I write the following on the board and say, "I'm done. There might be more, but for now, this would do."

Things I hate about myself
1. Brown-skinned
2. Fat
3. Poor
4. Jobless
5. Failed to submit my assignment
6. No special skills or talents
7. Bad influence on my niblings
8. Introvert
9. Woman
10. Born in a developing country

Amer says with a smile, "Nice. Now out of these, circle the ones that you could change." I shrug and say, "None. I was born with it and will die with it. Nothing is going to change."

"Oh come on, don't reply for argument's sake. You are smarter than that. Think well and do it. Give me reasons as you do it" says Amer. Okay, he called me smart. I shouldn't disappoint him now.

"Well, let me think,
One, my skin color has always been this. I've tried for years to change it but it just wouldn't. So, I'm leaving that out.

Two, my size, if I work out and follow a diet, I guess I could change it — circling it.

Three, I was born into a middle-class family and for twenty-five years of my life, it hasn't got any better. But this book that I am reading now says that I could change my financial position if I try hard enough — so circling it too. Though honestly I don't believe I could do it.

Four, resigning my job was completely my decision, so yeah I take the blame and it definitely can be changed with a new job — circling it.

Five, failing to do the assignment was entirely my fault. I could always take another six months of classes and change it — circling it.

Six, I truly don't know whether I have any special skills, but one thing I know is that I am pretty good at anything I set my heart on — so reluctantly circling it.

Seven, I can definitely change the way I behave and become a good influence — circling it.

Eight, I don't know, I try so hard to speak but my communication skills are equivalent to a rotten fruit. I wish I could speak like you, but this feels like it cannot be changed — I'll leave this one out.

Number 9 and 10, I honestly wrote it just to add extra points. But I do feel it has a part to play in my insecurities. I mean, as a woman there are a lot of restrictions and specific expectations off you, unlike for a man. I can't change my gender or country but I can maybe break the norms of the society if I really really really tried hard enough — so semi-circle around this one.
That's it. Six and a half circles out of ten. Not bad, eh?" I ask with a smile.

"Not bad at all" says Amer smiling. And continues to speak, "Now, tell me, based on what you have marked, do you realize that you are more in control of situations than you thought you are?" I think for sometime and say, "I guess so. But what about those things that I can't change at all?"

"Things that you can't change are part of your identity. For some reason, you have been given those and I feel you shouldn't try to change it, no matter what. Of course you will have your fair share of reasons as to why you hate them, but think on it. Maybe it's not that bad after all. However, it's upto you to make the best out of your identity, coupling it with what you could change. Play with the given — that's what you are supposed to do. That's what I do" says Amer with a smile.

"Play With The Given" I repeat. Sounds like the title of a book. Like a beautiful mantra, but would it really work? I mean, maybe it works for him but we are not the same, are we? Even though, we share the same skin tone, he looks like he was born into a rich family and he is talented. He's not a zero like me.

"Listen, we are not the same. Your 'given' and my 'given' are different. So how can you expect me to play with it just like you did?" I ask. Amer thinks for sometime and says, "We are not very different. Our genders may be different and the way we perceive certain aspects of life may also be different, but we are more or less the same, in a lot of other ways. To start with, I was born into a middle-class family too."

Wait. No. He is just lying now. Maybe it's just a made- up story that he tells his clients to sound inspirational. Before I could say anything, he takes his phone and shows me a photo, saying, "Look at this. This was me in my twenties. I was doing door-to-door sales. I was heartbroken. I was a complete mess. Just like you, I often felt angry about not being born rich but did nothing about it. But one day, I decided that I will take control of my life and work towards changing my destiny. And that's all it took. I tried a couple of new things and somehow stumbled upon 'therapy'. I left everything behind and went to pursue a career in it. It wasn't easy. There were both bad days and good days. But years later, look at the outcome. I have made something for myself. And I am happy. The reason why I am telling you this is because I want you to understand, positive change takes place when you strive for it. And when it happens, things that bothered you once won't even matter anymore."

"Wow! I didn't expect you to have that kind of history. It's beautiful. Hey by the way, do you tell all your clients your personal story like this?" I ask. He laughs and says, "Only if they ask. Not everyone is willing to pay me and listen to my story, like you do." Oh shit! That's true. Why am I talking about him after paying Rs.4500 for my therapy? I am so dumb!

