It's 6:00 am and I'm going to bed only now. Since it's Saturday and I don't have to go to work I was on the phone with Sameer the whole night. We talked the most random stuff ever.

I mean, mostly it was about work. I updated him about things that happened with Saad, James or the boomers and he told me a few things about his own workplace. I've always wondered what couples have to talk for so long.

I used to think getting into a relationship meant having all these lovey-dovey conversations and in a way I was scared of it when we started this, because duh, I'm not used to that life! But I am glad things are going this way.

Random conversations plus a bit of flirting — just plain old Ilhaam-Sameer conversations and I'm totally comfortable with it! The only thing that has changed is that we are now girlfriend and boyfriend but deep down we are still besties!

I guess that's the advantage of being in love with your best friend — you don't have to force feelings unlike in an arranged marriage. Things just happen with time and it's beautiful!

"Ilhaam, wake up! It's 9:00 am already" I hear mom's voice say as I struggle to open my eyes. It's Saturday for heaven's sake! Why can't she just let me sleep till 11:00 or 12:00? Nothing to lose right!

It's not just my mom by the way. A very common habit in all brown parents — they want their kids to wake up early even on off days for no reason at all! Now if I tell her this she would remind me about having to attend lectures.

It is true I have a Marketing class at 2:00 pm but there's still time for that. Even if I start at 12:45 pm from home, I'll be able to make it on time. There's no point arguing about it now.

So, I get up and sit on the bed. And mom sits too. Okay, that's weird. She normally walks out the moment she gives me the tea.

"Ilhaam, I need to discuss something with you about that boy Salima told me about" says mom. Wow, so she doesn't like Sameer? Is she going to ask me to break up with him? Maybe she just wants me to marry some dork through a proposal.

I thought my family was cool about love marriages but I guess I was wrong. Anyway, no need to panic. Let's just talk this out. I can convince her. I'm not a weakling like Aisha after all.

So, I ask, "Yes, mom? What about him?" Mom replies, "I am happy for you. So is dad" and I start smiling. So this isn't what I thought.

Maybe it's about the 3 years plan. Oh crap! How am I gonna handle that? Before she says the rest, I ask, "Is this about the 3 years delay mom?"

She shakes her head as if to say no and continues, "No, we are a little worried about it but that's fine. Let's try to at least do the engagement next year when he comes. What I mainly wanted to discuss is that, don't ever mention to anyone in the family that you both fell in love. Won't be very good on our family. I'm going to tell everyone a proposal has come right and you maintain the same lie, okay?"

Thank God! I'm finally breathing. I can lie. That's not hard for me. Except that I don't understand why I should lie at this point.

I mean, wouldn't it be cool to flaunt to all the aunties who pitied me for my skin color about how I found a boyfriend without changing a bit of that? Wouldn't it inspire girls like me to find true love without settling in for arranged marriage?

This is again a brown Muslim family thing. We are so ashamed of talking about love marriages like it's a taboo subject. Doesn't make sense to me but it's okay, at least it's not one of those problems I expected. So I say, "Sure mom. As you say" and mom calls me a 'good girl' and leaves the room.

It's 1:45 pm and I'm already here in the class. Very few students are here. Even the lecturer isn't here yet.

I walk upto the first row and take a seat there — typical introverted nerd kid spot. Nobody else likes to sit here because it's too close to the lecturer. So that's a win-win for me! I get to pay proper attention to the lesson as well as stay away from human contact!

Besides, I also get to stare at my lecturer Paul's handsome face for two whole hours! Isn't that cool?

Paul is married, has kids and he in his forties but I've always had a crush on him because of his communication skills. He can make any crappy lesson interesting with his jokes added to it. I want to be able to speak like him one day.

Paul treats me nicely too. It's not like he praises me or anything but he always makes it a point to small talk with me every time he sees me and I like that. I guess I like the fact that he gives me attention unlike the other male lecturers who only speak to pretty girls or the smartest of the students.

Sharp at 2:00 pm, Paul walks into the classroom. Super punctual, he is! I must learn this from him too.

