I heard the word being called again, it was less distant, more sharp and well defined. It pulled me back from the protection of my mind and penetrated through my barrier. It hit home. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Rowan leaning over me realising that his hand was on my cheek, everything looked hazy and blurred around the edges; I slowly closed my eyes again. “Ilea!” there was that word again, it pierced me as I felt it through my whole body.

            I opened my eyes again, the shapes were clearer and I could see what they were. Rowan brushed a hair away from my eyes and kissed me softly on the lips. He was holding me in his arms so that I was sitting and looking at me imploringly. I couldn’t tell what he meant. “Why aren’t you replying?” he whispered to me

            It took me a while to process his question “You didn’t ask me a question.”

            “Can’t you hear my thoughts? I’ve been practically shouting them at you.”

            “No, I can’t hear anything that way.”

            He looked at me worriedly “What do you mean?” I was saved from answering by Oscar, he’d seen that I was awake and called to Lord Rico. Rico came over quickly and gave Rowan no time to question me further. I was slightly grateful to Oscar for about two minutes as Lord Rico walked over, after that, I hated him for it. “Oh, so the runaway is awake.” He said mockingly.

            “Yes” Rowan replied venomously.

            “So little runaway, why did you run?” I sat there without saying a word, just glaring at him.

            “Lost your tongue?” He mocked again.

            “No.”

            “Oh, so you can talk, what a shame.”

            “Leave me alone.”

            “Oh no, I don’t think so little elf.” My mind began to grow fuzzy again and I stared into Rowan’s eyes, he saw them slip out of focus, “Ilea!” he called again in alarm, then I was gone. I went into a world where I couldn’t feel the hole where a part of me had been ripped out and where the raw edges were made numb and painless, where my mentality didn’t have to cope with things that made my mind cringe from pain.

            I drifted in and out of consciousness, hearing scraps of words and conversations. I felt a gentle hand stroke my head and I thought about coming out of my dream-like state. I wasn’t ready yet, the hole still felt raw and I knew that if I woke up from my dream I would only get hurt again, so I sunk back in.

I woke up and slowly probed around inside my body, I found the hole and felt that the edges were now manageable so I slowly opened my eyes, this time, I was able to see clearly from the beginning and I knew that I could cope.

            I realised that I was inside my tent, I could still see the glow of the fire flicker through the material. I sat up and took in a deep breath, I cleared my mind from unwanted thoughts and made it into a blank canvas, I didn’t want to hurt that way anymore, so I just wouldn’t take the chance. I took another deep breath and felt my head grow clearer as I released my thoughts and feelings.

Relief washed over me as I let them all go. I realised then, that if I didn’t feel it couldn’t hurt, so I made my heart cold and hard. Avoiding any emotions I blocked up my mind, the only thing that I was going to let in there would be my own thoughts; I didn’t want anyone or anything else.

            I made my face become a detached, blank canvas and walked out of the tent and into the cold night air, it stung my face but I relished at the difference, it felt fresh and sharp. I walked out and saw that Isaac was asleep by the fire, I assumed Rowan, Oscar and Lord Rico were either asleep in their tents or somewhere else. I picked up a flask of water on the floor and drank it, noticing flavours in it that I had never tasted before, soft delicate flavours that lingered on my tongue. I realised that my sense of smell and my hearing had become more acute and that my touch and sight was better too. Maybe the long sleep was a good thing, I felt oddly more aware of myself, and my surroundings.

            I suddenly realised that I could hear the breathing of the men and that they were all in the camp from their even breaths, each different from the others. I smiled to myself relishing my new found ability, at that moment a thought came into my head for the first time; I think I might get to like being an elf after all.

            I let Isaac sleep by the fire and went to Arian, luckily I had already made a bond with her so she knew me and was not afraid, she was a smart horse. I gently stroked her mane and coat and hummed softly in the night. I heard Rowan wake up and go to my tent to check on me. I could then hear him stumbling around the camp trying to find me so I walked back to it. When he saw me he stopped for a moment and blinked slowly, “The last time I saw you, you looked at the brink of death and now you stand here looking stronger than ever. What happened?”

            “It does not matter.”

            He looked hurt by my guarded response and tried again with a different question, “You told me that you couldn’t hear my thoughts earlier, were you just mumbling or did you mean it?”

            “I meant it.”

            He looked at me, shocked. “But why?”

            “I chose not to hear them anymore.” He looked hurt again, as if I had hit him in some way.

            “Just mine?”

            “No, everyone’s and everything’s, I don’t want to hear them anymore.” I looked at him with dispassionate eyes

            “What happened to you?” he asked.

            “I slept and woke.”

            “No, something else has happened.” He said, I just looked away from him and turned to go back to Arian. “Why are you acting like this?” he asked me grabbing my hand.

            “Let go of me.” I said coldly

            “What’s changed?” he asked desperately

            “Me.” I paused “I’ve just changed my mind that’s all.”

            “Is this about the consequences?” he asked me desperately

            “No, this is about me, I don’t want this anymore, I’m not like you, I’m an elf and for the first time I actually want to be one.”

            “And where do I come into this?”

            “You don’t.”

“I don’t understand, why?” I nearly blanched, he had unconsciously just used some of the last words that I had ever heard Joanna say. I could fell the tears start to form in my eyes and my throat went dry as I held them back.

“I’m sorry I just don’t want you anymore.” I told him and walked away, he tried to come after me, but I held him back in the glade as I walked into the trees. I looked to the stars and made a silent prayer to myself. Slowly the dry feeling in my throat stopped and the wet stinging in my eyes slowly seeped away. I would not feel this way again. I promised it to myself.

I carried on walking between the trees, the moonlight softly falling down through the boughs above my head and casting white shadows onto the floor beneath me feet. I got to a point and realised that I had just left my last link to being human behind and was finally on my own for the first time, as an elf, but I didn’t feel upset or sad, I didn’t feel anything really. I didn’t cry, not a single tear and I finally knew; It was the start of a new me.