Tanisha's divorce story has really started to haunt me. After hearing that, I feel like I will never be ready for marriage. I know I shouldn't be overthinking it so much. But I'm afraid. My mind has already started imagining scenes of Zayan divorcing me one day. I have even thought of the dialogues that I might tell him and my family during our separation at the courts. I know it's absolutely crazy and I'm being too dramatic, but it's hard to stop feeling this way.

I am not even able to text Zayan normally after yesterday. It all seems fake. I mean, I feel bad about showing anger on him for no reason at all. He is an absolute sweetheart and he shouldn't be going through crap like this. He deserves to be treated right. But unfortunately he made the wrong choice in selecting me, I guess. And that is why he had to suffer before I even said 'yes' to him. Poor guy!

I expected him to stop messaging me after those unnecessary explosive texts. But even after all that, he is still trying to be nice to me as much as possible. He keeps dropping texts every now and then just to check on me. Just the usual friendly ones though. Nothing personal.

I mean, since then, he hasn't asked me anything about the survey results. After witnessing my psychotic behavior, he is not interested in me anymore, I guess. Of course, he texted me 'I love you' soon after I apologized but I'm sure that was something he said just for the moment. He definitely hates me now. Totally understandable too. Perhaps I have lost my chance with him already. And do I feel sad about it? Definitely yes.

But in a way, I think it's for the greater good. At least now, I don't have to worry about what response I could give him. And maybe this is why I didn't even have any nightmare last night. So, I guess our love story has ended even before it started. But it's okay. I will be fine.

The only thing is that I'm so embarrassed by what I did yesterday that I really want to stay away from Zayan from now on. I just wish I could go and hide somewhere for sometime and never meet him again until I forget this completely. But unfortunately, I have to visit the cafe today as there's an influencer coming in.

Since I feel so reluctant to meet Zayan, at first I thought of lying to him about my health and ditching it. But then again I decided that I should go, because the thing with some of these influencers is that, when the right guidance is not given, they mess up the review. And if I don't go there today for personal reasons, it would be a disgrace to my professionalism. So, that's why I'm on my way to Second Chance now. I hope all goes well.

I walk into the cafe and find Zayan and the influencer talking to each other. They seem to be enjoying each other's company. Both of them are all smiles. For some weird reason, I feel upset. I mean, they both look so great together. You know one of those picture-perfect couples that people often talk about. Perhaps she is his match. Not me.

Anyway, why do I have to worry about it, right? If they both like each other, they can go ahead and do whatever they want. It's none of my business. Just because he confessed his love to me, I'm not his girlfriend or wife. He is still just a client and my job is to facilitate the reviewing process and make sure Second Chance gets the right exposure on social media. That's all! I shouldn't be unnecessarily bothered about anything else. "Just know your place, Ilhaam" I tell myself as I walk towards them.

"Hey! She is here. Raaya has been waiting for you, Ilhaam" he says with his usual smile. Oh, is he trying to comment on my punctuality in front of Her Prettiness Raaya now? I got just three minutes late today. How could she have been 'waiting for me' then? Perhaps she came earlier than expected just to talk to him. Again, not my concern. I must act like a professional!

"Hi Raaya! I was the one who coordinated with you. It's a pleasure to have you here" I say with a fake smile. As I speak, I try my best to avoid looking at Zayan's face because if I see that jawline, my thoughts might get messed up again. And that would be terrible.

"Yeah, it's a pleasure to meet you too. Shall we start?" asks Raaya with a sweet smile. She is really pretty. Fair-skinned and slim, dressed well, beautiful accent — yet another perfect person like Zayan. I don't know why but I feel like the odd one, standing beside both of them. It's like I don't belong in here.

God! Why am I even having such feelings? I haven't experienced this in a long time. After Amer's therapy, I truly stopped comparing myself to others. This is crazy. Are my insecurities coming back? Is this because of Zayan's confession? Have I become obsessed with him already? I mean, I've met quite a lot of influencers during the past few months and never once felt like today. I am afraid. Will I become the same old Ilhaam that I was during the Sameer days? I hope not!

