Dedicated to my crazy little sis...

I know this took way too long for me to upload, but its a long chapter and I wanted to make it 'right'...so please forgive me...btw, 'right' does not include typos, it simply means [in my world] that the mood is how it should be and that everything flows and is continuous [I hope]...right, so thanks for all the support guys...only one-two chapters left noww!! be excitedddd, I know I ammm =P

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I had set my internal clock before I had fallen to sleep that night, something Senkrad had taught me to do in the many months I had spent with him. Subsequently I woke as the sun was rising and gently kissed Beau awake, watching him drift into consciousness with a sad smile on my face; he would always do the same thing, look around worriedly, see me and then smile. I would miss that.

We got up quickly and packed my things into a bag, including some fruit from the trees around us. For the first time I realised that all the time we had been here I had not been to Beau’s house even once; after his capture had ended, it had already become habit for us to live together in the little paradise that had been created. There was nothing we had needed to leave it for until this point.

We were about to leave when Beau grabbed me and pulled me up into his arms, “We will come back here Ilea. I promise you.” He crushed his lips to mine and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I hated the sickening feeling I felt throughout the entire kiss though, as if there was a pit in my stomach that didn’t have a bottom and somehow my insides felt like they were slowly slipping into it; making me hollow. The feeling stayed with me long after he’d let me go.

We walked hand in hand to the edge of the water and I wrapped my arms around Beau’s waist, looked out over the trees one last time and then lifted us into the air, carried us over the water and put us down near the bottom of the waterfall. I had done it quickly and then turned my back on the water and walked away at a fast, but still human pace so that Beau could keep up, but after a few seconds I realised I could not hear footsteps and turned around to see him looking up at the ledge we had just descended. He saw me watching and then walked over to me, “Whenever you do that I always feel as if we’re coming out of heaven and back into reality.”

I paused for a moment, “Well even heaven could not save me.” I replied and walked away feeling angry. I hated Orion, I did not want to leave this place, but I had no choice. We walked through the trees and I started to calm down a little as we neared the large lake, thankfully Ida was not there as today I did not think I would have been able to just ignore him like the other day. I was not in the mood to be friendly.

When we got to the village Beau led me to his home and I was intrigued to see what it was like. He invited me inside and I was a little surprise to find that it was basically empty, there were only a few choice bits of furniture and practical items; nothing really showed who it was that lived here or reflected him as a person at all. He watched me looking at his home and I must have had a strange expression on my face as he asked me what the matter was.

“You do not look as if you really live here.”

“Well I haven’t been.”

“Yes I know, but before that, it doesn’t look as if you spent any time here?”

“No, I don’t like being indoors. I spent as little time here as possible. I was also away training for months before I came to stay with you, so that won’t have helped.” I nodded looking around myself again at the almost empty rooms.

Beau grabbed some of his things and threw them into a bag. Once he was done packing clothes and other basics he tied up the bag and then went into a large wardrobe in the corner of his room, from inside it he pulled out a sword and shield. I looked at the craftsmanship of the sword and frowned; it was not very good. Balancing it on my palms I placed a small spell over the metal, ensuring that it would never get blunt. I did not want Beau fighting, but if my plan went wrong, I wanted him to be as well protected as I could manage.

After we paid a visit to the baker and bought bread we were on our way. We re-traced my original path into the forest, walking along the winding river. We could only go at a snail’s pace due to Beau’s humanity; if I were to exert as much energy into moving as he was, I would have been running and he would not have been able to keep up.

I was not sure if going so slowly was a good thing or not. I felt like balanced scales; on one side I want to go faster so I could get to the fight quicker and know the outcome, on the other side I wanted to go as slow as possible so that I could have more time with Beau. Every night for two weeks I was able to sleep with Beau’s arms around me and every morning I woke up to see him smile and feel my heart break a little more.

