So, yesterday though I eagerly opened the message from Sameer, it was nothing but another disappointment. He had sent me a forward message asking me to 'like' something on Facebook as a way of voting for his friend for some contest.

In a way, I thought maybe he was trying to initiate a conversation with me indirectly so I did reply back asking, "how are you? 😊" The message was seen as soon as I sent it but no reply came from him until now.

I was having such a fab time at Pigeon Island yesterday until he ignored my text. When that happened, my heart broke once again and my mood was spoilt too. Even the beauty of the place couldn't make me happy afterwards.

Ever since then, I couldn't enjoy any of the other spots we visited yesterday. When we went back to the room, I wanted to at least tell Naomi but because Tanisha was there, I couldn't do it. So I just locked myself up in the washroom and cried.

Here we are at the Fort Frederick now and I still can't get myself to enjoy the scenic beauty of this place. We are walking up a steep hill to reach the Koneswaram temple, yet another important spot in magnificent Trincomalee, and I'm feeling uninterested as ever!

For years I've wanted to visit these places and today I've finally got the opportunity but I'm just wasting it thinking of that stupid Sameer. I hate myself. I hate Sameer. I feel like breaking into tears right here, right now, but I can't even do that.

I keep walking lethargically when Naomi slows her pace and waits for me. "What's going on? You don't seem to enjoy the trip at all" she says.

I smile and this time since no one else is around, I tell her everything. I keep hoping that she would say something positive as always but then she looks at me sadly and says, "Darling, I am sorry to say this but I think he has lost interest in you. This is exactly what my ex did too. He became so distant but he never told me directly that he wanted to breakup with me. He wanted me to make the decision. I feel it's the same case here too."

My heart sinks the moment I hear that. So, it's really the end then? Is there no hope for me at all?

"But why won't he just dump me then? Why does he expect me to do it?" I ask her with tears in my eyes.

She sighs and says, "That's how men are. They want us to do it so that later on they can use that as a sympathy story for themselves and make us look like the bad people."

We both sigh at the same time. Before I speak ,she says once again, "I have been in that place, so I know how hard it is. Just talk to him and be done with it, Ilhaam. Don't suffer like this." I nod my head and we both continue to walk.

I just want to go back home right now. I'm tired of fake smiling with everyone. I just want to lie in bed and cry my eyes out. Everyone is talking excitedly about another boat ride at this beach area close to Koneswaram but I'm clearly not interested.

I don't know whether this is the right time to do this, but if Sameer really wants a breakup, let me make it easy for him now.

I start texting Sameer and surprisingly he replies back fast this time. Must be very eager to break up with me.

Me: we need to talk
Me: I know u are going to ignore my message as always but this is important
Me: No more lying Sameer
Me: just tell me are u serious about me?
Sameer: 🙄
Me: dude pls stop that
Me: I know something is wrong
Me: u don't want me anymore but u are expecting me to end this
Me: but I won't do it
Me: u have to make the decision
Me: there's no point in this silent treatment
Me: can we pls get on a call?
Sameer: what can I say?
Me: the truth of course!
Me: do u want me or not?
Me: u don't have to feel bad
Me: you've hurt me enough already
Me: just say it
Sameer: I think u deserve someone better than me
Me: bullshit
Me: what does that even mean?
Sameer: I don't want to give u false hope
Me: so u were lying to me from the beginning?
Me: u never loved me?
Sameer: I did
Me: oh so it's "did"...not "do"
Sameer: try to understand
Me: understand what?
Me: even now u are not saying anything openly
Sameer: I am not in a position to marry u now
Me: did I ask u to marry me now?
Sameer: u didn't say that but your family will expect me to yeah
Me: but we discussed that
Me: and I can convince my family
Me: I can convince anyone as long as u are strong about your feelings
Me: pls don't do this to me
Sameer: Ilhaam it's for your own good
Sameer: rather than making u wait for 4 years and then breaking ur heart, it's better to do it now itself
Me: I don't get it Sameer
Me: is it Aisha?
Me: are u in love with her again?
Sameer: it's just me
Me: u are not even giving me a proper reason
Sameer: I don't know Ilhaam
Sameer: I'm just a middle-class boy and I shouldn't be in love with anyone right now
Sameer: pls try to understand
Me: oh wow
Me: so middle-class people can't fall in love?
Me: didn't u know this when u started this relationship with me 3 months ago?
Me: FYI I'm from a middle-class family too but u know the difference between u and me? I'm brave enough to make my choices whereas u r a coward
Sameer: I know I am wrong
Me: I was just happy with my life, right? It was u who started talking to me first, messaged me and even proposed to me. And now u talk bullshit like this?
Sameer: I shouldn't have done this to u
Me: whatever it is let's fix it pls
Me: I can wait for you
Me: I will speak to my parents
Me: pls don't let me down
Sameer: I'm sorry
Sameer: I have no other option
Me: what do u mean?
Me: so u want to breakup?

