyone get in between her and her dream. Well that was until Hyde walked in with a phony principal's note. That said she was needed for a student government meeting. The teacher knew something was up with the note but she also knew that the Valedictorian Everly Ruth wouldn't do anything to mess up her student record so she let her leave the classroom with Hyde. Once outside Babe hit his chest and stared at him in fury.

"What the hell, is up with the phony note?" She asked him as she crossed her arms over her chest and tapped the floor impatiently with her right foot.

"We're skipping." His words caused Babe to start laughing.

"Ah, good one!" She said patting his chest in amusement. "Well, good luck with that." She told him about to turn around and enter the classroom. When his hand shot out and grabbed her arm dragging her with him.

"Hey Babe." Kelso said, appearing out of nowhere grabbing the other girl's arm. The two boys dragging a resentful and annoyed Babe.

"You both are idiots." She raged lowly causing Hyde to laugh. "Where are you guys planning on skipping?"

"Forman's car."

"An Ice Cream Parlor."

The two boys answered at the same time with a different answer. Kelso stared at Hyde as the latter glared at him.

"Eric's car." Kelso changed his answer sheepishly.

"Great."

—

"This is great, Eric Foreman skips class." Donna's voice is heard throughout the car.

The two who sat in the front seat were oblivious to the three friends laying in the back. Kelso slept peacefully in the trunk of the car and Hyde spooned with Babe in the back seat. Hyde's arm around her waist clutching her to his sleeping figure.

"Yeah, well, danger is my middle name." Eric responded, their voices woke up Hyde who sat up from the back seat and put on his glasses. Being careful not to wake up Babe.

"Why are we moving?" Hyde asked and pushed a hair strand that had fallen over Babes face behind her ear. Kelso also sat up from the trunk, half asleep.

"Hyde?" Donna questioned.

"Mommy..." Kelso spoke in a haze.

"What are you guys doing in here?" Eric asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

"What are you guys doing in here?" Hyde retorted, placing Babe's head on his lap.

"I cut class." Eric states proudly.

"Yeah right, so what was there like a fire drill or something?" Hyde asked in disbelief, as Kelso moved to the front and placed Babe's feet on his lap.

"No, look, I do bad things." Eric said as his friends laugh. "I've ditched class before."

"Oh,is Opie..." Kelso said ruffling Eric's hair. "getting angry?"

"Look, what did I tell you about calling me Opie?" Eric exclaimed.

"Opie, look out for that keg in the middle of the road." Donna told Eric.

Eric turned the Vista Cruiser into a slide. When they came to a stop they all peered out the windows of the car and stared at a keg. The harsh movement made Babe wake up and stare at the back of her friends confused. They all stared in amazement at the keg, except Babe who rubbed her neck as Hyde had moved making her do a hard neck movement.

"Wow..." Donna gawked.

"It... is a keg..." Eric marveled.

"Of beer." Kelso pointed out.

"It must be a sign." Hyde said.

"Of beer."

"Oh, that's it, I'm cuttin' class every day."

"What the hell, is wrong with you all?" Her voice made everyone turn to look at her. Eric and Donna gasped.

"You guys made Babe skip class!" Donna scolded as she stared at her girl friend in shock.

—

The five of them drove back to Eric's. Babe sat down on the couch as she stared at Kelso and Hyde bring the keg inside the basement.

"Where did you find it?" Fez asked happily.

"We were driving down the road, man, and there she was!" Hyde exclaimed as they placed the keg down.

"Oh, it was a beer in the headlights!" Fez laughed at his own joke, Babe joining him. "That is my first American joke!"

"Wow! How often do you find a mysterious keg of free beer?" Eric asked.

"Only once in a while!" Kelso expressed happily.

"You are right Foreman man, you are absolutely right. When god gives you a keg, you gotta-" Hyde started.

"Kill a virgin!" Fez interrupted. Donna walked over to Babe at the couch.

"It definitely won't be Babe, then." Donna muttered knowingly as she stared at the mentioned girl. Who blushed, no one else managed to hear her.

"No." Eric smiled. "Throw a party."

"Wow, go for it Eric." Donna told Eric, slapping his back.

"Yeah, we'll throw a party, charge two bucks a head."

"Two bucks a head. A keg is equivalent to seven cases, that's 168 beers, if we each drink three beers a piece-" Kelso spoke.

