After 4 weeks
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Sameer and I have gotten very close to each other over the last four weeks. Not a single fight. Not a single tear. He is treating me like a princess.

Everything is perfect, except for the fact that I sometimes feel like he is a little stingy because he told me that I might be spending too much when I said that I'm broke. I mean, come on, I like spending money! Also, there's nothing wrong in it when I'm spending what I make, isn't it?

Even when I told him that he will have to bring gifts for my niblings when he comes to back to Sri Lanka, he said he might go broke too if he does that. Now, I know he meant it as a joke of course but it didn't really feel good when he said that.

But anyway, for the first time in my life the sad quotes on Facebook don't make sense to me anymore. I don't even feel jealous looking at influencers' love lives these days. And as for my insecurities — they don't show up much either.

So yeah, I'm happy and I shouldn't complain! The only thing that sucks is of course the long-distance factor. No matter how happy we are, living in two corners of the world has the ability to ruin our moods.

Tomorrow it will be one month completion for our relationship and the only way we could celebrate is through an online wish. I so wish he was here!

By the way, guess where I am, right now? At a wedding. Yes, I am at the wedding of the distant relatives who came home the other day.

Since my mental health has been in great shape over the past few days, I didn't want it to get ruined by all the negative comments from unknown family members I might meet tonight. So, I didn't want to come at all and I did even protest about it, but mom and Salima somehow convinced me.

Plus, the thought of having wedding biryani after a long time kind of won over my negative feelings. Biryani is always special and the one they serve at weddings is worth it all, you know!

Ever since I sat around this table, I've been staring at my phone because other than mom, Salima and the kids, there are few unknown people here too. I feel so uncomfortable!

I don't know why these wedding halls join two tables and make twelve people sit together! If it was just one table my family alone could have filled the seats but now, I have to suffer the looks of unknown aunties.

My phone vibrates and it's a text from Sameer, "how's it going? 😘" As always, I smile the moment I read it and type, "not bad. stuck with some unknown relatives and getting a full view of the bride from my seat. the groom is not here yet so food is not served yet too 😒"

I press send and feel the vibes around me changing. The groom must have arrived because I can hear the crowd mumble and stare at a particular direction. Apparently, my family is related to the groom. Since I've never met this guy before, I'm inquisitive to see him too.

So, I join the crowd and keep watching when a very fair-skinned dude walks in with groomsmen and his family. I turn back to get a glimpse of the bride again to realize she is tan-skinned. Wow!

This is good. I mean, it's not like the bride is brown-skinned like me but for some reason seeing this color difference in the couple makes me happy. They both look great — made for each other!

As I keep admiring the couple, I hear a random aunty from the table behind us say to someone else, "the groom is very handsome noh. Wonder why he settled in for this girl." And the other voice responds, "yeah she is not even that fair. He could've found someone prettier with his looks and money."

Oh dear lord! Here I am feeling happy about something and the aunties have the exact opposite views about it. Besides, what do you care about how suitable the couple is in terms of looks? It's their decision. Just eat the damn free food and walk away already!

I feel more irritated as I hear mom and Salima discuss the same thing. This bride is very pretty. If she gets such comments what would a girl like me get? God!

Weddings are so toxic! I'm scared of getting married when I think of all this. I cannot even imagine sitting there like a statue and smiling at a room full of morons who might be secretly throwing negative remarks about me!

At least one good thing happens after listening to all these nonsense — finally the biryani is here! Hot and sexy as ever — more beautiful and better smelling than all the people around me right now. And it is certainly helping me calm my soul!

I want to eat a lot but I only serve a little because that is what everyone else at the table is doing. I hate it when ladies at brown family weddings do this. There are two big bowls of rice only for twelve of us to share but these fellows I'm surrounded by are serving it as if it's for fifty people.

Maybe I am the only glutton here! And it's embarrassing to fill my plate like a mountain when the others eat only modest amounts. So, this is fine.

"Ah Ilhaam, eating, are you?" I hear an annoying voice say as I enjoy my biryani. It's my cousin Zainab. Of course, I am eating dumbo because it's a wedding and that's what I'm here for.

I hate it when relatives come, stand around the food table, stare at you and engage in small talk. No one's dying here without your conversation. Can you just leave me alone and let me eat in peace?

