After 3 weeks
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The last three weeks have been great. More like a dream and less like reality. Things have been going so smooth that I hardly felt like it's my life.

I mean, the new project has been very exciting and promising that James even told me that I might get a pay raise if it really becomes successful. The infant and I have gotten along so well to a point that I sometimes feel like he's actually a boy bestie to me, which I haven't told him of course because I don't want to inflate his ego. And as for what matters to me the most — Sameer — things are in good shape between us.

He's been so sweet and caring to me. And ever since that day I did that jealous-check on him as suggested by Saad, I've felt like he is also being extra flirtatious. Maybe the infant was right after all. Nothing works like jealousy with men, I guess.

However despite all the attention I've been getting, there's also this uncertainty of whether he actually likes me in a special way or not. So yeah apart from shedding a few tears from time to time thinking about that, life is pretty good. Or things felt normal until mom called me today, asking me to come home a little early without telling me the reason.

I wonder what it is!

As I get off the bus and walk home, Sameer and I keep texting. This is normal now — texting throughout the day from morning till midnight.

Right now, he is telling me that my voice is nice and that he likes listening to it. Yeet! Is this signs of true love?

I mean, no one has ever told me that before. Plus, even I hate my voice. Every time I hear my voice on a recording or video I cringe so hard. So despite how horrible it is if he likes it, maybe he's the one, isn't it?

I get home and the first thing I realize is that Salima and the kids are here too, because I see their slippers. Oh even dad and my brother-in-law are here. Strange because it's only 7:00 pm and it's too early for both of them to get home.

I walk into the kitchen and I can smell something so good. Gulab Jamuns! That's it! Salima is making gulab jamuns and mom is making rolls. Wonder why! Are we awaiting visitors? Ugh! I hope not.

They're both so busy that they don't even notice that I walked in. "Hey! What's going on?" I ask and both mom and Salima turn to see me. "Ilhaam, go refresh yourself and wear a good dress" says mom.

I stare at her confused when Salima adds, "there's a groom and his family coming to see you" with a smile. My face changes immediately. I thought my day was going great while there has been a bomb waiting for me the whole time!

I understand why they're so excited because the last two proposals rejected me with typical comments like "too dark" and "fat" just by seeing my picture. So someone actually agreeing to come see me is big deal for my family. Just like what one feels after getting through the first stage of an interview and going for the next one. I hate such formalities though.

Besides, I'm in love with Sameer — even if it's one-sided. These days I can't seem to think of anything but Sameer and I falling in love and getting married. Talk about a woman's imagination!

Also, I've always been a fan of love marriages and at a young age itself I decided that I will only get married if I find someone to fall in love with.

I mean, I don't understand arranged marriages. It's like you just meet someone so unknown and then just because your parents decide that person is the right one, you get married and live every moment of your life trying to love them? Doesn't make sense to me!

It's not bad though. Almost every couple around me got together through an arranged marriage. So, I believe in it but it's just not for me — not for this hopeless romantic who watches romance movies like it's my job!

"But why today? I mean it's so late. Why can't they just come on another day?" I ask feeling completely frustrated. "They are from Kandy and they have visited Colombo today for some work. Nisa aunty's broker has showed them your photo and told them about our whereabouts. So they are dropping by to see you on their way back home" says Salima.

"Oh, they are probably on a bride-seeking spree today. They would have checked a few brides in Colombo and now they are coming here too. A day full of free goodies! How cool is that?" I say breaking into a laughter when mom cuts me off with, "It's okay, we don't have to worry about how they spent their day. You go and get dressed." I make a face at her and walk to my room.

I'm so hating this. Why can't the groom and I just meet at a café or some other public place and get this over with? After all, he is going to come, see me and reject me in 2-3 days, right? I've seen it happening to so many of my cousins.

Brown families with daughters get so excited and prepare for such meetups only for the potential brown grooms to come and reject us. I mean, they never finalize the first or second bride they see. It takes them an eternity to find that one girl with the perfect skin tone, perfect size, perfect wealth standards and every other perfect thing on earth.

Now, it's perfectly fine to have preferences. But, at least, know where you stand before you start commenting on another's negatives to reject them, isn't it? Because no offense but most of these grooms look like cockroaches, are uneducated and have crappy jobs but still expect goddesses and queens as their wives, which is a shame!

I sit on the bed and start chatting with Sameer when Salima walks in and says, "Ilhaam, what are you doing? They will be here any minute. It's 7:15 pm already. Go get dressed."

"Sally I'm not really feeling up to it" I say and she looks at me with a serious look of concern. "Why? What's wrong? Are you feeling sick or something?" she asks. "Nah! I just don't believe in this arranged marriage bullshit" I say.

