Okay... so, I need help
<But also a rant(?)>

Before we start-
G is my best friend
S is her friend
Shy is one of the girls I'm getting close too
A is the other girl

Okay, now to the point.

So, I have been best friends with G since 4th grade. She has been the longest friendship I have EVER had, since all previous friends dropped me for someone else after 5 months to a year.

So... what's currently happening, really fricking hurts. Especially since I met G when the girls in my gymnastics gym were isolating me and talking bad about me, and when I had nobody.

Now, what's happening, is that G may be slowly replacing me with S. But in a very unique way compared to those previously.

What I mean by that, is that past friends when they find someone they prefer more, immediately drop me. Ignore me completely without any warning, and avoid me with their new buddy. At first, I thought it wasn't a very... good way to drop someone. But now, I like to think it was them not wanting to hurt me anymore than needed.

But what G is doing... isn't avoiding me.

So, for context, G and S are on the same bus as me. When getting off the bus, I wait in an empty seat for G. Why? Because I've known G for so long, compared to all the other kids.

S does the same thing, since we're both close with G.

But, when we walk towards the school, I am completely left out. When I try to talk, they ignore me or look at me for a moment, then change the subject.

Another thing is, I am slowly becoming close with Shy and A. Two girls in my class who make sure I'm not alone, since nobody else seems to like me and I'm still 'the new ugly kid', and make sure I'm involved in conversation.

Sometimes, I'll see Shy or A when walking into the school. So, instead of feeling like a spec of dust with G and S, I'll try and walk away so I can talk with Shy or A, whoever it is I see.

But instead of allowing me to walk away when they are ignoring me, even when I'm not trying to walk too Shy or A, just away in general because I'm sick of it, G or S will either guilt trip me into staying with them, or grabbing me by my hood and yanking me back with them. Or holding my hood so I can't walk any further and wait for them.

Now, G and S are taller than me and physically stronger. So I can't just pull away.

You may be wondering; "Jeo! Why don't you just stand up for yourself?" Because I can't. G is all I really have. G KNOWS she is all I have. "But Jeo, you have Shy and A!" Yeah, maybe I do. But, I have a tendency to stay with those who I've known for the longest, because I'm more comfortable around them. And G knows that I work like that.

So... G knows I won't. Because she knows that I overthink. She knows that I'll be terrified to stand up against someone I've known for so long.

But, she especially knows I emotionally depend on those who helped me in a hard time. And G knows she met me when I was really hurt. And I mean REALLY hurt.

So G knows I won't stand up for myself. Because she knows I'm scared to lose her. She knows I'm scared to lose her on my own accord. Because if I stand up for myself, I'm losing her on my own account. It'd be my fault.

So, G knows she is hurting me when she says she'll hang out with me, and doesn't come to hang out when she said she would 20 minutes ago. Because she is with S.

G knows it's hurting me when she and S force me around them but don't acknowledge me except when I walk away.

G knows she is hurting me when all she talks about is how much fun she is having with S.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for G that she has other friends. I'm ecstatic, because G said she knew nobody else. But then when I got there, she had known so many other people for months.

But... I really don't want to be the last option anymore. I don't want to be with G and S if I feel like nothing with them. I don't want to be forced to be around someone who is going through the replacement process like all my other friends in the past, but making sure I'm watching it happen and that I'm AWARE it's happening.

I want to be with Shy and A. Shy and A make me happy. They cheer me up after spending the past hour with G and S. They make me feel like I'm worth something. They include me.

So... tomorrow... should I just NOT wait for G and S? Should I just continue walking and hope they can't catch up? Should I just walk away and look for Shy or A without being trapped with G and S?

Because I don't know anymore...

And it's probably my fault for all of this-

You don't have to help me, I guess this is a mix of asking for help and a rant. I don't know-