No reply for over 10 minutes now. What does this delay mean? Is he thinking over it?

Maybe he doesn't want a breakup after all. Maybe he's going through some other problem. I'm sure he loves me. Just because we argue, it doesn't mean we have to call it quits. Maybe it's all a prank to upset me?

I don't know. All I know is that I'm crying and I can't stop myself. I wish I could just die. I hate my life.

Oh crap! Saad is coming this way. I must wipe my tears quickly.

"Ilhaam, come! The final boat ride in Trinco. This will be more fun" he says with a smile. Before I could speak, he asks, "Did you cry? Is everything alright?"

I fake smile and say, "Yeah, just feeling nauseous because of sea sickness. You guys carry on. I'm not coming."

Saad somehow convinces me saying that it will be a glass-bottom boat and I would be able to see even some corals. So, I agree to join.

This boat ride is pretty frightening. The water is so rough that I'm afraid that I might fall out any moment. This part of the sea is extra rough today because of some monsoon winds apparently.

The Pigeon Island boat ride was nothing scary compared to this one. We've all been screaming at the top of our lungs ever since we got in and also holding on to the sides of the boat very firmly. Even if the grip loosens a bit, there is a chance of falling out, the boat guys told us.

When we are almost close to the shore, my phone vibrates and it's a message from Sameer, "Yes, let's breakup. I'm sorry for everything."

The moment I read it my chest has that feeling of tightness. I'm not able to breathe. I want to cry but I'm not even getting the tears. I feel suffocated. I lock my phone and quickly give it to Naomi because I'm afraid I might drop it.

And I don't know what happens next, but I feel myself losing the grip from the sides of the boat and I fall out of it.

Okay, so that was embarrassing. Apparently I have fainted because of the heat and that's how I fell into the water — that's what people are saying. But only I know it was a panic attack because of getting dumped.

Luckily, it was close to the shore, so it wasn't very deep. Otherwise, I would've died by now.

All my coworkers are around me now asking me how I feel and whether I want anything. They all look very worried.

So much of attention all at once, and that too because of my stupidity. I feel disgusted about myself. I never knew I was this weak.

Even now I'm crying thinking of Sameer's last message but nobody knows that. They think I'm crying because of the fall.

I hear so many words trying to console me. Even the boomers are saying things like it's nothing and that I shouldn't worry about it.

Very sweet. My coworkers are not that bad after all.

We are at our final spot now — Kinniya, a place full of hardworking fishermen standing in the scorching heat and trying to sell us fish. Some of our guys are buying fish. So, until they finish, I have some alone time for myself.

I haven't texted back Sameer yet. I send him a message, "can we pls talk for 2 mins? That's all I ask for pls" and I get a reply from him saying "no".

I don't know how he can be this heartless. First, he breaks up with me without a proper reason and now, he won't even bid a proper final goodbye.

But I can't be like him. So I send my last message with tears in my eyes,
"I don't know what happened. You suddenly lost interest in me for no reason. You could've at least told me why. My heart aches Sameer. You know what, I got so close to death a while ago and I'm not even happy that I survived. I would've been happier if I had drowned in this waters. There's so much of pain in me right now. You are the first boy I loved and will be the last too. You've given me good times and showed me what love feels like. I will never forget you. I know I am supposed to be mad at you right now but strangely, I don't feel any anger. I am just sad that we couldn't make this work. Maybe someday this will all make sense. You are a great guy. You will get a beautiful wife who will love you dearly and you deserve that. I want you to be happy. Stay safe. I love you ♥️"

That's it. Just 3 months. That's all I'm worth it. A relationship that started via texts ends via texts too.

————————————————
————————————————
Do you think Sameer will make a come back in Ilhaam's life? 😓

Please search for @BIGMADEBROWNIE on Instagram & Facebook and follow me to enjoy short meme-like posts and updates about the story 🥰🙏🏾