"Yeah, sure we can. Ilhaam will help you with the stuff" says Zayan looking at me. Oops! Looks like he is responding for me because I got too carried away with my thoughts. I quickly smile and say, "Yeah, I will. Please take a seat Raaya, wherever you feel comfortable. I will get the food sent to you right away."

She says "sure" and walks around the cafe looking for a spot and I try to make my way to the counter, when Zayan asks, "Hey, is everything alright?" I nod my head, without uttering a single word or making eye contact with him.

"Is this about yesterday? Let's talk after she's gone, right?" he asks once again. I try to remain silent but somehow end up saying, "There's nothing to talk. Just go and take care of her." Zayan gives me a strange look and tries to say something but before he could do that, I quickly walk way from there.

I inform the staff on what has to be sent to Raaya's table and get back to her to discuss a few things about the review. As I reach her table, I find Zayan talking to her. Now, I know this is very common. Generally, when I arrange the food, he keeps the influencers occupied. But for some reason, today I feel uncomfortable seeing it happen. Could this be jealousy? Nah, I shouldn't be having such feelings. It's time to focus on work.

So, I sit and I explain our requirements to Raaya, and once the food arrives, I say, "I'll be on the other side. After you are done clicking your pictures and tasting everything, you could call me if you need anything else, right?" Most influencers don't like any interruption when they do their work. So, this is why I always tell them this and give them their space.

"No, no, you both stay here, please. It's good to have some company" says Raaya with a smile. She really seems sweet. Not bossy like most influencers. Perhaps, Zayan likes her already, because he takes a seat opposite her as soon as she says that. I try to slip away but she makes me sit right next to her. On a normal day I would've liked this experience, but right now I feel tormented.

As Raaya keeps talking, my side eyes notice Zayan looking at her. He seems to be really lost in thought. Either he is listening to her so attentively or he must be in dream sequence mode like what I do, every time I stare at his jawline.

Ugh! This is making me sick now! One moment he says that he loves me and now he is staring at another girl. Just another typical man. Nothing different. Nothing special. Thank God, I did not accept his love!

"Alright then, I will get the review out soon. See you guys" says Raaya and leaves. Finally! Now, I can run home too. The past few minutes have been pure torture!

"She seems good, yeah?" I ask, just to make small talk with my client Zayan before I make a move. I believe that's what professionals do. "Yeah, I guess so" says Zayan as if he is not bothered at all. Such a great actor, he is! Without saying anything further I get up to leave when Zayan asks, "Wait. Are you going already?" Trying my best to avoid eye contact, I say "Yeah!"

"Ilhaam, what is wrong with you? You seem so upset from the time you walked in. You are not even looking at my face properly. Is everything alright?" asks Zayan. I sigh and say, "Yeah, I'm good. See you!"

"Please, stay for a bit. I want to talk to you" says Zayan. Oh probably to tell me that he regrets confessing his love to me and that he likes Raaya now. "Please" he repeats again and I take a seat. Even if I'm upset, I must listen to my client's request. It is important in business. Also, I got a glimpse of his jawline and as always — I've succumbed to its charm, let's say.

"Thanks sweetheart. Tell me now" he says with a smile. I thought this guy wanted to tell me something but now it looks like he expects me to do it. Also, why is he calling me 'sweetheart'? I'm not his sweetheart!

"Tell you what?" I ask. He sighs and says, "About whatever that's bothering you. Why do you look so upset?" To be honest, even I don't know the exact reason. So, what do I tell him? Perhaps I must point out the Raaya incident. It's so disturbing! At least, I will get the satisfaction of addressing it.

"How about the fact that you kept staring at the influencer the whole time and I did not like it a bit?" I say with the authority of a girlfriend, even though I'm not one. "What? That is crazy!" he says and breaks into a laughter. I frown at him and he says, "No, I mean, I did not. You were seated in the same direction too. I was looking at you and trying to figure out what could have gone wrong." Wait, could he be telling the truth? Did I assume things unnecessarily once again?