"Yeah" I reply and smile awkwardly because I can't speak my honest thoughts, can I? She smiles too and goes on to share some family gossip with mom and Salima. I pause eating and pretend to listen to their dumb conversation and silently pray in my mind that this would end soon.

As she walks away, she pats my back and casually says, "eat well, eat well, then only you can get fatter" and giggles with her sisters. What the hell? What wrong did I do to her? Why would she comment something so rude so casually?

I put on a fake smile and get back to my biryani because at least I know it won't hurt me like my stupid cousins.

As I stand in line to wash my hands, I can hear aunty Risana making her way to mom who is standing behind me. She is mom's sister and I absolutely hate her! She is fair and is also the richest in mom's family so she is very proud and arrogant.

I stare at my phone and try to avoid looking at her while she speaks to mom and Salima. I hope she ignores me too because, honestly, I don't have the energy to fake smile once more.

"Ilhaam, how are you child?" I hear aunty Risana say. Okay, now I can't ignore her anymore. I have to turn and talk to her. Ugh!

"I'm good aunty" I say in the awkwardest way possible and try to end the conversation without even asking after her health. But then she doesn't want to stop, I guess, because she keeps looking at my direction and tells mom with a smile, "Ilhaam is very dark noh" and mom just smiles because like me she probably doesn't know how to respond either.

My face changes immediately. I feel like a dagger just pierced through my chest. Luckily, the line in front of me has cleared, so I quickly turn back and start washing my hands.

I can't believe people how can just throw such nasty comments so casually without thinking twice whether it will hurt the other person or not. Mean idiots!

I don't know why we are not leaving home yet either. Mom and Salima keep talking to someone wherever they move. Super annoying!

I can't do this anymore, so I excuse myself to the washroom. As I enter the washroom, I see two girls like me — brown-skinned and chubby, talking to each other while adjusting their hijabs. Along with them is a neatly- dressed cute kid who looks like she's three or four. She's brown-skinned too.

For some reason, I feel like they won't be judgmental like the rest of the crowd. Maybe because like me they are too dressed in less shiny clothes, unlike the others who are walking around like disco lights.

I smile at them and they do the same and that's all. Not approaching for unnecessary small talk — great! Finally feels like a safe space for me in this wedding.

And for once, I feel like initiating a conversation, so I say to the child, "You are very beautiful and so is your dress" and she responds, "I know." Wow! That confidence! I wish I had that!

I smile as one of the girls who looks like the kid's mother tells her, "baby you are supposed to say thank you." I shake my head and say with an awkward chuckle, "no, it's okay! That's a beautiful reply. Shows how confident she is and I wish I had that."

"Yeah right. Something that we adults lack" says the other girl. Woah! So these girls too have inferiority complex like me? Feels good to associate with people on the same boat.

I smile and say, "I'm Ilhaam, related to the groom and you guys are?" The little girl's mother says "We are from the groom's side too. I'm Aira and this is my daughter Dalia" and the other girl follows it with, "and I'm her sister Alisha." Wonder how we've never met before if we are all related to the groom — strange!

So, I ask, "How come I've never seen you all before?" to which Alisha says with a giggle, "Either because you ditch too many family functions or we do."

I laugh and say, "Guilty as charged, I think it's me. I hate attending family functions because all I get to hear are negative comments from unknown aunties."

Both Aira and Alisha reply at once, "We know right! Got called fat by so many aunties tonight. Just hate them."

This is getting better and better. I feel some kind of connection with these girls. Maybe in an alternate universe we are sisters.

"Well, I got loads of them too and the worst of all was an aunty telling my mom that I'm very dark" I say with a chuckle. "They are crazy! Ignore them" says Alisha and Aira joins in with, "biryani is the only thing that makes these weddings worth attending" and the three of us break into a laughter.

We bitch about the aunties for a few more minutes and before I take leave, I even add them on Facebook and Instagram, so that we could stay in touch.

As I walk out of the washroom, smiling and texting Sameer about the two new friends I just made, someone knocks on me and my phone falls down. Oh crap!

The screen is shattered and my phone is not turning on! I look around to see who did it to find nobody there. Whoever the idiot is, has just ignored it and walked away without even an apology!

I stand there feeling terrible as I can't even afford to buy a new phone now.

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Wrote this chapter using my personal experiences of attending brown family weddings. On a scale of 1-10 how annoying are those aunties commenting on your size and complexion every time they meet you? 😏

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