After 1 week
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My phone rings. Who the hell is calling me this early? With eyes half open, I unlock my phone to see Saad's name on screen. It's just 8:45 am. This infant is so annoying! He always calls so randomly in the morning as if there's an urgency when it's actually nothing. Wonder what it is now! Maybe I should just ignore and text him back later. Or maybe I should just answer, now that I am awake anyway.

"Hello" I say, feeling drowsy and groggy. "How are you?" asks Saad in his sunshiny tone. See, it sounds like a very normal conversation. Maybe he called just to say this. "I'm good. What's up?" I ask. Saad says, "Listen, James is quitting and I am moving into the Sales department completely."

Okay great. So why is he telling me this? Expecting me to congratulate or just excited to share the news with someone? Probably both. He is after all an attention-seeker. It's okay to want attention, but couldn't he have just texted? What's with calling people early in the morning? I hate phone calls, especially the ones that wake me up from sleep. I mean, 8:45 am is not so early for working people. But for a jobless person, it is.

"Okay Congratulations!" I say sounding half dead. "Call James. He has a plan and wants to discuss things with you" says Saad. A plan? What now? Pretty sure he is making something small sound so big — typical Saad behavior. Before I could ask him what it is, he says, "Okay I gotta go. Bye. Don't forget to call James" and hangs up. What an idiot! First, he disturbs my sleep. And now, he leaves me hanging with half information.

Do I call James or do I just go back to sleep? It would be so weird calling James. We haven't spoken in a month after I quit. I just react to his posts on Facebook. That's all. And what if it's nothing? What if Saad was just blabbering? I might become a joke then.

Thanks to Saad, now my curiosity is messing with my head. I really want to know what 'the plan' is. So, I start dialing James' number. James is generally the answer-in-one-ring kind of person but today he is not answering at all. He is probably busy. Let me just drop him a text. If there's anything important he will either call back or text.

I type, "Good morning James 😊 Saad told me you wanted to discuss something with me...tried calling you but couldn't get through...let me know." I press send and realize it's 8:55 am. Okay, time to get out of bed and start the daily routine a little early today!

As Amer suggested, I've been engaging in physical exercise over the past seven days and I must agree that it feels great. I run 3 kms every morning and I also do some other workouts at night, watching YouTube videos. It's hard. I feel dead tired, plus I get body aches too. And sometimes I don't even know whether I'm doing the steps right. But the thing is, every night when I go to bed, I have this sense of achievement. So, it feels good. I mean, I know what I do is nothing compared to what professional athletes do, but for a person, who used to cry all day like it's a full-time job, this is big deal. I guess in a way, I have started feeling that runner's high or whatever that Amer spoke about. Life doesn't feel as negative as it used to be, anymore.

Of course there are moments when I still get reminded of Sameer or the breakup and start shedding a few tears. I mean, whenever I see a sad post on FB and share it on my feed, I feel sad. But the crying has reduced drastically. One reason could be that I don't have his chats anymore. So, I have nothing to read over and over again, and wallow in sadness. Thanks to Amer, I deleted those. Feels like the best decision I have ever made!

What's funny though is how much my life has changed over a week. Call it fate or whatever, but I feel like I'm becoming a different person. My family is quite shocked by everything that I do these days. They still claim to not believe in therapy, but I'm pretty sure they do, especially after witnessing the transformation I'm going through.

Other than working out, I also spend a few minutes daily reading the self-help book Saad gave me. The book has started making me think of things which I never thought before. It talks so much about the benefits of running a business, that I feel like I should start one in the future. I mean, it's just a dream. It's not like I have the money to invest in anything. Nor do I have any business ideas. But just the thought makes me happy.

Oh in other news, I have deleted all the romantic comedies from my laptop. What I once used to enjoy only makes me sad now. So, I thought maybe I should just take a break from that too. The only thing I watch these days are cartoons with my niblings. Kiddish I know, but totally safe for my mental health!

As I get out of bed, my phone vibrates and it's a text from James, saying, "Hi can you come by to office today? It'll be good to meet you in person to discuss this 🙂" Okay, this sounds even more strange now. Why are Saad and James acting as if they are planning a murder and are unable to discuss details over the phone? Especially that emoji used by James gives off the creepy vibes, even though that's his go-to smiley.