"Whatever" I say. He shakes his head and says, "Ilhaam, it's not whatever. Why do you even say things like this all of a sudden? I don't understand." Maybe Zayan has never felt jealous around anyone. Must be good to have his life!

I can argue with him and make him understand why I feel what I feel. But that would require me to open up about my returning insecurities. And that's not something I want him to know about me. I must try and hide behind this facade of confidence as much as I can.

"Dude just leave it. Maybe I'm a psycho" I say, looking away from his face. "No, you're not. You are just a little upset. Maybe you are a drama queen, but not a psycho" says Zayan with a chuckle. Damn! Doesn't he ever get angry? He sounds cheerful as always. Annoying!

Before I could say anything, he adds, "And can you please look at my face and speak? Is this a prank? It feels like you are avoiding me for some strange reason and I don't even know why." Ugh! There's such sweetness in the way he talks. I feel worse now. But I can't be normal with him after what I did yesterday. And why is he still pretending to care? I thought he doesn't love me anymore. Or maybe he still does? Damn!

Without raising my head, I say, "I don't know Zayan. Nothing feels right—" He interrupts me and says in a commanding tone, "Look at me and speak, Miss." I do as he says. And that's it. That's all it takes. I see his jawline and I feel all the butterflies in my stomach once again. It's like Zayan is Medusa from Greek mythology and his jawline is similar to her snake-like hair. Except that in her case, people turned into stone in one gaze but here my heart melts the moment I see it.

"Good. Now you are smiling" he says. Wait, am I smiling already? This is crazy. I thought I was angry. "Whatever" I say rolling my eyes. "So, how are things with your friend? Hope she's alright" says Zayan. "Uh friend? Who?" I ask, looking confused. "The one who is getting divorced" he says.

"Oh! No, that's not a friend. Just someone I used to work with. I don't even know her much" I say. Zayan smiles and says, "Yet you got personally affected by her misery." I shake my head and say, "I don't think I was upset because of what's happening to her. It is rather about my life. The fact that it could happen to me too is what frightens me."

Zayan laughs and says, "See, saying 'yes' to me can save you from all that trouble. You wouldn't have to marry some unknown guy and live with that kind of fear. So tell me, what have you decided sweetheart?" What the hell? Is this a joke for him now? We are discussing something so serious and he suddenly decides to be funny. How can he be so insensitive? This is one thing to dislike about Zayan. His always-jovial-nature can be a real pain in the ass at times!

"Dude! You don't really get it, do you?" I ask angrily. And yes, I'm staring at his jawline but I'm still angry. I don't think even that could save him now. "What?" he asks looking all confused. "You don't understand my fears or my pain or anything. Everything is just a joke to you!" I say. He looks dumbfounded like he is in great shock. No more smiles on that face. Well, he asked for it. Now, let me give it to him.

"All what you care about is a response for your stupid question and you know why you feel that way? It is because you can't digest the fact that a girl like me would need some time to decide on it. You think I should just accept your love because I will never get an opportunity like this again. And you are right. Girls like me don't get guys like you. Maybe that is why it feels like a sin to even think of saying 'no' to you. I hate to admit this but you are right, my life is indeed pathetic" I say. I think my tears are about to make an entry. I don't even care at this point. Let Zayan get the satisfaction of making me cry.

"Ilhaam..uh..I don't..uh..What's going on? I don't even understand" he says. "You know why you don't understand? It is because you are perfect and your life has always been perfect. You've always had a certain privilege. You've always got everything you wanted. You have no fears. You have no problems. So, I don't expect you to understand any of it" I say and I realize the tears rolling down my face already.

"No, Ilhaam...that's uh..that's not true. And why are you crying? I'm sorry" he says. I wipe my tears and say, "I hope you got the response that you wanted. Your life is too perfect and I don't fit in there."

With that, I make my way towards the door. He calls out my name and says something but I'm too sad to hear any of it. I just continue to walk without turning back. I have become an emotional mess once again!

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So do you think this is the end of their relationship? Or would Zayan try to make things work unlike Sameer? 🤔

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