"Hello, how are you?" asks Paul the moment he sees me. "I'm good sir. How are you?" I ask him looking all cheerful.

"Good good. Have you finalized the organization to base your assignment on?" he asks me while trying to set up his laptop. Uh oh! No, of course I haven't done that yet because the past few days I've been so distracted by Sameer that I hardly paid any attention to my assignments. But I can't tell him that, can I?

So, I lie to him, "Yeah sir. I might do it on Samsung or Apple." He gives me a look of disapproval and says with a laugh, "What has happened to you? You are far behind others this time. Also, what do you mean by Samsung or Apple? Decide on one! You can't be half-pregnant."

Wow see, this is why I like this guy. He can make things sound so funny and also get you to actually worry about them. I smile and nod like it's nothing but deep down I'm worried now.

I really have to get back on track. Sameer may be important to me but I shouldn't let our relationship ruin my studies for me.

"Focus, Ilhaam! Focus. Get Sameer out of your head for sometime" I tell myself as Paul starts the lesson.

Okay, so Paul generally shows us advertisements to explain various topics in Marketing. For some reason today he's showing us ads about fairness products and the controversies created around them. Looks like today is just not my day!

Ever since this topic started, I'm not able to focus on the lesson at all as I feel like all eyes in the room are on me when the ads speak about dark skin. Obviously, no one is that jobless to do that but I guess it's my oversensitivity to colorism that's making me think this. This is why I've been looking down and avoiding eye contact with everyone the whole time.

Right now, Paul is talking of a biscuit ad that was banned in Sri Lanka because of a colorism issue. I'm curious as to know what it is, so I look up.

It's a bride-seeking scene where a brown-skinned girl is serving tea to the groom who is tan-skinned and his family who are all fair-skinned and she gets rejected for being too dark but the groom shows an interest on marrying the fair sister of the girl. The stupid ad introduces some white chocolate puff at the end and is supposed to be funny but I find it very insensitive.

I can hear laughter in the classroom so I turn back to see who is finding it so amusing to see the entire class is doing that. But what's worse is that one particular guy nods at me with a smile as if to say something and he looks familiar.

What the hell? Is he imagining me in that ad scene? Is he trying to say that my fate would be the same? I think I'm going to have a panic attack now.

Thank God, we are given a short break. I quickly walk out of the classroom because I feel embarrassed. I feel like everyone will point at me and laugh thinking of the ads they just watched.

I stand in a corner, using my phone when I hear someone say "Hi Ilhaam" and I look up to see it's the guy who was staring at me in the class. What the hell does this one want now? I don't know his name and I haven't even spoken to him before. If he makes fun of me for my skin tone now, I will slap him hard or cry and run away from here.

Before I could respond, he goes on to say, "I'm Abdul, Sameer's best friend. He told me about you both. Congratulations!"

Now, I remember seeing him with Sameer. Wow so he had been staring at me all this time just to say this. He wasn't trying to insult my skin tone. So, it was just me overthinking! "Thanks Abdul" I say with a smile.

Sameer actually told his best friend about me? He's as serious as me about this whole thing. I thought I was being too fast in telling my family about it. But now I know, it is because we both are meant-to-be that we can speak about it so openly. Nothing to hide because we are soulmates.

I'm happy and I can't stop smiling but there's also that weird feeling in my stomach after those ads. I have never seen Sameer's family. What if they are all fair and they reject me because I'm no match for them? Maybe it's time for me to have this conversation with Sameer!

So, I pull out my phone and text him, "Can you send me a picture of your family? Would love to see them ♥️"

After a while, my phone vibrates and it's a photo reply from Sameer. I open it to find, just as I expected, his entire family including mother, father and two sisters, are all very fair and it's just Sameer who is at least tan.

Uh-oh! My fears weren't totally imaginary after all!

————————————————
————————————————
Do you think Ilhaam's insecurities about her skin tone are going to unnecessarily create problems in her relationship with Sameer? 😟

Please search for @BIGMADEBROWNIE on Instagram & Facebook and follow me to enjoy short meme-like posts and updates about the story 🥰🙏🏾