"No way, sophomore's gonna drink one, maybe." Hyde told him.

"True."

"Yeah, and the freshman, he's gonna drink a half."

"So that averages out to one point five beers per person, which means we can invite 112 people, and that's 224 bucks." Kelso finished his math equation.

"Cash."

"Which is-" Kelso and Hyde look at each other and smile.

"Decent!" They said at the same time.

"Okay, grab some ice out of the deep freeze, I'll grab the tub." Eric spoke and went to the back, the others — excluding Babe — turned to the keg.

"Ohhhh, that is one sweet mama." Fez gushed.

"Yeeaaahhhh." Kelso moaned.

"Hey gang!" Kitty spoke coming down the stairs, they quickly pulled the curtain to hide the keg. "Oh, oh don't mind me, just came down to do an emergency presoak on my nurses uniform." She laughed. "You remember Mr Wilbur the fireman? Well, he came in today with a sebaceous cyst, which is a, um," Donna, Hyde and Kelso cringed at the conversation.

"I love John Travolta. Yes sir." Babe spoke to herself, clasped her hands over her ears as she chanted that to herself trying to tune out Kitty.

"a pocket of fluid, that's kind of like a pussy bath oil bead on his skin. And you think it's solid, but if you take an instrument and you pierce the core," Fez smiled. "and then you, you, you apply pressure with your thumb," Eric walked in with the tub making Kitty see him. "well, hi Snigglefrits, what are you doing with the tub?"

"Oh, the tub." He looked at his friends for help. "We were just, working on a class project."

"We're making a volcano." Hyde said lifting the tub. "Snigglefrits!" He spoke to Eric.

"Out of ice? Well, I think it might melt!" Kitty laughed.

"You heard her, let's move it gang!" Eric instructed. his friends

"Okay, well, have fun." Kitty said walking back upstairs.

"Guys, we've gotta get the keg outta here." Eric ordered.

"Well, where are we having the party?" Donna asked.

"Beats me." Kelso spoke as he started to leave. "Hey if you guys need me I'll be with Jackie over at our secret make out place."

"Secret make out place..." Donna spoke turning towards Eric.

Kelso turned back. "It's this vacant house over on Sherman, I mean this place is great, it's totally private, and you can get away with about anything there." He turns to leave again. "So if you guys find a place for that keg, let me know." He said before leaving the basement.

They all stand where they are, Donna looked at her watch, and counted the seconds. Babe stared the door awaiting his return. Kelso excitedly burst through the door.

"I got an idea!"

—

The friends stood at Jackie and Kelso's make out place. As Kelso held Jackie around the waist, kissing her neck. Levitating her off the ground. Eric, Hyde, Donna and Babe standing behind them watching them anxiously. Fez sat at the edge of the pool, as his friends were inside it.

"Michael, this is our secret make out place. I did not swipe the key from my mother's real estate office so that you could have a party." Jackie told her boyfriend.

"I know, it's like a bonus. I'm doing it for you baby." Kelso spoke sweetly.

"Oh, okay." Jackie gave in. Kelso raised his fist in victory, not leaving Jackie's neck. Hyde, Donna, Babe and Eric celebrated. Hyde and Babe fist bumped.

"Empty pool, empty house, full keg..." Donna looked at Eric. "You sure know how to show a girl a good time."

"Yeah well, I don't color outside the lines often, but when I do, jump back!" Eric joked.

"I don't care when you ate Fez, get in the pool now!" Hyde yelled at Fez.

"If I get a cramp, it will be on your head." Fez pointed at Hyde and began to climb in. Jackie gets herself out of Kelso's grasp and walked over to the keg.

"Okay, hurry up and drink your keg." Jackie instructed.

"Hurry up and drink a keg?" Hyde turned to her and asked in disbelief making her shrug.

"Jackie, would you just mellow out, I mean, we got a keg, and soon everybody's gonna be here." Kelso told his girlfriend.

"Everybody?"

"Everybody, who matters. And for the first time Jackie, that includes you." Eric quickly told her. They all gave her a group hug.

"No, get away from me. Huh." She said trying to get out. She walked away once she managed to get out.

"You heard her, lets drink beer."

"Me first."

"No way, I spotted it." Donna told Kelso.

"Naaaa, I saw it too, I just didn't say anything." He retorted.

