After 2 months
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Three months into this relationship with Sameer and I must say things are fine — not great but okay, because we don't get to talk much these days due to a couple of reasons.

Firstly, when my grandmother's stay extended for a month and did not end in just 2 to 3 days as promised, I could not talk to him at nights at all for sometime. However, we did catch up in the mornings and he also used to call me during office hours whenever possible.

But then, by the time grandma left, some other things came up and it only got worse. Since Sameer works in retail, the past few weeks have been hectic for him because it's high sales period in Netherlands and he is almost all the time occupied with work. To make things worse, I've been stressed out with my assignments too and a lot of my time has been dedicated for that.

So yeah, since we both are busy, we haven't had much time to communicate like earlier days. But still I believe we have a very understanding relationship. We try to empathize with each other as much as possible.

Things are not perfect. There are days when I cry myself to sleep because I miss what we had in the initial days. But we are both matured enough to make the most out of the little bit of time we have with each other.

I mean, I even dropped Aisha's 'like' issue which was bothering me a few weeks back, because I didn't want to waste our limited time arguing for a silly reason.

Besides, she got married last month and ever since then never showed up on his profile again. So yeah, things may not have been great but I'm very much thankful to the fact that the-Aisha-chapter finally came to a permanent end.

My thoughts get interrupted when the infant says, "Ilhaam, what did you tell me? Look at this now!" My phone vibrates at the same time and I quickly check that before responding to Saad because this is more important. It's a text from Sameer that reads, "Might get a break by 2 pm. Will try to call u by then."

I reply back immediately, "Love you babe ♥️ yes pls, call me 😔 waiting for it 😘" and I sigh because whatever said and done, I hate this new normal of only sharing a few texts everyday.

His texts are starting to feel more like a formality than out of love. I wish we could go back in time when he called me whenever I wanted, when he never missed "I love you" in his texts to me or when he called me 'babe' or used the heart emoji like he really meant it!

This is hard. But I shouldn't complain. It's not like he is avoiding me. Poor boy. He is working hard. I must learn to respect it.

I keep staring at the messages sadly when Saad shakes my chair. This time I turn and he shows me an email. And I can't believe my eyes. It's an email from the boomers with approval to plan the annual outing to Trincomalee.

Of course it took 2 months of annoyance from Saad for them to agree, but still this is huge! It could get recorded in history as a corporate email war victory. "Wow! That's great man!" I say trying to sound interested. Because to be honest, I'm clearly not in a mood for a trip discussion right now.

I am sad and I must be allowed to wallow in this sadness. I shouldn't be expected to have happy conversations. I hate work because of this having-to-pretend-like-I'm-happy moments that sometimes I feel like I should just quit. But I need the money. So I can't do it.

"Seriously? That's all you say? Aren't you excited?" asks the infant. I smile and say, "I'm glad you were able to do this. Not excited."

He shakes his head and asks, "I mean, aren't you excited that we are going to Trincomalee on a 2-day trip? A much-needed getaway for all of us, isn't it?"

Okay, now the infant feels like everyone's hero for making this happen. I swear to God he will be speaking about this for the rest of his life.

I chuckle and say, "You all are going. Not me." Saad gives me a strange look and asks, "Are you serious? Don't be such a spoil-sport! Why won't you come?"

I sigh and say with a smile, "Well, my parents won't send me away for two days and also I've got these assignments, right? So, I should really stay back and work on that."

The infant keeps mumbling something and goes for a meeting with Naomi and the boomers to decide on the trip date and budgets, and I get back to work.

It's 2:30 pm and there's still no call. This is also normal now — Sameer promising to call but then getting busy with some work and not doing it. The long-distance thing is really getting to me now. I can't even concentrate on work when this happens.

I start scrolling through Instagram and I stop when I see Sameer's name on the feed. He has updated a post 4 minutes ago. What the hell? So he couldn't reply back or call me but can post on IG?

And this time it's not one of his pictures but a sad quote that he has posted,

Aww! He must be missing me a lot. I get it. We are both helpless right now. I shouldn't have got mad at him. Of course it takes less time to post than call.

But wait. On the other side, it makes me think as to why he posted it on IG and not send it to me directly like he does always.

Could it be what I think? Could he posting this for Aisha to see? No no! I'm overthinking again. She is married and it's over. He posted this for me. He misses our conversations and not anything else!

Saad and Naomi are back from the meeting now. They both look very happy as they discuss things about the trip. God, I want to feel happy too.

For the past 20 minutes I've been assuring myself that Sameer's post is about me but it's hard to push away the negative thoughts. I try to distract myself by asking them, "So when is it?" and Naomi says, "Next Saturday. You are coming right?"

I smile and say, "I would love to but not with the assignment submissions right now." Saad rolls his eyes and Naomi pats on my back and says, "Come on! Work a few extra hours on the assignment starting from today so that you could take 2 days off next week. You deserve it."

My friends are so sweet. No matter how much of a moron I've been lately, they still want to include me. I must try to go at least for them. But convincing people at home is going to be a task!

I reach home by 7:00 pm. Salima is here and she is busy in the kitchen preparing some special food with mom. Wonder whether we are expecting any visitors today.

I walk upto her and ask, "What's with the special food?" Salima smiles and says, "It's for Aneeka, she's pregnant. We are sending her food for dinner."

Wait, what? Wasn't this the same Aneeka who wanted to get divorced 2 months back and now suddenly she is pregnant with her third child?

These brown couples I tell you — are unbelievable! They keep fighting all the time and then they have a baby like it's the ultimate solution to their problems. It's like the newborns are already assigned with the huge task of keeping their stupid parents together as soon as they are born.

If you ask me, I'd say, producing babies as measures to fix broken relationships must be banned! Because it never works. After sometime the baby spark fails and the couple gets back to their old routine of arguing, fighting, cheating and whatever they used to do. I've seen it enough in the relationships around me. Pretty sure Aneeka is going to the same!

Why can't people just take steps to end their non-working relationships and stop traumatizing children with their burdens? There's no point in talking about this anyway, because no one wants to even try to understand. It's best that I keep quiet and make sure I don't do dumb things like this in the future.

So, I just say, "Oh that's great" and walk into my room. My phone vibrates and it's a text from Sameer, "Sorry about today. Will try to call tomorrow."

I sigh and reply "ok". That's it. Just okay. No love-you, no emojis — keeping it dull and drab just like him. Because I'm upset and he needs to know it.

I smile after sending it because I'm sure he will call me the moment he sees it and try to fix the problem. He loves me and he wouldn't want me to stay upset.

It's been an hour and there's still no reply or call from Sameer yet. He is probably busy. He will get back soon — I tell myself and scroll through Instagram to find another post of his 10 minutes ago,

Okay, this doesn't look good. He sounds sad for no reason at all. We didn't even have an argument or anything as far as I know. So why is he feeling sad?

I mean, ever since I got into this relationship, I am not able to relate to the sad quotes, right? Because I'm happy. Why isn't he feeling the same way then?

It truly doesn't feel like he is posting these for me. He hasn't lost me, has he? He has lost Aisha. Of course my fears were right. He is still not over her. But for God's sake Sameer, she is a married woman. Why can't you be happy with me?

Wait, there's one comment under this post. Let me see who agrees with this bullshit quote.

Right. I was so right. It's Aisha. She has commented "😞".

I quickly check the previous post. She has liked that one too. So, none of it was for me. I can feel the tears rolling down my face.

Why oh why Sameer? Why do you have to do this to me? So, was I being played all along?

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Is Ilhaam overreacting once again? 🤔 or this time, is it something to seriously worry about? 😟

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