We trained with the sword every night even though for Beau it was pointless. He did not know that I was not going to let him fight and I still had the problem of how to tell him that, as I did not think that he was going to take it well. I hated this. I hated that I had to keep secrets from Beau – that I had to betray him. It just made everything worse, because I wanted him there next to me, but I did not want him to be killed. I was arguing with myself about it and it made me feel helpless. All I wanted was to be held in his arms, I did not want to fight the army coming for me, I did not want to lose everything I had.

I did not know if I could win the battle that seemed to be suddenly facing me; I knew I could shatter Orion with magic, my capacity was far greater than his, and the soldiers would be hard, even with my speed, but I hoped that with the endurance that the plains had pushed my body to all those months ago, an endurance which I had practised every day to maintain, I would possibly be able to withstand the onslaught. However, if I made even a single mistake, I would fail. That is why I knew for certain Beau could not fight with me; if I fell, so would he and if he fell, there would be no point in me fighting for anything.

We had been travelling for over two weeks and were making camp on the sixteenth night when I suddenly recognised exactly where we were; in another day we would be at the city where I had met Abe. I turned to Beau to tell him and caught him looking at me in a peculiar way, I watched him carefully for a moment, trying to distinguish what his expression meant, in the end I gave up. “What is the matter?”

“I just feel drained and we haven’t even fought yet.” I went and wrapped my arm around him, nuzzling my head into his chest.

“I know. I feel the same.” I mumbled against his shirt and sighed.

“I miss our home.” He said eventually. I felt my heart swell with happiness at him calling it our home and then felt it being punctured as I realised that the likelihood of us being able to go back there was next to nothing. My emotions seemed to be going constantly up and down.

“I miss it as well.” I kissed him softly on the lips and loved the way he brought his hand to my cheek and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear the way he always did. It was the small things that he did like that which made me realise how much I actually loved him. But I still was not sure if I could say it; it would make everything seem too real. At the moment, it was all a dream; it had been too perfect and then too terrible to be real, but if I was really in love, if I spoke the words out loud, then it I could not pretend anymore, and I was not sure if I would be able to bear it.

Beau let go of me and sat down on the grass with his back to a tree and I sat between his legs sideways so that I could swing both my legs over one of his and rest my head on his shoulder. His arms wrapped themselves around me again and I snuggled against him, I felt so safe, and I knew it was pretend safety, but in here, I was happy. I matched my breaths with his even heartbeat and my eyelids became heavy and before I realised what was happening, I fell asleep.

I woke up a short time later and realised I was laying on the grass. I looked around me slowly and saw all of our things next to me, but Beau was nowhere to be seen. Standing up quickly I listened carefully for him, but heard nothing other than the normal sounds of the forest. I tried to remain calm, but I did not know where he would of gone. I threw my mind out around into the consciousnesses around me - searching all the minds of the birds and insects following where they had seen him and finally I found him.

‘Beau?’

‘Ilea?’

‘Yes. Where are you?’ I let my annoyance and fear slip through my consciousness and into his so he understood how I felt.

‘You don’t need to worry; I’m getting some water and food. I didn’t want to wake you and I thought you’d be asleep for longer.’

‘Tank you , but please wake me next time.’ I replied, relieved that he was okay.

‘I will. I’ll be back soon.’

‘Please be quick.’ I broke off our connection, feeling a lot more comfortable now that I knew he was safe. I thought he might have been captured and I had panicked, I blushed a little thinking about how quickly I had reacted and come to a rather unlikely conclusion. All that it confirmed was that I knew I was making the right decision by not letting him fight; I would not be able to concentrate on the battle if I was worried about him being harmed the entire time.

I was happy when he came back and barely let him put the food and water down when I attacked him with a large hug, smiling sadly into his neck where he could not see me. “Please do not do that again, I was worried.” I mumbled softly. He kissed me on the top of my head and hugged me close to him. We had both become closer as we had travelled; every moment seemed more important as we were not sure which one would be the last one we might be spending together. However, I could feel the tension that was being created by the on-going presence of uncertainty.

We ate quickly and then came close to each other and lay down in each other’s arms. We talked for a short while and as we were about to fall asleep Beau pulled me closer into his chest and whispered, “I love you Ilea.”

I pretended to be asleep.