"What do you mean? How else are we going to find you a husband? Wait, are you in love with someone?" asks Salima. Oh crap! Elder sisters are really good at finding out your secrets. But I'm not going to admit it to her.

It's not like my family is against love marriages. They're cool. It's just that I'm a loser and my love for Sameer will forever be unrequited! So I say, "no, I'm not in love with anyone. I'm just afraid of rejection."

Okay, so that's half-truth-half-lie. I mean, I hate rejection because it hurts even if it's from a guy that I'll never be interested in. But I'm not afraid of it because I've faced rejection all my life because of my appearance and I'm so used to it now.

"No one's going to reject you. Why do you say things like that?" she asks. "The last two did it and this is going to be no different, that's why. And even the ones who come in the future will do the same. Because I'm not pretty like you" I say and I realize my eyes getting teary. Wow. I really didn't expect to get this emotional about it.

Salima looks at me with eyes full of pity or love and says, "Ilhaam, you are beautiful. If someone rejects you, it's their loss and not yours. Please get ready." God! I love my sister! The amount of lies she tells just to make me happy is crazy. I need to do this at least for her. And so I get ready.

It's 8:30 pm and still the fellows are not here and I'm so mad at them. I mean, how irresponsible! If they're getting late, can't they at least inform?

My niblings and I have been eyeing the Gulab Jamuns forever and we can't eat it until the groom's people come and leave. Pathetic, isn't it?

Anyway, Aunty Nisa and the broker came on time and these two oldies have been driving me crazy ever since they stepped in. They made me change the dress I was wearing because apparently denim with kurta is "too modern".

So, now I'm just dressed in a stupid Shalwar and they're advising me on how I should behave in front of the groom's people. I'm hardly listening to anything though — thanks to my phone!

Finally, the groom and his family are here. It's 9:15 pm. How stupid of them to come and see a bride at this time? I'm already hating them!

The guy's name is Haroon and he is 27. He has some shop in Kandy apparently.They didn't specify what shop it is. Another lost cause, I know!

He's also unbelievably thin and definitely not a match for me. Also, the entire family is fair so obviously I'm going to be rejected on the skin tone factor. For once I'm glad about my brown skin!

"Ilhaam is a little fat, noh? Maybe some dieting will help" says the groom's aunt who herself is fat. I just smile awkwardly because what can I say? Obviously I want to tell her it's her nephew who is ungracefully thin and that isn't my problem but I reserve my words.

I don't want to speak against this stupid aunty and fall into mom's bad books. Mom has already confiscated my phone saying that she doesn't want to see me meddling with it in front of the groom's people.

"So, after the wedding you can stay at home. No need to work. Haroon will take care of everything" says the groom's mom with a smile like she's very proud of her suggestion.

Yeah sure aunty, I waste my weekends and go to Marketing classes just to stay at home and make babies for your son, I think to myself. But again, I don't say anything. I just smile. Looks like I've taken the oldies' advice after all!

After torturing me with all kinds of silly questions, the groom's family goes to enjoy the snacks. Apart from the Gulab Jamun and rolls, there's also watalappan, cutlets and ice cream. Oh on top of that they're being served tea too. Wow my family is really desperate to find me a husband!

I mean, who makes all these goodies for some random family which we've never met or heard of before? Usually, mom doesn't even let me make goodies peacefully, complaining about all the sugar and milk powder that I waste but some undeserving fellows get to eat all of these!

I hate brown families! They're so stupid. Marriage is their ultimate dream and they will do anything for that.

I have to keep staring at the fellows eating all the food while I'm starving here. The aunty who called me fat is gulping so many Gulab Jamuns. At the rate that she's eating, there won't be any remaining for me and the kids.

After finishing up all the snacks and speaking all sorts of nonsense, the groom's family finally leave and I start breathing normally. This whole thing was pure torture!

Apparently, they spoke so positively that my parents actually think that this is the one for me. Haven't they seen this happening before? I mean, this is how all these meetups always end. They speak nicely here — probably gratitude for the free food they ate, and after a few days the real response comes.

My family will never learn so I don't want to explain it to them either. So, I just open Facebook to share a few sad posts. I see most of my friends have shared FB game results of "What letter does your partner's name start with?"

I know these are stupid auto-generated results but it'll be fun to find out. So, I try it too and you won't believe what I got!

Yes, I got 'S'! Suddenly the game doesn't look so stupid after all. Thank God it's not 'H'. Now I can sleep in peace knowing that it's not Haroon.

I take a screenshot of it and share it on my IG story, hoping that Sameer sees it. Stupid of me, I know, but that's just how desperate I am now!

My phone vibrates twice and I unlock to find these notifications:
sameerahamed2 replied to your story.
saadnotsad replied to your story.

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