"You saw a keg and you didn't say anything?! Back of the line." Hyde said pointing at him.

"Alright, how do you get the beer out?" Eric asked pushing Kelso out of the way. Hyde rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"Through the tap." They all looked at the keg and realized there's no tap.

"What tap?"

"Nnnnnooooooo!" Hyde screamed in agony. He crouched down and held onto the keg. After a while he stood up. "Okay, we really need a tap here."

"I got my Swiss Army Knife." Kelso piped in reaching down into his pocket.

"Oh great, we can whittle the beer out."

"You do realize liquor stores sell them, right?" Babe asked the friend group.

"Yeah, and who's got the money to buy it, huh?" Hyde asked her with a smirk. The girl pulled out a twenty dollar bill and two 1 dollar bills, making him frown and push her hand back down. "You're not gonna pay for it." The group turned to look at Jackie.

"Why would I bring money to our secret make out place Michael?" Jackie asked.

"Okay, I've got my gas money." Eric spoke taking out money.

"No, Eric, we're not going to take your gas money." Donna told him.

"Hey, it doesn't matter, by the end of the night we'll have made over two hundred dollars."

"Yeah."

"Michael? Michael, how are we going to make over two hundred dollars?"

"I don't know." Kelso told Jackie with a straight face, he then turned to Eric with a big grin.

"Hey, who's buying the tap?" Eric asked holding up the money.

"You buy the fly." Kelso took the money and climbed out of the pool.

"No Michael, you are- Michael, come back here! Michael, I am talking to you! Michael?" Jackie called after him. Two guys climbed into the pool.

"Welcome to the pool, I am your host Fez." Fez said holding out his hand out. "Two dollars please." They handed him the money.

"What is going on?" Jackie questioned confused. Donna, Hyde and Babe climbed out of the pool.

"I didn't want to tell you before Jackie, but we've taken it upon ourselves to help your mom show off the house, at two bucks a head." Eric told her.

"He's lying to Jackie, man. I lie to Jackie." Hyde said to the two girls as they sat on the edge of the pool. Donna shook her head and Babe smiled. "You know it seems to me that the scrawny little neighbor boy is willing to engage in criminal acts for that saucy redhead next door."

"Shut up, how do know he isn't doing it to impress his friends? You know, peer pressure." Donna scolded him.

"Because his friends aren't saucy." Hyde replied.

"Kelso's saucy." Donna retorted.

"True." Babe nodded along.

"Kelso? Please. I'm saucier than Kelso." Hyde scoffed.

"Hey." A male voice spoke from behind them.

Babe smiled as she felt him leave a kiss on the top of her head. She looked up and was met with Brett's face, they shared a brief kiss. She stood up and stood next to him as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Hyde and Donna stared up at them, the latter had a smile on her face. While Hyde's expression was unknown due to his glasses.

"Donna, Hyde, this is my boyfriend Brett Dunphy." She introduced. Brett offered them a polite smile. "Brett these are Donna and Hyde, my friends."

"Hi." Donna politely greeted, while Hyde kept quiet and looked down into the pool.

"Anyways, do you want to go talk in private?" Babe asked her boyfriend who nodded. As they went to walk away they were interrupted by Hyde's voice calling them out. They turned back to the Hyde.

"You owe us two dollars." Hyde told Brett who nodded, he unwrapped his arm from Babe's waist and went to take out his money but was stopped as Babe leaned down and gave Hyde two dollars.

"Done, now please excuse us." Babe smiled brightly grabbing Brett's hands and dragging him behind her.

"Jealous." Donna coughed into her fist making Hyde glare at her through his glasses.

"Shut up, no I'm not."

—

Kelso came back from the liquor store as the friends stood inside the pool. Babe and Brett sat over them
at the edge of the pool watching the interaction as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"It's broken!" Donna exclaimed.

"I got duct tape." Kelso told her holding up a huge roll of duct tape.

"Duct tape? Do you know how much pressure runs through that tap?" Hyde asked him in disbelief.

"I got a whole roll of duct tape!" Kelso exclaimed.

"I can't work like this." Hyde stood up and walked over to. "Forman, you have to get your dad's tap now!"

"My dad doesn't have a tap." Eric replied his voice cracking.

"Red's got Bicentennial swizzle sticks, he's got fake lemons with real lemon juice, he's got toothpicks shaped like swords, Red Foreman is a cocktail dad. And cocktail dads have beer taps."