"Okay let's just talk about me. Now, the earlier task was great. But how is it going to help me overcome my insecurities?" I ask. Amer smiles and says, "You are slowly going to work towards changing a few things. As the first step, I am going to assign you a homework."

Oh simple. I know what he's going to do. The same thing what all therapists do in movies. "You are going to give me a journal and ask me to write my feelings on it, aren't you?" I ask.

"That's a great technique. But no, that's not the one for you. You are going to exercise — running, cycling, swimming or hitting the gym — I don't care, but you are going to start doing something before we meet next time" says Amer with a chuckle.

What the hell? He is now pointing out that I am fat and need transformation like ugly duckling to feel better. What is he? My fairy godmother? Maybe I agreed with him all along but now I am mad at him! "I came to you, seeking help with my mental health. You can't advice me like a brown aunty!" I say quite angrily.

He laughs and says, "No, that is not my intention at all. Exercise is a natural treatment for depression. Doing it regularly will help boost your mood. When you exercise, your body releases feel-good chemicals called endorphins, which results in the feeling of "runner's high" — something that can help you develop a positive and energizing outlook on life. So, yeah the main reason is this. Of course you wouldn't mind if weight loss happens too, isn't it? Think of it as bonus. Do you get it?"

Well, to be honest I'm baffled. That's too much of science for me. But at least I now know his real intentions. Maybe I should just give it a try. I smile and say, "I stopped listening after you started throwing those scientific terms. But I understand the overall idea. I will work on it."

"Super! So when are you planning to come next?" asks Amer. "Shouldn't you be deciding that?" I ask him. He smiles and says, "Nah, I won't be even asking you to come regularly. It's upto you. After you go home, if you feel like just this session is enough, I'm okay with that. Of course it's good to check your progress regularly, but you can decide on it."

This dude is weird. His warning earlier makes more sense now. I actually like talking to him. I'd like to meet him every week. But the thing is — money. It's not like I have a lot of money to be squandering on therapy sessions. But, I also don't have much options at this point in life. I really need to get myself together and this just feels like the right thing to do. Do I tell him about the money problem? Nah, it would sound cheap. Or maybe I should. After all, he said he won't judge.

"I'd like weekly visits but your rates are a little too high. Now that I am jobless I have to hold onto my savings. So, maybe once in two weeks? Is that alright?" I ask with an awkward smile. Amer smiles and says, "My rates are high, huh? That's because it works. Anyway, I am okay with your plan. Any other questions before you leave?"

I think for a while and ask, "Well, no more questions regarding my therapy. But I do have one about your business. Why aren't you posting any of your videos on Instagram?" He gives me a strange look and says, "I don't know. Never felt the need to do it. We get enough hits on YouTube and FB."

"Why don't you consider starting at least now? The thing is your platforms work for you. But in my experience with Marketing, I know for a fact that IG is growing and that's where most young people are. I feel like you are missing out on an important customer segment — youngsters are mostly the depressed lot, you see. Reaching them means more money for you. And, your content really needs to be heard by more people. It's transformational. Just think about it" I say with a smile.

Woah! That feels so good. Perhaps I am missing work a little too much, that I have even started talking to my therapist about it. Maybe I should just stop. I'm sure he doesn't want to listen to my bullshit views.

"Interesting. How about we strike a deal? Since it's your area of expertise, why don't you help me run this on IG? In return, you will earn your weekly therapy sessions with me. We are both not going to pay for each other's services. But it's also not free. More like barter system. What do you say?" says Amer with a wide smile.

"Umm that would be great. I can do that" I say feeling astonished. I didn't expect this. I thought he might get annoyed but here he is impressed with what I just said. How quickly he turned our random conversation into a deal? Impressive!
(Note to self - learn to do business like Amer)

"Alright, then. I will see you next week. Do your homework and meet me with an initial plan for IG." says Amer. I reply "sure" and walk out feeling absolutely happy, with a genuine smile. It's like the therapy is working already.

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Hey guys! I started typing this chapter and realized it's too long, so I broke it into two and updated as separate chapters. Hope you read chap 28 too 🤗♥️

Please search for @BIGMADEBROWNIE on Instagram & Facebook and follow me to enjoy short meme-like posts and updates about the story 🥰🙏🏾