The next morning we woke up early, ate and then were off. The day passed slowly and after the sun had set we walked through the edge of the trees and came to the city where I had met Abe. My mouth opened in shock; it was burning. The whole city was alight with flames and smoke. As I prayed that there were no people inside a chorus of screams erupted from within the low walls as if trying to create their own horrendous melody. I started to walk towards the city when Beau’s strong hand clasped around my wrist. I turned around and stared at him. “I need to go in there.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do, I have a friend who lives there. I need to make sure he is okay.”

“Ilea, it’s too late, the fire is too big; you could die.”

“Everyone inside there is already dying thanks to me. I have to try and help.”

“No Ilea, you could lose all the advantage that we have; you don’t know there aren’t still soldiers in there, think of what you’re fighting for.”

“What am I fighting for Beau? My own freedom? Seems a relatively pathetic thing when you compare it with the lives of the people who are now burning in that city.”

“That’s not the only thing.”

“What else am I fighting for then Beau?” I spat at him.

“Well I’ll be fighting for us, but I guess that doesn’t matter to you right now.” He shouted and let go of my hand, turning away from me and walking back into the forest. I looked back at the city whose flames were pumping black smoke into the air and let out a scream of frustration before I followed Beau back into the trees.

He did not turn around as I walked back to him. “How could you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Make me choose between you and helping those people out there who are dying?” I said venomously.

“I wasn’t making you choose, I’m trying to make you see that your life and what we have is worth something.” He replied with a snarl.

“I know it is Beau, but I cannot ignore that the death of all those people is on my hands.” I screamed, tears gathering in my eyes.

“Don’t be so ridiculous. Did you kill them?”

“No, but it is my fault they are dead.”

“It’s not your fault, it’s that Orion or Senkrad or whoever. I just don’t want you rushing into things and ending up as a corpse.” He shouted at me.

“I could have helped them Beau.”

“You might have helped some of them, but the rest would still have died, and we’d both end up fighting for our lives in the process.”

“You would not have.”

“Of course I would; I wouldn’t have let you go on your own.”

“You are going to have to at some point.”

“I never will.”

“Well you will not have a choice.” I almost screamed.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You are not fighting for me.”

“Yes I am.”

“No you are not, I will not let you.” He stopped for a moment and looked at my face closely, and then I saw the anger rise in his.

“This was always your plan wasn’t it?” he snarled at me.

“Yes.” I replied looking away from him, he had made me angry, and his reciprocal anger I could cope with, it was the pain and betrayal in his eyes that I could not watch.

“You can’t do that!” I heard the desperation in his voice and my anger seemed to fade away almost instantly.

“I cannot let you die for me.” I said quietly.

“I won’t be dying, I’ll be fighting.” He said still angry, but trying to persuade me.

“You will not be doing either.” He began to speak but I cut him off, “Beau, if you are in danger, I cannot focus, I worry about you too much to be able to concentrate on what I am doing.”

“But I’ll be there to help you.”

“You would be a distraction Beau; I will not be able to fight with you there.”

“I’m a distraction am I?” He asked, getting angry again.

“You know I did not mean it like that. I am trying to explain as best I can, stop twisting my words. I am only doing this because I cannot bear to see you getting hurt!”

“I don't want to see you getting hurt either!”

“You do not have to; stay here and you will not.”

“Don’t even start with me Ilea, talk about twisting words.” He spat.

“I do not want to argue about this anymore Beau. I am going to sleep.” I said, walking away from him and lying down on the grass with my back to him.

“Fine!” he shouted, walked a few paces away from me and lay down.

A tear slipped from my eyes as I realised this was the first night since we had been together that we had slept apart, and that of all those nights, this could be the last chance we ever had to do it.

An hour later, I felt an arm sliding around my waist and a soft kiss brushing my lips. I looked at him carefully, “I don’t agree or really forgive you Ilea, but I can’t stand not being next to you while I sleep, especially tonight. You belong here.” He said, pulling me into his chest.

I smiled and nodded, kissing him again and then finally falling to sleep with him.