"Come on Eric, we never ask you for anything." Kelso told Eric.

"Hey, you guys ask me for everything!"

"So what's one more thing?"

"No, forget it, I've done enough today already, so count me out." Destroy and Give-Back appear from behind them and pull Kelso away.

"Hey Everly. Hey Brett." The two jocks greeted, the couple waved hiding their dislike towards the jocks.

"Hey, Kelsmo, what, your tap is broken? So why'd you do something stupid like buy a stupid broken tap? What are you, stupid?" Destroy asked tauntingly.

"It wasn't broken, until you broke it." Kelso told him and mocked him.

"Oh, man" Destroy realized feeling bad he had no beer.

"Don't beat yourself up, you had no way of knowing. Anyway, we gave it back." Give-Back comforted his friend.

"Yeah, broken!" Eric yelled at them.

"Hey, lay off him alright, he feels bad enough already." Give-Back told him.

"Oh he should, because he's a moron." Eric sassed.

"What did you say?" Give-Back asked enraged.

"I said that you're both morons. What are you gonna do? Are you gonna beat me up? What, you weigh four hundred pounds together, it doesn't matter, the fact is that the tap is broken and it's your fault. Morons!" Eric screamed angrily.

"You, are so rude." Destroy said moving by his friend to stand in front of Eric.

"Give us our four bucks back."

"Okay, Fez?" Eric called his friend who gave him them money. He then teared it in half. "Familiar?" He gave them each half and they walked off. Babe laughed and Brett clapped.

"Wow Eric, you just tore their money!" Donna told him excitedly.

"Yeah!" Eric shouted.

"And then you gave it back!"

"I know!"

"That was great!"

"That was awesome! But enough of this levity wench!" He dramatically ran across the pool and jumped onto the ladder, pointing to the sky. "We came here to have a party, and as god as my witness, there will be a party!" The partygoers cheered and clapped.

—

Everyone was gathered in the pool partying as they awaited Eric's return with the tap. Brett and Fez were playing rock, paper and scissors as Babe laughed every time Brett happened to lose to Fez. The foreign boy won almost every time.

"Are you sure, this is your first time playing?" Brett asked Fez confused. Fez smiled knowingly.

"Actually Babe and I play it when we do not want to hear Eric talk." He told Brett, who shook his head while he laughed.

"You're both sneaky, you lied to me." He said amused. Turning around to tickle his girlfriend's waist. Just then Jackie came running back into the pool in fear.

"Everybody in the deep end, my mother is showing the house." Jackie told them.

"Now?" Donna asked baffled.

"People work!" Jackie hissed and climbed down the ladder.

"You wanna escape?" Brett asked Babe with a smirk, she nodded and the both of them got up and intertwined hands. Pulling Fez up by his collar and dragging him along. Before running away from the house through the bushes.

—

The couple and Fez sat at a table inside an Ice Cream Parlor. The tacky blue and white painted walls made the room very bright. The coldness of the place had caused Brett to throw his jacket over Babe's shoulders.

Due to the fact that she had given her jacket to Fez who had been complaining nonstop about how cold it was. They sat in silence as they listened to the low disco song that rang inside the place, Brett occasionally mouthing the words.

Babe drank her chocolate milkshake as she traced figures on the back of Brett's hand. Fez moaned from time to time as he enjoyed the mountain of ice cream the couple had bought him. A platter of different types of ice cream placed in front of him almost completely shielding his face from the other two.

"Oh. This chocolate ice cream is so good." He moaned, he then moved to the next one. "Oh. This strawberry ice cream is so good." He repeated, Babe laughed as the boy kept doing the same thing over and over again.

"I don't think your friend Hyde likes me very much." Brett told her, making her stop laughing and turn to him with a frown.

"What do you mean?" She asked confused, he leaned closer to her before answering.

"I don't know, it's just a gut feeling." He answered, as he combed his hair out of his face with his hand. She shrugged.

"I doubt it."

"He does not like you." Fez corrected Babe, speaking with his mouth full of ice cream. This made her frown deeper confused.

"Then I bet it's nothing personal." She reassured her boyfriend and leaned in to kiss him.

"Oh, it is personal." Fez spoke to himself, but the couple didn't hear him as they were too busy kissing one another. Fez shrugged and continued eating his ice cream.