I've always wondered what it would be like to be in a coma. Does my father hear the cries for him to wake up? Does he listen to me when I scream for him to wake up, move, just squeeze my fingers? Let me know he's there?

Tell me that not all hope is lost?

I sit up from the floor, bringing my knees to my chest. I glance at my clock to see it's 11PM. I look down at the floor, my feet feeling cold. I used hate the fact that I had a hardwood floor. It felt so cold in the morning, making we want to jump back into my warm bed and sleep the day away.

Now I like it. It feels cold, like ice. Just like my soul.

I get up, done feeling sorry for myself, and walk to the window to see the leaves falling.

It's been a month. One, single month. And yet, I'm still blaming myself. It was my fault, a voice in my head screams.

I'm haunted when I realize that the voice inside my head, pleaing for me to go back in time and change myself, is me.

I'm so mad at myself. And I feel so stupid. I would give anything to go back in time and tell my dad not to do it.

But I can't, and that, is truly heartbreaking.

You deserve this, my conscious spits.

You deserve to feel this pain.

You should be lucky that no has killed you yet. 

"Stop," I scream.

Your brothers hate you, your mother hates you, your father probably loathes you, I hate you and I AM you.

I fall to the floor, curled into a ball with hands covering my ears, and bawl.

I'm shaking, sweating, and I can't stop the tears streaming down my face.

I try to get the voices out of my head, but they don't give up.

"Stop, just please stop," I scream.

In the distance, I hear something thudding, and I realize that it's someone trying to break down the door.

I had forgotten that I locked it earlier.

"Gloria? Gloria! GLORIA?! Why is the door locked?"

I realize the voice to be Ethan's, but I'm so petrified that I can't get my voice to work.

After what seems like 2 years, but in reality was probably 2 seconds, the door comes crashing down and I hear Jacob and Ethan run in.

I keep shaking, unable to control myself.

"Hey there. It's ok, we're here. We're always going to be here," I hear Jacob coax.

Slowly, I bring myself back to reality, embarrassed.

Their hair looks disheveled and I can tell I had woken them up.

Ethan hands me a glass of water and I sip it gratefully.

After finally feeling the numbness dissipate from the throat, I mutter, "Thanks."

They continously ask if I'm ok, and I say yes, but I'm not. They don't know what I'm going through.

And that stinks.

_____

I'm so sick of feeling sorry for myself. I deserve this.

I should just try to get on with my life.

Clearly I won't forget about my dad, but I can't keep sulking around, raining on everyone's parade.

I stand up from my bed being a little better... until I trip.

Over absolutely nothing.

Yeah turns out, I can defy the laws of gravity.

I get back up, rubbing my head, hoping to ease some of the tension.

In this time, I've gotten pretty far away from Lucas. I haven't talked to anyone, eaten anything, or read a single word.

It was like I was never really there.

However, I was determined to get back to my old self. Even if I could never really get there all the way. I don't think I can ever truly be happy again.

The least I can do is try, for my family.

I glance at the clock, the time being almost 8AM. The visiting hours for the hospital open at 9.

I could take a shower, eat breakfast, and be there as soon as the doors open.

I do so, and when 9AM arrives, my mom drops me off at the hospital. Before you go freaking out, she's a nurse and she will be in the same building.

I walk over to the receptionist, attempting to give a small smile.

Key word- attempt.

I probably looked like I was about to pass out, and I honestly felt like that.

If the shoe fits, my subconscious, Juan, mutters.

Ouch.

"Are you ok, sweetie," Betty asks.

Oh crap. I had said that out loud.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just hoping to see my dad," I say politely.

"Oh that's fine, hun. You know where it is, just go right on down. Are you sure you're ok," she asks sweetly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks," I respond and quickly leave.

"Ok, you're welcome," I hear Betty say quietly.

As I walk, I start to think.

It was nice of her to ask, but I don't deserve to be asked how I am, my dad does.

Not as if he could answer, Juan answers.

Touché.

I finally make it to my dad's room and slowly walk in.

If he could, would he want to see me?

Regardless of the horrible thoughts swirling around, I sit down in the chair farthest away from my dad.

"Hey, what's up," I ask, scared to hear his answer.

The seconds slowly tick by as I feel vile rise in the back of my throat, aching to get out.

I push it down, knowing that I can't run anymore, I want- no NEED to do this.

"Dad, I'm so sorry. I know it's all my fault and if you want to hate me, I totally understand. I feel so horrible," I don't notice I'm shaking until I feel my body start to convulse, "Just please wake up, Dad. I don't know what I would do without you and my mom needs you. My brother's need you. Just please wake up. You can hate me for the rest of my life, I deserve it. I'm the worst daughter in the world and you can send me to foster care if you want. Just please wake up. Wake up!"

I scream, feeling hopeless.

I look down feeling ashamed knowing I couldn't accomplish my goal. I couldn't stop being a worthless, insecure, horrible piece of trash.

Was I supposed to feel this bad? This is the worst feeling the world and everytime I watch a tv show, this never happens. I'm 9 years old for goodness sake. But I deserve it.

"You and I."

I suddenly look up, hearing a voice. I see my father just lying there, eyes closed. His lips are moving, and I hear song lyrics coming out of them. I scared for a second, but relieved knowing my father is awake. But why are his eyes closed?

"We're like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky, with you, I'm alive."

Isn't his voice supposed to be hoarse? I don't care at this point. I'm ecstatic.

"Like all the missing pieces of my heart, they finally collide."

I look at my father in awe, I had no idea he could sing like this.

"So stop time right here in the moonlight, cause I don't ever want to close my eyes."

I close my eyes, ironically, and feel a silent tear that's been screaming to get out, finally  silence itself as it slides down my cheek.

"Without you I feel broke, like I'm half of a whole, without you I've got no hand to hold."

I continue crying silently as he sings this song, grabbing ahold of his hand gently.

"Without you I feel torn, like a sail in a storm, without you I'm just a sad song."

I feel myself start to shake again, quiet sobs overwhelming me.

He sings, and all the while, I keep thinking about how, even if this is my fault, I can't just give up. My dad has given me the hope to carry on... wayward son.

I have to continue on the best way I can, and that is by being there.

He finishes and I stand up, a smile on my face, kissing his forehead.

I whisper, afraid to disturb him, "I love you, Daddy."

I walk out, the small smile still covering my cheeks, and walk out, calling Ethan to pick me up.

Hey guys. Sorry I know it's been a while, but I wanted to dedicate this chapter to one of my good friends, @Summer_melody1909 She has been pestering me to continue writing, and for that, I am truly thankful. I know this chapter, is kind of short, but oh well.

See y'all soon, bye dudes!