"Hey sure. What time? I have something at 3:00 pm. Can we meet before that?" I send. Of course, I have my second appointment with Amer today evening. I can't sacrifice that for anything, especially not for some indefinite 'plan'. Today is after all my day to present the IG plan to Amer. I'm excited!

My phone vibrates again and the message from James reads, "1:00 pm?" Let me think. If I go for the run now, I can get back home by 10:30 am, refresh myself and then leave to meet James. Since the therapy center is close-by to office, I can then directly go from there. So, I reply back "sure 😊".

I arrive at office and the first thing I get reminded of is that day I lost my temper. Ewww embarrassing! I hope no one makes mention of that. If they do, I might end up creating another scene today. The best thing to do is to talk to James, then find Naomi and Saad, say "hi" to them and leave. Not even gonna attempt small talk with the others.

I text Naomi and Saad, "Where are you? I'm at office 👻" and immediately get replies from  both of them.
Saad - Out. Don't leave before I come 😀
Naomi - meeting
See, the difference? Naomi's message has a very flat tone. It's like she doesn't even care that I'm here. Maybe I should avoid talking to her too. Why would I trouble her if she dislikes me so much?

As I stand in front of James' cabin, waiting for him to notice me, I check the time and it's 12:58 pm. Damn! Ilhaam is being punctual! Now tell me, isn't this change? I suddenly feel proud of myself and a smile appears on my face, when James makes a gesture, asking me to walk inside.

"Hi Ilhaam. You look very happy. How are things?" asks James. Wow, I even look happy now. See? It's the change was talking about. I smile and reply, "All good. How are things with you? I heard you are quitting." James smiles and says, "Yeah, moving to London with my family. It's what I've always wanted. So I am leaving next week." Woah. How do some brown people find jobs and settle down in big cities like London so easily? I don't even have the money to buy a one-way ticket to India.

"That's great! Congratulations!" I say smiling, though I can feel a little bit of jealousy within me. I don't even know why I'm feeling jealous. It's not like I want to settle down elsewhere. Sri Lanka is where I belong and this is where I want to stay for the rest of my life! Maybe I should ask Amer why I feel this way and try to find a solution.

"Thank you. You know Saad is going to do only Sales hereafter, right?" he asks. I nod. Then he continues to speak, "So with both of us gone, there is no one to handle Marketing. You seem to be the ideal person right now." Okay, what? Where is this going? Is he asking me to join again? Of course I need a job badly. But not in this surrounding again. "I don't think I can come and work here again after what happened last time. I won't feel comfortable. Thanks for the offer though" I say.

James smiles and says, "No, not like that. Work on your own terms. You don't have to come at all, except for meetings maybe. Get paid monthly, but not as staff. More like a freelancer or an agency. What do you say?" Wow. This sounds like a business deal. I won't be an employee. The boomers will be my clients. Just what I was dreaming about. But am I ready for this though?

"Hey, I'd love that. But how can you even trust me with it after I let you down last time? Even if you are doing this for me out of pity, I'm sure the others wouldn't agree. So, maybe not" I say. James shakes his head and says, "That was just one time Ilhaam. You've never failed to impress me or the others before that. I've already discussed this with them and they are more than happy to do it. They are willing to pay Rs.35,000 per month initially. With time, you can always increase your charges."

Wow. That's Rs.10,000 more than the salary I used to earn here. How did the stingy boomers agree? Am I dreaming? "Thanks again, for trusting me. Means a lot. But shouldn't you be asking Saad? What if he'd like to do it?" I ask. James smiles and says, "He was the main person who recommended you. He would only be happy for you. Plus, he is in love with Sales now. Maybe that's his area of expertise. Not Marketing. Marketing was always your thing, Ilhaam. Why are you even thinking so hard? Just take it. You deserve it."

Oh my God. I've been such a judgmental moron! I always thought Saad wanted to get rid of me and steal my position. But that wasn't his intention at all. He rather wants to help me. James — I felt jealous of him just a while ago. Even he wants to help me. And the boomers — I've never had any positive thoughts about them at all. But even they are willing to give me a second chance, despite my explosive behavior and abrupt resignation.

I have been seeing and doing everything wrong, haven't I?